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{The camera opens up on a black screen with the words "DATELINE" being typed out in white letters. Just as you would hope to expect your 'favorite' news station to begin, the word "DATELINE" is crossed out by spray paint & is painted over with the words "DATING LINE". Some much more lively music hits the audio in the TV & a Dan Rather sounding voice speaks.}
Voice 1:
The following has been filmed & recorded in front of a live audience.
Voice 2:
Welcome to DATING LINE, the show that makes your mom think everything is "The Devil". Now, here's your hostesses, the lovely & talented duo of Crystal & Krysta!!!
{The camera cuts to some scenes of various explosions & famous people in Hollywood & the wrestling ring. The cameras then cut to the studio & goes to the newsroom where Crystal & Krysta are sitting quaintly perhind a VERY stylish looking desk with the Dating Line Logo on the front of it. The set is set up with two huge screens behind Crystal & Krysta, an entrance, in a sort of replication of the Divas Unleashed Exile stage, and other Divas Unleashed memorobilia decorating the wall.
Holloween props are also in place as spider webs, carved pumpkins, a light fog, and even a giant spider replica placed on the wall dons the set. Krysta Taylor clears her throat and begins to talk.}
Krysta Taylor:
Welcome Ladies & Gentlemen to Dating Line!
Crystal:
Thats right. The show that we have every month or so in order to increase my salary from more than you make in a year, to even more you make in three years. We have a special treat for you all as none other than returning Divas Unleashed Diva, TAYLOR will be in the studio, and we'll be interviewing her about where she has been.
Krysta Taylor:
Also tonight, Crystal & I have dressed in our holloween garbs, and in light of Arachnophobia, I am going to speak to the woman who will be facing Taylor at Arachnophobia for the Unleashed title, Mya, and her charming companion, Gabriel.
Crystal:
Then of course Dating Line wouldn't be complete without the predictions of Cleopatra, The Fook Twins, and yes... we have the video! Not just ANY video... THE VIDEO, of Kaci Russell and her Back Street Lover, Kevin!
Krysta:
Here at Dating Line, we have a very illustrious collection of porn videos. From my amatuer career, to Jake Wild's, Tara Lee's, the elevator video of Miss Rhiannon and Patrick Swayze... Kaci's got lost in there. But not to worry, our lovely staff rationed out the videos, and each wet home and watched to see if Kaci Russell was doing the dirty on their rationing.
Crystal:
The lucky person to find Kaci? Well, it was none other than Josh Diaz! I swear, that bastard gets laid so much... and then he finds the video? Some people...
Krysta:
We'll have that video for you later. As for right now, we are going to show a video based on the newest divas of Divas Unleashed, and give you some insight as to where they have all come from.
Crystal:
Introducting to you, Alexandra, Miss Rhiannon, Valeria, Lorisa Stiletto, Vicksen, & Zelien!
{The camera zooms away from the set and into a time line.}
The Past
{The camera then shows highlights of the debutants match, where both Alexandra & Valeria where hitting their signiture moves. Zelien then appears on stage as she walks down, and shows her hitting Arcana's Wrath on Mystika at My Immortal. The camera then shows Angel descending from the rafters and into the ring with Lei Yu by her side in the ring at My Immortal. We then switch to Miss Rhiannon stripping in the ring during her contest against Indigo for the Stripped title. The segment ends in Dylan Silver saying,
"Wow, if more divas like these joined, Divas Unleashed would be unstoppable..."
{The camera then cuts back to the time line.}
The Present
{Dylan's voice fades out and the scene re-opens on Exile, where Lorisa Stiletto is kissing up to Taylor backstage, and then flipping Taylor off as she leaves. It then shows Valeria picking up the win over Cleopatra and winning the Rockford State title. The camera then cuts to the thundering and the lightning strike on stage before the Unleashed roster was doused in Custard.}
{The camera comes back to the time line.}
The Future
{The camera shows the shadow of Vicksen standing behind Mya, as Vicksen's face becomes clearer. A glint is shown in her eye, and the thundering and lightning from last Exile is shown. Flashes of each of the new divas hitting their finishers is shown, before an explosion occurs, and we see the shadow of another woman is shown, who is unfamiliar to the rest. The scene then cuts as a question mark is shown over her body.}
Krysta:
Welcome back to Dating Line, and not to hold up anything, we are going to go right into our next segment.
Crystal:
Aw, no you don't sweetie. You are not about to cut my time on this show.
Krysta:
Please don't break anything.
Crystal:
God honey... it's like you don't trust me or something. I just wanted to hear about your little rendevous with Josh Diaz!
{The color drains from Krysta's face.}
Krysta:
What are you umm... talking about Crystal?
Crystal:
You know. You met him at your country house, with the barn. Then you two rolled in the hay, while the goats looked on, and we got it on camera.
Krysta:
You got it on camera?!?!.
Crystal:
We have to eep that porn collection in the back interesting honey. Speaking of rolling around in the barn, whats up with your hair? It's looking a little "shaggy".
{Krysta storms off the stage and is obviously going to find her producer, or the man responsible for the video being taped.}
Crystal:
While your up, grab one of those bottles from my fridge... any of them will work! They all say Jose Cuervo! *Sigh* That girl... she's going places. Like Jake Wild's backseat! HAH! Well... take it away Cleo!
{As the screaming of Krysta towards the dirctors goes on in the backround, the camera changes to Cleopatra's Tarot room. With Egyptian Pillars, and black curtains around the room. Cleopatra sits on her large leather chair, with her Tarot table infront of her.}
Cleopatra: Well, as I expected, the camera has arrived, and I am here to cast my prediction about a certain Divas Unleashed diva. Who will the lucky person be this week to help them understand their past, give them an objective for the present, and prepare them for the future.
This week, I have chosen... Valeria Sanchez.
{Cleopatra sets a picture of Valeria on her table, and touches it. She then shuffles the cards, and draws out three, while silently chanting something in Arabic. Cleopatra stares at the three cards.}
Cleopatra: Well Valeria, I hope your ready to hear this.
{Cleopatra points to the first card drawn.}
Cleopatra: This card shows your past. As the youngest child of five children in Argentina, your childhood left much to be desired. Your recent past of achieving a contract with Divas Unleashed has left you proud and happy.
{Cleopatra points to the middle card.}
Cleopatra: This card represents you present. You have upset a force that you should not have upset my dear. That force, is me. Your win of the Rockford State Championship from under my feet has caused you to have a very powerful enemy. You should enjoy this time of rejoicement.
{Cleo points to the final card.}
Cleopatra: If you havn't guessed already, this card represents your future. ::GASP:: This card means you are going to have a great struggle. Beginning with your present's current faultering. Meaning Valeria... I am going to kick your ass on Exile. See you sooN!
{The scene cuts back to the Dating Line Set. Crystal sits alone with a martini glass in hand.}
Crystal:
Well, I am about tired of wasting my time on waiting for Krysta Taylor. I mean, her costume was of a cow. Got Skirt? God... hideous. Anyway, without further a due, welcome to Dating Line for the very first time, Taylor!
{"Angel Of Death" by Slayer plays as Taylor walks out from the Divas Unleashed setting, and up to the stage. She walks to the couch and takes a seat as her music dies down and the crowd on the set slowly stop cheering for the arrival of The Queen Of Extreme.}
Crystal:
Well, Taylor, welcome to Dating Line. Feel like running away yet?.
Taylor:
Your here aren't you?
Crystal:
Ah Taylor, how I hope to infest your house with rats one day. O wait! It already is...
Taylor:
Well you know Crystal they have places for people like you. They are called Zoos, you should check it out.
Crystal:
Maybe Ill find your boyfriend and his other little whore there.
Taylor:
Oh just shut up.
Crystal: So you made it to the number one contender spot. Fun?
Taylor: Of course. More excuses for alcohol. Then again that’s probably your area of expertise.
Crystal: WHAT! GIN! WHERE?!? haha... Ah, you know me too well. So honey, how does it feel to be back ontop of your game and fighting again for the title you where the first to hold?
Taylor: Feels like Im gonna have the chance to school Mya in REAL wrestling. I was the first to hold it, and that wont be my last rein.
Crystal: Well.. someone sounds a little full of themselves. No wonder I like you. Now, let's get past the annoyance that is Mya. What I really want to know is, your views on the simpletons of Divas Unleashed. First off, the woman you set into a hell rage after MY Immortal, Kaci. What do you think of the pennacle of perfection?.
Taylor: I think hes a lying bitch who needs to learn her place. Kaci is NOTHING, and the trick needs to learn not to bite off more then she can chew, because she is madd close to getting in way over her head.!
Crystal: Aw! You can speak ebonics! I swear.. I tried to learn from Indigo, but all I got from her is "your drunk ass ain't down with my crew nigga!". ... perhaps thats why I feel o remorse. Speaking of miss 6 feet under, what are you thoughts on her death?
Taylor: Had it coming. No love lost there. I just wish the way she went out was more painful, she deserved something A LOT worse.
Crystal: GOD TAYLOR! Speaking about the dead that way. Have you no respect or remorse!....
Taylor: No...
Crystal: That's my girl! While we are talking about people that should be dead, what do you think about your good *cough* freind Katrina?
Taylor: Katrina? Ah, she deserves props, she is the only woman in the history of wrestling to be a TOTAL joke, yet not be funny. Katrina couldnt wrestle her way out of a paper bag, then again from what Shane says she couldnt fuck her way out of it either. Gotta feel sorry forsomeone as untalented as her.
Crystal: No you don't it's not worth feeling sorry for. If you can tell I'm still not over the whole "ant" episode. Speaking of little things that should be smashed, what are your views on the new divas that have arrived since you have departed from Divas Unleashed. Say.. Valeria, Alexandra, Miss Rhi, Mystika, Bianca...
Taylor: Ah. Yes. The new girls are why I came back actually. MAYBE I can beat some wrestling skills into them because they sure as hell don’t have any. I could deal if they were just there to look pretty but not even that. They are some ugly ass people. Stupid too! You see what i did to Mystika in that match? God, the owners must be recruiting people from the short bus or something. Stupid, ugly, and just plain slow.
Crystal: The short bus... HAH! That's almost as funny as that old man's wife dieing on ther honeymoon while they where sleeping together. I think I remember seeing our dear freind Tequila on the short bus when we where in school. What do you think about the "Bad Influence"
Taylor: Taylor: Who?
Crystal: Tequila, remember? Blonde, ugly, looks like she just had a sex change?
Taylor: Oh, that one. She’s the one from Canada that smells like shit, right?
Crystal: No that Lorisa Stiletto.
Taylor: Easy mistake. Anyway, the Bad influence wont have any problems as long as she keeps her distance. If she doesn’t, just like everyone else, Shell get the reality check of a lifetime.
Crystal: Reality is over rated.
Taylor: And Evil never looked so good..
Crystal: AMEN SISTA! Sorry... ebonics is a fun language
Crystal: Is there anyone on the roster you think you might possibly get along with? Say Bianca... she seems to be the life of the party wherever she goes. She nearly beat me in my drinking contest! But of course... no one can beat me there...
Taylor: I could beat you EASY.*Crystal rolls her eyes* As for Bianca. Dont know her yet. Could be ok. As for getting along with people, believe it or not, not many people like me. I get along with you, when your not trying to have sex with sweaty pool boys. Yuck..
Crystal: He wasn't sweaty! I cleaned him off.. very well. Not like you have room to talk my dear. I hear that you had a certain public indecency issue with your boy a few weeks before entering the Divas Unleashed.
Taylor: You say that like its a bad thing.
Crystal: I hope you know we have it on video tape and it's in our illustrious and famed porn collection. Wanna see it after the show?
Taylor: O0o! Of course
Crystal:Well, we have a special treat for you then. We are going to now show footage of Kaci Russell and Kevin getting it on! O.. this is gonna be so gross! This better cause some negative effect on her publicity
{The porn rolls}
Crystal ....oh my god. That was sooooo grosssss!!!! hahahaha.
Taylor: ... That was just...That should be illegal... Um.
Crystal: We are gonna head to break... any last words Taylor before we let you go throw up?.
Taylor: Just a word to the wise. Dont take on a force that you cant handle, because in the end if you do, your gonna get burned.
Crystal: O! Burn! Let's go light Krysta on fire after I issue you a few of Jake's videos... some of these are QUITE interesting.
*Taylor & Crystal walk off stage as camera cuts to All Out Assault" promo*
{The cameras return to find Krysta alone in the set, as she straightens her cow colored leather skirt. Krysta then speaks into the camera.}
Krysta: Ladies & Gentlmen, please welcome to the set of Dating Line for the first time ever... Gabriel, and Divas Unleashed Champion... Mya!
{"The Watchtower" by Cult Of Lacuna plays in the backround as Mya& Gabriel walk out from backstage down through the holloween themed set, and sit on the couches. Mya holds the Unleashed Championship in her hand, and rests it on her lap and she looks at Krysta with condecending looks.}
Krysta: Welcome Mya & Gabriel, so. this is your first time on Dating Line, how does it feel?
Mya: Well how is it suppossed to feel?
Gabriel: I think a nice bubbly feeling in your stomach. You know the butterflies.
Mya:No i don't feel that. I'm just curious
Krysta Taylor: Well, I am glad you two are on the show. If you don't mind, could you tell myself & all the fans out there just how you two met each other and if you will ever perhaps be more than freinds?
Mya: Like how most people meet. I was working for some small promotion somewhere and he was there. He started stalking me for a couple weeks, that i couldn't resist. I thought that was adorable ya know, i never had my own personal stalker. Since then we've been known as a two.
Gabriel: And yeah of course we could be more than friends.
Mya: No we couldn't!
Krysta Taylor: Interesting. I had a stalker once. But it turns out I was filming a movie that day and he was apart of the script. Anyway, what are your thoughts about Taylor as we head into Arachopobia.
Mya: I want to take her home and play with her. You can never have too many toys.
Krysta Taylor: ... but I thought you where straight. By the way.. has Holly Wentz come off to you as a little... ya know... curvy on the lesbian side?
Mya: What about that makes you think i meant something sexual, i could of meant anything. And about Holly Wentz, whatever floats her boat i guess
Krysta Taylor: After My Immortal, where you faced Gemini in a handicapped match, do you think that if Taylor loses at Exile to them, she should still be able to face you at AP?
Mya: I don't really care who I fight, they're dealed to me and i just play the card i get. Though she should have a fair chance and shouldn't let a bad night ruin it.
Gabriel: I think you're turning nice.
Mya: Yeah but whatever happens, there's still going to be the same outcome at AP. So what do i care
Krysta Taylor:Turning nice? Does this mean I can stand next to you backstage?!?
Mya: Don't listen to this guy. I say trust your instincts. If you like surprises i suggest you pretend and approach me as if 'i'm nice'
Krysta Taylor: .... is that a yes? O! speaking of people that pretend to be nice, Crystal is currently rummaging through our porn collection for Taylor, have either of you two been filmed while "doing the nasty"
Mya: Krysta, think about what i just said and think about it and do you really think either of us are going to answer that
Krysta Taylor: It's okay... I did that bondage thing once. It was kinda... painful. but I understand some people HAVE to have it that way. Like dominatrix. Speaking of her, do you at all miss her & Christian Moralez presense in Divas Unleashed?
Mya: I cry myself to sleep thinking of them. Oh my, cant you see the tears now. You probably can't but they're there
Gabriel: That's sarcasm by the way, you may want to make a note of that with a little definition
Krysta Taylor: sarcasm... Crystal said she does that alot. I don't get it. I think my blonde side comes out at times, wouldn't you say?
Mya: Oh yes i would, wouldn't you?
Gabriel: Definetly
Krysta Taylor: Speaking of blonde bombshells like me... what do you think of Tequila?
Mya: She interests me, there are only a few people who i tolerate, i guess because we had kind of a past which was in itself interesting to say the least. But that's not saying i want to stay up all night with her and swap beauty tips
{Krysta reads the telepromter as she talks to Mya.}
... How many medications are you on currently? Umm.. haha, you eat like a pig... *pauses* What the hell!!! someone is messing with the prompt reader.
*Crystal appears on television screen laughing*
Crystal: Krysta, you suck at interviewing. Hello Mya... how are you.. has Krysta completly left you mind boggled?
Mya: It's refreshing to know that DU's hard worked funds go into... this
Crystal: Don't worry... we all know how she got this job. So Mya... there you are. in my seat. I unfortunately had to be locked back her to prevent "fines" or some shit like that. So... how many medications ARE you taking? *takes sips of martini*
Mya: May i comment on what i fun time i had at Exile, we really must do it again. Oh and may i comment on how flattering your head looks in a box. Though you're very naughty. Delving into people's buisnesse like that. Though to be honest with you i really have no idea, so if you want to kill time go digging around about in my records who knows you might find something interesting. Oh by the way how is the liver been treating you?
Crystal: ah, always the comedian Mya. Yes, I agree, we showed replay our little Exile encounter alot more often. As for my liver...my new one should be here soon. As for your records I wouldn't waste my time. So tell me, what was it like to be thirty? Your looking pretty rugged now a days.
Mya: Hahaha, how funny! You thought of that yourself? I'm impressed. It must of look better on paper though.
Crystal: You know Mya.. you remind me alot of my maid. I value your life a little more than a guchhi lover and a taqio. Speaking of nasty clothing... what are you wearing? Thats what I would like to call a Fiesta Del Failure. O honey...What is must be like living inside that head of yours....
Mya: Bloody great! You should join me sometime.
Gabriel: Can we go now, this is getting real boring...
Mya: Gabe, i need a hug, this Crystal woman is hurting me feelings. Ohh! That maid thing punched me straight in the heart. Imagine what it would of done to me if i actually gave a damn.
Krysta Taylor:Are you guys arguing?
Crystal: Mya my dear... I will be sure they put some extra crazy in your protein drink if you can dispose of my co-host
Mya: Aww aren't you a sweetheart
Crystal: I try... well Mya. Why the hell are you still on my stage YOU! Off my planet. I would keep you two on to waste our fans times but, I'm sorry, your just too damn ugly
Mya: Allergic to mirrors or something?
Gabriel: God can we go already. This is cramping my style.
Mya: Yours? What about mine.
Crystal: You have style? Where are you keeping it?
Gabriel: I'm off i don't care anymore and i'm taking half of the viewers with me.
Mya: Yeah cya babe. Keep doing what you're doing, some sad case is ought to like it. I am going to drown my ears in alcohol to cleanse them from the trash theyhave just put up with.
Krysta Taylor: Come back soon!!!!
Crystal: OH! Wait... for... me...
{Mya & Gabriel leave, but not before Gabriel kicks the television over which Crystal is on. The scene goes black, and Mya is seen staring at the large black spider on the Dating Line set. She puts a leash around it, and walks it off stage and Gabriel looks on in amazement.}
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{The camera cuts to "Did My Time" by KoRn, as the Cd cover appears on the TV screen. Bianca's voice is heard as various clips for the soundtrack play after she announces them, with various shots of the diva who's entrance she says.}
Bianca: Have you ever wondered what it would be like to have all your favorite Diva's entrance theme at your disposal? Now you can. Introducing Glamour, the Divas Unleashed very first compact disk, featuring all your favorite entrances:
"Son Of a Gun" by Janet Jackson {Clips are shown of Tequila hitting the Tequila Sunrise}
and much, much, more! Record hits stores on September 5th, but you can order now through www.DivasUnleashed.com
{The promo ends and we cut back to Krysta Taylor & Crystal. The Dating Line set has changed to a bar, where Krysta Taylor is standing behind the bar in a bar maids outfit, and Crystal sits on a stool in front of the bar, drinking another martini.}
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{The camera returns to the Unleashed set, where Crystal & Krysta are now sitting on the couches. Crystal has her feet on the table, and Krysta is pouring some alcohol into a shot glass.}
Krysta Taylor:
So... I put this in the glass, and then I drink it really quickly? This sounds easy. No wonder you do it!
Crystal: O yes... it's very easy. K, drink up!
{Krysta takes the shot, and her face turns to pure disgust as she coughs and gags.}
Crystal: Imagine... you choking on something. I thought I'd never see the day. Well, while Krysta tries to recoperate, we take you now to the red carpet, where you know those Fook Twins will surely be causing havoc. Keeping with our Halloween theme, they are now at the premiere of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
{The camera cuts to the Fook Twins sitting in their signature school girl outfits with their backpacks on their laps as they lean against the wall of the red carpet next to a smiley Jessica Biel.}
Fook Mi: We sit here with Jessica Biel and we talk to her about smash tv show Friends…
Fook Yu: Jessica welcom-
Fook Mi: No, my line my line my line!
Fook Yu: Jessica welcome.
Jessica: Hey, this is the Texas Chainsaw Massacre, not Friends honey..
Fook Mi: Sssshhhh! Now we know you are Rachel on the show but what is it like getting drill by Brad Pitt?
Jessica: Excuse me?
Fook Yu: You know when you two bump uglies…
Jessica: No, no-
Fook Mi: Yeah, we really love Mrs. Cox. She so funny!
Fook Yu: I know!
Jessica: No, me Jessica! No Courteney! I’m not on Friends!
Fook Mi: You talk weird…
Fook Yu: This interview boring me. Want to go and find Mrs. Cox?
Fook Mi: Okay!
{The twins put on their backpacks and leave leaving a dumbfounded Jessica as we cut back to the studio of Dating Line. }
Crystal: Ahh... you can't get enough of those Fook Twins can you?
Krysta: It was cute.
Crystal: HAH! How many times have you had to use that line on inadequate men Krysta?.
Krysta: I lose count.
Crystal: Well Krysta, it's the end of our show, and I want us to go out with a bang. So, if you could come with me up to the audience.
{Crystal & Krysta walk into the studio audience, and Krysta takes a seat in the crowd as Crystal begins to talks to the large crowd.}
Crystal: Alright, how many of you people have ever wanted to be apart of the Divas Unleashed expirance first hand. To get right in there with the other divas and help lay down the law?
{The crowd cheers with many phrases that can't be translated.}
Crystal: Well, I want all of you to say how much you love me, because I am going to give you that. Say "I love you Crystal" on the count of three. One... Two... Three...
Crowd: I looove you crystal, crystal
Crystal: I've had Third graders do this better than you. Say it loud say it proud! ONE! TWO! THREE!
Crowd: I LOVE YOU CRYSTAL!!!
{Suddenly the crowd and Krysta are completely covered in custard that falls on everyone but Crystal from the cieling, as the crowd begins laughing and Krysta is seen nearly in tears from her disgust.}
Crystal: Ahh... it never gets old.
{Crystal quickly heads to the back as Krysta runs after her, custard flying everywhere from her body as the camera cuts to the closing credits. As the credits roll, various scenes are shown behind them and it ends with the Divas Unleashed logo.}
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