[Leah stands with her hair gelled back, with diamond earrings and shimmering in a gorgeous pink dress, Krysta Taylor stands next to her well aware that she's on television and begins a variety of poses. She works an extravagant, especially designed Prada dress. She smiles, pouting and winks to her fans at home. Leah has her iPod headphones plugged in, not realising she's on air.]

Leah: Sexual eruption…sexual eruption…

Krysta: Leah, we’re live. Hello everyone and welcome to the Feminity Wrestling Awards 2008 pre-show! We’re coming to you live from Las Vegas on this fabulous red carpet and the big awards show we have been waiting SO LONG for is only an hour away!

Leah: I know, what are these bitches thinking turning up an hour before the show? Have they no respect?

Krysta: Leah, I’m nominated for ONE award tonight. I’m not nominated for Best Bitch, can you believe that?

Leah: Girl, you serious? That’s whack!

Krysta: I know!

Leah: Shame for you, I have a whole category in my honour so take that, bitch.

[Krysta raises an eyebrow while Leah smiles smugly.]

Krysta: Anyways, we’ll be giving you exclusive interviews with all of the divwiahs and stars tonight. I can’t believe a whole year has passed, it seems like only yesterday I was standing here presenting this pre-show last year.

Leah: I can’t wait to see what they’re wearing, you just know Noriko Lee is going to look awful. I bet she wears some geisha outfit. Did you know she’s not even Japanese?!

Krysta: She’s not?! Lying cow!

[A video package begins to "You Know My Name" by Chris Cornell showing many divas arrivals, as they step out of limousines and begin to work it in front of the photographers. The video shows off many dresses as divas play up to the cameras, and there is lots of air-kissing action going on between divas who hate each other but are pretending to be buds while the camera is on them. The package ends and the camera fades to Krysta Taylor.]

[Krysta has bagged Totally Radd for an interview, Radd stands with an arm on her hip, posing like a supermodel in a flowing black dress as Krysta eyes up her shortish hair. Krysta then smiles and brings a microphone to her lips, as Radd smiles and beams.]

Krysta: You know you're desperate when you show up first. My first guest tonight is newcomer Totally Radd, whose dress looks like it was caught in a shredder. Radd, how are you tonight?

Radd: How am I every night? Stunning. Beautiful. And fab. Which is more than I can say for some hag like you. Are you in between faces or did you go to the discount surgeon that gave you half off on face lifts?

Krysta: Aww, you’re just hating because I’m prettier. It happens to me all the time, it’s so cute. Now, you’re not nominated for any awards tonight, probably because you suck, so out of those who ARE nominated, is there anyone in particular you’d like to win?

Radd: Nobody. Is. Prettier. Than. Me! *She stamps down then continues.* Clearly nobody understands that I deserve all the praise that this place has to offer. At this time, all these awards are being given due to what is likely horizontal favors. But once everyone recognizes just what I am and just how big of a star that I am, all will bow down to me. Totally. Radd.

Krysta: Riight. So let’s talk about your name, is your first name Totally? Is that what your parents called you or something? I mean, it’s worse than calling your child Tequila.

Radd: Who? And while we are on the subject... Who dubs their child Krysta? Did your mother, while spawning you out of her body like fresh piece of crap, in the ole barn see an ice sickle and go... "A dur! I gots it... That's a crystal! And I made this thing in a stall! It's boo-tif-ful!" *Lost in her own dillusions.* My name is the greatest name to ever be beared and as such, it is fitting only I have it. God forbid I have a normal name like Taylor.

Krysta: So seeing as you are new, and hopefully you won’t last long, did any of the fans here even give you a response? Or did you just walk down the red carpet to complete silence, with the odd gay guy giggling at how hideous your outfit is?

Radd: They were obviously stunned by my mere pressence.

Krysta: I’ll say. Do you have closing remarks for this evening? Maybe a message to your two fans watching in Montana?

Radd: I believe you must have me mistaken with someone else. See. I'm Totally Radd. World famous super model. I have more fans than you have combined pennies in your bank account. As for closing remarks, there better be a smoking section.

[Totally Radd turns and leaves as Krysta rolls her eyes. She talks to the camera.]

Krysta: Leah, where you at?

[The camera cuts to Leah looking annoyed as she stands next to Jennifer Collins and Jessie Lockhart, with their boyfriends circulating in the background.]

Leah: Girl, I’m in hell. I couldn’t think of two worst guests. I’m here with Jessie and Jennifer, from the duo “Too Passionate”. Whores, I mean…ladies, how are you tonight?

Jennifer: Ecstatic!

Jessie: A little under the weather, but SOMEONE wanted me to be the third wheel.

Leah: Aww, is your boyfriend Bassist abusing you again Jessie? I think it’s your boyfriend anyway, you’re both the same to me. Both losers.

Jennifer: Actually he's not but he might abuse you!

Jessie: Or me... I am in one of those moods.

[Leah raises her eyebrows.]

Leah: I’m not scared, I’m from the projects, I’ll shank you two bitches in an instance. So anyway, tonight you’re up for some awards. Do you think you have a good chance of winning?

Jennifer: I don't win.

Jessie: I hope I do!

Leah: Now if you don’t win, as J-Co thinks, out of those nominated tonight who do you hope goes home with an award?

Jessie: I hope Meggie DOES NOT win a thing.

[Jessie smiles deviously as Jennifer rolls her eyes.]

Jennifer: Oh go get a drink gloomy gus! I happen to adore Meggie!

Jessie: Above me not wanting Meggie to win I hope Kibby doesn't win either.

Jennifer: Oh GAWD me too! I totally hate her!

Jessie: No... just no...

[Leah nods in agreement.]

Leah: Yeah, Meggie sucks. Her and her tan, who does she think she is? Anyway, you girls are boring me. Let’s go check back in with Krysta, I’m sure she has somebody much more interesting.

[The camera cuts to Krysta Taylor and Mystika standing next to each other. Mystika is wearing a stunning gown which Mystika shows off with a sparkle in her eye. They smile and laugh like they’ve just been having a hilarious conversation before the cameras set on them.]

Krysta: I totally do. I’m standing here with Divas Unleashed royalty, Mystika. She’s aged quite badly since I last saw her. Mystika, how are you doing?

Mystika: Aged only in number. I'm doing great! It's good to be back here and see my lovely divas.

Krysta: I know, you retired last year and we’ve hardly seen you since. You were at the Christmas party I think, I was too drunk to remember but what have you been doing with your time? Trying to make it as an actor now? Ha, as if you ever would.

Mystika: No, no, I've been working with my brother at my old wrestling school and working on a clothing line that's set to run against Sarah Jessica Parker's line. It's been great getting to do a lot of different things.

Krysta: That’s cool, at least you’re not trying to be a popstar like everyone else is at the moment. So out of the divas nominated tonight, who do you hope goes home with an award? Any particular favourites?

Mystika: I can see Felicity picking up a win for Best Female, absolutely, and I expect Noriko Lee to follow in my footsteps and take Best Breakthrough.

Krysta: Now tonight we’ve got a big battle between two complete and utter retards as Kibby and Tequila are both hoping to out-do each other with their performances. So who do you want to win? Tequila with “Make-Up Bag” or KibbyD with “Drop It”?

Mystika: Tequila. Kibby's good, but no one can beat the boss' bitch.

Krysta: I know right. Well Mystika, it was nice to see you. Hopefully you'll get some botox or something as I'm completely owning you by comparison at the moment.

Mystika: Keep being a bitchy hag, Krysta. Give my love to your vibrator.

[Krysta shoots Mystika a dirty look as Mystika giggles to herself as she walks away. The camera then pans over the red carpet, fading into more shots of divas and celebrities such as the gorgeous Sugababes arriving and Kathy Griffin still posing for fans and signing autographs for fans as we cut to Leah.]

[Leah is standing next to Barracuda Jones, who is wearing a New York-inspired dress. Leah looks her up and down and frowns, looking slightly scared. Barracuda smiles, giving a 'rock on' sign to the audience watching at home.]

Leah: I’m here with Barracuda Jones. First of all, what is up with the hair? Is that a weave?

Barracuda: "What are you making fun of me because I'm black? That's rude."

[Barracuda just rolls her eyes, as does Leah.]

Barracuda: "And no, it's real. Totally 100% mine, I don't have to sew mine in."

Leah:It looks like a Mary J. Blige creation and I don’t trust anyone with that many wigs. It’s just scary. So what are you doing here tonight? Are you even nominated or did you just want to get your picture taken to make yourself feel important?

Barracuda: "oh you're quite the tease their Leah. I like you, in a bitchy kind of way."

[Barracuda winks.]

Barracuda: "Actually I am nominated for Best Newcomer, it's quite surprising actually since I haven't been here as long as some of the other candidates, but I suppose we know royalty, from ghetto trailer park scum."

[She laughs.]

Barracuda: "It's too bad you're on the lower end of that scale. I had high hopes for you."

Leah: Well I have my own category, you have that? No, no, you don’t. Who are you wearing tonight? Is that even a dress? Or did you just raid someone’s garbage?

Barracuda: "You just keep getting sweeter."

[The aqua haired lady laughs only flipping her locks and then she stares down at the dress.]

Barracuda: "Well it was a rich woman's garbage. I suppose Richard Kinloch, of the esteemed Fashion East designing my dress might surprise you. He's only one of the biggest runway providers for London's fashion week. You wouldn't know much about that. One of his dresses cost more then your entire ensemble. Including the ass implants, to make your booty look like J'Lo's"

Leah: You’re just jealous I have some junk in my trunk and I know how to use it. You have a pancake ass. I heard you’re working on a music career? What’s going on with that? Why do you insist on torturing us?

Barracuda: "It's my life's goal. Torture comes with nature."

[Barracuda grins while Leah's face is priceless in expression.]

Barracuda: "However, my album is going to be one of the biggest in Divas Unleashed history. I have some kick ass producers, a few good pictures, and tracks that blow Beyonce to dust. My album is fabulousity supreme."

Leah: Oh no you didn’t just bring Beyonce into this. Beyonce is beyond fabulous, and you’re no where near her. I look forward to hearing your album though, you know, when I need something to laugh at. So you’re here at the Femmys, which is a huge awards show. What’s your favourite thing about these awards?

[She smiles moving subtly.]

Barracuda: "Seriously though, it's the only night these divas get dressed up and actually look non slutty for a change. Excluding you and Kibby of course. Maybe even Krysta, not sure about that one."

[Barracuda lets out a small giggle.]

Barracuda: "I love the atmosphere as well. It's like wrestling, you never know if you're gonna win. Well if you're not me of course. I always win."

Leah: Okay well have an enjoyable evening, try not to trip up on your own tackiness.

Barracuda: "Will do. Tequila is calling now, her dress probably fell off again. Size 3 just doesn't work."

[Barracuda grins as she walking off. Leah watches her go and shakes her head, muttering "Mmmt mmm, that ain't right" into her microphone thinking nobody can hear her.]

Leah: Krysta, darling...

[Krysta Taylor is standing next to KibbyD who is standing with her beau and dressed in figure-hugging black dress with killer heels and new hair. The camera then pans downwards to see DaisyD rockin' a hot number. Krysta looks down at Kibby's beloved pet and raises an eyebrow, scrunching up her face to that of disgust. Kibby smiles and pouts.]

Krysta: Leah, help me! I’m standing by with the idiotic KibbyD, it sucks to be me right now. How are you feeling tonight Kibby?

Kibby: Okay so you just didn't say that. Anyways....I'm hawt like always.

Krysta: You’re up for a few awards tonight, which must be one of the bonuses of sleeping with the boss. Do you think you’ll win any of your categories?

Kibby: Whatever! Yes I think I can win each award I'm up for. I mean look at me? Who wouldn't give me an award?

Krysta: Me. Now seeing as you have so much opposition from more talented people in your categories, if you don’t win tonight, is there anyone you’d like to see win an award?

Kibby: You are such a funny whore. Yes I love to see Meggie take home an award. Also I would so like to see my stable get some candy too.

Krysta: God, you have bad taste. Meggie sucks too. Anyways, you’re performing “Drop It” tonight in some kind of retarded battle with Tequila? Can you give us any hints to what your performance is going to be like?

Kibby: Whatever! Yeah I'm going to sing tonight, my new single "Drop It" from the new cd. I can only tell you it going to be much better than Britney.

Krysta: And finally, what’s going on with this outfit you’re wearing? Why did you wear that?

Kibby: Isn't it hawt! It one of my DEAN Originals. My fashion line of course. It's sexy and totally Kibbilicious.

Krysta: Eh, if you say so. Anyway, enjoy your evening. Hopefully you lose.

Kibby: Thanks hun!!!

[Kibby waves to the camera and she and Krysta exchange fake air kisses as she walks away. The camera pans over the red carpet and fades into Paris Hilton posing, shooting the camera the evil eye. Crystal Hilton blows a kiss to fans and Holly Wentz enjoys the attention from photographers.]

[We then fade to Leah standing next to Katie Kooper and her brother Travis. Katie is wearing a nice dress, her hair flowing gorgeously while her brother is dressed in a smart-casual suit. Leah is staring intensely at Travis and then rolls her eyes.]

Leah: I’m here on the red carpet with Katie Kooper and her brother, he looks kind of weird. I think he’s her brother but he might be one of those weird stalkers. You know the ones who go through your garbage and send you death threats? Anyway, how are you Katie?

Katie: Yeah Leah, that's my crazy brother, but anyway. I'm feeling pretty great. It's a wonderful evening out here and I can't wait to watch the FWA's.

Leah: It’s your first time at these awards. How are you finding all of the attention? Are divas more freshly waxed and botoxed than you first anticipated? How did you prepare for tonight?

Katie:I'm just letting everything ride, just watching everybody getting excited over which award they are up for and who thinks they will win what; but I might add. Some of these girls do look alittle shiny, kinda hurting my eyes. Preparing was kinda easy for me. Just did my hair, got on my dress and that was it. Took me only 15-20 minutes.

Leah: Well, yeah, I can tell it took that long. You’re not up for an award tonight but a lot of other, more successful and talented people are. Out of those nominated, is there anyone in particular you’d like to see walk home with an award later this evening?

Katie: I'm good friends with Kibby D, she's the one that actually talked me into joining up with DU. It'll be cool to see her walk home with one...

Travis: KIBBY IS THE BOMB DIGGITY!!!!

Katie: SHUT UP TRAV!

Leah: Riight. So yeah, what is the deal with your brother? I mean, is it some kind of incestuous relationship? Does he beat you? ARE YOU BEING ABUSED? Quick, come with me, it’s not your fault. Come! Come with me into safety. I’ll save you from this monster!

Katie: He's my brother, we get a long, he's the one that trained me to get into the wrestling world. He's just alittle random at times.

Leah: Ah okay. I know what “trained” means. Do you have any closing remarks? Maybe a message to your fans watching at home? All five of them.

Katie: All five? But anywho. FWA's should be fun, and I'm looking foward to it. Hopefully I can be nominate for an award next year; but since I'm still new to DU, I wasn't.

Travis: WE LOVE YOU BRONX!!!!

Leah: Okay, J-Lo. Bye!

[Travis and Katie leave, Leah turns to the camera and shakes her head.]

Leah: Krysta, I heard you have one of the hosts!

[The camera pans to Lilith posing on the red carpet in a demure outfit before cutting to Meggie smiling at the camera, with Krysta next to her, shooting her a sideways glance. Meggie is wearing a colourful dress which Krysta eyes up.]

Krysta: Yes Leah. I’m here with the co-host of tonight’s awards, which is just utter trash because if anyone deserved to host this thing it should’ve been me. How are you Meggie? Are you nervous? The show starts in under an hour!

Meggie: "It's nice to see you too, you hoebag. Tequila should've kicked you out a long time ago."

[She grins, placing a hand on her hip.]

Meggie: "Nervous? You kidding me? This isn't some Krysta Taylor blog, this is pure and utter fabulousness, and I am ready for it. I don't get nervous. Then again with my co-host I suppose I should be."

[Meggie shrugs genuinely.]

Krysta: That brings me to my next question, you’re co-hosting with that retard KibbyD. How are you two getting along? Has there been any catfights? Any devious tricks to upstage each other? Will you be ripping her eyes out on stage? What?

Meggie: "Well as you've seen by our battles in the ring, Kibby doesn't compare to me. I mean sure, she can stand alongside me on stage, but her glamour is a facade compared to mine. I don't suppose their will be any catfights, as long as she doesn't get in my way, or step on my $800 dress for the opening ceremonies, I only wore this out here, because I didn't want my fabulous dressed to be ruined by all this papparazzi gunk. Just like your face, from your porn star days."

[Meggie giggles slightly patting Krysta on the back. Krysta looks annoyed.]

Meggie: "But you do look fabulous dear, I'll have to admit. You upgraded for the awards this year."

Krysta: Honey, I always look fabulous without fail and I’ve got myself a healthy bronze glow, unlike you. Now tonight you’re nominated for a string of awards, all of which you don’t deserve and done nothing to warrant, but do you think you have a good chance of winning?

Meggie: "Don't deserve? What show have you been watching for the past year, gah I told Shane not to hire so many blondes. He never listens."

[Meggie just flips her own blonde hair and grins.]

Meggie: "I do think I have a good chance at winning quite a few awards, the public knows their stuff and knows just how damn good I am. I do want to give a shout out to my loyal fans, who've always made my website look better the Tiger Lily's and Blonde Ambition's as well."

[She blows a kiss, signifying it for her fans.] Meggie: "I am up against a good slew of nominees, but I think I can take them. Just like you if you want to try and insult my tan again."

[Meggie grins fauxily.]

Meggie: "You just don't want to admit that you used my tanning lotion, on live television, but back to the slew of awards, I plan to take them all, and rub it in your face afterwards."

Krysta: Riight, well I already have my own awards and I am guaranteed to be taking home Best Bitch so screw you. If you don’t win tonight, which you won’t, which other divas do you wanna see pick up an award?

Meggie: "Well I'd normally go with the pity vote and say people like Amber Burton or someone who just isn't important to me, but I'll have to be honest and say that I see Felicity taking home an award."

[Meggie grins now intoxicatingly.]

Meggie: "Then again, we both know which award that will be. I also want to see Tequila win because she is the best wife ever, and she has a fabulous tan and of course she comments everyone's myspace. I totally love how she's all like "Nice songs, bitch!" To kibbs, it makes my day."

[Meggie slides a hand onto her side and then she spoke once more.]

Meggie: "And lastly, I'd have to say Linda Ragnal or Bobbi Jackson, both ladies have busted their butts in the business this year. They totaly deserve it."

Krysta: Ugh, terrible choices. Okay, my final question. Drop It or Make-Up Bag?

Meggie: "Unzip, da da da da da da duh."

[Meggie giggles and dances slightly as Krysta rolls her eyes.]

Krysta: Leah... [The camera cuts to Leah standing with Amber Burton wearing a stylish maternity dress. Amber and Leah stand separated from each other, a sign of dislike as Leah has to extend her arm fully to put the microphone to Amber's lips. Leah fakes a smile.]

Leah: I’m standing by with Amber Burton and her posse of bad taste. How are you tonight Amby? Nervous?

Amber: "Why would I be nervous? Sinful Delights is the hottest group in the known world, and we WILL walk away tonight with all the awards we deserve."

Leah: And what if you don’t? You gonna punk some bitches out?

Amber: "The girls and I have a plan in case the undeserving start taking credit for our talents."

Leah: Okay, and who designed your dress tonight? Because girl, frankly it looks like you designed it yourself and that is not a compliment.

Amber: "Get over yourself. You know the only reason your checking out my dress is because your undressing me with your eyes."Amber smiles. "And in case your wondering, pregnancy hasn't slowed my appetite one bit. I'll let you fantasize about that..."

Leah: Yeah I can tell you’ve put on loads of weight but that’s good. More girls should have a fuller figure, although you are pushin’ it a bit and starting to look like Mo’nique up in here. So tonight, you’re up against some of your fellow stablemates and friends like Bobbi in some categories? Has that caused any kinda rift?

Amber: "Not at all. In fact I would consider being bested by a stablemate an honor in a few catagories. Some catagories are quite beyond our reach."

Leah: Yeah, all of them. Tonight we have a big battle between Kibby and Tequila with their debut singles, they’re both promising to deliver hot performances and out-do each other. Which team are you on? Kibbs or Tecks?

Amber: "Are you kidding me?" The brunette says with a look of horror. "Tequila would make American Idol pack up and leave town! And they stomached William Hung?" Amber shakes her head sadly. "Kibby is hands down the better singer, and quite frankly the hotter diva....which is why Shane still can't keep his eyes off her."

Leah: Well enjoy the rest of your evening, and for the love of God, change into something more fashionable! This is supposed to be a classy, fabulous event not a charity auction for Oxfam!

Amber: "Look at the rags your wearing! Was the Salvation Army cleaning out their overflow of generic cotoure?"

Leah: Please, bitch. I’m up in this joint wearing Vera Wang and you come at me like that? Psst. Let’s go to Krysta who has MAH GURL Crystal! Whoo, say hi for me!

[The camera pans across the red carpet, showing Tequila arriving wearing a very posh outfit with a protective grip on Shane Rockford's arm. JLT poses on the red carpet, flashing a shy smile. The camera then rests on Krysta Taylor standing with Crystal Hilton. Crystal is rocking a beige number.]

Krysta: Yes Leah, I know you love fat asses and I have one for you. I'm here with Crystal Hilton and she's up for some awards tonight. I think she is, I don't really pay much attention to her. How are you tonight? Having fun?

Crystal Hilton: I'm doing pretty good, I am very excited to see who wins what.

Krysta: Is there anyone in particular you'd like to win?

Crystal Hilton: Well you know I am going to pull for my home girl Moira to win best female, we are talking about Oceanic pride, not to mention Blonde Ambiton win for best team. THINK PINK BABY!

Krysta: Ugh. So you’re rumoured to be performing tonight but there’s all this hype surrounding Tequila and Kibby. Those two idiots are both performing their new singles, who do you want to win in that battle? Drop It or Make-Up Bag?

Crystal Hilton: Neither I should be performing my own new single, they can both croak for all I am concerned.

Krysta: Someone’s bitter. So what’s actually happening with your music career?

Crystal Hilton:It's going pretty good but being a Hollywood celebrity is so much fun, I love it when the attention is all on me.

Krysta: Yeah, are you friends with Paris? She’s here tonight. She’s presenting.

Crystal Hilton: I'm a Hilton yes but friends with her...yeah I have better class than that.

Krysta: What are you talking about? Paris is fabulous. So any closing remarks? Maybe a shout-out to your fans or something?

Crystal Hilton: Keep supporting me and I hope everyone has a splendid time tonight, good bye all!

[Crystal gives a polite wave to the camera and walks away, Krysta watches her way, staring at the junk in her trunk and turns back, shaking her head in disgust. Krysta then presses her finger into her ear, pushing her earpiece into place, and then gasps.]

Krysta: Leah, I heard you have some old BITCH with you. What is SHE doing here?

[The camera shows Maya Okosaki arriving before we cut to Leah standing with Hall of Fame inductee Star who smiles. She's wearing a sparkling dress, with diamonds encrusted onto them and the dress flowing with a delicious train that would make royalty proud.]

Leah: I am here on the red carpet with DU Hall of Famer and my gurl Star, who is looking fabulous. I see she’s had some botox, very proud of her for that, she was starting to wrinkle up on us. How are you doing tonight Star?

Star: Botox? Leah, sweetie, for future reference it might be best not to spew such ridiculousness. But I am doing quite lovely to answer your question.

Leah: So when you were in DU, you were always parading around in that damn tiara and those wondrous dresses that it seemed like none of us could afford. Don’t think I don’t know how you got that cash though but its okay, I won’t tell. Who are you wearing tonight?

Star: Tonight I am sporting the ever amazing Oscar De La Renta. He is such a genius, I swear.

Leah: Oh I know, he’s made you look 20lbs lighter and that’s no small achievement. Now, you’re not nominated tonight but you have won before and I think you had a stranglehold on Best Bitch one time. I don’t know why, you seem lovely. Are there any divas you want to see collect an award tonight?

Star: Ummm...honestly? Not really. I guess one or two of them deserve some sort of away but I don't know if one of THESE awards are exactly that. DU should have their own version of the Razzies. Then we could talk.

Leah: OMG, great idea! I can so host that. Oh it would be sooo good, you are a genius Star! Okay. Now, we haven’t seen you on TV in a long time. It’s great you’ve made a return tonight. When do you plan to come back to DU? You can’t stay retired for too long. I mean, what have you been doing with your fine self all this time?

Star: Well, in case you haven't heard, I do have a kid to raise now. And I also have a company of my own. So if you meant that my money came from my own wrestling promotion earlier..then you were right.

Leah: You had a baby? With who? Aww, are you gonna go on Maury and get a DNA test?

Star: Maury? Ewww! You can't get any more tacky than that.

Leah: That’s why I thought you’d be going on it. So it’s time for me to wrap this up, we have more important people to see. You know, younger people. Do you have any last words for any of your fans or maybe even your illegitimate watching at home?

Star: Well, first I'm amazed that no one has killed you by now. I commend you for surviving. And second, I really do wish all the nominees luck!

[Star smiles sweetly at the camera, Leah nods happily and Leah then hugs her as Star departs.]

Leah: Krysta, I hear you have Tecky!

[Leah waits for a few seconds but hears no reply.]

Leah: Krysta?

[We fade to a shot of Victoria Beckham looking incredibly major and Katia making an impact on the red carpet. The camera cuts to Tequila in mid-conversation with Krysta as Krysta listens intently. Shane Rockford stands next to her with an arm around Tequila’s hip, dressed in a smart suit.].

Tequila: I told her I was like "Bitch, you did not just say that!" and she was looking all scared. I should’ve knocked her out. Or better, I should’ve fired her.

Krysta: You should’ve, you don’t need that kind of agro. It’s not good for your skin.

Tequila: I know, I know. Thank you.

Krysta: You’re welcome. Honestly, I can’t believe that bitch.

[Krysta shakes her head and then turns to the camera, suddenly realising she’s supposed to be interviewing. Tequila smiles, pouting and running her hand up Shane’s back.]

Krysta: I’m here with our bosses. Tequila. Shane. How are you tonight? Are you excited?

Shane Rockford: I’m incredibly excited. This is one of my favourite events of the year, it’s great to give back to the divas who have made Divas Unleashed blossom over the last year. It’s so rewarding.

Tequila:And it’s also hilarious to see what the divas are wearing. I can’t believe they think they look good. Did you see what Totally Radd had on?

Krysta: I know, it was awful! So Shane, how do you decide who gets nominated for these Femmys? I wasn’t nominated tonight and I am very unhappy about it. ONE nomination? Fuck that. I deserve 12.

Shane Rockford: One is better than none, Krysta. We basically decide the awards based on who we think has had a great year, I have some personal favourites who I think have really come on and I like to reward them with a nomination. I think they’re pretty self-explanatory but I do try and nominate everyone. I don’t like any divas being left out as I’m a big fan of all of the women on our roster.

Krysta: I’m sure you are. I’m getting bored of you, you’re so…serious. Tecks, how do you stay looking so trim?

Tequila: Well Krysta, I’m on the Ozone diet. It’s a diet where you just eat nothing but air for two weeks and then nothing but red meat for two weeks so it all balances it out.

Krysta: Well, you are ballooning out on all sides I have to say. Who designed that dress?

Tequila: This is my good friend Roberto Cavalli. He let me stay at his mansion in Italy last year. He’s designing all my tour outfits and I feel that he truly knows my body. He understands how important it is to push the tits up.

Krysta: That’s refreshing, not many people do. So I’ve been asking people all night about your performance, can you give us any hints to what it will be like?

Tequila: It will be very fierce. I’m going to be wearing a black wig, which will be a treat for all the viewers at home wishing I was a brunette in their fantasies. So that will partially come true for them tonight. I’m not going to say too much except I will steal the show.

Krysta: Do you have any words for Kibby?

Tequila: YOU GOIN’ DOWN BIATCH.

Krysta: Graceful. Thanks for your time.

Shane Rockford: Have a good night.

[The camera then cuts to Leah who smiles and brings her microphone to speak but is interupted by a loud scream in the background as the Monroes approach her from behind. Leah starts to shake her head.]

Leah: No, no. Go away, go way! I have pepper spray, back off!

[The Monroes run up to Leah and give her a cuddle as Leah cringes. The Monroes are dressed in matching outfits and stand ready to be interviewed. Leah rolls her eyes.]

Leah: I’m here with the Monroes. Yes, those idiots. They’re up some awards tonight. How are you both fairing under all these flashing lights? Blacked out from overexcitement yet?

Carley: Ooh I'm so uber excited to be here again we won best tag team last year and and hope to do it again right sissy?

Courtney: Yep-a-roonie we are so the best tag team and the most funziest! Pink is where it is at.

Leah: Ugh…you know you’re both nominated in my category tonight, I hope you both lose. So, did you bring any hot dates with you tonight or have you still not discovered boys yet?

Courtney: Boys have Cooties! and cooties are what lead to us losing the tag titles aint that right sissy? Besides we brought our new sissy Anya with us

Carley: Right-a-roonie and and mom dad, nana and and paw paw too!!

Courtney: Yeah! Not to mention the coolest fan club ever! ooh can we say hello to our sissy Kaylie who's in Russia?

Leah: I think you mean the stupidiest fan club ever, and let me tell that my fan club is thrice the size of yours. So last year, you were in some ridiculous outfit that your grandmother made. Who are you wearing tonight? Walmart?

Carley: Hey don't insult Nana you big meanie!

Courtney: Yeah you take that back! Our nana's outfits arent stupid! *kicks leah in the shin* our outfits this year are from this local dress place which allowed us to pick our own dresses and everything

Carley: Yup yup and in our favourite colour too PINK!!

Courtney: Yeah!

Leah: You need to find yourself a stylist, you should let Lily style you although then you’d be walking around barefoot which would be nastay. Anyways, later tonight we have another battle between retards as Tequila and Kibby try and out-do each other. Which do you prefer? Drop It or Make-Up Bag?

Carley: Yeah that is totally unfuzie but tecky does rule! So much more than that meanie Kibby!

Courtney: You know her dog bit my sissy and let her with an ouchie?

Carley: Yeah on my pinkie too!!

Courtney: Yeah!

Leah: Greeeat. So anyway closing remarks? Maybe a message to your fans?

Carley: Ooh ooh remember to always THINK PINK!!

Courtney: Yeah!! Pink is where it's at and continue to be funzie and not a meanie!

[Courtney gives a goofy thumbs up while Carley waves goofily at the camera. The Monroes then excitedly disappear and pass Krysta Taylor approaching Leah as they do, they shoot her a dirty look. The camera quickly cuts to the night's last arrival, Felicity who says it with spots, before cutting back to the two hosts. Leah spots Krysta approaching.]

Leah: Krys, I've just been violated. VIOLATED.

Krysta: Did that idiot Courtney feel you up? They're smarter than they put on, they know what they're doing. OMG, did you get GOOSED by the Monroes?

Leah: No, WORSE. I had to talk to them for 2 minutes straight. I need to go to rehab or therapy now to get over that. That was traumatic.

Krysta: I don't buy the sister thing at all. You know they're hardcore lesbians.