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Friday April 30th 2004
[Emerging from the two are two high heeled shoes as Emerald O’Connor stands up with her cowboy hat on. She then moves aside as a smartly-dressed Shane Rockford emerges and slams the door, both beginning to walk into the arena.]
[A casually dressed Renegade stops Shane standing in front of him blocking his path as Emerald looks on.]
Renegade: Shane, man, you have to get me my job back! I know my jokes suck and I love their assets more than their wrestling skills but please! I love it here!
Shane Rockford: I can’t do anything; it’s out of my control. My attorneys are showing up later tonight and we’re going to solve this case but if you step foot inside the arena tonight you and I both will be facing bankruptcy. Vern Wheeler will pay for this. At least one thing has come good out this situation. No more bitches!
[Renegade looks upset as Shane and Emerald enter the arena. We cut to the opening credits which now include Pandora being thrown from Tower Bridge, Star’s devastating “Sparkling Intuition” from the ladder and Nyssa being thrown through a window.]
[“Like A Virgin” blasts out of the speakers as the fans rise to their feet cheering for the pyrotechnic display hoisting their signs high up into the air hoping for them to get a glimpse on world-wide television.]
[“Married Lesbians Rule!” “BURN Vern!” “Laura & Pandora Ruin My Aura!” are a few of them broadcasted onto the cameras. We pan over the crowd once more before arriving at a lonesome JLT sitting with a bare spot next to her.]
JLT: Welcome to Exile live from Salt Lake City! It’s Shane Rockford’s hometown and he’s faced with tons of dilemmas tonight! The main reason being the same fact my partner Renegade isn’t joining me tonight. GWF boss Vern Wheeler made a jaw-dropping appearance at Rule Britannia declaring all contract holders from his federation are still valid.
JLT: That means that my partner Renegade is banned from appearing tonight along with a whole string of Divas Unleashed employees, if they step foot inside this arena. Shane Rockford and DU could be sued and even put to rest.
JLT: But don’t let the absence of them disturb your evening as we have a jam-packed off the wall show for you including some mind blowing matches. Our main event features the team of Kamikaze scores their first headlining match against Baddest Bitch Bianca and Lady Dark Fist Yuku Shiro!
JLT: Katrina, unsuccessful at Rule Britannia, she is here tonight battered and bruised ready to take on the deformed monstress that is Lilith. Katrina made a big mistake striking Lilith’s daughter and Lilith wants retribution tonight!
JLT: Rule Britannia was packed full of surprises. Athena retired and then she introduced a fellow seven footer Caitlin Fairchild! Caitlin then wrestled Nyssa, she was struck by a chair and didn’t flinch! She takes on our reigning champion Star in a singles contest.
JLT: Dee Snuts shocked everybody when she picked up the Rockford State Champion making it her first belt and takes on Lelenya in singles action. Rumour has it that Mystika has been so disgraced by this loss she has decided to take a break!
JLT: Bloo and Veronica faced off in London too, but false partnership from Veronica’s partners caused her to lose her match. The blue-obsessed Bloo and she face on in the centre of the ring, with both hoping to go from strength to strength at the start of their careers.
JLT: Miss Felicity warned Rhiannon and Sassy Allundra off Jake EB Wild, her manager. Sassy got so worked up about the warning she requested this match, and they will face off tonight. Felicity sees herself as the leader of Team X too, I wonder how Jake feels?
JLT: To open the show we’ve got the new married lesbians Hope and Faith Clarkson in action against the Pinnacle of Perfection, Kaci Russell. Kaci shockingly learned her brother Oliver and Kristin Wallace had married, now Kaci’s arch nemesis is her own sister-in-law!
Handicap Match
[“Gangsta Love” by Eve plays and the arena question who exactly is making their entrance as the screen flashes the DU logo. Out from the doorway walks Leah Bracknull as the fans boo her which she takes acception too and starts to yell and scream at them.]
JLT: Please don’t tell me!
[The reporter then struts down the ramp and around the ring and JLT’s worst fears are confirmed. Leah pulls out a seat at the commentary table and attaches her headset.]
Leah: What’s up, bitch?
JLT: You’re not out here for what I think you’re out her for are you?
Leah: Speak English! I’m here to commentate for this evening, that’s right Leah is in the house! We’re going to raise the roof all night! I’m no homophobe or something but you better keep your ass away from these babies.
[Leah points to her boobs as JLT shakes her head.]
JLT: You are unbelievable…
Leah: Aww, thank you! I’m beginning to like you already!
["Plug It In" by JC Chasez blasts over the sound system as stars in a purple square shine along the ramp. Kaci is carried out laying on her back of a purple carrier as four hunks career her to the ring. Kaci is then helped into the ring by two of the hunks and blows to kisses to the fans.]
JLT: Kaci looks upbeat this week, I would’ve have been in tears all week long if my brother did that.
Leah: Hello? She has a whole make-up team! She’s too caught up in her image to care about her family!
[“He Said, She Said” by Limp Bizkit plays and Hope and Faith Clarkson walk out together. They indulge in a French kiss at the top of the stage as their personal training manager Christine looks on. Faith then holds the ropes down for Hope as she gets into the ring which is rewarded by a lengthy kiss.]
Leah: Ugh, lesbians. I hate them! Get a room!
[Christine climbs to the outside of the ring and Hope climbs to the apron leaving her wife to start off the match. Kaci then grabs Faith by her wrist and whips her to the ropes as the referee calls for the bell, Kaci leapfrogs over Faith and then nails a back body drop to her.]
[Kaci then picks her up and nails a back breaker before executing a fall away slam sending Faith across the ring. Kaci then decides to run to the ropes but Hope kicks the small of her back and the fans boo as Kaci holds it. This gives time for Faith to kick Kaci and then execute a snap suplex.]
[Faith then kicks Kaci while she’s lying down with some punches to the face as well. Faith Clarkson brings Kaci to her feet by her hair and tosses her across the ring by it, she then tags in Hope and the two whip Kaci to a corner. Faith then runs after with a running clothesline and then pushes her into a spinning heel kick from Hope.]
[Hope then picks up Kaci and tosses her through the ropes. Faith then positions herself at the ropes as Hope runs toward her, but Kaci is back up and pulls Faith down slamming her into the mat and outside of the ring. Hope then launches over the top rope with a body splash attempt but Kaci uses Faith as a body shield as the fans cheer.]
JLT: Kaci’s a veteran, Hope and Faith are just getting their careers started.
[Kaci then picks up Hope and tosses her into the ring. Kaci climbs onto the apron and waits for Hope to get up, when she does Kaci grabs her by her neck yanking her down into a guillotine move. She then climbs into the ring and runs to the ropes taking her down with a flying wheel kick.]
[The fans cheer as Kaci tosses Hope to the corner. Kaci then nails some shots to her chest making her slump on the bottom turnbuckle. Kaci then heads to the other side of the ring and nails a running knee attack.]
[Kaci then scoops up Hope and applies a sleeper hold before dropping Hope on the back of her head. Christine then tugs on Kaci’s legs making her turn around and grab the red-head by her hair pulling her up into the ring. From behind comes Faith Clarkson with a shot to the back before bulldogging Kaci into the centre of the ring. Faith then pulls Hope near to her corner.]
JLT: That’s the problem with handicap matches, you think you’ve got rid of one and bam there’s another!
[Hope then reaches up and tags in Faith as she walks into the ring and picks up Kaci, but she was playing possum as she then starts to hit Faith furiously in the face before whipping her to the corner.]
[Kaci then follows it up with a running spear which makes Faith walk out from the corner making her hold her stomach as Kaci climbs to the top turnbuckle. She leaps off with her “Serafino” kid krusher finisher and then rolls Faith over for a cover.]
[“Money, Power, Respect” by Lil’ interrupts as Kaci gets up off the cover and walks to the ropes as Kristin Wallace walks out in a short white dress holding a microphone. She flashes off her wedding ring as Kaci scowls.]
Kristin Wallace: I didn’t mean to interrupt your little match again, sis. But I just wanted to prove to you how much of a wonderful, made in heaven, his and hers towels couple we are. So we have come up with a special montage of our best bits! Enjoy, dear sis.
[Kristin then points to the video wall as the sounds of “Kiss Me” play and it shows home footage of Oliver and Kristin Wallace-Hudson. It shows them getting married in London, and then censored clips from their sex tape.]
[While Kaci watches in disgust, from behind Hope spins her around and nails a stunner knocking out Kaci as Hope applies a figure four leg lock completing her “Hope Dies” move as Kaci taps out to the pain. Kristin Wallace-Hudson then leaves the stage smiling to herself as Limp Bizkit replays.]
John Roe: Here are your winners…HOPE N’ FAITH!!!
[Hope doesn’t release her lock though as Christine climbs into the ring with a smile on her face and helps up Faith. They then begin to pummel Kaci as she is left in the figure four leg lock as the referee finally frees Hope as the fans boo them.]
JLT: Kristin cost Kaci her match again!
Leah: She will not like this!
Leah: Damn it! Everywhere you look there are lesbians. They out populate women!
[We cut backstage where Holly Wentz and Valeria Sanchez are enjoying cuddling together on a leather chair and are distracted at feeling one another up. The camera pans to see Jake EB Wild still bruised from the pay per view talking to Felicity.]
Felicity: I am the leader…
Jake EB Wild: I’m the leader. Team X? I formed it.
Felicity: I was picked first.
Jake EB Wild: So?
Felicity: Out of curiosity, why did you pick me?
Jake EB Wild: You’re…a smart, intelligent, attractive young woman who displayed huge potential. I wanted to be part of that.
[Felicity thinks and looks over at the lesbians seeing they are wrapped up in herself. Felicity then begins to straighten the collar on Jake’s shirt.]
Felicity: Thanks Jake. I can’t say your attractive and comforting nature was what made me accept the offer. I’ve seen the better side of Jake EB Wild, the Porn King.
Jake EB Wild: I am a King you know…
Felicity: Can I be your Queen?
[Felicity then pulls Jake into a kiss by his collar and the camera switches from inside the locker room to outside where Sassy Allundra had been spying through the door. She gasps and runs off with her high heels getting fainted and fainter.]
JLT: Jake’s making his way through the group! Miss Rhiannon and now Miss Felicity!
Leah: Gigolo!
JLT: If Sassy is going off to tell Rhiannon, fireworks are sure to fly tonight!
Standard Match
["Pretty Tied Up" by Guns and Roses plays over the sound system, and the lights fade until "the perils of Rock and Roll decadance" is heard as the first words in the song. Then with a loud explosion, the pyro goes off and Felicity is standing in the entranceway with her back turned. She then quickly turns around and walks to the ring, and gives one final pose on the ring apron before entering the ring.]
John Roe: The following contest is a standard match scheduled for one fall, introducing first, from the Haven, at a weight of 118lbs…MISS FELICITY!!!
[Felicity raises her arms.]
JLT: Felicity is without her team mates or Jake tonight. Despite the fact they just shared a lip-lock.
Leah: I always thought Jake was gay myself.
[Sassy’s music hits the arena as she walks out in slutty white ring attire being accompanied by Miss Rhiannon. Sassy then runs to the ring sliding under the bottom rope and spearing Felicity into the corner as the referee calls for the bell.]
Leah: You know Sassy used to be a porno star, can you say whore?
JLT: Sassy keen to start off this match early.
[Sassy then whips Felicity to the other corner and follows up with a running clothesline. She then nails some high kicks to the face of Felicity before grabbing her head with a running bulldog driving her face into the mat. Rhiannon applauds as Sassy gets up and brings Felicity up with her, Sassy then grabs her opponent’s jaw and drops to her knees with a jaw breaker.]
[Felicity flies back bouncing into the ropes but comes off with a rebound with a dropkick to Sassy sending her backwards. Felicity straddles her with some punches before picking her up and tossing her over the top rope. Sassy lands and stands up as Felicity runs to the opposite ropes leaping through at her opponent with a suicide dive but Allundra moves and Felicity flies into the floor.]
JLT: That’s why they call it high risk ladies and gents.
[Sassy picks her up and tosses her into the steel steps making the top one fly out. Sassy then slaps her knee and runs towards Felicity but she counters and flapjacks the blonde into the remaining step making her land with a large thud. Felicity then rolls back into the ring to break the ever-increasing ten count and picks up Sassy rolling her into the ring. Felicity then knocks Rhiannon down to her feet by shoving her and climbs into the ring.]
[Sassy gets back to her feet and counters Felicity’s running attack with a drop toe hold. Sassy then jumps onto Felicity’s back getting her into a full nelson and rising her to her feet. Felicity manages to counter with a kick to the groin which releases the hold. Miss Felicity then grabs Sassy and executes her signature Acid Drop move running up the ropes and then slamming her into the canvas.]
JLT: This could very well be over!
[Felicity covers.]
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[Rhiannon gets up and manages to put Sassy’s foot on the bottom rope. Felicity gets up and then grabs Rhiannon by her hair dragging her into the ring. Rhiannon then slaps Felicity across the face and Sassy manages to roll her up into a victory roll.]
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[Felicity rolls forward countering the roll pinning Sassy and holding onto the second rope for leverage.]
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[Felicity then gets up off her cover and turns as Rhiannon hits her across the face with her high heel. Rhiannon then begins to hit her with her the heel aiming for her head as Sassy joins in with stomping.]
JLT: Felicity picked up the win but now look at the aftermath! Where is Team X?!
Leah: There they are!
[Valeria Sanchez and Jake EB Wild slide under the bottom rope as Valeria grabs Rhiannon by her hair hurling her off the cover and then starts to pummel her in the corner. Jake EB Wild then slides into the ring and confronts Sassy as Holly Wentz stands behind her. Holly then begins to tug on Sassy’s shirt before pulling it off revealing her in a red bra.]
[Holly then slaps Sassy across the face and then drops to her knees pulling the bottoms of Allundra’s attire down to her ankles revealing a matching red thong. Jake then puts his boot onto her bottom and pushing her out of the ring.]
[Holly then helps up Felicity as Jake heads to the other corner and lifts Valeria off Miss Rhiannon as she rolls out of the ring and rejoins her team-mate. Felicity is then helped up as the sounds of Guns and Roses resume.]
JLT: Jake saved Rhiannon?
Leah: Sassy got exposed…typical. All the porn stars end up naked, no wait, all the blondes do. What is it with them?
JLT: I don’t think this is the last of this feud.
[Kristin Wallace is standing in Shane Rockford’s office wearing her red dress from earlier. She is standing talking to him as he looks bored, suddenly the door bursts open and Kaci Russell pounds in spearing Kristin to the floor. Kaci then begins to ramp Kristin’s head into the carpet before tossing her onto Shane’s desk.]
JLT: They’re going at it! In Shane’s office!
[Kaci then opens a bottle of ink from the desk and opens it over Kristin’s face making the navy blue liquid smother her face. Kristin then slaps Kaci sending her off and into the wall. Kristin stands up on the desk and then leaps onto Kaci as the two hit into the leather sofa making it topple backwards and begin to pull at each others hair while grunting.]
[Kristin then pushes Kaci off as the two get to their feet. Kristin picks a picture off the wall and tosses it in the direction of Kaci’s head but the Pinnacle ducks and it smashes onto the glass. Kaci then leaps for Kristin as they fall to the floor and begin rolling around on it.]
Shane Rockford: You two stop it right now or else you’re both fired!
[The divas pause in their position. Kristin is digging in her red nails into Kaci’s face while Kaci is yanking out a piece of her rival’s hair.]
Shane Rockford: I have had it up to here with your bullshit. Ooh, Shane, Kristin bitched about me! Ooh Shane, Kaci’s being a bitch! This has gone far enough! At Forsaken Destiny you two will face off in the ring so you can settle this once and for all!
[The fans go wild as Kristin and Kaci look at each other with a smile of their face.]
Shane Rockford: But if you lay a finger on each other until then you will both be fined $20, 000 and then fired! I can’t have my top stars injured! I’ve already lost half of them!
Shane Rockford: Look what you did to my office! You better pay up for the damages!
[Kaci and Kristin release each other from their holds as Kaci grins at Kristin. The manageress’ eyes narrow and a thought comes into her mind.]
Kristin Wallace: That’s fine by me boss, I don’t need to touch this skank anyway. I’d be delighted to see her in the squared circle. Even though I don’t believe in family violence, me being your sister-in-law and all…
[Kaci goes to slap Kristin but she catches it.]
Kristin Wallace: Remember, you’d be fired. I wouldn’t if I was you.
[Kaci then shoves Kristin backwards making her slam into the wall and a storm out of the room as a grin takes over her face. She stares at Shane and raises her eyebrows. He then yells at her.]
Shane Rockford: Get out!
[Kristin then flips her hair and walks out of the room bumping into Jake on the way in. Jake EB Wild looks around the room and frowns, Shane then sits down in his leather chair leaning back.]
Jake EB Wild: What happened in here?
Shane Rockford: Divas. What do you expect? What do you want Jake I’m a very busy man and I don’t have time for people to mess me about.
Jake EB Wild: I’m not going to mess you about. In fact, this is pretty serious. You see Miss Felicity and Miss Rhiannon, I’m kind of, falling in love with both!
Shane Rockford: Jake! What was the one thing I told you when you returned?
Jake EB Wild: I know, I know, no threesomes but I can’t help it! I can’t choose!
Shane Rockford: Fine. At Forsaken Destiny, it will be Team X against Sassy and Rhiannon with the winner getting you. I’m putting you on the line, in fact, I think I’ll have to you hanging over the ring in a cage, so they can remember what they’re fighting for.
[Jake scowls but looks pleased and nods as he walks out of the room biting his finger. Yuku Shiro then pushes the door open and looks around and curses and leaves. Shane leans back into his chair and switches on his television.]
JLT: Two new matches have been signed for Forsaken Destiny! Kaci and Kristin will get their hands on each other at last, this feud has been going on for almost a year and now they finally have a match together!
Leah: Don’t forget the whores can’t put their hands on each other until their match though! Also signed was Team X of Felicity and Valeria taking on Sassy Allundra and Miss Rhiannon with that man slut Jake on the line!
JLT: He’ll be hanging over the ring in a cage! Forsaken Destiny will be one hell of an event!
[The arena fades to darkness and the fans cheer and scream. The video wall comes alive as the camera zooms on until it fills the screen. We are panning over a misty lake and then into the murky navy water as we capture a figures shadow in the distance. We move towards it and see Lei Yu naked swimming and she is searching around, she then bumps into a figure of a decomposing Angel and begins to scream. Angel winks at her and grabs her legs as Lei Yu tries to flea. Angel then turns to the camera and reaches for it but we rapidly zoom out of the lake and high up over the forest. We look up at the sky and see the message in stars.]
Angels never die. Lurking beyond the grave. I will befall those who sin. Illusion of a mindless state.
[The stars then disappear as we cut back to the arena and the lights resume with the fans looking confused and try to make sense of the message.]
-Commercial Break-
Standard Match
["MoneyTalks" blares over the PA system. After a few moments of the song, Veronica Paige slowly makes her way towards the ring to a major league pop. She comes out with a warm and pleasant expression on her face, and slaps some of the fans hands as she heads down the ramp.]
John Roe: The next contest if scheduled for one fall and is a triple threat match. Introducing first from Pleasant Point Beach, New Jersey, Veronica!
She plays up to the crowd as walks up the steel steps and bends over the second rope very much to the crowds approval. She gives the crowd a smile as she leans on the turnbuckle waiting for her opponents. The lights in the arena turn blue and blue strobe lights play around the entrance. "Blue Mondays" by Orgy plays on the sound system. Bloo comes out on the ramp with her manager Trixie following closely behind.
John Roe: Making her way down to the ring, accompanied by Trixie, Bloo!
[Bloo walks around the ring and spots a male fan cheering for her. She goes up to him and gives him a kiss on his cheek leaving a blue lip print. He smiles, obviously delighted as Bloo slides into the ring.]
JLT: Wow, that must have made his day
Leah: Well if colourful, lesbian freaks are your thing?
[The lights dim, a red light shines into the ring and the start of "Everybody's Fool" by Evanescence is heard throughout the arena.Miss Rhiannon appears at the top of the stage her long blonde hair pulled back into a tight pony tail, her assets tightly protected by her black shiny leather sleeveless top with matching shiny leather pants and wrestling boots.]
John Roe: And their opponent, on the way to the ring, Miss Rhiannon.
JLT: This will be Bloo's and Veronica's first single match here in DU after Bloo and her tag partners Hope and Faith defeated Veronica and the F.B.I.
Leah: Yeah I know, I was there in case you've forgotten
JLT: You know, I don't work here and commentate every Friday just for you and your own personal happiness
Leah: The sound of your voice is enough to make anyone far from happy.
[Miss Rhiannon slides into the ring and is immediately flattened by Bloo's and Veronica's boots.]
JLT: Ah the double team, techinique no. 157.7a
[Bloo and Veronica continue stomping away at Miss Rhiannon. They bring her to her feet and whip her into the ropes, taking her down with a double clothesline. Veronica goes behind the fallen Rhiannon and brings her to her feet. Bloo grabs her legs for an attempted double flapjack but Miss Rhiannon elbows Veronica in the chest and manoeuvres her legs around Bloo's neck for a head scissors takedown. Miss Rhiannon hits a running senton on Bloo and hooks the leg for a early pinfall but is thrown off by Veronica.]
[Veronica grabs Miss Rhiannon by the head and hits her with a headlock takedown. Veronica places Miss Rhiannon in her Pandora's Box, STF submission but Miss Rhiannon grabs onto the ropes forcing Veronica is release her. Bloo comes from behind and attacks Veronica with The Blue Bridge. The referee goes for the count.]
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[Miss Rhiannon disrupts the count with a slingshot dropkick to Bloo's head. Bloo slowly gets on her knees and Miss Rhiannon goes for the Sexy Senorita kick and nails it! Bloo holds her face in pain as Miss Rhiannon goes over to Veronica. Veronica immediately takes her down with roundhouse kick. Veronica irish whips Miss Rhiannon into the turnbuckle and whips Bloo on top of her. Veronica charges at the turnbuckle with a clothesline but Bloo rolls out of the way, the clothesline only connecting with Miss Rhiannon. Bloo bounces off the ropes with a running DDT on Veronica. Bloo gets up and walks to Miss Rhiannon, slumped in the corner. She pulls her tights down, revealing her thong carrying out her special Blue Moon stink face.]
JLT: Whoa! I just thought of Renegade.
[Bloo poses and taunts towards Miss Rhiannon as if she's won. Veronica recovers from the DDT and kicks Bloo around the head with so much power that it sends her over the top rope with her tights around her ankles. Veronica grabs Miss Rhiannon in a suplex position and tries to place her on the turnbuckle for the Version 69 but Miss Rhiannon counters with a small package.]
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[Veronica kicks out. On the outside Trixie is tending to Bloo, getting her to her feet. Trixie rolls Bloo back into the ring still with her thong exposed to the whole arena. Bloo dives at Miss Rhiannon spearing her to the ground. Bloo stands up trying to pull her tights up, she gets up to her knees when Veronica trips her. Bloo stumbles to her knees as Veronica finishes her off with the Thunder kiss, buzzsaw kick. Veronica goes for the cover.]
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