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Friday August 20th 2004
JLT:: I wonder who this may be?
Leah: Whoever she is I like their style.
JLT:: You just like the limo.
Leah: Don’t hate…
[The vehicle halts as a female red head driver gets out; she goes to
the back of the vehicle and opens the door. Out steps Tara dressed in
a black backless halter top double long slit dress.]
JLT:: WOW.
Leah: How the hell is she keeping that up?
JLT:: I have NO idea….
[Out steps Yuku Shiro wearing a pin-stripped Armani two piece
business suit, with a white push-up bra underneath, and a pair of
Stuart Weitzman designer
Cinderella Slippers, with a pair of white
Gucci shades, and a platinum Diamond Rolex women’s watch. Her dark
raven hair is slicked back, and her finger and toenails all have
French manicure, with only soft red lipstick on. She smiles as she
takes the Divas Unleashed title belt, and slings it over her
shoulder.]
JLT:: DAMN!
Leah: Talk about BLING! BLING!
JLT:: Seven days removed from Orient of the Massacre, the newly crowned
Divas Unleashed Champion Yuku Shiro is in the building, and I hate to
say it, but even I’m impressed with her appearance!
Leah: Now THAT’S how a champion should LOOK like!
[Krysta Taylor walks up with her mouth open in shock looking Yuku up
and down, as Tara stands there a bit nervous next to her wife. Taylor
points to her feet.]
Krysta Taylor: Yuku…you look…great…tell me those…aren’t what I…think
they are.
Yuku Shiro: Yes they are indeed Krysta…
Krysta Taylor: The famous Stuart Weitzman designer Cinderella
Slippers…they’re worth at least 2 million…
JLT: 2 MILLION DOLLARS?
Leah: The bitch has a BANK on her feet!!
Yuku Shiro: Yes they are, Krysta…Mr. Weitzman was nice enough to make
me a pair for this special occasion…I mean come on…NOTHING is too
good for the Divas Unleashed Champion…am I correct?
Krysta Taylor: Uh…Yuku…can I have a quick interview with you…matter
of fact…can I be your friend?
[Tara scowls at Krysta as Yuku smiles patting her on her back.]
Yuku Shiro: Now…now Taylor…there’s plenty of time for boot licking…
except not these boots…now if you’ll excuse me…I have to go address
the crowd…come Tara.
[Yuku walks off leaving Krysta standing there stunned, as Tara bumps
her while following her wife to the ring.]
Krysta Taylor: Ow! Bitch! Roll the damn titles!
[“Moondance” by Nightwish begins as we see a spotlight being shone onto female body parts surrounded by darking. Suddenly the song takes a rapid change of beat and the wrestler’s high paced, high risk and high action moves are displayed in a flurry of clips. We see the new title holders all flash at the end before the Exile logo burns in ash on the screen. We fade to black. In the arena the Australian, New Zealand, American, Japanese, British, Egyptian, Canadian and Irish flag fly along a line at the back of the stage, and resting above it is the video wall. The ‘X’ entranceway remains as red, white and blue star pyros set off to a sold-out New Zealand arena. The fans scream, cheer and even some tears of joy as the display of fireworks takes centre stage.]
[We pan around the arena as the crowd from down under raise their signs, arms and girlfriends to try and get a shot on camera for those viewing at home. We catch such signs as “Lilith Is A Sex God!” “Why Kat?” “Yuku Rules!” are just a few of the waves in the ocean of fans. We cut to the announcers table where JLT and Leah seem to be indulged in conversation.]
Leah: But I don’t want to them to think I’m some cheapskate, I mean it was my fault. Well I’ll try and take them back and see if they accept it was my error, they should remember my face.
JLT: The receipt has to be somewhere.
Leah: Oh god, we’re on air! Hello! I’m Leah, the best announcer in the history of the announcing! We’re coming at you live from New Zealand with our awesome Oceania tour, and tonight is a very special tonight for you as we have what I like to call “The Wrestle-a-thon!”
JLT: Leah, don’t.
Leah: Hush, it’s the only place where you’ll find it! What we do is: Have a segment, a match, another segment, a commercial break and then back from the top! Wow! And you better keep watching as DU is going to keep going until the end of time!
JLT: That could be tomorrow so you better enjoy tonight’s show, as it could be your last! We have a wonderful card for you tonight, four new champions, all in action tonight. Our Unleashed Champion, Yuku Shiro, tackles Nyssa in a ladder match for the main event.
Leah: Yuku Shiro is a brand new champion, and she has a lot of history with Nyssa. As much as we’d like to forget, Nyssa had a relationship with Ken Shiro, tarnished their mother’s grave and also abducted her baby. Then Yuku buried her alive, and Nyssa was resurrected with a baby, so a lot of history.
JLT: Like a black Jerry Springer. We also have Katrina who viciously stuck poisonous Occult needles into the wrists of the Bod Squad in Japan. Tonight Kaci Russell takes on her former friend and partner in singles action. Kaci who seems to have mafia ties, and Katrina who has Occult ties, not only to we provide heart-stopping wrestling action but a diverse multi-cultural society that most people hate but just nod along with.
Leah: Don’t hate, but if you ask me Katrina needs a good slap. She said bad things about me. Amanda and Azrael, our new Tag Team Champions face Hope and Faith Clarkson in a rematch from the pay per view. The married lesbians lost their titles and their right to freedom, but that is on the line tonight as if they win then they are finally free. But if Pain and Pleasure lose then that means Keiko Yoshimato will have to join them as Amanda’s slaves!
JLT: We violate so many human right acts in just one show. A big thing tonight is that “Baby” Loni Persian could lose her first match as the new Askai Champion goes toe to toe, breast to breast with Mystika. Their counterparts don’t seem to have a brilliant IQ either, so they’re lucky this isn’t an intelligence test.
Leah: A new champion is Erica ‘The Hammer’ Lopez who takes on Jade in a rematch from the pay per view also, one of two on tonight’s show. Erica’s reign could be cut short but the odds are in her favour as Lauren Langley is the special guest referee. Jade does have the right to rematch in her contract which she has utalised tonight, whether that is a good decision or a bad one we will find out!
JLT: Icenique and Razor are in team action tonight, as well as Austin Mack and Laura who wrestle each other. Icenique retained her title despite interference from basketball star Kendra Wecker and Austin himself. Now Austin and Laura go one on one in a rare intergender match.
Leah: Austin is such a hot piece of ass too. But as is Yuku Shiro at this moment as she is not only in demand by Japanese press, her other commitments, her matches, now Ashley T. Bopper wants to try and see if the Lady Devil Fist herself has the endurance to sit through 15 minutes of lameness.
JLT: And not only that, will Patti Anderson be making another shock appearance? Has Tequila took Shane Rockford with her in her departure? Is that Leah I smell? All is to be resolved on Exile!
[The lights go out in the arena as Piece by Piece by Strata erupts
from the PA system, flames erupts from the ramp way all the way down
to the ring. Yuku Shiro strolls to the ring with the Divas Unleashed
title belt over her shoulder followed by Tara as the crowd erupts
with mixed reaction!]
JLT:: She started in October 23rd 2003, in less then a couple of months
she became a dual champion here in DU capturing BOTH the Stripped
Championship and the Tag titles, with her wife Tara-Lee Shiro, now
LESS than a year from her debut Yuku Shiro is our Divas Unleashed
Champion!
Leah: The coldest bitch in the game…the toughest opponent out there
today, besides the CONSTANT outfit, and gimmick switching there is
none tougher than Yuku Shiro.
JLT:: Raised in a family of champion class wrestlers…ALL MALE, it’s
painfully obvious why it was only a matter of time that title would
be over her shoulder; now the only question is HOW LONG can she hold
onto it.
[Shiro walks to the center of the ropes near the announcer’s table,
and pulls out platinum lighter from her pocket. She smiles as she
Leah and JLT: as she flicks it open lighting it.]
JLT:: Oh no…
Leah: TAKE COVER!!!!!!!
[The Lady Devil Fist places the lighter to her lips and SPITS a clear
liquid out IGNITING a flame spewing it like a Dragon or Flamethrower
right over the ropes at the announcer’s table as Leah and JLT duck for
cover!! Shiro elevates her head spitting the flames upward until the
liquid in her mouth runs out!! Yuku puts out the lighter, and
breathes smoke through her mouth and nostrils while rolling her eyes
back before putting the lighter away. She then asks for a microphone
and walks to the center of the ring as Tara stands to the side, while
JLT and Leah retake their seats with a pissed off look on their face
as her music dies down.]
JLT:: Well…I guess being DU champ still hasn’t changed the fact that
Yuku is still a BITCH!
Leah: I HATE WHEN SHE DOES THAT!
Yuku Shiro: I’m going to quote something I heard someone said a while
ago…I DON’T BELIEVE in destiny either! What I believe in is pure
hardcore FACT, and the fact of the matter is this Championship belt
over my shoulder, was mine the minute I walked into this company!
[The crowd boos as Yuku walks around smirking with a cocky look on
her face.]
JLT:: That’s a BOLD statement!
Leah: Quiet! The champ is talking!
Yuku Shiro: You can boo your sorry underground backwater asses till
the ground comes up, October 23rd, 2003 marks the day I walked into
this company, and I was in this business for 3 years BEFORE that! No
hand outs given to me as I clawed my way to the top of the promotion,
while you had sorry ass bitches fighting in the back about who was
going to top off the boss in the back, or when they were going to be
on the cover of some SLUT magazine I was burying bodies in this ring
Friday after Friday, Pay-Per-View after Pay-Per-View! I have done in
LESS in a year what MOST skanks who started in this promotion could
accomplish in their entire LIFE TIME they’ve been in this business. I
took my so-called DESTINY by the throat, and I choked the SHIT out of
it, and that is why I’m here today with this Championship title over
my shoulder, and you lazy FUCKS are at home watching me!
[The boos INTENSIFY as Yuku continues to walk the ring.]
Yuku Shiro: Because the cold hard fact, the cold hard truth that
everyone has yet to understand, that I am the Greatest Female
Wrestler in this business…why…because even thought I’m attractive…
even though I’m fuckable… I have a MAN’S mentality, and a MAN’S
mindset of how to work this business, because before I stepped into
this promotion I made sure to roll with the hardest of the hard…I put
myself through abuse night after night, on the road 24 hours of the
day, pushing myself to the limit, to the point that if no mere man
can take me, then damn sure no BITCH in this promotion can stand
against me either! FUCK BIANCA! Baddest Bitch in this business…well
I’m the COLDEST CUNT to ever step into this ring!
[The crowd erupts with shock at what Yuku just said.]
JLT:: Oh my lord…
Leah: Yeah…be glad we’re on cable.
Yuku Shiro: And that’s why I’m the Divas Unleashed Champion, and
she’s at home somewhere being a 50 Cent groupie! That’s why the only
thing the so-called Queen of Pain can look forward to is everyone
looking for her getting dug out once again from her curtain jerker of
a husband, that’s why that bitch Lilith is rolling in hell, because
she got hit with the fact that even thought she’s the UGLIEST BITCH
on the face of this planet, I’m 10 times more uglier than her from
the INSIDE, that is why Star goes home one more time as a failure,
with her head held down to her family, never again to see this title
over her shoulder, THAT is why the former champ is now sitting in her
little cell somewhere cursing the day she was born, realizing that
her rise to glory was short lived, and unnoticeable, because when you
get a chance to stare at the cold hard truth (Points to herself.) you
see me the Devil herself doing WHATEVER it takes to get to the top of
this business, Why, because that’s where I belong. Why, because I say
so. Why, because I make this happens. That’s why this championship
belt is around my waist, and over my shoulder, and it’s going to be
there for a long…long time to come until I say DIFFERENT!
[Yuku points to the back with pure ferocity as she adjusts the Divas
Unleashed title over her shoulder.]
Yuku Shiro: And anyone stupid enough to come chasing after this
Championship will go down the same way, those other whores did, like
a fireball! You understand me? This is my Championship belt, this is
my ring, this is my promotion…MINE, and to prove my point tonight
you’re gonna see what happens to those STUPID enough to challenge the
throne!
JLT:: Oh boy…I think she’s talking about Nyssa.
Leah: Fresh out of her victory over Tequila, she goes one on one with
the champ tonight!
Yuku Shiro: Nyssa…it was better off that you stayed DEAD to the
world, and not come back, because now I’m forced to make that little
snot nosed brat you got a home one less parent once again, because
you’re going to pay for the sins of the sister right here tonight! So
I hope that you went and celebrated your little victory over Tequila,
because tonight is GUT CHECK time bitch, tonight I have one mission…
to put you out of wrestling as quickly as Shane knocked you up, and
to leave your head on a PIKE as a warning to anyone stupid enough to
challenge me…tonight Nyssa, you become the sacrificial lamb to be
tossed into the DARK INFERNO!!
[Piece-by-Piece by Strata erupts from the PA system, as Yuku holds up
the Divas Unleashed Championship belt. She climbs a turnbuckle and
looks out into the crowd with a cocky smirk on her face, as the
cameras turn back to the announcer’s table.]
JLT: And now, a message from our sponsors asking you, the wonderful viewers of Divas Unleashed to buy whatever crap they’re trying to sell!
-Commercial Break-
Leah: Did you enjoy that? Because I couldn’t comment on how fabulous Yuku Shiro was in the ring. We should move to the BBC, they don’t have adverts!
JLT: Yes, but only broadcast in Britain. Our core audience is in the United States and Canada.
Leah: Oh what are you our…tv…processor…number…expert…thing?
JLT: I’m knowledgeable.
[“Money, Power, Respect” by Lil’ Kim plays as Kristin Wallace-Hudson walks out with her hair tied in a ponytail, a denim skirt and a green top. She walks down to the ring with a plaster over her forehead, she is helped into the ring by John Roe and takes his microphone. She waits until the sounds of her music die down before addressing the New Zealand crowd.]
Kristin Wallace-Hudson: Good evening New Zealand, it’s good to be here tonight. Although for my fans that have come to see me tonight, I am the bearer of bad news. You see after I was heinously assaulted in the ring at Massacre in the Orient by my own best friend who I stuck by through her good and bad times! I have been hurt by her very deeply, and tonight I must bid you all farewell. I don’t want a lunatic like her and whatever voodoo club she joined causing harm to me or my child, as so many women in DU have been the perpetrators of miscarriages!
Kristin Wallace-Hudson: I have paid my dues to this company. I’ve been here for a solid year and never left, I never took any vacations like Shane Rockford. I mean where is he now? I would take over this company but in my condition I just can’t. I don’t go flying off on vacations like he does, when he cheated on me I formed one of the most dominant forces ever to exist in DU! But the Bod Squad is currently a two-some, and that’s not how I like it. I don’t have the wrestler ability to back Kaci on my own. So tonight, I’m going to take a leave of absence. That doesn’t mean you’re not going to see me, as I may just pop up at times you unexpected with a knife to your back. That’s a message to all the divas in the back. I want to thank all the fans, and hope you all understand my decision!
[“Smells Like Teen Spirit” by Nirvana plays as Kaci Russell walks out onto the stage as Kristin stops and looks. Kaci walks down to the ring with her hair tied back, her security band on her wrist as she slides into the ring. She grabs a microphone and wipes a tear from her eye.]
Kaci Russell: You know what really upsets me? The fact that I can’t see my nephew now, or my family period when I was trying to protect them! In seven odd months you’re going to have a baby, and I’m not going to experience it, and all because I’m in prison due to protecting my own family! I don’t get to see my husband, who I’m pretty sure is going to file for divorce, I don’t have any friends except for Megan who is now in intensive care and mob ties with the Mafia! Do you see how crazy prison is making me? I get transported from prison to an airport in a dark vehicle. At the airport I sit in a room facing planes, having to take a man with me everywhere I go. I sit on a claustrophobic plane for 24 hours, I arrive at Exile. The one play where I can see the ones I love has now been torn apart, and why, because of Kat’s selfish greed and envy!
[Kristin looks at the ground, Kaci tries to continue but the sounds of her ex-fiancee are heard over the PA system. “All Day Long I Dream About Sex” by JC Chasez plays as Katrina walks out with a smug look on her face, Kaci’s eyes narrow at her and the song Kat smugly walks to the ring. Katrina steps into the ring as Kristin Wallace doesn’t look at her, hostile poses by the former partners are heard as Katrina takes another microphone.]
Katrina: Isn’t this cute? The whole Bod Squad back together again! How I missed you guys! Wait, should I really say that? Because when you two were too busy licking each others asses, I was the one who was shoved to the edge! I was neglected, Kaci got all the attention. That’s why I turned on you. I don’t think it was a ‘shocking event’, or ‘jaw-dropping stunt’ as JLT might put, you two had it coming! How does it feel to be stabbed in the back now, huh?
[Katrina walks over to Kristin.]
Katrina: By the way Kristin, I sincerely doubt that babies even belongs to your husband. I think it’s diseased, if I were your darling little cherub I would jump off a cliff rather than have you for my mother? Do you not remember all Kaci has done to you? Driving a tour bus into your mansion, how much did that cost? Not being happy for you when you got married, taking a blind rage? The amount of times she’s injured you, the cuts, the bruises. Now she’s your friend, just because it affects her Kristin. It’s not because she likes you, it’s not because she’s seen the light, it’s not because her brother fathered your baby. It’s because she’s an emotional wreck. She has no-one to cling to, so she decided to be your parasite and when she makes some rapist, murderer, arsonist new friend in jail, she’ll just abandon you!
[Kristin still stares at the floor as Katrina then smirks and walks towards Kaci who has the hint of a smile on her face.]
Katrina: I mean come on, how can a convict be perfect? Someone who lets their friends get torn to pieces by Nazis, who assaults prisoners whose only way of escaping is masturbation? I mean Kaci Russell should be the Pinnacle of Incompetence really. She can’t hold onto a relationship, she can’t hold onto a title, she can’t hold on to her sanity, her family, her friends, not even her life!
[Kaci then slaps Katrina across the face, Katrina then slaps Kaci back as Kristin runs and pushes Katrina. Katrina then slaps her and Kristin slaps her back, Kaci Russell then spears Kat into the floor and begins to nail her in the head with punches. Katrina shoves her off and clotheslines her over the top rope to the outside, Kristin then tries to escape the ring but Katrina grabs her by her hair and executes a vetrebreaker move sending Kristin head first into the canvas. Katrina then smiles as her theme tune resumes and she walks up the ramp. Kaci slides back into the ring and checks on Kristin.]
JLT: Katrina is a bitch now.
Leah: No, she’s a heartless black-hearted bitch who is now the Katwoman to her Batman. Don’t you listen? In that ring we saw loads of emotions, and the feelings all came out from everyone!
[Medics come down to the ring and put Kristin on a stretcher and begin to wheel her backstage as Kaci follows.]
JLT: I hope Kristin is okay.
Leah: You are becoming a bad commentating, you have to remain impartial. I think all three women expressed themselves very well, and Katrina affirmed herself as a new woman.
Debutants Match
JLT: To open our show, match-wise, we have Ferrari against Shayla Walker in a singles bout and if they’re both impressive then they will be granted a contract. If not they can basically get on their knees and beg.
Leah: I swear there’s a card called a Ferrari Shayla?
JLT: No, there isn’t. You’re just trying to be funny.
"Cannonball" by Five Iron Frenzy. plays as smoke pours out of vents in the entrance. Blue laser lights shine in the entrance to the arena and Shayla appears in the middle of the laser lights and walks down to the ring. High fiving all of her fans near the guardrails.]
John Roe: The following contest is scheduled for one fall, introducing first, from Barberton, Ohio, at a weight of 112lbs…SHAYLA WALKER!!!
[Ferrari’s music hits as the porn star walks out in her traditional attire. The oriental wrestler runs down to the ring and slides under the bottom rope tackling Shayla with a spear. Ferrari stomps on Walker before bringing the teenager to her feet and whipping her to the corner. Ferrari tries to clothesline but Shayla leaps up and pulls Ferrari down into a roll-up cover.]
[1]
[2]
[Ferrari rolls out as both girls find their feet. Shayla kicks Ferrari in the mid-section and hoists her up into a suplex, Shayla then applies a headlock bringing Ferrari to her feet from behind. Shayla then drops her with a German suplex, and another three following. Ferrari then rolls the outside, Shayla Walker walks towards her but Ferrari grabs her feet and causes her to fall. Ferrari then climbs onto the apron and leaps over with an elbow to the collar of Shayla. Ferrari then brings Shayla to her feet and whips her to the ropes.]
JLT: This seems to be an even matched, Shayla is so young so she is doing well to last this long.
[Ferrari leapfrogs over her and executes a spinning heel kick when Shayla rebounds. Ferrari then whips her to the corner and nails a few shots the face, they climb up to the top turnbuckle where Ferrari tries to execute a belly-to-belly suplex but Shayla counters and shoves Ferrari back into the ring. Shayla leaps from the top rope with a hurricanrana and tries to pin.]
[1]
[2]
Leah: So close!
[Ferrari pushes Shayla away and brings her to her feet. Ferrari nails a few shots to Shayla’s face but Walker manages to counter with a European uppercut and climbs to the top rope once again. Shayla leaps off with a body splash but Ferrari counters turning it into a move which makes Shayla land on her feet, Ferrari covers.]
[1]
[2]
[3]
John Roe: Here is your winner…FERRARI!!!
[Ferrari gets up and leaves the ring and walks up the ramp with a smile on her face, Shayla gets up and cheers for herself after completing her first match and runs around the ring shaking fans hands. Ferrari then receives a pink envelope at the top of the stage, she frowns and looks around before continuing backstage.]
JLT: Ferrari wins, although it looks like Shayla Walker was more excited than Ferrari at that though.
Leah: I think she’s just pleased she was killed.
[Backstage Krysta Taylor is seen with Lauren Langley. Lauren is playing with Krysta’s long hair, and tugs it making Krysta yell. Krysta then slaps Lauren’s hands away from her, Lauren looks upset as Krysta shouts.]
Krysta Taylor: I am not being assaulted again! Did you see what Yuku and Tara did? Huh? I’m an employed journalist, I play a big part in this company and I don’t need people tugging on my god-damn hair! Alright!? |
