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Friday December 9th 2005
[We cut into the Luz arena as the fans have risen to their feet and hold up signs. They leap up and down excitedly as the new show begins, and their big chance to appear on national television has arrived. They thrust their signs into the air, trying their hardest to get them onto the camera. The director picks out the best, “Katia Is Annoying!”, “The Unibrow Is Monotastic!” and “Felicity Rules!” are just a select few. We pan around the audience once more before we cut to JLT and Leah at ringside, Leah who has a picture of Cristiano Ronaldo on her desk and she strokes it.]
JLT: Hello everyone and welcome to Exile! We’re coming to live from the capital of Portugal, Lisbon! What a magnificient city this is and we have a wonderful show lived up for you tonight! I’m JLT, and I’m joined as always by my foul-mouthed party Leah!
Leah: Foul-mouthed? Pfft.
JLT: We’ve got a barrage of fabulous matches tonight on the final Exile of 2005 and the last show before our huge “Naughty Or Nice” pay-per-view. We have a huge main event which is a six-person tag team match. Dame Barbara, Joanie Storm and Ciara Demillo team up to take on Mystika, Katrina and the Unibrow! I’m so excited to see that Leah!
Leah: I am too, everyone in the match has so many issues, it makes me feel better. All women in the match will be looking to get an advantage heading into the pay-per-view and both teams are excellent, I’m stumped to pick a winner!
JLT: We also have tag team action as Aphrodite and Carley Monroe team together to take on Lacey Ryden and Shayla Walker. Carley and Shayla have been bickering over a broken friendship, and Aphrodite and Lacey Ryden got into a confrontation last week. I wonder if Carley will get a matter of revenge this year, she was put through a table!
Leah: She asked for it, we also have Katia and Heather Burnside going one on one in a pre-ppv teaser match, Katia has been spooked in recent weeks while Heather will be looking to gain some singles experience before her big tag team championship match next week!
JLT: We also have the final show from Ashley of 2005, who has a surprise guest! I wonder who that could be?
Leah: I can reveal that it’s the one and only Crazy Frog!
JLT: I doubt it, he’s been put down.
Leah: He has?! Aww, that’s tragic!
JLT: It really isn’t.
Standard Match
[Both women come to the ring with their respective 'partners', Livia and Amanda. Katia gets off to a quick start, nailing various high-flying moves before attempting her "Choatic Kittie" finisher, Heather ducks and Katia hits the canvas. Heather then applies an ankle lock hold.]
[Livia climbs onto the apron as Katia is about to give up but Amanda and Heather slide into the ring and nail a double powerbomb to Katia, Heather then covers but Livia pulls the referee out of the ring. Bloo and Jinx come to the ring and assault Heather with a chair. Katia then fights off the tag team and nails her blockbuster "Chaotic Kittie" to finally pin Burnside for the victory.]
[After the match, Katia heads to her statue and takes pictures with it. The lights suddenly drop and after a few seconds a loud scream is heard, and a huge thud. When the lights resume, we see a woman running up the ramp and Katia underneath her statue. The heavy statue has been pushed down onto Katia's body, medics carry Katia out on a stretcher, sending her to hospital.]
Winner - Katia
[“Shake Ya Tailfeather” by Nelly hits the PA system as Carley Monroe walks out from backstage with a smile on her face. She’s wearing a small white dress, her hair flowing to her sides. She twirls on the stage and makes her way down the ramp, she pauses and poses for fans photos. She then blows kisses to her audience as she climbs into the ring, the ring announcer hands her a microphone as she smiles and poses on the turnbuckle, waving to the fans.]
[She stands in the ring as her music dies down and still poses to the fans, running a hand through her hair and giggling into the microphone, she goes to speak but then pulls the microphone away from her lips and tries to get a serious look on her face by frowning.]
Carley Monroe: Last week that big meanie Shayla and her big bad grandmother Barbara put me through a table! It was owie! It was really ow, ow, ow! I thought we were friends Shayla! You two better watch out! You meanies!
[Carley then adjusts her face into a smile and winks at a fan in the front row. She brings the microphone to her pink lips.]
Carley Monroe: Anyways, hello Brazil!
[The Portuguese crowd boo as Carley frowns and shakes her head and smiles, she rolls her eyes.]
Carley Monroe: Eep! That wasn’t a very nice welcome! I have news though, I have super big news because I need to announce that my big si-
[Carley is interrupted by “Boom” by POD hits the PA system. Shayla Walker walks out in a classy red gown and her hair tied back with a microphone in her hand. Next to her stands Tabitha Windsor, dressed in a light pink outfit and a smile on her face. She nods to the teen. Shayla smiles and waits for her music to cut as Carley frowns.]
Shayla Walker: Carley, stop embarrassing yourself, you’re only proving how dumb you really are. I had to come out here because I couldn’t listen to you screech on any longer, it’s painful.
Carley Monroe: What do you want? I’m in the middle of an announcement!
Shayla Walker: I’m tired of you being a pain in the ass. You’re always there, behind me, trying to emulate me, trying to be me. You’re jealous because I’m going to be the next legend and you’re not. I’m sick and tired of your plain stupidity. You were a horrid trainer, all you taught me was to pose and nail a sunset flip. I mean, WOW, a sunset flip!
Carley Monroe: Is that why you had it for your finisher?
[Carley then encourages the crowd to laugh as she smiles, Shayla looks embarrassed and interrupts the laughter, angrily.]
Shayla Walker: How about we solve this once and for all, I want you at “Naughty Or Nice”. I want you know that our friendship is completely done and dusted, you’re too thick to get the message so I’ll have to beat it into you!
Carley Monroe: YAY!
[Shayla scowls as Carley dances around the ring and she skips around as Tabitha and Shayla exchange glances, Tabitha looks on disgust. Carley then realizes the duo’s presence on the stage and turns to them with a smile and speaks.]
Carley Monroe: Okay! That’s perfect, I’ll beat you at the pay-per-view, you big meanie! I have a special surprise too! Hehe! You have to wait and see what it is!
[Shayla looks on nervously and shakes the nerves off her face, she gives a cocky smile and turns around and walks backstage as Tabitha raises her eyebrows to Carley and follows the teenager. Carley then parties in the ring some more as “Shake Ya Tailfeather” hits the PA system once again.]
[Scene shows Krysta Taylor backstage with The Unibrow and Dr. Doomsday standing next to her.]
Krysta Taylor: I'm here with The Unibrow and her manager Dr. Doomsday.
Dr. Doomsday: Before we go anywhere else, me and Uni here would just like to promote our new upcoming TV show.
Krysta Taylor: You have a show? When does it come on?
The Unibrow: Well it doesn't come on ever. We just filmed the pilot. But it will as soon as we show it to the internet.
Dr. Doomsday: No, not internet. Networks. We have to show it to the networks Uni.
The Unibrow: Oh right.
Krysta Taylor: Ok...so what's the name of the show?
Dr. Doomsday: Actually we don't even have a name yet.
The Unibrow: It hasn't even been edited he he he...
Krysta Taylor: Let me see if I understand. You want to promote a network show which hasn't even been edited, given a name, or even know if it will even be aired ever?
The Unibrow: That's right Krysta!
Dr. Doomsday: (concerned) Actually, it might've been better to do this till after we signed a network contract huh?
Krysta Taylor: Uh yea!! Maybe you should stick to talking about your match tonight.
The Unibrow: I'm gonna win! Whoooo!
Dr. Doomsday: It is obvious that Joanie and Mystika have misunderestimated the amazing powers of The Unibrow.
The Unibrow: BOW TO THE BROW!
Krysta Taylor: Riiiiight.
[Krysta smiles sheepishly at the Unibrow and Dr. Doomsday as they walk off in the other direction, she sighs in relief that they’re going and adjusts her boobs.]
[We cut backstage to see Dame Barbara walking backstage, she spots two women and smiles. She approaches them from behind and clears her throat, raising her eyebrows. Katrina and Kristin turn around, with Katrina having the stolen Askai belt over her shoulder. Katrina smiles smugly as Kristin looks on. Barbara speaks.]
Dame Barbara: Will you give me the title belt back? It’s not your property. I don’t want your grubby paws all over my precious championship.
Katrina: Why don’t you earn it back?
Dame Barbara: No, it’s my property. Give it to me!
Katrina: Earn it!
Dame Barbara: This is so pointless, you either give me that belt right now or I’m going to be forced to do something a lady doesn’t normally do.
Katrina: But it looks so good on my shoulder? And I mean, you’re not your agile self anymore, you’re getting old, you’re going to be in a retirement home in a couple of years. So, with that in mind, if you give me a ladder match at “Naughty Or Nice”, I will give your belt. That sounds like a fair deal.
[Katrina looks at Kristin who nods in agreement, Barbara chuckles to herself and glances at the bitchy divas.]
Dame Barbara: There’s no way I’m giving you a ladder match Katrina darling, if you think that you can blackmail me with that belt then you’re wrong. You always have a ladder match, how about you try a match I suggest? How about you and me go one on one in MY favourite match?
Katrina: What would that be?
Dame Barbara: A 30 minute Ironwoman match.
[Katrina looks surprised and glances at Kristin who shrugs, Barbara smiles as Katrina turns her attention back to the British legend. Katrina then smiles at Barbara.]
Katrina: That’s fine Babs, are you sure you can go 30 minutes?
Dame Barbara: Sure I can, and just to let you know how agile I am, and how quickly I can move, here’s a little surprise.
[Barbara then suddenly strikes Katrina in the face sending her to the floor, Kristin goes to slap Barbara but Barbara catches her arm and kicks her in the stomach, Barbara then tosses Kristin head-first into the wall. Katrina is back to her feet and attempts to hit Barbara but Barbara ducks and nails a mule kick to Katrina’s face, sending her to the floor. Barbara then snatches her title from Katrina’s fallen body and begins to walk off in the opposite direction, as Katrina looks up in disbelief.]
[We cut back to ringside.]
JLT: It looks like Barbara got her championship match back and got an Ironwoman match for Naughty Or Nice! A 30 minute Ironwoman match for the Askai Championship!
Leah: I know, let’s hope Barbara has some back-up pacemakers. 30 minutes is long for a woman of her age, it looks like Barbara has the advantage in her speciality match!
JLT: I think Katrina has underestimated Dame Barbara!
Standard Match
[Carley Monroe is more focused in this match and starts off by spearing Shayla into the ring and punching her. Shayla quickly makes a tag to Lacey who nails a few stiff clotheslines onto Carley to change the momentum, Lacey and Shayla then team up for a double flapjack. Lacey tries to pin Carley but Carley kicks out.]
[Carley nails a hurricanrana to Lacey and tags in Aphrodite, Aphrodite nails a tornado DDT to Lacey and attempts a cover but Shayla breaks it up. Aphrodite then allows Lacey to tag out to Shayla, Shayla runs into the ring but is met by a chick kick from Aphrodite. Aphrodite then quickly covers, with Carley running into the ring and laying on top to increase the pressure of the pin. The referee counts to three.]
[At the end of the match, Aphrodite and Carley send their opponents out of the ring and celebrate with Ruby, Carley ectastic at picking up a win.]
Winners - Aphrodite & Carley Monroe
[We cut backstage to see Icenique and Mystika walking along together, Icenique has a slush puppy in one hand and sips it through a straw while her Unleashed belt rests safely around her waist. The two divas chit-chat between each other, they turn a corner and bang into another woman. When the duo take a step back, they lock eyes with Ciara Demillo. Ciara frowns at them.]
Ciara Demillo: Watch where you’re going!
Icenique: Aww, did we upset little Ciara?
Ciara Demillo: Shut up Icenique. I’m not the one with a huge bounty on my head, getting attacked every minute of the day, having to look over my shoulder.
Icenique: A bounty nobody has claimed yet, looks like your plan backfired.
[Ciara brushes past Icenique, knocking her to the side. Mystika then smiles at Icenique who smiles back, Ciara walks down the hall as Icenique calls after her.]
Icenique: You’re going to so soon? That’s a pity, we were going to ask you to come and play in our game.
[Ciara turns around and gives Icenique the middle finger.]
Icenique: I guess you don’t want an Unleashed title shot then? Oh well, nevermind!
[Icenique and Mystika then walk in the opposite direction as Ciara turns around and runs towards Icenique and Mystika. The duo stop and turn to Ciara, who laughs.]
Ciara Demillo: You can’t trick me Icenique, I’m not falling for your little plan. As a matter of fact, I’ve talked to Shane and he said that I can have an Unleashed shot any time I want as I haven’t had a rematch. Isn’t that sweet of him? So seeing as you offered me it, I’d love to join you two at “Naughty Or Nice”. I was going to wait until January, but you know, it could be better to start 2006 as the Unleashed Champion. See ya.
[Icenique then scowls at Mystika who shakes her head. Ciara smiles smugly and walks off in the opposite direction.]
JLT: Did Ciara just place herself in the main event for Naughty Or Nice?
Leah: It looks like she did, it’s going to be Ciara versus Mystika versus Icenique! That’s exciting, at least I have someone to cheer for now!
[We cut to a hospital bed, Katia lies on her back, with her hands at her side and wearing a neckbrace from her earlier incident with her very own statue falling on her. Livia sits at the side of the bed, Katia rolls her eyes as the two women watch Exile on the television in the room. Livia then stands up and speaks to Katia.]
Livia: I’m going to get some water, do you want anything?
Katia: Does it look like I want anything?!
[Livia walks out of the room, looking back at Katia before she leaves. A few seconds later a nurse walks through the door carrying a tray, she has a mask covering her face, leaving only her eyes. She places the tray down as Katia frowns and looks on, concerned.]
Katia: Who are you?
[The nurse turns and gives a look to Katia but stays silent. She picks up a razor-sharp knife from her silver tray and walks over to Katia, as Katia looks scared. The nurse then rests the knife on Katia’s stomach and turns back to her tray. She picks up a selection of scary looking objects, all with razor sharp edges as Katia gulps. The nurse then turns to Katia and picks up the knife lying on her chest, she pricks the end of her finger with it and raises her eyebrows to Katia.]
Katia: I saw, who the hell are you!
[The nurse then gently runs the knife down the side of Katia’s face, as Katia closes her eyes. The nurse then removes the knife and giggles, she tosses the knife across the room. The nurse then picks up Katia’s bag and places it on the bed, rummaging through it. Katia protests.]
Katia: Hey! Stop going down my stuff, that’s an icon’s property, I can have you arrested!
[The nurse then pulls out the Rockford State Championship and pulls her mouth down over her throat, revealing the first ever Rockford champion Chimera. Katia looks on in terror as Chimera leans into her face and smiles evilly.]
Chimera: You can try and get this back at Naughty Or Nice. It's mine now, it's always belonged to me.
[Chimera then picks up a box from her tray and opens it, she clutches something with both hands and gently walks over to Katia. She then places a tarantula spider onto Katia’s chest, Chimera then smiles and picks up the Rockford State Championship, and leaves the room. Katia then begins to scream as the spider crawls closer to Katia’s face.]
[We cut to ringside.]
JLT: That was Chimera, Leah! Is she back!
Leah: Of course she is, she’s back for her title! She challenged Katia to get it back at “Naughty Or Nice”, this is exciting!
[“Pretty Tied Up” by Guns n’ Roses blasts into the arena as the fans rise to their feet for the arrival of the newly-trim Felicity, she struts out onto the stage, hand-in-hand with Shane Rockford. Felicity is wearing a long evening gown and her hair has diamonds in it, she smiles and confidently struts down the ramp. Shane follows her and is dressed smartly in a business suit.]
[Felicity hops into the ring and snatches a microphone from a stage hand, she smiles and glances at Shane. She looks around the ring as Shane stands in the corner, resting against the turnbuckle. Felicity addresses the Portugal crowd.]
Felicity: Hello Lisbon, it’s a pleasure to be here tonight but sadly, I am the bearer of bad news. You see after the heinous assault I suffered last week, and the week before, I have come to an important decision. And because you Portugal fans are too dumb to remember, let’s take a look at a replay!
[The video wall comes alive with a recap of action. The first being Crystal and Felicity fighting on Ashley’s show before the mysterious Pena Colada woman slams a vodka bottle over Felicity’s head. Pena reveals her identity to be Tequila. The second, from last week, shows Tequila and Crystal ripping off Felicity’s expensive evening gown and kicking her out of the ring. We cut to back to Felicity’s face, who wipes a ‘stray tear’ from her face and acts like she’s crying.]
Felicity: Those events caused me serious emotional harm, it’s terrifying whenever I think about them. It truly is.
[Shane Rockford walks forward and puts him arm on Felicity’s shoulders, and consoles the diva. She shakes head before a smile emerges and speaks into the microphone.]
Felicity: It’s been really tough, but I’ve come to the decision to fire both Crystal and Tequila! I will not suffer such humiliation by those two renegades, they’ve caused nothing but trouble!
[Suddenly, “Brackish” by Kittie interrupts Felicity’s speech as Crystal and Tequila walk out together, Crystal is wearing rock chick attire while Tequila is dressed in a small dress. Crystal poses to the fans before she brings a microphone to her lips, speaking in a cooing tone.]
Crystal: Oh honey, isn’t that just adorable? You firing us, bless your little cotton boots. Did you come up with that all by your ickle self? Aww, how adorable!
[Felicity rolls her eyes and wraps an arm around Shane and shooting a glare to Tequila whose face curls in disgust. Crystal then speaks normally.]
Crystal: In all serious Flick, you can’t fire us. Its unfair dismissal, I mean I’m pretty sure sleeping with the president is grounds for a firing too. I just got back, why would you want to release us? We’re fabulous!
[Tequila takes the microphone from her alcoholic friend as Shane looks at his watch in the ring and shakes his head, Felicity sighs.]
Tequila: Yeah Felicity, you wouldn’t want to fire us. Why would you want to fire us when we’ll just keep coming back, you tried to ban me from the arena but I broke through security. I posed as an Arab woman and slammed a bottle over your head, if you think firing us is going to get us to leave you alone then you’re wrong.
Felicity: I don’t care, I’ll file a restraining order against you two. You’re only jealous because your precious man found himself in my bed, and nine months later, a beautiful baby popped out. I mean how long have you been with Shane? And you have never fallen pregnant? How barren are you.
Tequila: Maybe that’s because I’m not a loose slut who traps men. I mean, the last time I saw you were having orgies with Ferrari and fooling around with Jake EB Wild. Come on dear, Jake? He’s had everyone. You just needed to trap a man because you’re getting old, and soon enough you’d be 40 and single. Not to mention you’re a gold-digger, so naturally you pick Shane.
Felicity: I’m the gold-digger? Me? Yeah, that’s right Tequila. I’M the gold-digger. I don’t know why Shane was with you, you’re such a generic slut. That blonde, blue-eyed hair, big boobs, small waist. That gets old, a man knows that you can’t settle down and marry that. Shane has an empire to continue, you’re only with him for his money, that’s why you still went running back to him when he shacked up to Nyssa. You’re a pathetic whore!
Tequila: Why don’t you just leave? Take your ugly little brat and leave!
[Felicity’s mouth gapes open at the insult to her child, she slaps Tequila across the face. Tequila falls to the ring canvas, landing on her butt. She then gets to her feet and lunges at Felicity. The two fall to the canvas, rolling around. They both try to rip each others hair out as they claw at each others faces. Shane tries to pull Tequila off but Crystal interferes, pulling Shane away and tossing him over the top rope to the outside.]
[Tequila and Felicity eventually find their feet, Crystal and Tequila both approach Felicity, as the two catfighting divas hair is now messed up. Crystal kicks Felicity in the stomach and both women whips her to the ropes. Felicity flies off the ropes and nails a double clothesline to Crystal and Tequila. Felicity then kicks the stumbling Tequila and pulls her into a DDT, planting her into the canvas. Felicity then grabs Tequila’s dress and begins to rip it off. The Canadian finally yanks it free, leaving Tequila in her revealing bra and panties as she quickly rolls out of the ring.]
[Felicity holds up Tequila’s dressed and throws into the crowd, Shane climbs back into the ring and gives Felicity a hug as “Pretty Tied Up” hits the PA system once again. She laughs as Tequila runs up the ramp and backstage.]
JLT: It looks like Felicity got revenge on Tequila! I don’t know if Tequila and Crystal are fired though, it all got out of hand before we got a final announcement!
Leah: It’s not like we’d miss them anyway, the blonde and the drunk! Plus, what is it with dress-ripping recently?
Six-Person Tag Team Match
[Barbara and Mystika start the match. Barbara nails a few illegal closed fists before Mystika nails an enziguri to tag out to the Unibrow, the Unibrow heads into the ring and nails a school boy for a quick cover but Barbara kicks out. Barbara then nails a Regal stretch to Unibrow, the Unibrow refuses to give up and Katrina breaks up the submission. Barbara tags out to Joanie Storm who leaps into the ring.]
[Joanie savagely assaults the Unibrow and whips her to the ropes, but Dr. Doomsday pulls her out of the ring. Joanie goes to leap over the ropes but Katrina stops her with a spear. The Unibrow then tags to Katrina and Katrina comes from behind to Joanie, nailing a full nelson slam. Katrina then heads to the top rope to nail a "450 Splash" Kat's Eye finisher to Joanie but she rolls out of the way and tags in Ciara.]
[Ciara nails her "Dreams Don't Come True" unprettier finisher onto Katrina and attempts to pin but Mystika breaks up the count. Ciara then drags Katrina to her corner and allows Kat to tag in Mystika, Mystika leaps over the ropes. Ciara attempts her finisher but Mystika reverses into a "Kiss of Death" superkick for the victory.]
Winners - Katrina, Mystika & The Unibrow
[After the match, a huge brawl breaks out with Joanie Storm and The Unibrow fighting on the stage. In the end, the Unibrow suplexes Joanie Storm from the stage into the tables below. Dame Barbara and Katrina fight in the ring, with Katrina rolling Barbara to the outside of the ring and placing her on the announcers table. Katrina then leaps with a elbow drop to Barbara, sending them both through the table. Icenique comes to the ring and the duo double team Ciara, Ciara manages to fight back and picks up a chair. Ciara lays out both Icenique and Mystika and stands over their bodies with the Unleashed belt raised in the air as Exile fades out.]
Brought to you by Rockstar Entertainments
Epilogue
Thanks to Eric for contributing on this week's show. Our server has been going through some emotional problems today, and that was the final Exile show of 2005! We've had many ups and down on the year but I hope you all enjoyed reading and I'm so excited for "Naughty Or Nice"! Good luck to everyone for that PPV! Thank you for reading!
-Card Subject to Change-
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