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Friday October 21st 2005
[We cut into the Tacoma Dome to an audience that have risen to their feet, and cheer for the beginning of Exile. We pan around the audience and many are dressed in wrestling shirts, they hold their homemade signs above their head, and squeeze each other out hoping to get their sign on national television. The director picks out the best ones which happens to be such signs as “I’m Screwing Katrina!”, “U.S.A = Unleash Some Ass!” and “Dame Judi > Dame Barbara” which all swim in the sea of signs. We cut to the commentary table and Leah sits with a huge American flag inspired top hat and a picture of President Bush in front of her on the desk. JLT smiles.]
JLT: Welcome to Exile! We’re coming to live from Seattle in the United States of America! We’ve returned home in our huge world tour and what a show we have for you tonight! I’m Jamie L. Tyland and as always I’m joined by my partner in crime Leah!
Leah: Yes! USA rules!
JLT: True but what is with your hat?
Leah: I’m just getting in the patriotic spirit, and it’s so fashionable. All the stars are wearing them from Nicole Kidman to Miss Piggy.
JLT: I think you resemble the latter, anyway, we have an awesome show tonight! We have a huge six woman tag team match as we head into Ashes to Ashes. Ciara Demillo teams with the newly-named Body Shop Sexy Amanda and Heather Burnside to take on Icenique, Katrina and Mystika!
Leah: That is a pretty awesome match, I was drooling when they announced that! So many feuds will overlap, I can’t wait! And if that wasn’t enough tag team action for one night, we’ve got DU newbie Joanie Storm teaming with foul-mouthed Laura to take on the beastly Lilith and the frankly disgusting Unibrow!
JLT: That should be an interesting match as Joanie Storm makes her debut, we heard from her last week and she looks interesting to say the least. We’ve also got British wrestling legend Dame Barbara taking on the ever glamourous Katia and Erika Kane in a triple threat match! The Dame looks to be the most experience member and wants to send a message to Shayla by defeating them both, but that could very well backfire!
Leah: Indeed it could. We’ve also got the unlucky Jinx in singles action as she takes on Natalie Joyner, she’s without her partner Bloo tonight. Natalie Joyner will be looking for a clean victory and a clean match but I doubt she can with Jinx’s entourage at ringside with her! Trixie is such a meddler!
JLT: She is, Ashley also gets to grips with the current Stripped Champion The Unibrow in her hit talkshow, which should be pretty interesting! Plus lots more exciting stuff tonight, it’s the final show before Ashes to Ashes!
Leah: Why is there a picture of George Bush on our desk?
JLT: I thought you put it there?
Leah: No? He’s ugly.
JLT: Well, then.
Leah: I’m just going to push it off the desk, excuse me.
Standard Match
[Jinx and Natalie Joyner start off the match in a test of strength in which Natalie wins, Natalie then applies a surboard stretch to Jinx which almost gets the purple diva to tap. Jinx manages to counter it and get Joyner into a DDT and the two tie up once again, Jinx whips Joyner to the ropes and executes a tilt-a-whirl slam.]
[Jinx attempts a pin but Joyner kicks out, Natalie Joyner gets Jinx in a drop toe hold and applies an Indian death lock. Jinx struggles for the ropes, Trixie climbs onto the apron and Bloo climbs into the ring and pulls Joyner off the hold while the referee is distracted.]
[Both women find their feet, Jinx manages to spray Natalie Joyner with purple mist and Natalie claws at her eyes. Jinx brings her down into a downward spiral flatliner finisher in which she calls the "Stroke of Bad Luck", Jinx pins for the victory.]
Winner - Jinx
[We cut backstage to see Dame Barbara in her dressing. She hangs up a portrait of herself being knighted at Buckingham palace and smiles in delight, having customized her dressing room. She turns and smiles to ‘Ma’ Tabitha Windsor, and nods to herself.]
Dame Barbara: I think I’ve finally settled in.
Tabitha Windsor: Just now? We’ve been here for like three weeks.
Dame Barbara: I know but it takes time for to adjust to a new promotion, if you were a legend you’d know this.
Tabitha Windsor: Right.
[Barbara exhales.]
Dame Barbara: It felt so good to put Shayla Walker out of action last week, she’ll be out of it for our match at the pay per view. I’ll be able to walk it, her five minutes of fame are over.
Tabitha Windsor: Yeah, you dominated her last time.
Dame Barbara: I let her win, it was the good Samaritan in me but that belt is coming back to me. It belongs in legendary hands, I should just talk to her the beginning of the match. I’d say “Give me your belt love” and she’d cower in fear, I can’t wait for our match!
[Barbara is interrupted by a bang against the door, she frowns and walks to the door of her locker room. She yanks it open as Erika Kane falls into the room, with a glass being held to her room. Barbara raises her eyebrows as Erika climbs to her feet and smiles sheepishly at Barbara.]
Dame Barbara: What the bloody hell are you doing?
Erika Kane: Nothing.
Dame Barbara: Really?
Erika Kane: Yes, I was just on my way to get a drink, which explains the glass, and I just happened to trip on something and fall against your door. My bad.
Dame Barbara: I see.
Erika Kane: Well, see ya!
[Erika turns around and approaches the door, Dame Barbara then grabs her from behind and tosses her into the wall. Barbara strikes Erika across the face with a few punches as Erika holds her head. Barbara unhooks the potraint of herself from the wall and slams it over Erika’s head, smashing the glass and sending Erika straight to the floor, unconscious.]
[Barbara smiles to herself and looks down at the frame in her hands, she sighs.]
Dame Barbara: Crap. I’ve only got 543 more copies of that picture!
[Barbara tosses the frame aside and steps over Erika’s body, she takes a seat on the leather chair as Tabitha sits next to her, Barbara tunes into her British television.]
[We cut elsewhere backstage to cut into the dressing room of Laura, we zoom in one the self-proclaimed Queen of Wrestling adjusting her ring attire. She turns around to face Austin Mack and Kendra Wecker, her entourage, and exhales. She shakes head her and talks loudly.]
Laura: I am so furious! How can they just ignore me!
Kendra Wecker: Who?
Laura: Them! They just leave me out of the Unleashed championship hunt, yet I had Icenique beat weeks ago! Yet Crybaby Ciara gets a shot? It’s so f*cked up!
Kendra Wecker: Well why don’t you just calm down first, and did you really want to go against Icenique for the billionth time? You don’t have to have the Unleashed title to be the best in the business.
Austin Mack: Yeah, some of the greatest wrestlers ever never held a world championship.
Laura: I want to hold one though! I don’t want to be in that group, that group is instantly forgettable.
Austin Mack: I have an idea, why don’t you go for the Stripped Championship? That belt has always eluded you, you’ve only had one shot at the Unleashed belt but with the Stripped it’s been the bitch of your career. The one you could never get.
Laura: Well the Unibrow would be an easy target. Her biggest move is a schoolboy, I’d destroy her.
Austin Mack: True, that belt would be practically yours.
Laura: I like that.
[Laura smiles to herself and raises an eyebrow to her friends who smile. We cut back to ringside.]
JLT: It looks like they’re planning something?
Leah: I know! The raised-eyebrow is the soap opera language equivalent for evilness!
JLT: I don’t get it.
Leah: Did you never watch Days of our Lives?!
JLT: No, I didn’t.
Leah: Fine then.
Triple Threat Match
[Dame Barbara comes to the ring confident, having disposed of one of the competitors in the match. Katia starts the offensive, and nails a running bulldog to the Dame. Katia nails a clothesline and a powerbomb and attempts a cover, the Dame manages to kick out. Barbara then nails an eye rake to Katia and executes a death valley driver.]
[Katia gets her foot on the bottom rope, avoiding a pinfall cover. Both women find their feet and Katia heads to the second rope, she leaps off with a swinging DDT. Barbara manages to counter and throws Katia to the centre of the ring, Barbara chokes Katia in the middle of the ring.]
[Barbara whips Katia to the corner as Tabitha climbs on the apron to distract the referee, Barbara chokes Katia on the corner and places her on the top rope, Barbara uses a few closed fits to Katia. Barbara then climbs up to the top turnbuckle with Katia, but Katia shoves Barbara off and leaps onto her with a blockbuster flipping neckbreaker "Chaotic Kittie" finisher, and uses the ropes to ensure a victory. Shayla Walker returns after the match and lays out Barbara and Tabitha with her Askai championship belt, getting somewhat of revenge.]
Winner - Katia
[“Son of a Gun” by Janet Jackson hits the PA system as Tequila struts out dressed in leather pants and a slutty top. She smiles and walks down to the ring, her blonde hair flowing. She has a microphone in her left hand, she steps through the ropes and waves to the fans. She waits for her music to die down and it does, she brings the microphone to her lips and addresses the Seattle crowd.]
Tequila: Hello America! Shane is still absent so I’m taking his place, and it’s great to finally be home! I mean America is never complete when moi isn’t here, seeing as I am truly gorgeous and all. Anyways! I’m out here tonight to announce a very special match at the upcoming epic that is “Ashes To Ashes”!
Tequila: We have a battle royal for the Rockford State Championship, seeing as Mystika vacated last week. In the battle royal we’ll have such wrestlers as Bloo, Jinx, Katia, Lilith, Natalie Joyner among other newcomers and special guests! But you know, as it is Halloween I’d thought that we’d get in the Halloween spirit. So everyone will have to wear a costume to compete in the match!
[Tequila is interrupted by “Touch” by Amerie as Katia walks out in a glamourous white evening gown. She takes a twirl on the entrance ramp as her manager Livia smiles. Katia walks down to the ring, as Tequila scowls. Katia steps into the ring and is handed a microphone by the ring announcer.]
Katia: I know that all these fans have sold out this arena just to come and see me. Tequila, I came out here to give you an opportunity to hand the Rockford State belt to me. I mean look at me. I’m not only gorgeous, talented and fabulous, I’m the best wrestler in the world today. Let’s save ourselves the stress of setting up a battle royal, why don’t you just hand that belt to me and declare me the new champion?
Tequila: We-
Katia: You know it makes sense. Nobody is as good as me.
[“Last Night On Earth” by Powerman 5000 interupts Katia as the Egyptian turns her head to the entrance way in disgust as the arena turns to blue and purple strobe light. Bloo walks out hand in hand with her lesbian lover Trixie the Pixie and alongside them is Bloo’s partner Jinx. The trio stop on the stage as Trixie is handed a microphone by a stagehand.]
Trixie: Katia, you’re nothing but another fake wannabe! If you think Tequila is just going to hand you the belt then you’re wrong, you have to step over Bloo and Jinx before you can get your hands on that belt.
Katia: Wow, all three of you are in dire need of a stylist!
Trixie: If you’re so excellent in the ring, why don’t all three of us come down there and teach you two a lesson?
Katia: I am fine with that dear, I’ll prove that I’m the best wrestler here and that I’m the sexiest.
[Trixie drops the microphone and tells Jinx and Bloo to head the ring, they listen to their manager and begin to run down the ramp. Bloo slides under the bottom rope and Katia swings for her with the microphone in hand but Bloo ducks and heads to the ropes and bounces off with a lariat. Katia hits the canvas as Bloo brings Katia to her feet, she and Jinx team up and hoist Katia into the air with a double suplex. Katia manages to counter the move by kicking and bringing both divas down into a DDT.]
[Katia climbs to her feet and adjusts her evening gown, meanwhile Trixie and Livia are arguing in the ring. Trixie slaps Livia and Livia shoves Trixie down and the two begin to slap each other on the ring canvas. Katia stands and adjusts her hair when suddenly from behind she’s taken down by a stiff clothesline from Lilith.]
[Tequila stands on the outside of the ring looking shocked as Lilith brings Katia to her feet and whips her into the canvas. Lilith delivers a few shots to Katia’s midsection, she turns around and is met by a double flapjack by Bloo and Jinx.]
[Natalie Joyner runs down the ramp and slides into the ring, she runs from behind to Bloo and Jinx and takes the tag team down in a double bulldog. Natalie then stands over their bodies on the ring canvas but Katia comes from behind, having taken off her high heel she slams Natalie across the back of the head with it sending the diva down.]
[Katia pulls Livia off Trixie and the two leave the ring as referees run down the ramp to separate the brawl. Katia smiles as she heads up to the back, Trixie then slaps Lilith across the face but Lilith grabs Trixie and pulls her into a powerbomb. Lilith hoists her up into the air and delivers her “Hellish Nightmares” powerbomb finisher. Lilith then makes a belt sign around her waist, “Planet Hell” by Nightwish plays as Trixie is dragged out of the ring by Bloo and Jinx. All of the woman exchange glances with each other.]
JLT: I can’t wait for that battle royal!
Leah: Neither can I!
[We cut backstage into the Accomplishment’s dressing room, to see Kristin Wallace-Hudson playing with her hair, she taps her foot on the floor and has an irritated expression upon her face. Katrina frowns at her and speaks, from her position on a leather chair.]
Katrina: What?
Kristin Wallace-Hudson: You know, I’m a former Unleashed Champion Katrina. I’m now a tag team champion, I’ve held more belts than Kaci Russell.
Katrina: I thought we liked her now that you married her brother?
Kristin Wallace-Hudson: I’m not talking about her, that was just an example, but come on. I shouldn’t have to defend these belts.
Katrina: Well we did put them on ourselves?
Kristin Wallace-Hudson: I know Kat, but I don’t want to lose them to a rip-off. I mean the Body Shop? Please, they’re just a Bod Squad rip-off. The names are almost the same, the intials are, they’re trying to be DU’s most famous tag team. Don’t you think it’s ironic?
Katrina: It kind of is.
Kristin Wallace-Hudson: I don’t know, I think I’m just anxious. I can’t wait to kick their asses!
Katrina: Well we will, we only have to wait nine days and we’re at Ashes to Ashes, pinning them to retain the titles. Amanda has no friends here, that’s why she had to bring in someone from another federation.
Kristin Wallace-Hudson: I’m a former Unleashed Champion, that ranks me higher than Laura and Ciara and Felicity and everyone!
Katrina: Just focus on tonight and worry about the pay per view when it comes around, I told you our gameplan, it’s all going to work out perfectly.
[Kristin sighs to herself and rolls her eyes stubbornly, Katrina smiles to herself and sits back into the leather chair, turning on the television set.]
JLT: It looks like Kristin is worried?
Leah: Good for her.
JLT: Good for her?
Leah: Well worrying is a human emotion, she’s not pure evil after all!
[We cut backstage where we see Natalie Joyner leaving the arena, she has a duffel bag over her shoulder, her blonde hair tied back as she walks to an awaiting taxi. Suddenly from behind comes Ciara Demillo, snapping a wooden 2x4 over Natalie’s back. Natalie falls to the floor in pain as Ciara begins to stomp on her, Ciara leans down and begins to rapidly punch Natalie in the face. Ciara then brings Natalie to her feet and tosses her on top of the taxi’s front, she rams her head into the trunk before she climbs onto the taxi with her.]
[She brings Natalie up and slams her down onto the windshield with a body slam which cracks the glass as Natalie slids down. The taxi driver gets out and speaks in a thick New York accent, Ciara looks at him before she knees him, giving him a low blow as he slids to the floor.]
[Ciara then grabs the camera, and speaks into it.]
Ciara Demillo: ICENIQUE!
[Ciara smiles.]
Ciara Demillo: That was just a taster of what I can do! I will get my hands on that Unleashed belt! I will get the respect I deserve, I’ll be standing over your bloody body and raising my new belt high! You better watch out come this Sunday, as there will be a brand new champion!
[Ciara then tosses the camera away causing the cameraman to fall to the floor, we cut elsewhere to see Icenique standing at a television monitor having just watched the events in the parking lot. She smiles to herself and mutters.]
Icenique: I can’t wait!
Standard Match
[Joanie Storm makes her debut and starts off in the ring with Lilith. Lilith shoves Joanie to the ropes and Joanie bounces back with a flying headscissors takedown, Joanie then executes a snap suplex to the 6'4 beast which sends Lilith crashing into the canvas. Joanie covers but Lilith kicks out. Joanie tags in Laura and the two team up, both executing a double DDT to Lilith.]
[Laura nails an enziguri kick to Lilith and then attempts to bring her up into a powerbomb move but Lilith is too heavy, Lilith backdrops Laura and nails a few stiff kicks to her back. Lilith then takes in the Unibrow who climbs to the rope, Unibrow leaps into the ring with a flying cross body. The Unibrow then brings Laura up and hops behind her, dragging her down into a school boy.]
[Laura rolls free and Joanie makes a blind tag. Laura whips The Unibrow into the corner and Joanie hops onto the ropes and springs across the ring, landing a superkick to the Stripped Champions face. The Unibrow falls to the floor as Joanie turns her over for a cover, Lilith tries to break it up but Laura spears her. The referee counts to three.]
[After the match Irena Malenakova comes to the ring and assaults Joanie Storm, Irena challenges Joanie to a match at Ashes to Ashes, citing LIWA as history, and smiles as she leaves the ring with a battered Joanie inside.]
Winners - Joanie Storm & Laura
[We cut backstage into the dressing room of Mystika and Chester McNugget. Chester is engrossed in his Dandy magazine and giggles frequently, Mystika looks at him and smiles. She puts a hand on his leg and turns to him, awaiting him to look at her. He doesn’t and Mystika rolls her eyes, she pulls the magazine down and Chester looks at her sulking.]
Mystika: I need to talk you.
[Chester gasps.]
Chester McNugget: Is it about…
[Chester gets up from his position and checks in the closet, he looks in the bathroom and in the locker, he then lies on the floor and checks under the sofa. He then resumes his position next to her.]
Chester McNugget: The government?
Mystika: No, sweetie, it’s not about the government. I just want to be sure that I did the right thing last week. Now that I don’t have the belt people are saying that I could’ve beaten Star’s record for the longest title reign ever and that I’m scared of the competition.
Chester McNugget: The teletubbies never say bad things like that.
Mystika: That’s right, they don’t. I just want to be sure that I did the right thing, I don’t know, maybe I just need to get this off my chest. I mean it’s a good thing because now I’m in the big leagues, people always used to write me off as being just another midcarder, but I’m so much more than that, you know?
[Chester nods with a smile on his face.]
Mystika: Tonight will be a new beginning, I can show everyone what I can do, I’m teaming with the Unleashed champion and the woman whose held more championships than anybody else. I don’t know, maybe I was just feeling intimidated.
Chester McNugget: Yeah, can we watch teletubbies now? I heard that’s this really awesome episode where Tinky Winky loses his bag!
[Mystika sighs and mutters to herself.]
Mystika: He’s gay anyway. |
