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Friday March 31st 2006
[We cut into the Greek arena as the fans have risen to their feet and hold up signs. They leap up and down excitedly as the show begins, and their big chance to appear on historic television has arrived and the first DU show in Greece. They thrust their signs into the air, trying their hardest to get them onto the camera. The director picks out the best, “Aphrodite > Zeus!”, “Greece Wants Vaginal Crease!” and “Blonde Ambition For MENSA Presidents!” are just a select few. The audience are ecstatic. We pan around the audience once more before we cut to JLT and Leah at ringside.]
JLT: Hello everyone and welcome to Exile, we're coming to live from the wonderful city of Athens, Greece, which is steeped in history and tonight we hope to make some more! I'm JLT and I'm joined by my lovely friend Leah as always, aren't you excited for tonight Leah? I know I am!
Leah: Yes, this is the part where we all act all hyper and everything so I'm very excited.
JLT: We've got a fabulous show for you tonight as Chimera will find out her opponent for BB-BB as there's a fatal four way between Icenique, Katia, Mystika and Vixen to determine the number one contender for the Unleashed Championship! That match is wide-open, I sure as hell can't predict a winner!
Leah: Neither can I, I just hope they're not foreign, which means I want Icenique or Mystika to win! That should be an exciting match but we've also got Yuku Shiro taking on Felicity in a hardcore match, that should be one exciting encounter as the two have been feuding ever since Felicity was eliminated by from the battle royal by Yuku!
JLT: That's right, and if you're reading this instead of scrolling down to the matches then you win a cookie! YAY!
Leah: We also have the Rockford State Championship on the line in a gauntlet match as Crystal Hilton, Quinne, Scratch Cat, Keiko and RIOT, Amy Rose and Suzie Woods all battle it out for the coverted belt! We'll be crowning a new champion for sure tonight!
JLT: That's right, we also have Katrina teaming with a mystery partner to take on Blonde Ambition, Katrina has been hunting the blondes since her tag title chances were defeated when Carley and Courtney picked up the belts! That should be one to watch, I wonder who her partner is?
Leah: Probably someone historic like the Queen or something, we also have Chimera and The Unibrow fighting it out in the ring and much much more! I'm so excited, I may have even wet myself!
JLT: Wow, how gross!
Leah: I'm kidding, sheesh!
Standard Match
[Chimera comes to the ring and places Angelina on the announcer's table, much to the horror of Leah. Chimera then climbs into the ring and tackles The Unibrow, nailing her in the face with a barrage of rights. Chimera then attempts to nail a pedigree early on but the Unibrow counters with a back body drop. The Unibrow then swings for a clothesline but Chimera ducks and nails a stunner. She covers for a two count.]
[Chimera then tries to whip the Unibrow to the ropes but the Unibrow counters, pulling Chimera into a school boy for a near fall. Chimera then attempts a kick but the Unibrow counters it, pulling Chimera into a piledriver and covering for a two count. The Unibrow then sulks as Chimera nails her in the face with a dropkick, Chimera then pulls the Unibrow into a "Angelic Angst" and nails it perfectly, for the three count.]
Winner - Chimera
[We cut backstage to see Scratch Cat eating from a bag of sweets. She pulls out the sweets and smiles at them and puts them in her mouth, chewing happily. She looks around the corridor as she sits, swinging her legs, on a table backstage, dressed in her ring attire. She pulls out a sour ball and looks at it and smiles.]
Scratch Cat: It’s RIOT.
[Scratch puts the sour ball into her mouth and chews happily, wincing at the sourness. Suddenly Crystal Hilton steps into the shot, blocking the camera as the camera moves around as Scratch looks up at her with a smile. Crystal raises an eyebrow.]
Crystal Hilton: Hey, you’re that new girl right?
Scratch Cat: My name is Stacy Burue, but I go by the name Scratch Cat.
[Scratch extends her hand and Crystal looks at it, covered in sticky sherbet and Crystal waves to her instead with a smile. Crystal then clears her throat.]
Crystal Hilton: Yeah, you’re in the gauntlet with me tonight for the Rockford State Championship. I thought it’d help both of us if we teamed up, and hey, if we make a good team, we could become a tag team.
Scratch Cat: Ooh! I like that idea!
Crystal Hilton: Well good, there’s nothing like having allies when you’re starting out in a new company.
[Scratch Cat notes as she puts more sweets into her mouth, smiling as she chews. Crystal then gives a half smile and turns to walk away.]
Crystal Hilton: I’ll see you in the match then.
[Crystal then turns in the other direction as she walks off down the corridor, Scratch Cat watches her and giggles to herself.]
JLT: It looks like Crystal Hilton and Scratch Cat have formed an alliance!
Leah: Nothing like annoying people teaming up.
[We cut backstage as usual to see Katrina and Kristin Wallace-Hudson walking down a corridor, talking to themselves as Kristin shakes her head in disgust. Katrina pushes open the door of the locker room marked “Shane Rockford” and walks in to find Tequila sitting on the desk with her legs crossed, twirling her hair in her finger.]
Tequila: Hey!
Katrina: Hi. Is Shane here?
Tequila: Oh no, he had some business so he left for the evening. He’s probably doing something really romantic for me, like decorating my room full of flowers and ordering strawberries to feed to me.
Katrina: Well do you know who my partner is tonight?
Tequila: No, Shane picked it out. He asked the Monroes to but then they started suggesting things like Minnie Mouse and Paris Hilton so he had to choose it himself. Apparently it’s a really good choice, he’s looking forward to watch you team with her.
Katrina: Well that’s no help.
[Katrina turns to Kristin who clears her throat as she addresses the smiling Tequila.]
Kristin Wallace-Hudson: Well I have a proposition for you, if Katrina and her mystery partner can defeat Blonde Ambition tonight, then how about the Occult get the chance to challenge for the Tag Team Championships at Bitch Bitch Bang Bang?
Tequila: Ooh! I like that idea!
Kristin Wallace-Hudson: Well that’s settled them. If Katrina wins, she gets a tag title shot. I’ll see you around Tecky.
Tequila: Okay byeee!
[Katrina and Kristin turn and exit the room with a satisfied smile on her face as Tequila continues to twirl her hair. We cut back to ringside.]
JLT: Kristin is good at negotiating isn’t she?
Leah: Yeah, I heard she was a great hooker back in the day.
Tag Team Match
[Blonde Ambition skip to the ring as Katrina walks out cautiously. Katrina then waits her partner as "Horny" begins to play and Krysta Taylor struts out onto the stage, posing for the fans as Katrina looks on in shock. During the match, after nailing Carley with a DDT, Katrina tags in Krysta. Carley and Krysta then tie up but begin to smile at each other and dance up and down on the canvas, Katrina then yells at Krysta to wrestle. Katrina then climbs into the ring and nails a spear to Carley and then tosses Krysta on top of her with a cover for a two count.]
[Carley then tags in Courtney as Krysta poses on the top rope. Krysta then jumps down and tries to whip Courtney to the ropes but Courtney evades it by doing a cartwheel. Krysta and Courtney then engage in a cartwheeling contest before they dance and Krysta does the splits. Katrina then walks into the ring and nails a shining wizard to Krysta. Courtney then comes from Katrina and attempts to nail the "Courtney Crunch" but Katrina counters by wriggling out of it and running to the ropes, Courtney nails a superkick to the face sending Katrina down to the canvas.]
[Courtney then nails a cartwheel into an elbow drop for a two count, Carley is tagged in and climbs to the top rope, Carley leaps off with a body splash but Katrina catches Carley and nails a sidewalk slam. Katrina then climbs to the top rope and leaps off with a 450 splash for the 3 count.]
Winner - Katrina & Krysta Taylor
[After the match, Noriko, Keiko, RIOT and Tracee come to the ring. RIOT picks up Krysta and tosses her into the canvas with a slam as all four women begin to beat her down. Keiko and RIOT then nail their Nakamura-Watanabe Dead Diva Drop onto Krysta and leave the ring with a satisfied look.]
[Quinne's just standing around in the hallway, minding her own business, bothering no one and finishing the last of her Watermelon Blow-Pop so she can get to the gum-filled center that she loves oh-so-much. It's just a peaceful time, really, being Quinne with a pre-match lollipop.
Who'd interrupt that?]
Krysta Taylor: QUINNE!
[From behind her, the steps of Krysta Taylor's Manolo Blahniks approach ever-too-quickly, leaving Quinne no room to reply.]
Krysta Taylor: I've been looking all over for you!
Quinne: Um... why?
Krysta Taylor: Well, I figured since, you know, we didn't quite get off at the right footing last time.. well, I figured that maybe we could try again!
Quinne: ... Um, okay.
Krysta Taylor: Super!
[Krysta looks towards the camera, checking herself out in the reflection of the lens. Once satisfied, (and after carefully rearranging each. and. every. single one of her bangs) Krysta signals the camera man, who by the way came from nowhere. Anyway, he turns the camera on and the film begins to roll. Krysta exaggeratedly clears his throat.]
Krysta Taylor: Ladies and gentlemen, tonight I'm here with DU's own Jesus-Freak, Quinne! Quinne!, how are you doing tonight?
Quinne: I'm fi -- did you just call me a Jesus-Freak?
Krysta Taylor: No.
Quinne: ... Oh.
Krysta Taylor: ANYWAY! So, Quinne, how are you doing tonight?
Quinne: .. I just sai -- oh, nevermind. I'm fine.
Krysta Taylor: Fine, huh? Not a little worried about that Gauntlet match?
Quinne: Well, no. Not really.
Krysta Taylor: Not even a little?
Quinne: No.
[Krysta is a bit perturbed.]
Krysta Taylor: But. It's, like, a Gauntlet match. And you've got, like, a zillion competitors or something. You're telling me you're not worried.. at all?
Quinne: Nope.
Krysta Taylor: Let me try this again. It's a GAUNTLET match. You've got a ZIL --
Quinne: -- LION competitors. I know.
Krysta Taylor: Okay, so you're telling me that this doesn't worry you at all? I mean, not in the tiniest sense?
Quinne: Nah.
[Krysta blinks a lot.]
Krysta Taylor: But.. it's.. you've..
[Then, Krysta stomps her foot.]
Krysta Taylor: You're supposed to say yes!
Quinne: Well, Krysta, Jesus don't condone lying.
Krysta Taylor: .... Huhwha?
Quinne: If I said I was scared then I'd be lying.
Krysta Taylor: But.. I don't.. why aren't you scared? I mean, you've got a lot of tough competitors to go against tonight, and.. you know, I'd be scared.
Quinne: I ain't scared 'cuz I know deep down in my heart that I'm the one who deserves this. I've been working my dang butt off the past couple of weeks and I've been takin' names and dishin' my A-Game and if there's anyone who deserves this win, it's me. It's Quinne, and I don't gotta worry because I know God's on my side, and if everything is right in this world then for God's sake, I'm gonna win this.
Krysta Taylor: But -
Quinne: No but's, Krysta. It's as simple as that. This match is mine.
[And just like that, Quinne pops the lollipop back in her mouth, smiles around it, and heads down the hall. Krysta stares after her a little bit before shrugging and looking down at her boobs.]
JLT: Fighting words there by Quinne! But the question is: can she back them up?
Leah: Was that a grape lollipop? I can't stand grape.
JLT: ...
Rockford State Championship Gauntlet Match
[Amy Rose comesa to the ring first and awaits her opponent, Crystal Hilton's theme hits but Crystal comes into the ring from behind and rolls Amy up for a three count and eliminating Amy. Next to come to the ring is RIOT who ties up with Crystal and powers her around the ring, she attempts to nail her "RIOT Act" but Crystal manages to counter and lands on her feet and nails a harsh chick kick toface of RIOT to plant her in the canvas, Crystal then covers and gets the three count. RIOT manages to kick out a second too late and tosses Crystal across the ring with her power out, RIOT then looks angry as she's asked to leave the ring.]
[Suzie Woods comes to the ring armed with her baseball bat, she slides in and immediately swings for Crystal but Crystal ducks and snatches the bat tossing it out of the ring, Suzie then nails punches to Crystal's face and whips her into the corner, following it up with a clothesline. Suzie then attempts a tornado DDT but Crystal counters the move into an x-factor and covers Suzie to eliminate her.]
[Keiko Nakamura is next to the ring and immediately tackles the tiring Crystal, Keiko nails a Japanese arm drag and applies an armbar submission to Crystal but Crystal manages to reach the ropes. Keiko then tries to nail a double underhook powerbomb but Crystal reverses it into a hurricanrana and hooks the legs for a surprise three count, eliminating the Japanese sensation.]
[Crystal then finds Scratch Cat coming to the ring and the two looked surprised having partnerned up earlier in the night. Crystal tries to whip Scratch to the ropes but Scratch cartwheels, she turns and both divas try to chick kick each other but both slam legs. Both divas stumble backwards as Scratch heads to the top rope, she leaps off with a hurricanrana but Crystal counters into a powerbomb, planting Scratch in the canvas for the three count.]
[The final entrant is Quinne as Scratch Cat stays at ringside to support her new found friend, Quinne and Crystal tie up with Quinne nailing a DDT and a split-legged moonsault. Quinne tries to cover but Crystal kicks out, Quinne then nails a fisherman's suplex and heads to the top rope, attempting her "Downpour" finisher. Crystal rolls out of the way and Quinne hits the canvas, Crystal then comes from behind with a springboard bulldog, planting Quinne in the canvas.]
[Crystal then heads to the top rope and leaps off with a 450 splash "The Rose Whip" and covers Quinne, the referee counts, 1, 2, 3 and Crystal leaps up off the canvas with a smile on her face. Crystal and Scratch Cat then hug each other and the referee hands Crystal Hilton the Rockford State Championship, she holds it over her head and smiles widely as Quinne rolls out of the ring.]
Winner - Crystal Hilton
[We cut backstage to see Aphrodite walking with a smile on her face, she has a French magazine on which she is on the cover of and smiles widely. Suddenly a door opens and smacks her in the face as Aphrodite falls to the floor and the Unibrow steps up, she has a shocked look on her face at first but then realises who she hit and begins to giggle. Dr. Doomsday stands behind her and taps her on the shoulder, trying to get her to stop laughing but the Unibrow ignores him.]
[Aphrodite leaps to her feet and slaps the Unibrow across the face.]
Aphrodite: Watch where you’re going!
[The Unibrow holds her face as she glances at her mentor Dr. Doomsday, Aphrodite smiles smugly. The Unibrow then retaliates with a slap off her own, knocking Aphrodite off her feet and down to the floor. Aphrodite looks up in shock.]
Aphrodite: Oh, you’re going to regret that you one-browed freaky bitch!
[Aphrodite then spears the Unibrow down into the floor and begins to punch her across the face. Dr. Doomsday pulls Aphrodite off and pushes her away, Aphrodite then knees him in the lower regions and pushes him away into the wall. Aphrodite then runs towards the Unibrow but the Unibrow counters with a kick and picks up Aphrodite with a scoop slam and plants her through a table covered with wires and plugs, as the table crashes and Aphrodite lands, holding her head. The Unibrow then smiles to herself and begins to applaud.]
The Unibrow: Haha! I beat you up!
[The Unibrow then holds Dr. Doomsday who nods in pain and holds his groin as the two walk to the ring, The Unibrow then looks over her shoulder at Aphrodite and pokes out her tongue.]
JLT: The Unibrow and Aphrodite just got into another fist fight backstage!
Leah: This is an encounter of Beauty and the Beast. I still can’t believe that the Unibrow has still not found the awesome power of Gilette.
JLT: Oh, is that what you shave your moustache with then?
Leah: Hush.
Hardcore Match
[Yuku Shiro comes to the ring and puts a microphone to her mouth but before she can speak Felicity comes from behind with a chair to the back of the head. Felicity stomps on Yuku and whips her into the corner, following it up with a clothesline. Felicity then slides out of the ring and begins to pull out objects from under the ring. Felicity tosses a trash can into the ring and tosses it to Yuku and then dropkicks the can into Yuku's face, sending her to the canvas.]
[Felicity then pulls a ladder out from under the ring and sets it up on the outside of the ring, Felicity then climbs it as Yuku finds her feet in the ring. Felicity then leaps off with an attempted moonsault but Yuku ducks and Felicity slams into the ring canvas. Yuku then picks up a trash can lid and puts in the canvas as Felicity climbs to her feet, Yuku then nails a reverse x-factor into the lid and covers for a 2 count.]
[Lady Fist then heads to the outside of the ring and tosses chairs into the ring, she picks up and swings for Felicity ducks and picks up a chair themselves. Both divas then swing for each other but the chairs collide and drop to the floor, Felicity then manages to kick Yuku and attempts a powerbomb position but Yuku rolls out and pulls Felicity into a dragon sleeper. She drags her towards the corner and sits on the top rope, pulling Felicity up with her, Yuku then leaps with a "Life Hammer" from the top rope and plants Felicity onto the chair in the centre of the ring, covering for the victory.]
Winner - Yuku Shiro
[“Too Cold” by Vanilla Ice hits the PA system as the former Sexy Amanda walks out to the ring, sporting a new “Amanda Kauffman” t-shirt with a smile on her face. She walks down to the ring, sneering at the fans in the front row and flinching if their dared touch her. She climbs into the ring and snatches the microphone from John Roe, immediately talking over her music.]
Amanda Kauffman: Well well well! Athens sure has had a good turnout tonight, look, we’re packed to the rafters! It’s pretty amazing!
[Amanda shakes her head.]
Amanda Kauffman: I feel sorry for all your pathetic people, you all paid tons of money for your precious tickets to come an see the one and only Amanda Kauffman and what happens? I’m not even put in a match!
[Amanda looks to the backstage area in disgust.]
Amanda Kauffman: I don’t know what else I can do, really I don’t. I put a legendary superstar, Dame Barbara, out of action for several weeks. I eliminated the legend that is Kaci Russell from the Unleashed Championship Battle Royal. I’ve boasted a record Tag Team Championship reign, and I’m still not put in one match? Not even in a match where I can squash the pathetic team of Bloo and Jinx?!
Amanda Kauffman: I’ve changed my name to get a more serious reputation, to show people that I’m mature. It still isn’t good enough for them though. So I’ve racked my brain and I’ve decided that because of my legend slaying antics, my awesome physique, my incredible wrestling skills and my record breaking title reigns, that from now on I’m going to call myself “The Legend” Amanda Kauffman!
[Amanda takes a bow as the fans boo her. Amanda then twirls and points into the air, admiring herself and nodding her head. Hoshi No Koe" by Nobukaza Takemura plays on the PA system. Two criss crossing pyros fire off and then Keiko Nakamura walks out with a Japanese style mask with the face cut out, replaced with black mesh. She takes off the mask and brings a microphone to her lips.]
Keiko Nakamura: Amanda, you think you’re a legend? I’ve never heard of you. I am a wrestling icon. I’m here in Divas Unleashed to teach these divas how to wrestle properly. I can’t get over the fact you have three moves in your wrestling arsenal, yet you come out here and claim that you’re a legend?
Amanda Kauffman: Hey! Get the hell off the stage! This is my moment! You fugly bitch!
[Keiko shakes her head in disgust as Amanda climbs on the top turnbuckle and begins to shoo Keiko away but Keiko remains in the same position.]
Keiko Nakamura: I’m going to teach you a lesson Amanda. I’ve never heard of you or your legendary status. I’m steeped in history in Japan, where wrestling is far superior to the United States. You should learn some respect, you don’t get anywhere without putting all your effort into becoming the best through blood, sweat and tears. So listen up Amanda, here comes the first lesson.
[Suddenly from behind comes RIOT with a fist to the back, Amanda falls forward and RIOT picks up Amanda by her back and drops her into the canvas with a dangerous back drop. Tracee Nguyen and Noriko Lee come from the crowd, hopping over the barricade and climbing into the ring, stomping onto the fallen Sexy Amanda. RIOT then picks up Amanda and tosses her to Tracee, who kicks Amanda and pulls her into her devastating “South Texas Deathride”, snapping Amanda’s neck backwards as she falls into the canvas.]
[The Asian trio then stand and leave the ring with a satisfied look on their faces as Noriko and Tracee high five each other. They walk up to the ramp as Keiko Nakamura nods to them and the foursome make their way backstage as Amanda lies in the middle of the ring.]
JLT: Keiko Nakamura’s stable just assaulted Sexy Amanda! After Amanda announced she’s going to be calling herself “The Legend”!
Leah: I know, I was sitting right here. You don’t have to recap the whole time, and yeah, Amanda got what was coming to her. It’s all karma, like that Alicia Keys song, Alicia knows what she’s talking about!
JLT: I’m in shock!
[We cut to John Roe in the ring who smiles to the audience. He waves at some fans in the front row and brings a microphone to his lips, before he can speak he’s interrupted by “Brick House 2003” by Rob Zombie as Katia struts out from backstage in a glittering evening gown. She stands on the stage and pouts to the audience, posing for pictures and smiling as she approaches a specially erected podium and picks up a golden envelope.]
Katia: Some Greek star who won Eurovision was supposed to present this award but when I heard about that, I was horrified. How could Divas Unleashed have such a nobody present the Diva of the Month award to the fans in Greece?
[The fans boo.]
Katia: So I figured that I outshine every star in the entire universe so the Fabulous One should present it! So here I am!
[Katia smiles to herself as she opens the envelope to reveal the winner, she sneers and rolls her eyes. She leans down into the microphone.]
Katia: The Diva of the Month for April is Chimera. |
