Friday 27th July 2007
Los Angeles, California

[We cut into the arena and the fans are on their feet, cheering, thrusting their signs into the air. The theme to Exile blasts over the arena, as the camera pans away from the stage, over the ring, over the commentators and into the cheering crowd. The camera then pans around the arena to see the signs held by the fans, with the signs in an arrange of colours and messages. “Yuku Shiro needs Zoloft!”, “Felcitity was ROBBED!!!” and “I have Lilith's ear!” are just a few of the signs sprinkled throughout the crowd. The audience cheers as we pan around the audience once more before we cut to JLT and Leah at ringside. They smile at the camera.] JLT: We are in the aftermath of Forsaken Destiny where we saw Tiger Lily defeat Felicity to become the new Divas Unleashed Champion! Leah: She looks like Old Navy had a bad hangover and threw up all over her. JLT: Well speaking of hang overs, The Femme Fatale, Crystal is back and is in charge tonight! Leah: Which was a complete accident. I can't believe Rockford felt any sort of grief over Tequila being in a coma when that sassy thang KibbyD is walking all over him. JLT: She was probably doing more than walking. None the less, here's what happened the night after Forsaken Destiny IV had ended and Tequila lies in bed at the hospital... [The screen changes to a small hospital room where Tequila lies motionless on a bed. Crystal looks over her as Shane holds Tequila's hand. He then sighs and sits back on his chair.] Shane Rockford: You know, I need a break from all this. I've been so stressed out with Forsaken Destiny, and the upcoming tours... I just need a vacation. If only for a week. [Crystal's eyes suddenly widen.] Crystal: What, you mean you've suddenly had an epiphany as to what is important to you? Not your job, but your wife? That is so romantic! Shane Rockford: Well no... er... no. I am just stressed. Crystal: Hrm... well, maybe you should take a week off. Just let me handle things while your away? Shane Rockford: Are you kidding? You think I would allow a notoriously known drunk run my multi-million dollar company? Crystal: Under normal circumstances, no... but I'm going to blackmail you. Shane Rockford: What? Crystal: Let's just say I know that match to "punish" Dee Dee is more transparent than... something really clear... yea. Shane Rockford: ...does she know? Crystal: I'm not sure what she knows, but I have a score to settle with another Hall Of Famer of yours... and don't act like your so surprised I know. I've been around you through Krisin and Nyssa... I mean seriously. Nyssa? Anyway, this gives you the vacation you need, and it gives me the power I need. Shane Rockford: You know what... deal. I'll allow you to take my place, but you had better keep your mouth shut. Crystal: I will. For now... [The scene fades back to Leah & JLT at the announces booth] Leah: That drunken blackmailing whore! Using poor innocent Shane like that! How devious! JLT: What was she implying when she said that about Dee Dee? Was she set up?! Leah: Who cares, tonight Dee Dee is going to have her ass handed to her. Really hurtful like. JLT: Really hurtful like? Jesus, go back to elementary school. Oh look, here comes our... god, does she even have an official title? Leah: Alcholic? JLT: I mean, is she like... interim President? ["Brackish" by Kittie comes over the PA system and Crystal walks out in a black business suit, her red hair in a bun and her face smiling. The crowd cheers her arrival and can help but notice the martini in her right hand and the microphone in her left. She takes a sip as the music continues to play and she paces at the top of the stage. The music cuts out and she address the crowd as the cheers begin to die down] Crystal: HELLO LOS ANGELES! Leah: Ugh, that is so something a drunk would say. Crystal: As you may have heard, following the events of Forsaken Destiny and the unfortunate occurance that took place with Tequila, Shane has granted me temporary power of the Divas Unleashed President. Now, following all the crazy events of Forsaken Destiny, I had the honorable position of creating matches that I thought our fans... would die to see. First and foremost, I believe our new Divas Unleashed champion should be able to prove herself everywhere, from in the ring, to lets say... the Hilton Hotel. That is why she, and that Hilton girl who stole my name, will be battling it out in a "Hardcore Hilton" match, in the downtown Hilton here in Los Angeles! Leah: I can't believe our fans are cheering at this. Hilton Hotels are so glamorous, and Tiger Lily is just gonna trash it up. Paris would be so unamused. Sooo not hot. Crystal: I could go on with why I love the idea of all of Blonde Ambition fighting in a cage. I could go on about why I am paying special attention to Yuku's tag match tonight. I could even go on as to why I think the Tequila Sunrise match will be one of the greatest matches in Divas Unleashed history... but rather than talk about it, I'm just going to let you all watch it happen. now to get the night started... with a 7-Woman Battle Royal! [Crystal begins to walk back stage, but then turns around and comes back out after taking a drink of her martini.] Crystal: Ohh! One more thing. Everytime a diva steps outside the ring during a match tonight, they will be forced to take a shot of tequila by the referee. [Crystal laughs as the crowd cheers and she walks backstage.] Leah: “I can't believe her!” JLT: “All our divas will be forced to down a shot of Tequila everytime then step out of the ring? What about during the Tequila Sunrise match?” Leah: “We're going to have drunk hoes all over this place. I can practically smell the syphillis...” 7-Woman Battle Royal Match Altar Girl Lisa v Devil Matsumoto v Gia Santiago v Kaliska v Melissa Evans v Mizzie Haze v Sarah Richardson JLT: “Now for the debutant Battle Royal, where seven new divas will battle it out to steal the spotlight here in their Divas Unleashed debut.” [The seven new girls are already in the ring, standing against the ropes and waiting for someone to make the first move. Suddenly, “Just a Girl” by No Doubt plays over the PA system, and Linda Ragnal walks down the ramp, the Askai title resting on her shoulder as she slaps hands with the fans, and then makes her way over to the announce table.] Linda: Hey guys. JLT: Well, Linda, hey! Glad to have you here! Leah: Yeah, it’s great, except for the hair. Linda: I know, I know. I have to get my bangs cut or something. [Suddenly, Gia Santiago and Altar Girl Lisa charge at one another and begin to pull at one another’s hair. Devil Matsumoto grabs both women’s heads and butt them together, knocking them to the ground. On the other side of the ring Sarah Richardson drives Mizzie Haze into the corner. Richardson darts across the ring and nails Haze with a running handspring elbow that crushes Mizzie Haze in the corner. Kaliska and Melissa begin to duke it out as well as they exchange viciously hard punches until Melissa lays her out with a harsh clothesline. Melissa capitalizes on the moment and begins stomping Kaliska to the ground, adding insult to injury.] JLT: Say Linda, what brings you out for this match? Linda: Well, after Forsaken Destiny 4, I decided the Oceanics could use a few new members. JLT: You’re recruiting? Leah: Just what we need, the stables to become even more crowded! Linda: I am, yes. I’m looking for the wrestlers that are willing to show they’re here to wrestle. That’s what the Oceanics were formed under, after all. Leah: Well you have my girl Crystal Hilton, so I can’t be hatin’. [Pretty soon, the other girls charge at Devil, each shoving her over to the ropes and trying to get her outside the ring. She eventually shoves everyone off of her, then grabs Kaliska by the hair and tosses her outside the ring. Kaliska flops to the ground with a thud and rises to her feet, holding her hair. She looks sadly at the referee who tells her to go to the back after being eliminated.] JLT: And Kaliska’s eliminated already! Leah: Damn, so much for her getting in the Oceanics. JLT: I can’t wait to see who wins this. I’m sure they’ll be excellent as an addition to the group, Linda. Linda: Winner or loser, Jamie, it doesn’t matter. I’m just looking to see who’s Oceanics material, and so far, Devil seems to be Angels of Darkness material. [Back inside the ring Melissa and Sarah Richardson have put aside their wrestling ability and gone into a full-blown catfight as they roll around the ring clawing at each other and pulling at one another’s hair. Devil notices an opportunity and springs to the top rope. She dives off with a moonsault, landing on top of Sarah and Melissa with a loud smack. Over on the other side of the ring, Mizzie elbows Gia in the face sending her staggering into the ropes. Mizzie Haze charges at Gia Santiago, hitting her with a Superkick and knocking her to the outside!] JLT: And there goes Gia! Linda: Two down, five to go. [Melissa takes Lisa and sets her up for a powerbomb, then flips her over and clotheslines her over the top rope!] JLT: And there goes Lisa, after Melissa hits her with the Stunning! Leah: Maybe Lisa should go pray for a second chance… Linda: I actually like it. It’s a cool looking move. [This leaves Sarah Richardson, Devil, Mizzie, and Melissa. The three girls charge after Devil, who clotheslines Melissa and Sarah down to the ground. Mizzie gets behind Devil, and hits her with a lungblower! Mizzie then rolls her onto her stomach, runs to the ropes, and hits a round off cartwheel onto her back!] Leah: Mizzie got some skills right there! Linda: She’s impressive. [Mizzie grabs Devil and tosses her over to the ropes, then dropkicks her in the stomach. Haze then grabs a leg and tries to get her over the top rope, but Devil’s too resistant. Melissa comes over and helps out Mizzie, but still nothing. Finally, Sarah comes by, and hits a dropsault, knocking Devil down but she hangs onto the ropes!] JLT: Now that’s teamwork! But Devil is still in the match! Leah: I’ll be damned. [Devil springs back into the ring and the four girls left begin to stare down one another, until finally, Mizzie slaps Melissa across the chest. Melissa slaps Sarah. Sarah slaps Devil and Devil slaps Mizzie. The cycle goes around twice until both Mizzie and Melissa chop Sarah in the chest at the same time! Sarah stumbles back into Devil, who pics her up and nails a backdrop. Sarah rolls around the ring, clutching her back in pain as Mizze charges towards Devil with a spear. Devil quickly side steps out of the way and Mizzie goes flying into the turnbuckle and smashes her shoulder into the ring post.] Leah: Whoops, Mizzie may have injured herself on her debut! Hehehehehe! JLT: Hey, have some sympathy Leah. [Sarah Richardson is back on her feet, clutching onto her lower back. Melissa and Devil eye the blonde girl as she is unaware at the opponents staring at her. While Sarah is busy nursing her lower back, Devil and Melissa quickly charge toward her, and clothesline her over the ropes!] Linda: Wow, great teamwork! JLT: Unfortunately, they’re the remaining participants of this match. Who will take the win? [Devil, Melissa and Mizzie are the only participants remaining. Mizzie finally able to free herself from the turnbuckle and begins favoring her shoulder, which appears to be bruised badly. Devil and Melissa begin to exchange punches until Devil hits a swift legsweep that knocks Melissa Evans off of her feet. Devil quickly capitalizes on the moment and springs off the ropes hitting a flipping legdrop across Melissa’s neck. As Devil climbs to her feet Mizzie comes at her from behind, wraps her arm around her neck and hits Devil with a reverse DDT.] JLT: Mizzie is starting to make a comeback, even though she is now at a disadvantage because of her shoulder. Leah: Well that idiot rammed herself into a metal pole, so she can only blame herself. [Mizzie picks herself up, still nursing her shoulder as Melissa comes towards her and wrenches Mizzie’s arm behind her. Mizzie feels as if her arm is being ripped from its socket but she is able to fight through the pain and hits an elbow to Melissa’s face. Melissa stages backwards against the ropes and Mizzie follows up with a spinning kick to Melissa that sends the young girl all the way through the ropes and to the outside.] JLT: Melissa’s out! She put up a good effort but it just wasn’t enough! Linda: I agree, I’m impressed with everyone’s effort out there. Leah: Sheesh, why don’t you girls start a fan club? [Devil sits up following the Reverse DDT but Mizzie manages to kick her boot into her face. Devil is reduced to all fours while Mizzie heads to the top rope and perches herself, waiting for Devil to stand. She eventually does and leaps off of the ropes with a hurricanrana but Devil reverses it into a sit-down powerbomb that seems to knock Mizzie’s lights out.] JLT: Whoops, I guess Mizzie waited a little to long, huh? Leah: Yeah I don’t think that girl has it all together upstairs, if you know what I mean. [Mizzie gets back to her feet and drives a right hand to the face of Devil. Over and over again Mizzie rails Devil in the face with punches. Finally Mizzie lets her breathe for a second, but quickly wraps her head and hits a swinging neck breaker!!! Mizzie gets to her feet and climbs up to the top rope. She leaps off the ropes and connects with a leg drop!! Mizzie drags Devil Matsumato over to the ring topes and tries to drive her through.] JLT: Mizzie’s trying but she just can’t eliminate her. [Devil kicks Mizzie away and gets to her feet. She stares at Mizzie who is picking herself after being kicked in the face. Devil looks down in awe, soon once again Devil begins to driver her feet into the chest and stomach area of Mizzie. Devil brings her to her feet and sets her up, Devil hits a widows peak in the center of the ring!] JLT: That’s it; this has got to be over! Leah: Not yet! She has to eliminate her! [Devil picks Mizzie’s lifeless body off the canvas. She then carries Mizzie in a backdrop position and backdrops Mizzie over the top rope where she crash lands on the padded mat to the outside! Mizzie appears to be completely out of it as the medical crew comes out to check on her.] Leah: Okay, not it’s over! John Roe: Here is your winner…DEVIL MATSUMOTO! JLT: What a dominating performance by Devil Matsumoto, but I must admit the other girls did put up a great effort. Leah: So…did you find any girls you want to join your little club, Linda? Linda: I’ve been so impressed with all of them, and yes I think I have an idea of who I want to be in the Oceanics. Now, if you’ll excuse me ladies. [Linda grabs her Askai Championship and heads back up the ramp as Devil continues to celebrate her victory in the ring.] JLT: What a match, seven new girls made their debut and we’re only just beginning. Leah: Yep, more drunken goodness to come! JLT: Be right back! [We cut backstage to see the famous drinks table with a few divas circulated around it, waiting impatiently as security guards are guarding the table yet.] [All of a sudden, a group of stagehand walk in with boxes in their hand. The stagehands then toss the water onto the floor and knock over the energy drinks, clearing the table. The stagehands then begin to place cans of beers, martinis and various cocktails onto the table.] [One stage hand then places a little not which states "At the request of President Crystal, only proper drinks are allowed on this table!". Noriko Lee looks around and approaches the table, Maya tries to nudge her back but Noriko runs and grabs a Comsopolitan and runs back to The Tradition who were passing by.] Leah: That poor table is littered with alcohol! JLT: I can see where this is going... "I Don't Know What Title I'm Fighting For" Contendership Match Janine Johnson vs. Jennifer Collins [The fans are hanging over the guardrails as Divas Unleashed is back in LA. The sound of Leah and JLT's voice come back over the airwaves.] JLT: "This match is going to be very interesting as Janine is only age 17, and should she be forced over the top rope by Jennifer Collins, she may be forced to drink illegally." Leah: "It is a law, that if the child is accompanied by thier parental guadian, and the guardian gives consent the child may be able to drink alcohol. Crystal did her drunken homework. Obviously. Who knows how many kids she's gotten drunk with that little excuse." JLT: "Well this should definately make things interesting. However, Janine's father has not consented to the stipulation, so it would still be illegal for Janine to consume alcohol, regardless." [The sound of "Love on the Rocks" by Darkness begins to play over the arena. The fans begin to cheer as Jennifer Collins steps out from behind the curtain along with Jessie. The fans are going nuts to see the two females. Jennifer begins to head down to the ring in a black tank top and a pair of rugged blue jean pants that are easy to move in. Her blonde hair is in a ponytail as she is followed.] Leah: "Jennifer is so not on key here. I mean look at that outfit." JLT: "I don't believe she is worried about that Leah. She's out here to wrestle, not to think about what outfit she is wearing. Besides the fans don't seem to care at all and I personally think that she looks dazzling. As stated earlier, both divas have pledged that they will take a shot at the Unleashed Championship should they win this match." John Roe:: "The following is an 'I don't know what title I’m fighting for Contendership Match', and it's scheduled for one fall. Introducing first from Seattle, Washington… Jennifer Collins." [Jennifer steps into the ring and gets ready for battle.] Leah: "Well still... wearing that much black, is brutal." [The lights dim as "Papercut the Reanimation Remix" by Linkin Park hits over the arena. Random strobe lights of pink, yellow, green, orange, and light blue flow through the audience and smoke begins to engulf the stage. As the smoke begins to clear Janine Johnson runs out from behind the curtain and she is followed by her father, "The fantastic One" Aaron Johnson. They both raise their arms as red pyro's go off behind them. Janine begins to walk down the ramp wearing a blue and black sports bra, and a pair of shorts to match. The shorts have her initials on each side and each of them are in the opposite color. She also has boots to match.] Leah: "Now see, her outfit is cute, although it's cliche and a little old, it still gets the job done." LEAH: "Whatever you say Leah." John Roe:: "And her opponent, accompanied by her father Aaron Johnson, From Los Angeles, California. Janine Johnson!" [The crowd erupts for their hometown favorite, and they show Janine a great home welcoming. Janine slides under the ropes as her father pulls out his normal chair and then Janine climbs the turnbuckle raising her arms to the fans, and then she does a back flip from the top rope as the fans cheer her on.] Leah: "I never get tired of that entrance, I'm just waiting for the moment she falls on her ass, where her dad's hands will be waiting..." JLT: "Leah..." Leah: "Well! I mean his daughter could be drunk by the end of this, just how he wants her I'm sure..." [The crowd simmers down now as the bell rings and the two head towards one another. Right from the get go Janine wraps Jennifer into a headlock. Jennifer counters and whips Janine into the ropes, Jennifer goes to clothesline Janine, on Janine's way back, but Janine ducks, and as she comes to the next set of ropes she springs off and hits a springboard cross body. Both women get back to their feet, but Janine is the quicker of the two and she clotheslines Jennifer to the mat. and follows up with another spring off the ropes and hits Jennifer with a Springboard Elbow.] JLT: "Janine is really using those ropes to her advantage tonight. She's all over the place and her home town crowd couldn't be happier." Leah: "Just as long as they don't bother me I could care less." [Janine now celebrates to the crowd giving Jennifer just enough time to recover from the move. The two are now at each other's shoulders battling to see who can get the advantage. Jennifer gets it this time as she wraps Janine into a headlock and then bulldogs her to the mat. Janine is almost laid out cold. Jennifer now turns around grabbing Janine's hair and begins to smack her face into the canvas as Janine screams.] Leah: "That's what wearing a bad outfit makes you do to people. You want to hurt them." [Janine now smacks Jennifer with one of her good hands and climbs up to her knees as both are at the same level. They begin to exchange punches with one another on their knees and the crowd gets very entertained. Janine grabs hold of the ropes with one hand as Jennifer gives her a punch and then Janine pulls up to her feet and nails Jennifer in the head with a kick. Janine then kicks off the bottom rope and flies forward landing on top of Jennifer for a pin.] [1] . . [2] . . [Kickout!] [Janine climbs up and so does Jennifer as Jennifer has now been built up with anger. Janine comes at her for a clothesline but Jennifer ducks and grabs Janine’s neck hitting a reverse neckbreaker.] JLT: "Wow that was a great counter by Jennifer. She really has been doing a lot with her moves." [Jennifer now taunts to the crowd as she gets a loud pop as well. It's as if the fans have no idea in the world who they want to win. Janine has somewhat made her way back up as Jessie comes over and gives Jennifer a high five from the outside. Jessie warns Jennifer that Janine is getting up as Jennifer turns around and watches diligently. Jennifer then runs and gives Janine a dropkick that knocks Janine through the ropes, but Janine manages to stay on the apron.] LEAH: "Here it comes!" Leah: "We're one tequila shot away from being sued." JLT: "Not if Janine can hold it together, here comes Jennifer!" [Jennifer lunges at Janine who ducks and Jennifer goes flying over the top rope!] Leah: "Here we go! One shot of tequila for Jennifer Collins!" [Janine hastily jumps back into the ring to prevent Jennifer from pulling her out, as the ringside bartender hands Jennifer a shot of tequila. Jennifer reluctantly drinks it and winces as the shot goes down. She then climbs back onto the apron and Janine drop kicks her off!!!] Leah: "Shot two for Collins!" [Jennifer seems aggrivated by her sudden return to the black mats and as she is handed another shot of tequila, the fans cheer for Janine. Jennifer slams down the shot, wipes her mouth and then slides into the ring under the bottom rope. As soon as she stands, she is met with a clothsline from Janine, which she ducks! Jennifer counters with a neckbreaker and covers Janine.] [1] . . . [2] . . . [Janine kicks out, and Jennifer brings her to her feet. Jennifer kicks Janine in the gut and begins to set up for the Off-Beat! Janine suddenly flips up to Jennifer's head into a powerbomb position and tries to hit an X-factor! Jennifer however, nails a powerbomb instead and then pulls Janine's body to her feet. She throws Janine into the corner and begins to lift her up to the turnbuckle.] JLT: "This is not looking good for Janine." [As Jennifer looks to be attempting a suplex from the top rope, Janine suddenly nails Jennifer in the face. Janine looks to hit her shooting star piledriver! The crowd begins to get behind her, but Jennifer then elbows Janine in the face and Janine begins to teeter on the turnbuckle, and Jennifer begins to push her over!] [Janine's father begins yelling at Jennifer, as Jessie begins yelling at Janine's father. Jennifer then nails Janine across the face and Janine falls from the turnbuckle! Janine's father catches Janine!!!] Leah: "Ugh! So close from taking Crystal out of here forever... I bet he liked catching her. That rapist!" [He places Janine in the ring and because Janine's feet didn't hit the ground, she didn't have to drink.] JLT: "Close call for Janine" [As a relieved Janine stands up in the ring, still disoriented, she runs right into Jennifer, who immediately nails the Off-Beat! She covers] [1] . . . [2] . . . [3] John Roe: "Here is your winner... Jennifer Collins!!!" [The crowd cheers as Jennifer stands up in the ring and Jessie comes into the ring and hugs her and raises her hand in victory.] Leah: "You could be looking at the new Unleashed Champion!" [Suddenly "Brackish" by Kittie hits the P.A. system and Crystal walks out on stage with a microphone in hand, applauding Jennifer's victory. The music fades and Crystal speaks] Crystal: "Congratulations Jennifer! You are the winner of the "I Don't Know What Title I'm Fighting For" match! Have you decided what championship you are going to be challenging for?" [Jennifer nods her head in the ring.] Crystal: "Good. Now, I wanted to inform you that you won't get a shot at it. The week of Forsaken Destiny, you made the fatal error of saying that you where fighting for the Askai Championship when you where actually facing the Rockford State champion Moira Storm. It is because of this that since you think you are fighting for the Askai Championship, now... you will be. Damn blondes." [Crystal's music hits as a look of disappointment comes over Jennifer's face and Crystal walks to the back.] Leah: "Crystal just robbed Jennifer of her Unleashed Championship shot!" JLT: "I guess she really didn't know what title she was fighting for..." [The scene opens up to the backstage area with a close-up shot of a pair of breasts crammed into a tight black dress. The shot expands to show Krysta Taylor standing side by side with the newly-crowned Unleashed Champion, Tiger Lily. Lily is dressed casually in a white t-shirt and faded jeans with the Unleashed belt secured around her waist.] Krysta Taylor: Hello everyone, don’t I look fabulous tonight? Anyway, I’m standing by with the Blonde Ambition reject Tiger Lily and I can’t decide which is worse… the fact that you’re now representing our company or those revolting monstrosities on your feet? [Tiger Lily glances downwards at her pink flip-flops with pom poms on them.] Tiger Lily:You mean my sandals? I think they’re cute. Krysta Taylor: They’re heinous is what they are. Anywho as of Forsaken Destiny you are now the Divas Unleashed Champion. How did it feel to finally lay out that bitch Felicity for once and for all? Tiger Lily:I don’t really remember the match too much actually. Towards the end of it, after she hit me in the head, I started to forget what was happening. Krysta Taylor: But you put Felicity through a table…that was a pretty bitchy thing to do, don’t you think? Tiger Lily:Not really because Felicity is nasty and mean and she hurts people, I don’t think I’ll ever forgive her for what she did to me…and she pulled me hair. Krysta Taylor: Yeah, as everyone knows you walked in on Felicity and your ex-boyfriend doing the nasty. How did that experience make you feel? Does it hurt you to know that you’re not a very good lay? [Tiger Lily’s face flushes pink and she begins to look very embarrassed.] Tiger Lily:Uh… Krysta Taylor: Forget I asked. Let’s switch gears for a minute. Tonight you face Crystal Hilton in a Hardcore Hilton Match, how do you feel going into this match? Is there any animosity between you two? Tiger Lily:No, I actually like Crystal Hilton. She’s funny and always talks about roses. I think this will be a good match between us. Krysta Taylor: Aww that’s really…lame. Well since tonight is all about drinking, how do you think tonight will go? Tiger Lily:I’m not sure, I just walked by Noriko Lee a few minutes ago and she was looking all pukey. I think I’ll go fetch her a pepto bismal for her tummy. That stuff’s pink you know! [Krysta glares at Lily and sighs angrily.] Krysta Taylor: Okay this interview has officially died. Any last words before I leave you, hopefully forever? Tiger Lily:Mmm, I dunno. I just want to thank all my fans for being their wonderful selves and for my mom for baking me some delicious brownies last night. HI MOM! [Tiger Lily smiles and waves into the camera as Krysta continues to glare at Lily. She eventually storms off shouting at the camera men for making her do the interview.] Grudge Match Darla Daniels vs. Suzie Woods JLT: So from what I hear this next match is one that is made out of pure hatred seeing as Suzie and Darla can’t seem to stand each other. Leah: Yeah, I don’t know what’s gotten between them but these bitches have been attacking each other left and right. Not that I’m complaining, mind you… JLT: Suzie’s had a pretty bad attitude since she’s arrived here and I’m sure we all want Darla to shut her up once and for all. ["Gimme Back My Bullets" By Lynyrd Skynyrd starts up as Darla walks outwearing black wrestling boots, black knee pads, black denim shorts and a sleeveless shirt and elbow pads.] John Roe: This match is scheduled for one fall making her way to the ring from Snake Hills, Texas….Darla Daniels! [“Bad to the Bone” plays as Suzie struts out in a zipped up black leather jacket, skin tight pants, fingerless gloves, and black biker boots. She walks halfway down the aisle stops and looks over at the fans on either side of her and winks at them but with only a slight smile on her face she then carries on walking and while doing so begins unzipping and removing her jacket revealing a white tank top. She slides in underneath the bottom rope and tosses the jacket hard at Leah then begins to swing her arms as she warms up for her match.] Leah: Bitch, don’t throw your damn jacket at me! I’m from Chicago I’ll fuck you up! JLT: Down Leah… John Roe: and her opponent from Detroit, Michigan….Suzie Woods! [Suzie and Darla stare each other down waiting for the bell to ring and when it does the two charge at each other and begin hammering each other with closed fists before locking up with Suzie shoving Darla into the corner and trapping her there.] Leah: See what I’m talking about? Suzie keeps hitting her with those punches! That bitch should be behind bars. JLT: Don’t be so one-sided…Darla keeps hitting her back, you know. [The ref demands a break but doesn’t get it he next tries to get between them to separate them but instead all three spill to the outside. Both girls up get up and begin flailing away with hard right hands, Suzie tries for an Irish whip but Darla reverses sending Suzie into the steps before returning her to the ring. ] JLT: Oh my, Suzie could be seriously injured after that! Leah: I hope her back is broken. JLT: Okay maybe not THAT serious. [Darla pulls Suzie up and bounces off the ropes hitting a swinging neck breaker and tries for the pin] [1] [2] [Suzie kicks out. Darla backs into the ropes again as Suzie begins staggering up and again hits a swinging neckbreaker for the second time before backing into the ropes again but this time Suzie catches her coming in with a hard clothesline. Holding the back of her neck Suzie gets to her feet her face flushed with rage she backs into the ropes and comes off with a hard toe kick to the ribs of Darla.] JLT: It seems like neither of these divas are going to follow the rules tonight. Do they really hate each other that much? Leah: Probably. But who are we to complain, we get to see them kick the crap out of each other! [The ref warns about the toe kick but Suzie simply shrugs before doing it again. Suzie pulls Darla up locking a headlock which Darla manages to counter into a hammerlock, Suzie tries to roll Darla off her but Darla holds on much to Suzie’s growing frustration as she continues to struggle. The referee checks for a submission but Suzie refuses to give and she strains for the ropes Darla turns the hold into a crossface chicken wing but Suzie still fights on, cursing at the ref every time he checks for a submission.] Leah: Suzie needs to watch her mouth! There are children in the audience! JLT: I don’t think you’re one to talk about proper language. [With a last burst of strength Suzie reaches the ropes. Darla holds on a bit before letting Suzie up, Suzie gets to one knee trying to get the blood flowing back in her arm when Darla tries to grab her only to get a thumb to the eye. Suzie then throws her to the outside and goes out after her ignoring the ref’s warnings.] Leah: And of course that bitch Suzie just goes right on cheating…I love it. JLT: They need to be careful, we’ve had like three near death experiences in this match already. Leah: I know but think of the ratings we’d get if one of them DIED! It’d be the best thing to happen to DU since Playboy! [Darla back up nails Suzie in the gut then slams her into the barricade before driving her shoulder into the gut causing to slump down. Darla pounds away on Suzie’s head backs up and charges in with a knee but Suzie avoids it and Darla’s knee collides with the barricade and Darla rolls around clutching her knee but Suzie pulls her up and drags her back into the and wraps her legs around the ringpost applying a ringpost figure four, the ref begins yelling at Suzie to break the hold but just gets the middle finger as a response while Darla is thrashing and grabbing her knee. At the count of 4 Suzie breaks the hold and gets back into the ring and tries to go after Darla who seems seriously hurt but when Suzie grabs her Darla snares her into a small package.] JLT: Darla manages to squeeze it into a pin and… Leah: Wait let me finish for you: “This could be it!” [1] [2] Leah: …NOT! [Suzie manages to roll out of it. Both girls back to their feet Suzie a little shocked that she almost got pinned buries a hard knee to the gut in frustration knocking Darla to her hands and knees but when trying to go for a camel clutch Darla rolls out of the way and wrenches Suzie’s arm and applies a “southern discomfort” crippler crossface pulling back on the arm. Suzie strains to reach the rope but Darla rolls Suzie away from them till they’re in the middle of the ring. Suzie raises her hand as if she’s about to tap but showing her toughness she refuses to give. ] JLT: Suzie’s fighting hard, you can just see it in her face…she wants to tap out but she just can’t do it! Leah: Yeah and her face is turning all red and flushed…it’s so not becoming of her. JLT: Oh hush. [Darla releases the hold and goes and springs off the ropes with a guillotine leg drop “The Barn Burner” nailing Suzie on her already weekend neck however she hurts herself as well and takes a little while to get back up nursing her hurt knee, Suzie is beginning to get up herself as Darla slowly goes to the top rope coming off with her “Darlanator” Molly Go Round but Suzie manages to catch her then squashes her in the corner with a powerbomb.] Leah: Well THAT didn’t work. JLT: Suzie’s now in control! Leah: Yippee! [Darla looks out of it but Suzie is boiling with rage and pulls Darla up leveling her with a stiff short arm clothesline but doesn’t let go of her arm and pulls her up into a second clothesline, Darla is now hanging limp but Suzie pulls her up again for a third clothesline. Suzie then picks Darla up and plants her on the top turnbuckle and hits a neck breaker and goes for the pin…] [1] [2] [3] JLT: Suzie did it! She’s won this encounter! Leah: Yay! Darla must be so embarrassed! John Roe: Here is your winner…SUZIE WOODS! [Suzie turns to leave nursing her neck and shoulder when Darla begins battling to her feet, the two stare each other down. The fans cheer as they notice the look in the eyes of the two women is no longer a look of hatred but one of respect.] JLT: Aww, after all that they still respect each other. Leah: BORING! JLT: Shut up Leah, it’s nice! Leah: No it’s not, come on knock that bitch out Suzie! JLT: Sorry to disappoint you Leah but we have to go to a commercial. Leah: BOO! ["Barbie Girl" hits over the P.A. in the arena as the fans turn to the screen, it's that time again for another classy episode of Blonde TV.] Leah: "Damn this again" JLT: "I love this show, I can't wait until the DVD for the first season comes out." Leah: "Wouldn't that figure" [The scene now flips to a heavily decorated locker room with Carley and Courtney in Party Hats and Meggie standing to the side fixing her hair while looking in the mirror. Felicity storms into the room, clearly not happy about her loss earlier that week, losing to the ex-team member Tiger Lily. Meggie, Carley, and Courtney all turn around to smile at her as Felicity pays them no mind, she sits on a bench ignoring the party decorations.] Carley: You like the surprise Felicity! Courtney: Yeah!! We worked on this all day!!! [Meggie stares at the two with a smile as Felicity just ignores their comments and huffs loudly.] Felicity: You've done this for me? What makes you think I even want this right now? [The Monroes giggle thinking she's talking just out of spite. Meggie just steps up trying to keep the peace between the three of them.] Meggie: "Look Felicity, They're trying to cheer you up. They're just being good sports. Lighten up a bit hun." [Felicity looks up at Meggie and then replies.] Felicity: Sorry, I am just not in the mood for this right now. [Meggie just sets beside her and not saying a word the Monroes then come bouncing around blowing party whistles and throwing confetti in the air.] Courtney: Come on Felcity it's time for Funzie and Happy thoughts! Carley: Yeah this is such Mega Funzie!!! Did we do a Fantabulous job? Courtney: Yeah did we? huh huh? Meggie: "I think you both did a good job on the decorations." Carley: what about you Felicity, Do you like your party? [Felicity now stands looking even more angry then before. Her boots are unlaced and she has taken them off as she stares around at everyone in the room.] Felicity: That does it!!! Why don't you two try growing up for a bit and stop acting like everything is some big game. First I thought your whole thing was some big act to throw people off but now I am beginning to wonder what type of drugs your parents were using when the two of you came along and I worry to think you may be contagious!!! [The Monroes are now shocked and look around the room.] Carley: But... but look at all the funzie colours, the balloons… Courtney: Yeah we got confetti and these cute little noise blowers and everything.... [Felicity goes to take a swing at them, but Meggie steps in the way and almost gets her tanned knocked off.] Meggie: "Hey, let's wait 'til Exile ok. We just all need to chill." [Felicity just grabs her boots and walks out of the room to end the dreadful episode.] JLT: "Oh no this is a tragedy." Leah: "Finally the Blondes are having some rough spots. Something Enjoyable may come out of this. They'll kill each other before it's over." JLT: "Leah you know you love this. Without them you'd have nothing to complain about." Tag Team Match Ladies Of Rage Caitlin Fairchild & Yuku Shiro vs. The Oceanics Linda Ragnal & Moira Storm Special Guest Referee: Crystal John Roe: “The following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, the NEW Divas’s Unleashed Askai Champion, Linda Ragnal!” ["Just A Girl" by No Doubt plays, and Linda walks out, wearing a pink ribbon around her eyes. As the refrain starts, Linda takes off the ribbon and runs down to the ring. Linda stands up and does a "two fingered kiss" to the audience. She follows that up by raising her newly won title in the air, much to the delight of the crowd.] Leah: “Jamie?” JLT: “Yes Leah?” Leah: “I’ve been trying to answer a question in my mind, and I’m beginning to wonder if I’m crazy.” JLT: “From Experience I would say your crazy, however I will try and answer your question.” Leah: “How does Linda wrestle with that rug on her head?” JLT: “That’s her natural hair Leah.” Leah: “Well her natural hair looks like road kill.” John Roe: “And her tag team partner, The Divas’s Unleashed Rockford State Champion, Moira Storm!” [The lights in the arena turn to yellow and orange and bright strobe-lights flash and with the sound of electric discharges 'The Storm Is Here' hits the speakers. Moira Storm walks out onto the stage at the top of the entrance ramp, greeting the fans with a wave of her hand and blowing them a couple of kisses before heading down the ramp, high fiving outstretched hands as she jogs towards the ring, then slides in, raising herself to her knees and glancing about the cheering crowd before jumping up to her feet. She heads to the far turnbuckles, climbs them and thumps her fist against her chest before raising it in a greeting to her fans. She then hops down from the ropes, ready to start the match.] Leah: “It’s a little weird that a hottie with NATURAL hair, like Moira, would hang around with the Oceanics.” JLT: “You just don’t like Linda because of her brother.” Leah: “I’ll bet his penis is the same size as a pencil.” JLT: “Do you hear that men at home? This is what you can expect if you turn down a date with Leah…” Leah: “I’ll bet he’s gay too.” John Roe: “And their opponents. Introducing first former Diva’s Unleashed Champion, Yuku Shiro!” ["Samurai Showdown" by RZA blasts from the PA system bringing the fans to their feet as Yuku steps out onto the ramp way and looks around; after soaking in the cheers of the fans she tenses up and heads to the ring with a determined look on her face. Yuku nearing the ring hops on the apron, and looks around again before catapulting herself over the top ropes into the ring. Once in the ring she walks over to a turnbuckle climbing the second rope and slowly raises her fist into the air as the fans cheer her on. Shiro taking in the crowd one more time hops down, and proceeds to bounces off the ropes as she warms up for her match.] JLT: “Coming off a rough loss last week to Crystal Hilton, and ready to make a comeback.” Leah: “I heard she was really talking smack about Crystal Hilton backstage, but I also know Crystal Hilton IS NOT the special guest referee for this match.” JLT: “From everything I’ve been told she is.” Leah: “Well get ready for a wakeup call.” John Roe: “And her partner, Caitlin Fairchild!” ["U + Ur Hand" by Pink blasts on the PA system as Fairchild steps onto the ramp way and looks around. She slowly heads to the ring with an ice-cold look in her eyes and a smile on her face. Caitlin hops on the apron, and slowly, sensually dips between the top and second rope entering the ring before walking to the center. After waiting for the fans to take her in, Fairchild bounces off the ropes to warm up for her match.] JLT: “There was a very active fan poll when Caitlin Fairchild joined Divas Unleashed, and most fans are convinced she is either, or was once, a man.” Leah: “Mind if I get a little distance before you start talking shit? I’d hate for her to break my legs when she piledrives you through this table.” John Roe: “And now introducing the special guest referee. She is a hall of famer, and the temporary general manager of Divas Unleashed, CRYSTAL!” ["Brackish" by Kittie hits the PA system as light blue strobes dance around on the stage. "She is not scared...to die...". Crystal runs out on stage moshing & headbanging for the crowd. "The best things in life drive her to cry..."She runs from one side of the ramp to the other before walking down the ramp jamming to her entrance music. "CRUCIFY THEN BURN!!!"Once she reaches the ring apron, she pulls herself up and then leans her back against the ropes. She then falls backwards into the ring and lands on her feet. She pulls her head up slowly at first, with her hair down in front of her face. She then in one quickly motion flings her head back, with her hair a blur of light blue, as she places her arms in the air. She then walks over to the turnbuckle and poses for the crowd for a few seconds. She steps down adjusts the bottom of her pants. Yuku and Caitlin look shocked, obviously believing Crystal Hilton would be the guest referee. The sight of the hall of famer standing there in a referee’s shirt brings them both to a complete stop.] JLT: “The Ladies of Rage were so sure about the guest referee, and are now looking a bit confused.” Leah: “I’ll bet the rose goddess got scared.” JLT: “I doubt that. It’s more likely the Ladies of Rage jumped the gun when they saw the name Crystal.” [Crystal does her job and checks the Oceanics for weapons. Linda and Moira are easy to approach and things go very smoothly. When she steps over to check the opponents Caitlin surrenders without a word, however Yuku begins mouthing off. For a full minute the show is halted so Yuku can give Crystal a piece of her mind. Crystal listens with a smile before finally firing back with the f-word in a few creative combinations the Asian beauty had yet to hear. In the end it’s obvious the pair agree to disagree and Yuku steps out of the ring looking irritated.] Leah: “What is with Crystal? She’s the boss for one card, and all of a sudden she’s on a huge power trip. Absolute power corrupts absolutely.” JLT: “Well it seems Yuku has an issue with it as well.” Leah: “As the resident asian ass kicker in Diva’s Unleashed, Crystal better watch her step.” [Moira and Linda have a conference and Moira decides to stay in for her team. She and Caitlin look at one another and circle the ring warily before Crystal calls for the bell. The pair size each other up for a moment, and move to the center of the ring. Caitlin goes for the lock up, but Moira ducks under and pushes the larger woman forward. Big Red stumbles into the neutral corner, and looks annoyed. Moira thinks about moving in, but Caitlin seems ready. Again they circle, and this time the pair actually lock up in the center of the ring. Caitlin powers Moira backward, and sends her flying back first into the turnbuckle. The Austrailian woman stumbles out, and Caitlin nails her with a huge boot from no where.] Leah: “That’s how quick big red can put you on the defensive. Pure power, and now Moira is paying for that duck out.” [Moira struggles to get up, and Caitlin is right there to drop a double sledge blow to her back. Moira screams in pain and stumbles forward. Caitlin catches the Rockford champion and locks her into a inverted DDT. She drops, and brings her opponent down across her knee. Moira screams and lays on the mat. Caitlin pulls her to her feet by the hair, and locks her into a supplex setup. Yuku tags her partners shoulder, and Caitlin lifts Moira into a delayed supplex. Yuku scales the ropes, and jumps catching Moira by the legs. Together the spike Moira o the mat with a brain buster style move. Crystal sends Caitlin out of the ring, and Yuku rolls over onto Moira for the cover. Linda is in the ring in a flash and nails Yuku with a low dropkick to the head.] JLT: “Linda must’ve sensed her partner was in big trouble.” Leah: “You think? A delayed, spiked, brain buster, would put any wrestler on the roster in trouble.” [Crystal does exactly like she should, and puts Linda out of the ring. Yuku immediately begins beefing with the referee over the hit, and the two again have a short exchange. Moira is barely stirring on the mat, and Yuku goes for the cover. Crystal begins counting properly.] 1.… 2.…. Thr….kickout! [Yuku looks at Crystal with a livid expression and procedes to slap her palm in an effort to give the referee a counting lesson. Her count was obviously a lot quicker than a legal count. Moira stirs, and quickly rolls up Yuku in a school boy. Crystal quickly hit’s the mat, and makes it very obvious she’s fast counting. Yuku kicks out at two and realizes Crystal was doing the quick count on her. She seems to forget all about Moira as she again rolls to her feet and begins jaw jacking at Crystal.] Leah: “I’m not sure about the referee’s job in this match.” JLT: “She is calling this match down the middle. It’s Yuku who has the problem.” Leah: “She just quick counted…” JLT: “She counted as Yuku instructed. Notice how the tables turned when it was her shoulders on the mat.” [Yuku turns just in time to get nailed by a stiff right hand, and rocked by a trio of chops. Yuku stumbles backwards, and Moira whips her from the ropes and nails her on the return with a belly to belly supplex. She lands hard, and allows Moira a chance to tag in Linda. The askai champion comes into the ring like a house of fire. Yuku just gets to her feet but is driven right back to the mat with a stiff clothesline. Linda plays the crowd, and gets a decent pop as Yuku tries to get up. Linda moves in and nails a reverse neck breaker sending the former champion to the mat.] JLT: “Yuku was caught napping and it cost her.” Leah: “How can she concentrate on this match when the referee is in the other teams pocket?!” [Linda pulls Yuku to her feet, but Yuku charges, and plants her shoulder in Linda’s gut, driving her into her teams corner. Linda gets the wind knocked out of her in the corner and Caitlin tags in. Yuku backs off and Caitlin grabs her partner and whips her into the corner. Yuku plants her shoulder into Linda’s gut, and nearly folds her in half from the violent impact. Yuku rolls out of the ring, and Crystal moves in to check on Linda. Caitlin tries to rush in but Crystal is right there to stop her. While Crystal is distracted Yuku uses the tag rope to choke Linda in the corner. She stops applying the choke before Crystal turns to see her, but it‘s painfully obvious that some shenanigans was going on behind her back. Crystal immediately begins dressing down Yuku and she fires right back with attitude.] Leah: “Look at that bias! She didn’t catch Yuku doing anything, but she’s starting trouble!” [Caitlin pulls Linda out of the corner, and lifts her high overhead. She presses the smaller woman three times, before she simply drops her onto a hard kick to the ribs. Linda rolls away in pain, and looks like she‘s having a lot of trouble catching her breath. Caitlin looks at the crowd with an evil grin and pulls Linda to her feet. She lifts her, spins her, and plants her into the mat with a black hole slam move. Linda looks motionless in the ring, and seems an easy pin for the giant of a woman. Yuku calls for the tag, and slaps the top turnbuckle. Caitlin smiles again, and looks overjoyed at the idea of hurting Linda. She makes the tag and Yuku climbs the turnbuckle. Caitlin holds Linda’s feet, and Yuku flies from the top rope and lands hard on Linda’s chest with a huge splash.] JLT: “That has to be it.” [Crystal falls to the mat, checks the shoulder placement, and begins counting in the proper manner.] 1.…. 2... Thr…..kickout! Leah: “Oh my god! Why doesn’t Crystal just hand them the match!” JLT: “She kicked out Leah! It was a proper count, and no amount of whining will change that.” [Yuku looks angrily at Crystal and again the pair argue. Linda catches her breath as Yuku and Crystal REALLY begins squaring off. It seems to have moved beyond a disagreement in refereeing, to a full blown hate fest. Caitlin seems a little detached from the Crystal/Yuku thing, and looks shocked when Linda crawls to the ropes and pulls herself to her feet. Crystal and Yuku are merrily arguing and neither see it until she catches her breath enough to dive for the corner and tag in Moira. Crystals signals for the fair tag, and Yuku looks shocked as she turns around and sees Moira vault over the rope and bring her over in a leg scissors. Yuku gets up quickly, but Moira is right there, nailing her with a dropkick.] Leah: “Oh my god! Is Crystal a member of the Oceanics? She’s handing them a victory!” [Caitlin charges into the ring, which bring Linda in. Caitlin smashes Moira in the back of the head with a forearm and drives her to the mat. Linda catches Caitlin on the blindside with a dropkick, that knocks the big woman off balance, and stumbles her to the ropes. Yuku gets up and watches with vicious intent as Linda gets to her feet, and goes for a super kick. Linda ducks the attempt, and Yuku inadvertently nails Crystal square in the face. The referee goes down, and the Ladies of Rage shrug, and Caitlin grabs Moira and pulls her into a power bomb position. Yuku climbs the rope, Obviously looking to hit a moonsault after the power bomb. Linda bounds from the far side ropes, and catches Caitlin with a spin kick , and the added momentum drives the big woman from the ring. Yuku turns to see the foiled plan and goes to hit Moira with a moonsault. The Oceanics catch her in midair and drive her to the mat.] JLT: “What an impact! But Crystal is down!” [Linda slaps hands with Moira and exit’s the ring. Moira pulls Yuku to her feet and looks prepared to put her away. Yuku quickly moves in and nails a jawbreaker on the Rockford state champion. Crystal is getting up and looks angrily at Yuku before calling for the bell. Yuku looks confused as the bell rings and she looks angrily at Crystal, who not only informs her she is disqualified, but slaps her in the mouth. The two women fight savagely in the center of the ring. Caitlin goes in and grabs Yuku, dragging her out of the ring, while Linda and Moira hold Crystal back.] Leah: “It’s about time Yuku got some justice!” JLT: “I have a feeling this is just the beginning.” [A limousine pulls up in front of the arena, where a dozen or so reporters eagerly await its arrival. Among these reporters is Dee Dee Photonik, who proudly wears her Tiger Lily t-shirt. The limo stops, the reporters nearly swarming the driver as he opens the door. Emerging from it are two women. One of them, tall and muscular, sports long brown hair and, moondogs, and an ASU Sun Devils football jersey. She is Jasmin St. James. The other, blonde and petite, wears a Hello Kitty t-shirt, Daisy Dukes, and matching Hello Kitty purse. She is Kittie Kennedy.] Reporter #1: Ms. St. James, is it true that The Killer Prom Queens have come out of retirement to come to DU? Does this have anything to do with your half-cousin Dee Dee Photonik? Report #2: Ms. Kennedy, is it true that you’re being considered for an upcoming film about Marilyn Monroe? How does it feel to be back in the spotlight? Have you been training anywhere special? Reporter #3: Does DU management know you’re here? Are you here to watch the show? Will you be making a surprise appearance? Dee Dee Photonik: Ms. St. James, what’s your relationship status with Batboy? Are the two of you ready to tie the knot? How does your ex-boyfriend Bigfoot feel about this? [The two women ignore the horde of reporters and make their way to the arena. Dee Dee lets out just a hint of a grin as she continues writing on a blatantly imaginary writing pad.] Punishment Match Dee Dee Photonik vs. Amber Burton & Bobbi Jackson & KibbyD JLT: Now we have The Punishment Match between Dee Dee Photonik and three members of Sinful Delights. I gotta be frank with you, I don’t like Dee Dee’s chances. Leah: And I gotta be honest with you too…I would really like some tequila right now. I’m so jealous of Dee Dee. She gets to beat up lesbians and drink…while on the job. [The Arena falls into pitch blackness, and spotlights scan the crowd for a few moments before Kibby D’s “Ladies Night” blasts over the loudspeakers. All of the spotlights rest on the entryway where Amber and Bobbi stand proudly holding their newly won tag team championship belts over their shoulders. They scan the crowd, and stand back to back for just a moment before they take a well timed step and Kibby D passes between them.] [The trio strides to the ring all with smug grins. Amber and Bobbi are first on the apron, and hold the ropes open for Kibby. She looks to the crowd and turns taking the hands of her companions, and leaps to the apron. All three women step through the ropes at the same time, and seem very in sync with one another. Amber and Bobbi hold their belts up high, and Kibby motions as if she is due for a title around her waist. They pump up the crowd who seems a little divided on whether to cheer them or boo them.] John Roe: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is for one fall and has been dubbed a “Punishment Match”. Introducing first, with a combined weight of 384 pounds…Kibby D and The DU Tag Team Champions of the World…Amber Burton and Bobbi Jackson! JLT: I wonder if KibbyD is feeling a little gold envy right now. Leah: Gold envy’s not even a real term. I hope you know that. ["PICTURE...PERFECT!!!" can be heard over the sound system as, amidst black strobe lights, Dee Dee Photonik, camera in one hand and steel chair in the other, emerges as "In The End" by Glovebox heralds her entrance. Ignoring her "fans", she ascends the ring apron and, dropping the chair to the floor, takes a picture of herself in front of the ring. Placing the camera by the ring post, she walks around the ring, sizing up her three opponents.] JLT: What has got to be going through Dee Dee’s mind right now? Leah: “Gee, I hope the lesbos don’t stomp me to death”. It’s philosophy class. She knows she’s outnumbered. John Roe: And their opponent, hailing from Manhattan, New York…weighing in at 160 pounds…Dee Dee Photonik! [Dee Dee places her camera underneath the turnbuckle and slides into the ring, the referee holding Sinful Delights at bay as Dee Dee takes her place in the corner.] JLT: The referee holding everyone in the ring at bay until the shot glasses are filled with tequila. You have to wonder if that’ll play a factor in this match. Leah: Well, ask yourself this; has it played a factor in every other match! JLT: And the referee has signaled for this match to begin. Ring the bell! [The bell rings. Dee Dee is immediately rushed by Sinful Delights, who descend upon her like vultures. Amber and Bobbi each grab an arm, allowing KibbyD to go to work on the face and body. Two right hands to the gut and an elbow to the face. Dee Dee responds by spitting in Kibby’s face. KibbyD, very visibly indignant, responds by slapping Dee Dee across the face. Amber and Bobbi take their turns laying chops across Dee Dee’s chest.] JLT: If I didn’t know better, I’d say Dee Dee was enjoying this. Leah: If I didn’t know any better, I’d say this was Dr. Pepper. But I know it’s only Mr. Pibb. [Bobbi and Amber hold Dee Dee in place as KibbyD charges at her. She goes for a running elbow, but is instead caught with a boot from Dee Dee. KibbyD staggers, shaking it off, as Amber and Bobbi continue laying elbows and fists to Dee Dee’s face and torso. KibbyD goes for a clothesline, but is instead caught in between Dee Dee’s legs. Freeing herself from Bobbi and Amber’s grip, Dee Dee manages to send KibbyD over the top rope with a hurricanrana.] JLT: And KibbyD is unceremoniously dumped onto the floor, and now she takes the first shot of this match! [KibbyD downs her shot of tequila, grimacing slightly.] Leah: Yeah, you don’t like it now, but wait until it comes back up. [Dee Dee ducks a lariat by Bobbi, but catches a boot to the gut from Amber Burton. The Tag Team Champions take Dee Dee to the mat with a double suplex. Bobbi takes Dee Dee’s legs and catapults her into the corner, bouncing her off a turnbuckle to allow Amber to connect with a swinging neckbreaker. Bobbi, perhaps on instinct, goes for the cover, but Amber pulls Dee Dee off the mat, shaking her head with a smile.] JLT: Sinful Delights have plans for Dee Dee! They’re not going to end this match so soon! [KibbyD has ascended the top turnbuckle, signaling Amber Burton to take Dee Dee over her knee with a painful looking backbreaker. KibbyD launches herself off the top rope, landing a perfect flying legdrop onto Dee Dee, whose head becomes crushed between Amber’s knee and Kibby’s leg. Amber and Bobbi drag Dee Dee back to her feet and whip her into the ropes, but a disoriented Dee Dee simply collapses before she can hit the ropes, rolling out onto the floor.] JLT: Dee Dee Photonik is now forced to down a shot of tequila…and she’s smiling! Leah: Well, duh. The alcohol will ease the pain of the ass-whooping she’s getting. [Dee Dee climbs back onto the apron, where Amber Burton lands a forearm to the head. Amber goes for the suplex, but Dee Dee simply drops her weight, forcing Amber over the ropes and dumping her onto the floor. Amber, furious, takes her shot of tequila as Dee Dee is blindsided by a double baseball slide from KibbyD and Bobbi Jackson. Dee Dee is sent flying into the guardrail, much to the fans’ delight. Amber takes Dee Dee by the hair and throws her back into the ring, where Bobbi and Kibby apply liberal doses of stomping to her head and body. Kibby drags Dee Dee up and sets her up onto the turnbuckle. Kibby goes for the suplex, nodding to Amber and Bobbi to give her some support. Bobbi gets underneath Kibby, Amber going underneath her in turn.] JLT: Dear god, Sinful Delights is going for a triple stacked superplex! This is outrageous! [Kibby suddenly jerks away from Dee Dee, holding her neck in disgust.] Leah: Dee Dee bit her! A cannibal with no taste. [Kibby slaps Dee Dee, who headbutts her in return. KibbyD falls backward, and is inadvertently electric chair dropped by Bobbi and Amber.] JLT: Bobbi and Amber accidentally dropped Kibby! Leah: They’re going to trip over themselves if they keep going for these fancy double and triple teams. Not like I care. [Dee Dee awkwardly climbs the top turnbuckle, and leaps from the top rope. She descends onto Bobbi Jackson with a flying elbow, much to her own amazement. Dee Dee goes for the cover, but the ref barely gets to his knees before Amber drags Dee Dee off by her arm, locking her in a Fujiwara armbar. Dee Dee emits a bloodcurdling scream as she tries in vain to reach the ropes, an effort that is thwarted by KibbyD, who takes Dee Dee’s other arm and plants it in a similar armbar. Bobbi Jackson finishes the ensemble by applying a loose Boston crab on Dee Dee.] JLT: Dear god, Leah! Dee Dee’s been locked in two armbars and a Boston crab! She has no other option but to tap out! [The referee checks up on Dee Dee, who affirms that this is only “turning her on even more”. Amber and Kibby let go of their armbars, landing simultaneous elbows to the back of Dee Dee’s head as Bobbi continues to latch on the crab. Amber goes to repeat the armbar, only to be rewarded by her efforts by Dee Dee reaching out for her breasts.] JLT: Did Dee Dee just try a titty twister? Leah: Whatever she tried, it’s made Amber furious as hell. This is why she is my new favorite wrestler. [Amber, seething, plants a soccer-style kick to the face of Dee Dee. Bobbi releases the crab, allowing Dee Dee to roll out of the ring. Dee Dee, holding the small of her back in pain, grudgingly takes another shot of tequila, but allows that old smile of hers to creep in. Amber Burton gets on all fours, allowing KibbyD to get a running leap off of her. KibbyD soars through the air, crushing Dee Dee on the outside. The fans emit a grateful pop as Kibby, satisfied with herself, mouths out an “oh, shit” when presented with another shot of tequila. She downs it, making no mystery of its bitterness. KibbyD lifts Dee Dee up and whips her into the stairs. Dee Dee hits the stairs with her knees, sending her head-over-heels onto the floor on the other side. Amber and Bobbi smile in satisfaction as Kibby ascends the steel stairs, obviously to attempt yet another high-flying feet. She tries for an axe-handle, which Dee Dee counters by hurling her steel chair at the mid-air Kibby. Kibby catches it, nearly hitting Dee Dee with it as a result. The referee slides out of the ring and pulls the chair away from Kibby.] JLT: Kibby was almost tricked into disqualifying her team! Leah: Eventually these tricks of Dee Dee will run out. But it’s fun to watch in the meantime. [Kibby tries to explain to the referee, but it is of no avail. With the referee’s back turned, Kibby falls victim to the flashing of Dee Dee’s camera.] JLT: Dee Dee just blinded Kibby with the flash on her camera! My god, does this girl ever run out of tricks!? [A stunned Kibby staggers over to the guardrail, slowly regaining her sight. Bobbi and Amber slide out of the ring, giving Dee Dee a chance to slide back in. Bobbi and Amber take their shots of tequila and try and help Kibby regain her senses. This allows Dee Dee a chance to climb the top rope, and before anyone knows it she leaps onto her three opponents.] JLT: Dee Dee Photonik is in the air…and Sinful Delights caught her! [Amber and Bobbi dump Dee Dee’s body into the audience, where it knocks a fan’s large popcorn. Bobbi and Amber go to climb the railing, but are stopped by the referee, who maintains that Dee Dee must first be given her tequila first. Dee Dee is helped up by some fans and given her shot. The referee turns to check on a still-dazed Kibby, allowing Dee Dee to spit her tequila into Amber Burton’s face.] Leah: Damn, that shit has to sting. [Dee Dee grabs Bobbi Jackson by the hair and slams her into the guardrail. Dee Dee attempts to climb the guardrail, but is stopped by a steel chair courtesy of Amber Burton. Dee Dee falls back into the audience.] JLT: Oh come on, ref! Didn’t you see that? Leah: Uh, no. He’s too busy making sure Kibby is okay. You should be more concerned yourself. [Bobbi and Amber drag a barely conscious Dee Dee Photonik out of the audience and throw her onto the ringside floor. Amber holds Dee Dee by the hair and motions for Bobbi to pull away the mat. Kibby and Bobbi strip the floor of the mat, leaving a patch of cold concrete in their wake.] JLT: Sinful Delights is going to end Dee Dee’s career tonight!PJLT: [Amber lands a few elbows to the back of Dee Dee’s neck to keep her docile before handing her off to Bobbi Jackson, who sets Dee Dee up for The Pedigree. Dee Dee breaks free, instead grabbing Bobbi’s trunks and yanking with all her strength.] JLT: Dee Dee has just de-pantsed Bobbi Jackson! And this audience is absolutely thrilled! Leah: I must say, that dyke has a well-tanned ass. [Amber rushes over to Bobbi to cover her up as Kibby hits Dee Dee with a running clothesline, knocking her on her back. Bobbi re-adorns her pants, but not before an entire audience’s worth of catcalls have reached her ears. KibbyD rolls Dee Dee back into the ring, where she tries in vain to get back on her feet. KibbyD sets it up and goes for The Suga Rush, but instead finds nothing but air as Dee Dee simply falls on her face. KibbyD hits the mat, sliding out of the ring and landing on the outside floor. Slamming the floor in frustration, she takes her shot as Amber and a re-pantsed Bobbi re-enter the ring. Dee Dee tries crawling away, but Amber and Bobbi pull her back in the center. Bobbi holds Dee Dee in place as Amber lands well-aimed elbows and chops to her face and body, finishing with a roundhouse kick that sends Dee Dee staggering into the ropes. Bobbi charges Dee Dee with a clothesline, which Dee Dee counters by grabbing the top rope and dropping her weight. Bobbi falls over the ropes, getting her head and arm caught in as Dee Dee releases the rope.] JLT: Bobbi Jackson is caught in the ropes! Dee Dee is surviving on sheer luck! [The referee, distracted by his attempts to free Bobbi, is ignorant of the flash of white powder that flies into Amber Burton’s eyes. Amber staggers back to the corner, attempting to shake the substance out of her eyes as Dee Dee rushes over to KibbyD, who has just made it to the ring apron, and kicks out her legs from under her, forcing Kibby to hit her face on the ring apron.] Leah: Tack another plastic surgery onto KibbyD’s schedule. [KibbyD opens her mouth to reveal that she is bleeding from the mouth. As a blinded Amber attempts to help free Bobbi from the ropes, Dee Dee slides out of the ring, and after taking her shot, smashes the glass over KibbyD’s face.] JLT: Jesus Christ! Dee Dee Photonik just broke glass over KibbyD’s face! Is there no end to this foul play? [KibbyD, herself blinded, is helpless as Dee Dee drags her over to the tequila table, where she proceeds to punch out the guy pouring the shots. Taking the full bottle of tequila, she pinches Kibby’s nose shut and forces the bottle into Kibby’s mouth.] Leah: It’s Spring Break in August! Whoo! [KibbyD, after swallowing a good portion of the bottle, coughs up a mixture of blood and tequila on the floor, both in pain and disgusted. Dee Dee smiles, turning to laugh at the recently freed Bobbi Jackson. Unfortunately she doesn’t see KibbyD behind her, who breaks the tequila bottle over her head.] JLT: Oh dizzamn. [Dee Dee falls down in a daze of shattered glass. KibbyD rolls Dee Dee into the ring, where Bobbi Jackson takes her by the hair. The referee slides out of the ring to assist the bleeding and very visibly nauseous Kibby while Bobbi Jackson locks Dee Dee into The Pedigree.] Leah: Well, it was fun while it lasted… JLT: Wait! Whose that?! That’s Jasmin St. James! [Jasmin St. James slides into the ring. She charges at Bobbi but is cut off by Amber, who hits her with a running knee. Jasmin St. James rolls out of the ring,, Amber following her.] Leah: Well, that was close. JLT: But in comes Kittie Kennedy! [Kittie Kennedy, having slid into the ring while Amber Burton was distracted, bounces off the ropes at Bobbi Jackson. Using Dee Dee’s doubled over body as leverage, she lands a perfect running Enziguri on Bobbi Jackson, who falls over on her side.] JLT: I can’t believe this! The Killer Prom Queens have interrupted this three on one match! [KibbyD, having come into the ring, hits an unsuspecting Kittie Kennedy with a Houston Rocket to much fan poppage. KibbyD rises to her feet, where she staggers back into the corner.] JLT: I think all that tequila has finally gotten to her. KibbyD isn’t looking too well right now. Leah: Well, she should’ve eaten beforehand. [KibbyD stumbles over to Dee Dee’s body, where she falls backwards onto her.] JLT: KibbyD’s fallen on top of Dee Dee Photonik! She’s got her for the cover! Leah: But her shoulder’s touching the mat! Dee Dee has her for the cover [1] [2] [3] JLT: Oh wow! Dee Dee pinned Kibby! She defied the odds! John Roe: Here is your winner...DEE DEE PHOTONIK!!! Leah: Haha! Kibby got owned! [Sinful Delights look around in shock as Dee Dee slowly climbs to her feet, grabbing her camera, she takes a quick snap shot of KibbyD as Kittie Kennedy and co. come to escort her backstage.] Tequila Sunrise Match Noriko Lee vs. Sammantha Moore vs. Tracee Nguyen [COMING SOON.] [The camera cuts to Caitlin Fairchild and Yuku Shiro walking down a corridor, Yuku has an angry look on her face. She stops at a door and nods to Caitlin Fairchild, Caitlin then lifts her foot into the air and kicks the door, causing the door to fall off it's hinges and slam into the room.] [President Crystal leaps back as she sits back on her desk, nearly choking on a bottle of Skyy Vodka which she quickly stashes out of sight. Crystal then sits up as Yuku Shiro marches into the room.] Yuku Shiro: What the hell where you thinking tonight? Messing in my DAMN business?! Crystal: Oh honey, which one are you? There are so many Asians on the roster it's hard for me to keep up. Yuku Shiro: You know who the hell I am! I'm the Queen of Queens! Don't act dumb, Crystal! Crystal: Yeah because it's funny how I'm dumb yet you thought Crystal Hilton was refereeing your match...RIIGHT. Yuku Shiro: Just don't mess in my DAMN business again! You'll be sorry! Next week, you give me what I truly deserve- Crystal: A bitchslap? Yuku Shiro: You better watch your mouth or you'll be sorry. When was the title time you were champion? When did you last have a great match like the classics I put out on a weekly basis? Never. You will BOW DOWN! You will BOW DOWN TO THE QUEEN OF QUEENS! [Yuku then turns to leave the room but Crystal begins to giggle at the Queen of Queens speech. Yuku refuses to turn back, muttering under her breath as she leaves the room.] [Caitlin Fairchild gives Crystal a lingering stare, Crystal then pulls out her vodka bottle and begins to sip from it again but suddenly realises Big Red is staring at her.] Crystal: What are you looking at, fire crotch? Blonde Ambition 'Curl Up & Dye' Cage Match Carley v Courtney v Felicity v Meggie Leah: Have I mentioned how much I love this upcoming match? JLT: I’m sure you would seeing as it pits all of Blonde Ambition against one another, thanks to Crystal's love of blondes. Leah: Yep…and to all of you viewers that have been living under a rock this match will be a ‘Curl Up & Dye’ cage match, so you just know there will be blood. [The camera pans around the specially-crafted cage, which covers all four sides of the ring. The inside of the ring is set up to resemble a beauty salon with various equipment such as blow dryers, curling irons, and crimpers all hanging from the top of the ring. Two salon chairs are set up inside the ring as well as a gigantic tub of hair dye.] JLT: I’m curious to see how this will play out; Felicity seems to be a bit upset after losing her Unleashed championship and may be looking to let out some frustration. Did you see they way she rejected them at her own surprise party! That was just cold. Leah: I wouldn’t underestimate the moron sisters. They might start fighting each other over who gets to play with the curling iron! ["You Spin Me Round" by Dope plays over the sound system, and the lights fade to nothing but a spotlight in the entrance. Felicity appears wearing a long coat and dark glasses over her eyes and she walks to the ring with a stern look on her face and refuses to pose for cameras as she usually does.] John Roe: The following is a “Curl up & Dye” cage match, introducing first…from Canada…FELICITY! [Felicity storms down the ramp and stomps into the cage, slamming the door behind her. She takes her place in a corner where she begins stretching for the match.] JLT: Felicity looks less than pleased tonight, wouldn’t you say, Leah? Leah: I don’t blame her; I think she just realized that she’s constantly surrounded by idiots. I’d be pissed off too if I had to hang around the Monroes all the time. [The sound of "Dangerzone" by Vanilla Ninja hits over the P.A. as Meggie runs through the curtain. She stands on the stage as a sparkle of pyro's shoot from behind her and then the lights go darker as the a pink spotlight shines right onto the ramp and Meggie shows off her gymnastic skills as she does a back handspring, another back handspring and landing into a split as she throws her hands up in the air and the fans roar loudly, as she then climbs up into the ring and climbs into the cage beside Felicity.] JLT: Meggie’s behavior has been a bit erratic lately…I mean look, she’s dumped her boyfriend and dyed her hair dark brown. It seems like she wants to distance herself from Blonde Ambition. But why would she want to do that, they seemed to all get along just fine before. Leah: Except for the fact that they’re all bloody idiots…ah speak of the devil… [Smoke pours out from the entrance way, we then see a female figure standing amdist the smoke with hands on her hips as "A Toast to Men" by Willa Ford begins to play and multicolored strobe lights begins to flash. Courtney Monroe wearing sunglasses and dressed in a short pink top with a white skull on it and long pink pants and black boots.] John Roe: Introducing next, representing Los Angeles, California…COURTNEY MONROE! [Then she begins making her way down the aisle bumping and grinding to the music much to the fans delight (particularly the large male portion) once up on the apron of the ring Courtney shakes her goodies then steps into the cage and stands in the center she removes her glasses and raises her arms in the air as three pyro go off behind her one shooting straight up while the two others shoot diagonally right and left.] JLT: You know every member in this match has held a DU championship at some point, Felicity was the Unleashed Champion, Meggie held the Stripped, and the Monroe’s are two-time Tag Team Champions…so you know this match is going to at least be pretty good. [Smoke pours out from the entrance way, we then see a female figure standing amidst the smoke with hands on her hips as "Shake Ya Tail Feathers" by Nelly begins to play and multicolored strobe lights begins to flash. Carley Monroe wearing sunglasses and dressed in a short pink top and very short pink shorts and pink boots.] John Roe: And the final opponent…from Los Angeles, California…CARLEY Monroe! [Carley then begins making her way down the aisle bumping and grinding to the music much to the fans delight (particularly the large male portion) once up on the apron of the ring Carley wiggles her rear end to the phrase "shake ya tail feathers" then gets into the ring and stands in the center she removes her glasses and raises her arms in the air as three pyro go off behind her one shooting straight up while the two others shoot diagonally right and left.] [All four Blonde Ambition member gather inside the cage as Felicity looks around in disgust while Carley and Courtney Monroe appear to be amused by the hair care products strewn across the ring. Felicity rolls her eyes towards the sisters and glances at Meggie, who stands nonchalantly in the corner of the ring. Meggie perches herself on the top turnbuckle seemingly uninterested in the match at hand.] JLT: This is a bit awkward…all four women are team members, so they’re not used to fighting each other. Leah: Come on somebody…DO SOMETHING…anyone? [Much to Leah’s irritation Carley and Courtney seem to have discovered one of the salon chairs where Carley gladly takes a seat in it and Courtney begins to fluff Carley’s hair. Courtney snatches a curling iron that was hanging from the cage and begins to curl her sister’s blonde hair with the device. Felicity, having watched the Monroe’s play ‘beauty shop’ for several minutes, gets frustrated and approaches the Monroe sisters. She rips the curling iron out of Courtney’s hands and begins shouting at the two sisters, pointing the curling iron their faces.] JLT: Would you look at Felicity? She seems to still be annoyed with Carley and Courtney for some reason? Leah: Well they WERE rubbing it in that Felicity lost the title, those evil bitches! JLT: They were not! They were just trying to cheer her up! [Both Carley and Courtney stare at Felicity in fright, unsure of where all this pent-up anger is coming from. Finally Felicity just loses it all and smacks Courtney across the face with the curling iron! The crowd gasps in shock as the sound of metal smacking on skin echoes throughout the arena.] JLT: AH! Did you hear that? Felicity just knocked out Carley! Leah: YES! [Courtney falls to her knees as Carley jumps out of the salon chair, looking angry that Felicity just attacked her sister. Carley begins shouting at her, calling her a “meanie!” but Felicity simply rolls her eyes and knocks Carley in the face with the curling iron as well! She picks both of Carley and Courtney up by the locks of their blonde hair and proceeds to smack their foreheads together, sending them both down to the mat completely unconscious.] JLT: Look at Meggie… she’s just sitting there! She hasn’t even done anything to protect the Monroe’s! Leah: You know she’s bonkers now, she’s probably thinking about shaving her head. [The camera cuts to a shot of Meggie who remains seated on the turnbuckle of the ring, fluffing her newly-dyed brown hair. Felicity continues to lay it on the Monroe’s seemingly letting out every frustration that has bothered her over the last few weeks, as she continues to beat them down with the curling iron. She then grabs Carley Monroe and sets her up for her finisher…] JLT: This is just an outrage! Felicity was once friends with the Monroe’s…what happened? Leah: She’s woken up, Jamie. Seriously, beating the crap out of Carley and Courtney is the smartest thing Felicity has ever done! [Felicity drives Carley’s head between her legs and makes a motion to the crowd. She then wastes little time and executes her devastating ‘Flick Driver’ finishing move to Carley Monroe in the dead center of the ring. Carley looks to be unconscious as Felicity climbs to her feet with a rather twisted smile on her face. She signals for Meggie to come over, who does and hops off of her seat on the turnbuckle.] [Felicity instructs Meggie to pin Carley as the referee begins to make the count…] JLT: Now Felicity is telling Meggie to pin…this has got to be over. [1] [2] [3] [The referee calls for the bell as Meggie slides off from on top of Carley and is helped to her feet by Felicity. The two exchange glances before Felicity raises Meggie’s hand in the air in victory.] John Roe: Here is your winner…MEGGIE! JLT: Well this was hardly even a match at all. All Felicity did was bully the Monroe’s around, leaving them unconscious. I hope she’s proud of herself. Leah: What are you talking about? That was fabulous, we got treated to a full blown Carley & Courtney beat-down…do you know how much I’ve wanted to do that myself? JLT: Oh come off it, we all know that you secretely love Blonde Ambition! Leah: That is so not true… [Felicity stands in the ring looking quite pleased with her actions as she reaches up and snatches a bottle of brunette hair dye. She grabs Meggie by the arm and walks with her out of the ring with hair dye in hand…as the crowd scratches their heads in confusion.] JLT: Well I certainly have no idea what’s going on, do you Leah? Leah: What are you dense? Felicity just left Blonde Ambition, you know she’s always secretly hated them anyway! JLT: Yeah and what about Meggie? Leah: Oh I think Meggie’s just lost it. Oh joy, another crazy diva! [The camera cuts backstage to a locker room door which reads "Janine Johnson" but the name has scratched out with marker and now reads "PARTY TONIGHT!". The camera then enters the locker room as the song "Rehab" blares from a set of iPod speakers and a few divas are having a fun time.] [KibbyD and Amber Burton stand in a corner, chatting with cocktails in their hands, Linda Ragnal stands talking to Mizzie Haze looking like they're having a swell time, and Janine Johnson finally sits angrily on a bench, her arms folded as Maya and her father sit next to her, annoyed that she can't drink.] [Krysta Taylor tries to talk to Meggie but Meggie turns away from her in disgust and starts to join Linda's conversation. Krysta's eyes narrow as she stares at Meggie, writing things down into a notebook.] [All of a sudden, a closet door opens as Noriko Lee falls out. On top of her is a cute stagehand, as Noriko hits the floor hard. Everyone looks around momentarily but then goes back to what they're doing.] Noriko Lee: I am OKAY! Peoples, me IS Noriko and I AM OKAYYYY! [Noriko stands and dusts herself down as she giggles, Maya looks at her in disgust as Noriko makes a face back her. Maya looks offended as Noriko turns back to the stagehand and begins to kiss him again but the stagehand doesn't want to do with people watching and shoves her away.] Noriko Lee: WHA? YOU don'ta a want the Noriko LURVE?! Come on now Damie...Richar...MARK! Come on MARK! [The stagehand leaves the room as Noriko rolls her eyes, Noriko then begins to hold her stomach and walks over to the other divas. Noriko taps KibbyD on the shoulder, trying to talk to her.] [Kibby flips her hair, turning around and pouting but all of a sudden Noriko Lee vomits on her chest. Kibby leaps back in horror and begins to scream loudly but as Kibby leaps back, she knocks Amber Burton who stumbles forward, spilling her Cosmopolitan onto the back of Linda Ragnal.] [Linda turns around in shock and tosses her drink in Amber's face, Amber takes offense and tackles Linda as the two begin to fight. Meggie then comes to Linda's defense, kicking Amber in the back of the head as Kibby runs around the room screaming like a headless chicken with Noriko's vomit over her.] Noriko Lee: YO, I TELL YOU WHAT I WANT WHAT I REALLY WANT! I REALLY WANT A ZIG-AH-ZIG AHHHHH! [Maya then stands up and punches Noriko in the face.] Leah: This is so hilarious! JLT: What the hell is happening back there! Leah: Drunken fun that's what, it's the best way to start feuds, everyone wants a fight when they've had a few! Ahhh Crystal, she's such an amazing president! Hardcore Hilton Match Crystal Hilton vs. Tiger Lily JLT: We have a match next that’s the first-ever “Hardcore Hilton” match, and it’s featuring brand new Unleashed Champion Tiger Lily against Crystal Hilton! And guess what? It’s all taking place at the Los Angeles Hilton Hotel! Leah: I know, I can’t believe it. I wanted to see my girl Crystal Hilton but she’s at some hotel somewhere? And a HILTON hotel at that? Ugh, at least spring for a Marriott hotel, much nicer! JLT: I think interim president Crystal made this match because Crystal Hilton said her surname was reserved for this with class, never the less, this is a huge opportunity for Crystal Hilton! She beat Yuku Shiro at Forsaken Destiny 4 and tonight, she has the chance to beat the Unleashed Champion! Leah: And you know she will because Crystal Hilton is fabulous like that! [The camera cuts to an external shot of the Los Angeles Hilton hotel, the blue and white Hilton flag flying with pride and some fans gathered outside, poised with cameras, hoping to get a shot of their favourite divas. At the entrance, several DU security guards stand, their arms folded and standing in that ‘I’ll break your legs if you mess with me’ style of pose.] [The camera then cuts to the inside foyer of the Hilton hotel, as the camera sees Crystal Hilton standing on one side of the room, near the lavish reception desk while Tiger Lily is standing on the other, near the toilets. The referee stands in the middle and has a whistle hanging from his neck, as well as a megaphone.] JLT: This is such a great setting, it reminds me of a Stripped Championship match! President Crystal sure has made some awesome matches tonight! [The referee then blows on his whistle, starting the match. Tiger Lily then begins to walk towards Crystal Hilton, charging towards her but Crystal grabs a vase of red roses from the reception desk and flings it toward Lily. Lily evades the flying vase and it smashes on the floor.] Leah: I bet those flowers were expensive! [Crystal then approaches Tiger Lily but Lily nails her in the face with right hands, knocking Crystal backwards. Lily then pulls Crystal towards her and hoists her onto her shoulders into a firearm’s carry, Lily then turns to the reception desk and slams Crystal sideways across it. Crystal hits the desk and then falls forward, sliding down behind the desk and falling awkwardly, hitting the chairs and finally meeting the floor.] JLT: That was a nice move from Lily. Now come on, Leah, admit that was funny! Leah: NEVER! [The receptionists run out of the way, trying to avoid the action. Lily then climbs onto the reception desk, kneeling and peering over to see if she can spot Crystal. Lily then leans further over but suddenly Crystal appears, sliding out from the desk out of no where and armed with a fire extinguisher and sprays Lily in the face.] Leah: Go girl! JLT: There’s so many objects these women can use, this match is going to get brutal! [Lily falls backwards, clutching her eyes and falls from the desk, slamming into the marble floor on the other side. Crystal then grabs a chair with wheels on the bottom that lies behind the desk and pushes it around the desk. Lily holds her back as she finds her feet, Lily then turns to Crystal but Crystal shoves the chair in Lily’s direction.] [The chair rolls along the marble floors and collides with Lily, knocking her back down. Crystal then runs to the reception desk again, shoving a receptionist of the way and grabbing a handful of keys and stuffing them in her bra. Crystal then begins to run towards the elevator and the doors open, catching a lucky break just as it was delivering hotel guests to the ground floor.] JLT: She’s not going to get in the elevator! [The passengers then try to get out by Crystal shoves them out of the way and climbs into the lift but there is an elderly woman in the lift who is using crutches to walk out and is going very slowly. Crystal waits patiently, sighing but then sees Lily climbing to her feet across the foyer.] [Crystal then shoves the elderly lady forward, causing her to fall to the floor and presses the button for the elevator doors to close. Crystal then hits a button for floor 4. Lily then quickly finds her feet and runs towards the stairs, as the cameras follow her.] JLT: Lily is in hot pursuit! Leah: Yeah, the stairs will do your body good, you lazy cow. [Lily races up the flights of stairs and bursts through a set of doors and emerges onto a corridor. Lily then runs towards the lifts and presses the button for her floor, the lift doors open and Crystal Hilton goes to walk out, a smug smile on her face. The smile soon turns to shock as she sees who’s stating in front of her but she has no time to react as Lily is waiting for her and clotheslines her down.] JLT: Haha! That was great! Leah: You lie, Jamie. Crystal knew that was going to happen, she was just giving Lily a chance to get back in this match! [Lily then nails Crystal with boots to the mid-section but all of a sudden the lift does begin to close and trap Crystal in them like a vice, holding her by the stomach. Lily then leaps into the air and nails a leg drop, planting it perfectly across Crystal’s neck. Lily then quickly finds her feet and snatches one of the room keys from Crystal’s hand.] [Lily then approaches the nearest room door and slots in the key, turning the handle as the door magically opens. Lily looks surprised and excited and walks into the room, she looks around but all of a sudden the bathroom door opens and a middle-aged overweight man walks out, dressed in a towel. Lily screams out of terror as does the overweight man but the man then sees the beautiful woman Lily standing in front of him and gets an idea.] JLT: Ut-oh! Leah: That man is so gross! [He raises an eyebrow and then begins to remove his towel with a smirk on his face, Lily’s eye widen and she quickly darts towards the entrance of the room. Lily races through the door but Crystal was waiting outside the door and extends her foot out. Lily doesn’t see it as she runs and trips over it, slamming into the corridor floor.] Leah: What do these women think this is with all this slapstick? A Benny Hill film? JLT: Well it’s not a conventional wrestling match, they’re just improvising! [The overweight man then begins to spot Crystal and shouts “Come to papa!” to her, Crystal then immediately grabs the door handle and slams the door shut. Crystal Hilton breathes a sigh of relief and then grabs Lily by her blonde hair, as Lily holds her mouth from the impact of the floor.] [Crystal drags Lily along the corridor with one hand and uses the other hand to search through her door keys, hoping to spot a room on this floor. Crystal finds a room and runs towards it, still dragging Lily with her. Crystal inserts the key and kicks the door open as a young gay couple inside jump, leaping up from playing their game of chess.] Leah: Thank God they were playing chess and not doing something nasty! JLT: It must be so shocking to have the Unleashed Champion just burst into your hotel room! [The gays move out of the way and stand in a corner, huddling together in fear. Crystal then brings Lily to her feet and pulls her into a fisherman’s suplex. Crystal then hoists Lily into the air and plants her on the middle of the double bed with the suplex.] Leah: Wow, brutal impact…NOT! JLT: Don’t you like The Rose Goddess? Leah: Oh yeah, what I meant to say was…that was AWESOME! [Crystal then straddles Lily and begins to nail her with fists to the face, but Lily shoves Crystal backwards, sending Crystal tumbling off the bed and crashing to the floor, causing Crystal to land in front of the open door to the on-suite bathroom.] [Lily then stands on the bed, waiting, as Crystal slowly finds her feet and tries to regain her composure, holding her back. All of a sudden there’s the gay gasp and Lily looks around to one of the gays, and sees the more attractive one of the couple holding his hands over his face in shock and pointing at Lily.] [The gay then shouts “OH MY GOD! YOU’RE TIGER LILY! YOU ARE SOOOO FABULOUS! I LOVE YOU!” in a very excited gay fashion. Lily then smiles and nods, blowing him a kiss as the gay catches it and treasures it, placing it on his heart. Lily then turns back to Crystal who’s standing and giving the excited gay a dirty look.] Leah: Ugh, gays. [Lily then reaches up, grabbing onto the ceiling fan and uses it as a swing, swinging forward and trying to nail Crystal in the face with a dropkick but Crystal ducks. Lily lands in the on-suite bathroom, she turns around to face Crystal but Crystal has grabbed a Holy Bible from one of the bedside drawers.] JLT: She has a Holy Bible! She can’t use that as a weapon! She’ll go to hell! [Crystal then nails Lily in the face with the bible, knocking Lily backwards. Crystal then rams it over Lily’s head but Lily still doesn’t fall down, instead just clutches her skull. Crystal then looks down at the Bible and her eyes narrow, questioning her faith. Crystal tosses the Bible away, muttering “useless!”.] Leah: I hear ya, sister. [Crystal then spots a can of deodorant on the bathroom counter, she grabs it and turns to Lily, spraying it in her face as Lily stumbles backwards. Crystal then nails a ‘Lights Out’ chick kick to the face of Lily, knocking her backwards and falling into the shower.] JLT: Crystal nailed ‘Lights Out’ and now Lily is slummed in the shower! Leah: That’s what I’m talkin’ bout! [Crystal Hilton then leans into the shower and turns on the water, causing it to flow and flows down onto Lily. Lily starts to get wet, taking a shower in the middle of the match as Crystal searches on the bathroom counter, she picks up the mini-shampoos that the Hilton offers.] [She rips it open and pours the shampoo out onto Lily’s hair, rubbing it into the roots. Hilton then picks up some soap from the counter and turns to use it on Lily’s face, she begins to rub it over Lily’s cheeks, trying to remove the make-up she has one but all of a sudden Lily springs back to life.] JLT: Lily’s back in the game, al that shampooing seemed to give her extra energy. Leah: All the girl wanted was a good wash! [Lily then grabs Crystal’s arm and begins to shove the soap backwards towards Crystal’s face, like a nail-biting knife-fight at the end of a movie. Crystal uses her strength to try and block it but Lily uses her spare hand to open one of the shower gel bottles the gays left in the shower, she then picks it up and squirts it in Crystal’s eyes.] JLT: That HAS to hurt! [Crystal stumbles backwards, clawing at her eyes as Lily stands up and leaps forward, spearing Hilton onto the tiled bathroom floor. Crystal holds her head from the impact as Lily stands, Lily then begins to shove all the items off the bathroom counter and down onto Crystal as she lies on the floor.] JLT: That’s marble floor! I’ve fallen on that before and it’s painful! Leah: You’re not as tough as mah girl Crystal though! [Lily then grabs a towel and wraps it around her hair, drying her hair. Lily looks in the mirror and sighs, most of her make-up gone. She uses another towel to wipe the water off her face and struts out into the bedroom of the hotel room.] [The gay couple before is now a foursome, with the gays having called their friends in the next room to come catch a sight of Lily. The four gays look at Lily and gasp loudly in unison, in horror. The gays then run over to Lily, as one of them immediately pulls out cherry lip-gloss, another begins to dab Lily’s face with foundation and has black eye-shadow ready. The two other gays begin to blow-dry her hair, as the work begins with Lily standing there, getting made over.] Leah: What the hell?! [After several moments pass by, the gays all step away as Lily removes the towel from her hair, shaking her hair loose in sexy fashion with her make-up now perfect, looking as gorgeous as ever. Lily then pouts as the gays stand, proud of themselves.] JLT: It’s like Extreme Makeover! [One of the gays begins to swell up with tears because he’s so proud of his work, Lily high fives all of them and turns to the bathroom to suddenly see Crystal Hilton charging towards her. Crystal leaps into the air with a cross body as Lily ducks and Crystal begins to hurtle towards the four gays, who all begin to scream in terror.] JLT: Look out! [Crystal cross bodies the gays onto the bed as Lily immediately begins to run out of the room, Crystal stands and shakes the gays off her and chases after Lily. Lily runs into the corridor and looks around, she spots a room service waiter delivering a trolley of food to a room and he’s just about to knock on the door.] Leah: Ooh, food! I wish I’d ordered take-out for this match now! [Lily races towards him as the owners of the room, a young couple on a ‘lovers getaway’ answer the door. Lily bursts past the waiter and runs into the room, the woman begins to scream really loudly as her boyfriend runs out. He smiles at Lily’s presence but the woman continues to scream loudly.] Leah: Ugh, tell her to shut up! [Crystal Hilton hears the screaming and runs towards where it’s coming from, Lily covers her ears from the high-pitched noise and eventually turns to the scared woman and nails her with a knock-out punch. The boyfriend tends to his woman as Lily enjoys the new-found silence.] Leah: Hahaha, I’m starting to like Lily! [Crystal then bursts through the door, she charges towards Lily but Lily counters, grabbing her with an arm drag and slamming her into the hotel room floor. Lily then looks around for weapons, she approaches a closet and opens it, she searches through the clothes, looking for something to use.] [Crystal recovers on the floor and spots a camera lying on top of a table of chairs set in the corner of the room, she reaches up and grabs it in her hands, turning it on and then goes back to playing possum. Lily gives up on her search in the closet and walks back towards Crystal, Lily tries to pick Crystal up but all of a sudden Crystal takes Lily’s pic, setting all about 5 different flashes and temporarily blinding Lily from the surprise.] JLT: That’s creative! Leah: There’s a picture for MySpace! [Crystal then grabs Lily and flings her forward, sending Lily hurtling towards the table as she crashes over the top of it, hitting the doors leading to the balcony and crashing down in front of them. Crystal then stands and extends her arm, looking at the camera and smiling. She takes her own picture and then tosses the camera onto the bed.] [Crystal then picks up the chairs and tosses them on top of Lily, as Lily lies under a mess of rubble, barely moving. Crystal then sighs as the referee runs to check on Lily. Crystal then sees the trolley of food in the doorway, abandoned by the bellboy in fear.] [Crystal then wheels the trolley into the room, placing it in front of the bed as Crystal sits on the bed and begins to look over the trolley. She sees a 5 course meal consisting of salad, steak and fries, ice cream dessert and an array of snacks such as nuts and bread. Crystal then picks up one of the fries and begins to chew on it, she reaches for the remote and turns on the TV.] JLT: What the hell is she doing? Leah: She’s chillaxing! [“Sex and the City” begins to play as Crystal gets excited, clapping her hands. She then picks up a knife and fork and begins to carve into her steak, eating as she watches Carrie complain about how her latest beau isn’t giving her enough space. Crystal watches intently and makes ‘mmm’ noises at the taste of the steak, complimenting the food.] [After several moments, Lily suddenly bursts up, the chairs flying out of the way as she roars back to life, making Crystal jump. Crystal then picks up her plate of food and tosses it towards Lily but Lily ducks. Lily charges towards Crystal but Crystal picks up her bowl of nuts and tosses the nuts at Lily.] Leah: Yeah, hit her with those nuts! [Crystal tries to get out from behind the trolley but it won’t move, Lily then picks up Crystal’s ice cream and tosses it at Crystal, causing the ice cream to fly out and splat on Crystal Hilton’s face. Lily then grabs Crystal’s head and pulls it forward, causing Crystal’s head to ram into the table of food.] [Crystal then picks up a tray of sauces and tips them over Crystal’s head, as ketchup, salad cream and whatever else all plop down onto Crystal’s beloved hair. Lily then smiles, satisfied and begins to head out of the room, taking Crystal with her.] Leah: Lily is so damn vicious! She should be locked UP! [Lily then takes a step backwards from Hilton and swings at her, aiming to connect with a “Snaggletooth” kick to the face but Crystal ducks. Lily regains her balance as Crystal begins to run to the end of the corridor, hoping to find that it bends into a new location but she finds that the corridor is a dead end besides a huge glass window.] [Lily chases after Crystal. Crystal stops and turns around and is met by Lily leaping into the air with a flying clothesline, nearly beheading Crystal as both women fall through the glass window. The glass shatters as Lily and Crystal hurtle down the side of the LA Hilton before slamming into the swimming pool 3 floors down.] JLT: Ahhhh! Leah: Holy shit! [The swimming pool erupts in waves as Crystal Hilton and Tiger Lily are yet to emerge from underwater. The referee looks over the ledge from the hotel, down onto the pool as onlookers gather. Crystal and Lily then pop up from under the water, Crystal is shocked by the freezing water and the fall while Lily looks annoyed that her make-up has been ruined once again.] JLT: Thank God the pool was there, they would have died for sure! Leah: Please, Crystal has a big bootylicious ass so she would have bounced off the ground, unharmed. Lily with her flat white ass would have died! [Lily then begins to swim towards Crystal and grabs her by the neck, beginning to swim to the edge of the pool. Lily then hoists Crystal out of the pool and covers her at the poolside, the referee uses his megaphone to shout out his counts.] JLT: Lily is covering! Crystal looks unconscious! [1] [2] [3] JLT: Lily won! Leah: BOOOOO! That skank! [Lily sits up from Crystal’s body, wiping the water from her face and breathing a sigh of relief. She looks around at the stunned pool-goers who are staring at her. She then stands up and catches her breath, looking around and heading back towards the hotel. The camera then cuts back to the arena and onto JLT and Leah.] JLT: That was spectactular! Leah: Crystal should have won! She’s too fabulous to lose to some barefoot ho! [The camera cuts backstage as we see Crystal leaving her doorless president's office with a smile on her face, a microphone in hand. She struts down the corridor when all of a sudden she's struck from behind with a wrench to the back of the head.] [Crystal falls to the floor as a asailant nails her once more with the wrench to the back of the head. Crystal lies on the floor, motionless. The camera then pans up to reveal the woman behind the ask is none other than KibbyD.] [Kibby looks down and smiles. She then looks around the corridor to make sure nobody saw her. Kibby's smug smile then fades to fake distress as she shouts out.] KibbyD: Oh my goshie! [Kibby then stands with a shocked look on her face but nobody comes, Kibby then rolls her eyes and shouts even louder.] KibbyD: OH MY GOSHIE! OH MY GOSHIE! [Curious heads pop out of the rooms of the corridor as referees, workers and the rest of Sinful Delights run down the corridor to see what's happened.] [A crowd gathers around Crystal as blood begins to trickle from her head, a referee checks on the president as a worker turns to Kibby.] Worker: What happened? KibbyD: Oh my goshie, like. I saw it all happen, like, Crystal was walking along and then all of a sudden, Yuku Shiro totally came out of no where and just hit over the head with a wrench and then just like, totally ran away! [Amber then steps forward, a shocked look on her face as she rolls her eyes dramatically, faking disgust. Other members of Sinful Delights then follow Amber's lead.] Amber Burton: How could Yuku Shiro do something so heinous? KibbyD: I like, I know, like, totally. Bobbi Jackson: I can't believe YUKU SHIRO could do this. Sammantha Moore: Yeah, what is wrong with YUKU SHIRO? [Workers and referees shake their heads as they tend to Crystal, a referee then pulls out his cell phone and calls for an ambulance. KibbyD then pulls out her pink phone and begins to dial a number.] KibbyD: Oh my GOSHIE SHANE...Crystal, oh my goshie, she has been like, assaulted like totally...YUKU SHIRO did it, she is like, so evil, like....Crystal, she can't like be the president anymore who is like going to like run DU while you are totally in the hospital... [Amber looks nervous.] KibbyD: OH MY GOSHIE! SHANEY BABY! YOU WANT ME TO RUN DIVAS UNLEASHED FOR YOU WHILE YOU ARE LIKE IN THE HOSPITAL? OH MY GOSHIE, THAT IS SO HAWT! [Kibby and Amber then high five each other, looking happy.] JLT: Wait, Kibby is the new president?! Leah: God help us! [KibbyD then hangs up on Shane and smiles, as Sinful Delights huddle together. They look concerned as they look down on Crystal being tended to but with a glint of deviousness in their eyes as Exile fades off air.] Brought to you by Rockstar Entertainments Epilogue Alright, who all do I have to thank? ME! ME ME ME! just kidding, thanks to EVERYONE for putting up with my not-so-hostile take over. Your master will be back this coming Exile, so I expect you to all build a pyramid for her body so she can live eternally. That is only if she brought me back a piece of the Colosseum. Thanks for reading! Hope no one has any hang-overs tomarrow! -Card Subject to Change-