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Friday 18th May 2007
[We cut into the arena and the fans are on their feet, cheering, thrusting their signs into the air. The theme to Exile blasts over the arena, as the camera pans away from the stage, over the ring, over the commentators and into the cheering crowd. The camera then pans around the arena to see the signs held by the fans, with the signs in an arrange of colours and messages. The director of the show picks out his favourite: “Caitlin Is A Chav!”, “Jessie wot u finkin, u suk!” and “Rachel Stevens > Linda Ragnal!” are just a select few. The audience cheers as we pan around the audience once more before we cut to JLT and Leah at ringside. They smile at the camera.]
JLT: Welcome to Exile and we're coming to you live tonight from across the pond in the capital of the UK, London! We've got an awesome assortment of action all coming your way and you won't want to miss a beat and you should even start recording this show now, so you can watch the amazingness over and over again! I'm JLT and I'm joined, as always, by Leah!
Leah: I hate London. It's freezing.
JLT: It's still a great city despite the weather!
Leah: No, Jamie! These British people have just been annoying as hell, how am I meant to understand what they are saying? I heard some of these fans in this arena talking in tongues! I hope I don't have to an exorcism tonight!
JLT: I think those fans are just from 'up north', there are more cities than just London you know.
Leah: I know, I know all about Scotland and their horrible accent and Wales and their sheepshaggers! I can't wait to get back to the US, at least the weather is nice there!
JLT: Well, change is good and I like being in different cities!
Leah: Oh God, do you remember how awful that world tour was when we went to those weirdo countries like Korea?
JLT: Leah, don't start!
Leah: I just want to go home! Can't you replace me tonight? Can't that bitch Krysta come out here and commentate while I spend the show in a sun-bed?!
JLT: I think you are so close to being fired, you need to watch it!
Tag Team Match
JLT: “What a great show we are going to have, and a real barn burner to kick it off. Darla and Sammantha take on Dee Dee and Suzie!”
Leah: “Darla and Suzie seem to be a pair of women at odds. Yeah we’ve heard all about how one of them broke the others leg or something, but let’s be honest. This is about a man.”
JLT: “There is no evidence to support that.”
John Roe: “The following debutants tag team match is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first from Shake Hill Texas, Darla Daniels!”
"Gimme Back My Bullets" By Lynard Skynard starts up as Darla walks outwearing black wrestling boots, black knee pads, black denim shorts and a sleeveless shirt and elbow pads. The crowd seems to respond well to the firey Texan, and she enters the ring. She stretches and bounces from the ropes as she plays to the crowd.
Leah: “Tell me something Jamie, if Darla and her husband get a divorce, will they will be brother and sister?”
JLT: “The views expressed by Leah, are not the views of this organization, nor any of its affiliates. Address all complaints to….”
Leah: “Oh come on Jamie! It’s not like I’m lying.”
John Roe: “And her tag team partner, from Miami Florida, Sammantha Moore!”
"Don't Cha" by the Pussycat Dolls starts to play, when the music hits a screen will show several shots of Sammy wrestling and nice photos..As she enters crowd cheers loudly as she waves to the crowd and walks down the ramp as she touches fans hands and she picks out one guy from the crowd and gives them a kiss on the lips. As they are shocked she smiles and walks to the ring and slides in, kissing and waving to all the fans.
JLT: “Sammy has been little firecracker since she’s joined our brand. So far she has a victory over Maya, and seems to have some issues with Dee Dee.”
Leah: “Sammy has proved that training with Showtime can make you a contender. It will be interesting to see if she can keep from getting pregnant before her first title shot.”
JLT: “Your talking out your ass again Leah.”
Leah: “Say that again in a year when your babysitting, and Bobbi Jackson is in divorce court.”
John Roe: “And their opponents. First from Manhattan New York, Dee Dee Photnik!”
"PICTURE...PERFECT!!!" can be heard over the sound system as, amidst black strobe lights, Dee Dee Photonik, camera in one hand and steel chair in the other, emerges as "In The End" by Glovebox heralds her entrance. Ignoring her "fans", she ascends the ring apron and, dropping the chair to the floor, takes a picture of herself in front of the ring. Placing the camera by the ring post, she saunters through the ropes and proceeds to appear disinterested and unmoved by her opponent's presence.
JLT: “This is a very strange woman to say the very least.”
Leah: “Gimmie a break. She’s not the first person to ever take a photo of a severed penis, and get off on it! Look at Lorena Bobbit. Besides she had man with a cheating heart, so it should be legal.”
JLT: “She delights in horror and abject humiliation. She seems to have a very twisted outlook on life, and I fin her more strange than Kristina if you can imagine that.”
Announcer: “And her partner from Brooklyn New York, Suzie Woods!”
"Headstrong" by Trapt plays as Suzie struts out in a zipped up black leather jacket, skin tight pants, fingerless gloves, and black biker boots. She walks halfway down the aisle stops and looks over at the fans on either side of her and winks at them but with only a slight smile on her face she then carries on walking and while doing so begins unzipping and removing her jacket revealing a white tank top. She slides in underneath the bottom rope and tosses the jacket hard at one of the ringside attendants then begins swinging her arms back and forth preparing for her match.
JLT: “Suzie is a little mean spirited backstage, but she isn’t as psychotic as her tag partner.”
Leah: “On either side of this thing there is a rivalry. It will be interesting to see how this thing goes.”
{Dee Dee and Sammy are having quite an argument before the bell. Almost on cue Darla and Suzie begin screaming at one another. The referee breaks up on spat, only to have to turn around and break up the other. Darla and Suzie appear to be less than congenial, and the argument turns into a slugfest in the middle of the ring. Sammy and Dee Dee step out of the ring, and the referee calls for the bell.}
Leah: “These two hate each other so much, they couldn’t even wait for the bell!”
{Suzie gets the better of the slugfest, and hammers Darla in the head repeatedly, driving her into the corner. The referee warns about the closed fist. Suzie shakes off the ref, and drives a trio of shoulders into the Texan’s stomach. Darla holds her stomach breathlessly, and Suzie snap mares her out of the corner, and follows up with a rolling neck snap. Darla is still trying to catch her breath, but favors her neck as she rolls on the mat.}
JLT: “Suzie is brutal in there! Absolutely no let up from this wild New Yorker!”
Leah: “This is a lot harder than wrestling cows on the farm DARLA.”
{Suzie picks up Darla, locks her into position and drives her to the mat with a delayed vertical supplex. Darla scream on impact, and Suzie is quick to roll to her feet and taunt the crowd. Darla struggles her way to her feet, and Suzie is right back on top of her with a brutal kick to the head. Darla stumbles and falls against the ropes. Suzie bounds from the far side and looks as though she’s going to try and 619. She executes on the return, and Darla is able to move out of the way, and quickly tags in Sammy. Suzie looks shocked by the quick tag and the ferocity of her fresh opponent. Sammy kicks her in the stomach, and whips her to the ropes. On the return she catches Suzie and drives her to the mat with a spine buster.}
JLT: “We had a tag and the game has now changed. Sammy is a house of fire!”
Leah: “It seemed like Suzie missing that 619 really threw off her game plan. Almost like she couldn’t even conceive the miss!”
{Suzie struggles to get to her feet, and the Miamian bounds from the ropes, and nails Suzie with a high knee lift. Suzie looks like she’s out, and Dee Dee makes an obscene gesture at Darla who rushes into the ring. The referee is right there to make Darla leave the ring. Dee Dee slips in, as Sammy is hoisting Suzie to her feet. She charges in and drives a shoulder into her side. Sammy hit’s the mat in a heap, and Dee Dee rolls out of the ring and is in her corner just before the referee turns back around. Suzie walks over painfully and tags Dee Dee into the match.}
JLT: “Her goal is to capture humiliation and pain on film. Some say it makes her excited in a sexual way.”
Leah: “So what if it does? You’re one of the charter members of Smurflove.com.”
{Dee Dee comes into the ring and smiles as Sammy attempts to struggle to her feet. With a grin she jumps high in the air and drives a knee into the small of her back, then another as she lays on the mat in pain. She plants the knee in Sammy’s back and hooks the chin, wrenching her back in a modified camel clutch. Sammy screams in pain and Darla stomps and cheers from ringside.}
Leah: “Looks like Sammy is in quite the pickle now. It’s not like taking the pickle in
training, she is really getting worked over with that hold.”
{Dee Dee smiles to the crowd as she continues the hold, then seems to get bored and breaks the hold by way of a vicious forearm shot to the side of the head. Sammy rolls from the shot, and seems to be a little punch drunk. Dee Dee follows her and stands on her chest, using the ropes for leverage. The referee calls for the break but Dee Dee makes him count and finally releases at four before getting a tongue lashing from the referee. She back up and nods her head as the ref chastises her, and it gives Sammy a little space. Dee Dee moves in and grabs a handful of hair, but Sammy quickly grabs her around the waist and falls backward. Dee Dee’s neck snaps against the top rope and she stumbles into the center of the ring trying to catch her breath.}
JLT: “That was pure desperation right there, but she got some space!”
{Sammy dashes in and takes the shutterbug down with a flying head scissors, and locks in the Miami Vice! Dee Dee is struggling desperately to get loose, but she is fading fast. Suzie leaps up to the top rope and sails off, nailing Sammy with a leg drop! Sammy releases the hold and Dee Dee rolls away. Darla rushes into the ring and nails Suzie with a shot to the forehead. Dee Dee catches her from behind and nails her with a kick to the gut. The pair drive Darla into the ropes, and Dee Dee ties her into the ropes. Suzie catches her breath as Dee Dee slaps her face and laughs.}
Leah: “She calls this make love to the camera.”
JLT: “That’s sick.”
Leah: “I think it’s funny, although Darla doesn’t seem to be a big fan.”
{Sammy is back up, and hits Dee Dee from behind with a double sledge. The photographer stumbles, then topples over the top rope and to the floor. The referee has lost any semblance of order, and is trying to get Darla loose from the ropes. Suzie snatches Sammy by the arm, and drives her to the mat with a short arm clothesline. She rolls, pulls her up and repeats twice more before the referee orders her out of the ring. Darla is loose and she slips up and drops Suzie in the Daniels Deathdrop!}
JLT: “There seems to be no rhyme or reason to this match anymore! It’s just a madhouse in there!”
{Dee Dee slips back into the ring, and drives an elbow into Darla’s head. The hold is broken and the referee orders both of the non legal women out of the ring. Dee Dee zones in on Sammy, who is struggling to her feet. Sammy rushes in and drives the photographer to the mat with a clothesline. She falls as well, obviously exhausted by the match. Sammy stumbles over and tags in Darla, but Dee Dee also makes the tag, and the two longtime enemies again are in the middle of the ring hammering on each other with fists. This time Darla gets the upper hand, and drives Suzie to the corner with a series of European forearms.}
Leah: “You know, I could be wrong, but it seems like those two don’t like each other.”
{Darla whips Suzie to the ropes, and bounds from the far side. They collide in the center of the ring, both attempting cross body blocks. Both women appear to be out in the center of the ring. The crowd gasps at the sound of the impact, and both women appear to be in bad shape.}
Leah: “They just knocked themselves stupid.”
{Darla and Suzie both crawl to their feet, Darla tries to crawl to her corner to tag in her partner but Suzie stands and approaches her from behind. Suzie pulls Darla to her feet from behind into a waistlock and applies a sleeper hold. Suzie applies pressure to the hold trying to choke out her old rival but Darla leans forward and manages to flip Suzie onto the canvas.}
{Darla then heads to her corner and quickly tags in Sammantha Moore. Sammy climbs to the top rope and perches as Suzie stands and turns towards her. Sammy leaps from the top rope with a Bringin’ Da Heat molly-go-round move and slams Suzie into the canvas. Sammy holds both Suzie’s legs and holds her position for a pin.}
JLT: Nice move from Sammy! She stunned Suzie!
1
2
3!
Leah: They won!
John Roe: Here are your winners…DARLA DANIELS & SAMMANTHA MOORE!!!
{Dee Dee arrives too late to break up the pin and instead turns and leaves the ring, playing with her camera. Sammantha stands and raises her arms in the air, celebrating her victory. Suzie sits up on the canvas as Darla climbs to the top turnbuckle and applauds her own victory.}
JLT: That was a good match from everyone involved! They should be proud of themselves but it’s Darla and Sammy who walk away with the victory!
Leah: I wonder why Dee Dee didn’t take my picture? Doesn’t she know how gorgeous I am?
{Darla turns to leave the ring, only for Suzie to suddenly run
across and tackle her legs and the two spill out
between the ropes, The two get to their feet and begin
trading punches with each other, Suzie manages to
throw Darla into the retaining barrier but and goes to
mount only to be kicked away. Darla is back up and
begins punching and kicking away forcing Suzie back up
the aisle and to the back. They tumble through the
curtain and through the backstage area into the
catering area. Darla throws suzie over the table
knocking a good part of the food onto the floor. Darla
throws the table out of her way Suzie gets back up and
blasts Darla with a full jar of mustard causing Darla
to go down giving Suzie the advantage that is until
Darla throws a an ice chest at her as the Security
finally gets them apart as they try to battle each
other even then.}
Leah: Darla and Suzie really need to sort out their shit!
JLT: They love going after each other!
[The lights fade slowly and as the pink banner floats across the Divatron, the camera focuses on Leah's face she turns towards the camera glares at it as it begins backing up.]
Bombastic Announcer: And now once, again, the moment you all have been waiting for… here is Blonde TV!
[Suddenly “Maneater” by Nelly Furtado blasts through the stereo system as the big screen shows a vignette of the ladies of Blonde Ambition…]
[Leah happily begins dancing in her seat to the sounds of Nelly while JLT looks confused.]
JLT: This isn’t their theme song? Why would they be playing Maneater? Foreshadowing?
Leah: Of course, Felicity’s in Blonde Ambition and she’s one of the biggest man eaters around!
[The scene opens up inside a hotel bedroom where two figures are seen frolicking about underneath the covers. After a few minutes, Felicity’s blonde head rises from underneath the sheets with her face dampened with sweat. The other figure pulls his head from underneath he covers as well, only to reveal Tiger Lily’s ex-boyfriend, Derek.]
Felicity: [devilish grin] Ready to go again?
[Derek smiles back at the lovely woman and seems ready for action but their second go around is interrupted by a light tapping at the door and Tiger Lily’s voice is heard from the other side.]
Lily: Derek…? Are you there? I want to talk.
[The camera zooms in on Derek’s face, which is in complete shock.]
Derek: Uh…yeah hon, just a second!
[He turns back to face Felicity.]
Derek: You need to get out of here!
Felicity: Where the hell am I supposed to go?
Derek: I don’t know, hide somewhere!
[Derek quickly pushes Felicity off the bed and sends her to the floor, completely butt naked.]
Felicity: GAH!
[Felicity frowns back up at him and rolls her eyes. She crawls underneath the bed as a key in the door is heard.]
Lily: What was that noise?
[Lily turns the key and walks into the hotel room where she finds Derek lying shirtless on the bed. A nervous sweat trickles down the side of his face as he adjusts himself under the covers.]
Derek: Oh hey…I didn’t know you were coming.
Lily: Well I didn’t like the way we left…is that perfume I smell?
Derek: Perfume? What?
Lily: It’s not my perfume, but…
[Lily’s voice trails off when she notices a pair of red satin panties lying on the floor. She raises an eyebrow and turns angrily at Derek. He gives a nervous smile back at her.]
Derek: Heh…
Lily: Oh MY god…we haven’t even like been apart for two hours and you’re already with another woman?
Derek: NO! It’s not like that…it’s…
Felicity: [From under the bed…] Actually…it’s a lot like that…
[Felicity rises up from her hiding place, with a wide grin on her face and promptly covers herself with a bath towel. Lily stands wide-eyed in shock and looks back and forth between Felicity and Derek, who looks stunned himself.]
Lily: You…?
Felicity: Hello darling.
Lily: But why?
Felicity: Face it, Tigress. You just don’t measure up when it comes to the bed department, Derek needs a real woman…not a little girl pretending to be one. And trust me…we’ve had a fantastic evening.
[Lily glares at Felicity and puts her hands on her hips.]
Lily: I see…
Derek: Lily…
Lily: Shut up, Fabio. Well it appears I’ve interrupted your ‘fantastic evening’. Just make sure you use protection…you don’t want history to repeat itself…
[Lily eyes Felicity one last time before dashing out of the room, slamming the door behind her. The camera zooms in on Felicity’s smiling face and begins to fade out…]
Handicap Match
JLT: “Lilith is one crazy woman next as she takes on The Tradition, 3 on 1.”
Leah: “Stop bashing Grace Jones!”
"Nobody's Listening" by Linkin Park hits as smoke engulfs the stage. Janine Johnson emerges through the smoke and immediately recieves cheers. Maya Okosaki and Noriko Lee stand beside her, Maya standing seriously on the stage as Noriko holds her Singapore cane high above her head. "The Fantastic One" Aaron Johnson stands behind them carrying a blue steel chair with TFO on the seat in white letters. The Tradition all head down to the ring high fiving the fans along the way, save Maya who's focus remains on the ring. Janine rolls into the ring while her father unfolds the chair on the outside and takes a seat, clapping for the trio. Maya enters the ring and heads to their corner to meditate as Noriko enters the ring and raises the cane above her head again. Janine climbs the turnbuckles and raises her arms before doing a backflip off the top and landing on her feet. Maya steps out of her meditation and The Tradition begin to talk strategy for the match as the fans cheer them wildly.
JLT: “Even though this is a three on one match, a lot of people seem to be questioning the sanity of the Tradition. Collectively the tradition is as talented as a wrestling stable can get, but no one in their right mind walks into the belly of beast with Lilith.”
Leah: “Would you shut up Jamie! If you keep talking smack about Lilith she might hear you!”
JLT: “I found this match to be a little odd…”
Leah: “Odd? Triple trouble apparently wants to try Lilith on for size, and when they burst into flames and burn like semi asian chickens, we will know the hand of darkness always wins because good is dumb.”
"Just Let The Sun" by Skin hits the PA system, the arena drops into darkness for several seconds. The lights resume, and attention turns to the stage, to see Lilith standing on the top of the entrance way, balancing on the edge of a small ledge. Her arms are outstretched. Lilith leaps into the air, clicking her feet together and lands on the stage. Lilith stares down some of the fans in the front row with a demonic grin on her face and licking her lips.
Leah: “Look at that! Those faces are exactly how the Tradition will look when this match is over.”
JLT: “It’s just a little odd though Leah. The odds are stacked high against Lilith, but she has no fear as she surveys her opponents.”
Leah: “Why should she be afraid? She’s a former unleashed champion and has little to prove in the ring. Not to mention she’s backed up by her sisterhood of Morrigan and Kristina! You see that bunch prowling the hallways it’s like the Devils Rejects have come to breakfast!”
{The match begins and Lilith remains crouched in her corner and looking at the Tradition with an evil glare. The trio talk for just another moment, and Janine stays in the ring to tackle Lilith on the first leg of the fight. She moves cautiously to the center of the ring, and Lilith also moves in. They lock up and Lilith is easily winning the test of strength. Janine is backed into the corner, and the referee calls for the break. Lilith cackles wildly, breaks the hold, and backs off.}
Leah: “A clean break? Woooooowwwww.”
JLT: “Keep that Wow stuff up, and I’ll have my agent introduce you to Flava Flav.” |
