Friday January 23rd 2009
Washington, D.C.

[We cut into the arena and the fans are on their feet, cheering, thrusting their signs into the air. The theme to Exile blasts over the arena, as the camera pans away from the stage, over the ring, over the commentators and into the cheering crowd. The camera then pans around the arena to see the signs held by the fans, with the signs in an arrange of colours and messages. The director of the show picks out his favourite: "Let me put my needle on it, Tequila!", "I'm the mystery opponent!" and "Obama!" are just a select few. The audience cheers as we an around the audience once more before we cut to JLT and Leah at ringside. They smile at the camera.] JLT: Welcome to Exile, the inauguration special! We're celebrating in style tonight with a special Obama party happening backstage, hosted by none of than Star, and we've got an amazing night of matches coming your way including a fight for the Unleashed belt! Leah: With a mystery opponent too, but I can reveal to you all that the mystery entrant is Crystal Deymonaz. Shock. Horror. JLT: Leah, we were supposed to keep it a secret! Leah: Well now we can talk about my man Obama. It sucks I'm stuck out here with you when I could be livin' it up backstage with my gurl Star. JLT: We can later on! Tequila is having a party too, you know, for her single release! Apparently not many people are attending that though and many are opting for Star's party! Looks like we have a showdown brewing! Leah: Tequila sucks, after what she did to the divas with that punch at Christmas, no wonder nobody is at her party. Anyways, I hope this show is over quickly, I can't be assed sitting through another Exile. My ass always goes numb! JLT: We have leather seats, they're cushioned! Leah: Whatever, just get me backstage! I want an Obamamama cocktail, it's like Bahama Mama but...with Obama! JLT: We get it, you like Obama! Leah: Yes, I do. Tag Team Match Darla Daniels & Samantha James vs. Kitty Cummings & White Lightning JLT: We’ve got Kitty Cummings teaming up with White Lightning to take on Darla Daniels and Samantha James next! Leah: I hate Kitty, she’s always so nervous. It’s like, pop a xanax! JLT: She idolises Darla, I wonder how she’s going to fair facing her in this match. It’s never nice to have to fight your friends. Leah: As if Kitty has any friends. Inside the ring Kitty removes her Darla Daniels Tee to reveal her wrestling attire as the bell signals Kitty starts for her team as does Samantha for her team. Kitty runs and hits Samantha with a hard clothesline. Kitty jumps on top of Samantha as she hammers down on Samantha with hard left and rights. Leah: Okay so can we please get over and done with this. JLT: Why? Leah: I want to see the main event, I think it is the best yet. JLT: Why is that? Leah: Total Bitch fest. Back inside the ring Kitty lifts Samantha up to her feet and send her back to the make with a kick to the head. Kitty smiles at Darla as she goes back to work on Samantha with kicks and stomps. Kitty drags her over as she tags in White Lighting, White Lighting goes for a hard hitting DDT. She tries to pin up Samantha breaks it before the count, White Lighting tries to catch Samantha by the legs but Samantha botches a kick to the gut by kicking in the air. She finally nails a kick in the gut allowing White Lighting to catch herself. Samantha tags in Darla as Darla hops on the ropes and jumps unto White Lighting with a high and powerful cross body. She gets a one count as White Lighting tosses her off of her. Darla awaits Lighting to stand as she goes but misses a close line as White Lighting then tags in Kitty. Kitty smiles as she enters the ring. She holds her hand out to shake Darla’s hand but Darla looks around wondering whether to shake it or not. Leah: What is this Paris Hilton’s my new bff? JLT: Leah maybe she wants a fair fight. Leah: Or maybe a new girlfriend. Boy, all the freaks we have around this place. JLT: Wow, really? Leah: If they are not sleeping with the boss they are sleeping with coworkers. JLT: We are not sleeping with the boss. Leah: I know your not, you around her snooping with Bobbi. JLT: Excuse me. Leah: Wow did you see that? JLT: See what…wait don’t switch the subject. Back inside the ring Darla tag in Samantha as she goes in and locks up with Kitty. Kitty snaps a little bit with the rejection Darla gave to her, she then tosses Samantha outside the ring and run out and begins to fight her on the outside. Darla walks around to break them up by is meet by White Lighting who hits her with a chair to the face and begins attacking her. The ref calls the bell as double DQ by ring out. As security enters the area to break the girls on the outside up. JLT: That was quick, we’ve ended with a DQ. Leah: I know, that was over faster than sex with Shane Rockford. JLT: How would you know?! Leah: It’s what I’ve heard? As if I would sleep with Shane when I have my loveball at home. Hey baby! I’ma giving you a shout out! What what! JLT: Smooth. Leah: I can be ghetto when I want to. White Lightning seems to be a thug, did you see what she did? Essex girls are skanky. [The scene switches to one of DU's excessively opulent dressing rooms - which can be transported effortlessly to any sufficiently large building in the world through a process Tequila likes to call 'glam magic' and which everyone else calls 'a bunch of trucks' - and an enraged Veronica Valiant.] Veronica: Dammit! [Scooping up the nearest fragile object, Veronica hurls a flower pot at the far wall - nearly decapitating her helpful minion Jun Takada, who ducks in the nick of time, not looking terribly concerned or surprised by his boss' current mood.] Veronica: What kind of show are they supposed to be working around here? I mean, they send me the card, which tells me nothing except I'm teaming up with the idiot ninja from last week in some sort of holiday special cash-in affair, and then it's only the minute I actually turn up that the aforementioned ninja goes, "Durrr, ain't you supposed to have a costume?" [Takada calmly nods along, though whether or not he's listening is up for debate.] Veronica: Fucking fancy dress! How stupid is that? It's like they think getting some big-eared dolt in the White House is important or something...gah. [Veronica mutters something, quietly enough to be inaudible. Takada frowns.] Takada: Pardon? Veronica: I need help, alright? Don't make me say it again, just...find me a fashionista. Takada: Of course, ma - ah, what exactly does a fashionista look like? Veronica: Must I do everything myself? [Veronica gives a theatrical sigh as she pushes her way out of the room, and with Takada lingering at her heel, she paces the outside corridors, hands on hips, looking for that special someone...] Veronica: These types, they wander around in a daze, head in the clouds, wearing embarassingly loud clothes to make some kind of statement only they themselves understand - THERE! [Takada whirls on the spot to where Veronica points, finding none other than the Femme Fatale, Crystal Deymonaz. Crystal has a perscription bottle in one hand and with the other is trying to reach for a martini, which Anthony is refusing to give her.] Crystal: Anthony! How am I supposed to take my Vitamin O supplements if I can't wash them down? Anthony: Oxycotton is NOT a vitamin! Crystal: But they match my shoes! [Veronica sees her fashionista.] Veronica: Get her. Takada: Yes, ma'am. [Takada clicks his heels together and smartly marches down the corridor - ] Takada: Excuse me. Crystal: ...Anthony... did I take my vitamins yet or is there really a hot asian man carrying me away? [ - and grabs Crystal D., lifting her over his shoulders before carrying her back to Veronica. Anthony opens his mouth to shout something, before being lulled into a trance-like state by Takada's butt motions and following Takada down the hall.] Veronica: Now, you - whoever you are - Crystal: Anthony! did you sign me up for a bi-orgy again. I told you I am off fish right now! Veronica: *growls* You are going to help me get ready for this...costume match tonight. Crystal: COSTUMES! YAY! Anthony, c'mon! We can pretend we're on Project Runway again! [Anthony, who has yet to take his eyes off Takada shakes his head.] Anthony: Nah, I'm good. [Crystal rushes the dressing room, inadvertantly tripping over the edge of the rug and falls over, prompting Veronica to look to the ceiling and mouth "Why me?".] Crystal: Who the hell put this floor here?! Takada: Will you be needing any help, miss Valiant? Veronica: No, it's just me and the drunk chick in a small room, what could possibly happen? [Veronica winces.] Veronica: Ooh, that came out wrong. Y'know what I mean. [With that, she shuts the door.] [Takada leans back against the corridor wall, worry etched across his face - worry that changes to disgust when he sees Anthony's hand slowly reaching for his buttox. Naturally, he gives the offending hand a darn good smack.] Anthony: OW! *Scene opens backstage where Joe Ragnal is standing in front of the camera with a microphone in hand* Joe: Hey, Joe Ragnal here, and I'm alongside the newbie of Divas Unleashed, Luna. So...where is she? Oh...it's NOT the cat from Sailor Moon? Man...Well, anyway, here's Luna. *The camera pans backwards to reveal the very tall Luna who towers over Joe* Luna: Hello Joe Joe: Yeah, great to- Joe turns to face Luna, meeting her at chest level. Joe: ...wow...you're a really tall woman. Luna: Eyes up here honey! Joe looks up. Joe: Ah, sorry. He clears his throat before continuing. Joe: So, um, how's it feel to be the newest of the new in DU...oo? Luna: It feels great. Did you know that a new moon is hanging in the heavens above us right now? There's a new year upon us... a new world leader taking the stage... There is no better time for me, Luna, to take my place amoung the stars and show just why I am destined to be the greatest female wrestler in the world. Joe, bored with her words, looks back down at her chest. Joe: I see... *Luna uses her fingers to direct Joe's gaze back up to Luna's face* Luna: What kind of a reporter are you? He looks back up at her. Joe: What kind of a reporter am-...wait, no, I ask the questions, hon, sorry. Luna: You won some contest or something right? Have you heard of sexual harrassment? Look at you. You think you'd have a shot at this? Joe: Yanno...if you weren't so tall, you might not have to bash so many guys heads in. He laughs nervously. Luna: Ugh... I'm sick of this. just let Mercedez know her ass is mine and she's about to have the ring floor wiped with her face. *Luna walks away pissed off* Joe: ...wow...I actually survived that one. Well, this is Joe Ragnal sending it back to the chicas at the announce table. Leia, JLH, the floor is yours. Singles Match Luna vs. Mercedes Vargas Leah: What did he just call me? JLT: Don't worry about it, it's Joe. Now we're moving on to – another match! Leah: Shock! JLT: Where we shall see Mercedes Vargas, who decisively won her debut match last week and isn’t a car, take on Luna, who randomly assaulted Didgitz and Codi Leigh last week, and isn’t actually the Moon. Just so we’re all clear on that. John Roe: This next bout is set for one fall! Approaching the ring now, hailing from Buenos Aires, Argentina...MERCEDES VARGAS! ["Face to Face" by Siousie & the Banshees starts from the PA system as Mercedes appears on the entranceway, hand on hip. Cheers, boos and catcalls soon greet her. Oblivious and yet satisfied with their reaction for several seconds, she flips her long hair, then makes her way to the ring. She makes a point of wiggling her ass to the cameras, which shows that the back of her pants is emblazoned with the image of Cristina Fernandez, the current President of Argentina.] JLT: Mercedes making her own political views very clear to everyone tonight... Leah: Oh, is that what it is? Thought it was a pic of her mom. [As Mercedes reaches the apron, she climbs to the turnbuckle, then stares around at the many US flags in the audience with scorn, or maybe pity.] John Roe: And her opponent...from somewhere in space – no, wait, I mean Hilo, Hawaii – LUNA! [“Spiceworld” hits. The drum roll tumbles down and 6 silver pyros shoot from the ceiling and erupt on stage. "La la la, la la la la la la, la la la, la la la laaaa..." streams out over the PA and through the smoke, Luna skips out onto the stage. She's all smiles as she dances to the music.] Leah: I find it absolutely terrifying that, in the year 2009, somebody is still not just listening, but DANCING, to the Spice Girls. JLT: Has it occurred to you what might happen if Luna hears you saying that? Bearing in mind she’s 6’2” and all... Leah: Oh, I know. And you said she WASN’T the Moon? Girl damn near weighs the same. [Blissfully ignorant of Leah’s sniping, Luna jogs quickly down the ramp, exchanging high-fives with the fans sat at ringside before hopping up onto the apron and giving ‘em a little shake of the good stuff, much to their delight. Then she steps through the ropes, and ding-a-ling goes the bell.] [Mercedes circles Luna with no little amount of caution; even with her inflated ego, she can’t help but feel a slight sense of unease at the size difference between herself and Luna. Luna, for her part, doesn’t look like someone playing an intimidation game, bouncing on the balls of her feet as she moves in to lock up with Mercedes – who just skips to the side, SLAPPING Luna across the cheek as she goes!] Crowd: OOOOOOHHHH! Leah: BITCH SLAP! My day is made. [Luna clutches her face, looking scandalised. Mercedes laughs – then scoots out of the ring as Luna charges with a fury, the ref barely restraining her just shy of the ropes! Luna takes a moment to regain her composure...] JLT: It’s maybe a smart move on Mercedes’ part to aggravate Luna like this, since there’s really no way she can physically overpower her – uh-oh, Luna’s shoved the ref away! [Apparently, that calming pause had no effect, as Luna proceeds to slide under the ropes and chase Mercedes around the ring. Mercedes opens up a quick lead over her opponent – then stops abruptly, turns around – and KICKS THE RING STEPS, which twirl right into Luna’s legs! Luna tumbles over them and lands head over heels – wait, no, heels over head – upside down, basically, before she cries out and rolls back and forth, clutching her left knee. Mercedes makes a point of stomping on that particular knee before dragging Luna up by her hair, and slamming her nose-first into the edge of the apron. Luna gives a yelp, but doesn’t seem all that fazed as Mercedes rolls her back into the ring and covers...] [1] [Kickout with authority!] JLT: Yowza! Luna just lifted Mercedes clear off the canvas and tossed her aside! Leah: Is she on the ‘roids? JLT: Why is that your first thought? It’s possible for girls to have muscle too, y’know. Leah: Yeah, but drugs are so much easier – and she looks easy. [Mercedes growls at her failed effort to end the match quickly, before grabbing hold of Luna’s ankle as she sought to pull herself up by the ropes. Mercedes lifts the caught leg as high as it’ll go, then drives the knee right back down to the mat! Luna rolls over, as Mercedes adjusts her grip, looking for a half Boston Crab – until Luna lashes out with her free leg and kicks Mercedes right on the jaw, knocking the loudmouth away into the corner.] JLT: Smart counter there from Luna! Leah: Especially for a steroid abuser – you know what that stuff does to your head... JLT: Hush, you. [Luna manages to get her feet under her before Mercedes approaches again – and following a countered punch, she starts to get into this match for the first time, much to the audience’s enthusiasm! An elbow to the side of the head stuns Mercedes, a kneelift doubles her over, then Luna lifts her up and drives her back down with a Scoop Slam! Then, rebounding off the ropes for momentum, Luna leaps up and brings a Leg Drop down across Mercedes’ throat, leaving it there for a cover!] [1] [2 – kickout!] [Mercedes quickly sits up, coughing – and Luna applies a Surfboard Stretch, yanking back on miss Vargas’ arms and pushing one foot into her spine. Mercedes shakes her head ‘no’ to the ref, and tries to shimmy her way over to the ropes...] Leah: She’ll never make it against those juiced-up arms! JLT: Are you trying to get us taken off the air or something?! And Mercedes JUST touches the bottom rope with her foot, meaning Luna has to break the hold. [Which she does, before the ref even begins to count, like a good sport. Pulling Mercedes to her feet, Luna twists her arm into a Hammerlock – then LIFTS her right up into the air by the shoulder, with Vargas’ arm still twisted! The crowd pops as Mercedes’ eyes widen in shock, while Luna takes her time, parading her trapped opponent around the ring like an advertising billboard – one that would doubtless read ‘TERRIFIED SHE-GRAPPLERS AT ROCK-BOTTOM PRICES AVAILABLE NOW!’] JLT: How Luna is managing that on her banged-up knee I’ve no idea... Leah: She must be on morphine too. JLT: [places head in hands and moans loudly] [Eventually, Luna tires of her little game and lowers Mercedes back down to the mat, then throws her away with an Arm Drag. Mercedes rolls up to her feet, working the kinks out of her shoulder – and turns around right into a vicious Lariat that folds her up like an accordion! Luna hooks the leg again...] [1] [2] [No, kickout!] [Luna pounds the canvas in disappointment, but quickly pulls Mercedes up once more – then lifts her up for the Fly By Night (Military Press) ! Luna looks rightly pleased with herself – until Mercedes slips out of her grasp and falls behind her, then shoves Luna towards, no, OVER the ropes!] JLT: I can’t watch – wait, she’s held on! [Indeed, Luna grabbed the top rope and managed to stay on the apron – until Mercedes darts forward and nails her with a spinning roundhouse kick to the head! Luna’s eyes roll back and she falls off the apron in slow motion.] JLT: That’s the Coup de Grace! Leah: Ooh, French, that’s just stylin’! JLT: Not to mention painful, if you’re Luna! [Rather than chase down her opponent, Mercedes is happy to simply retreat to one corner and wait as the ref counts Luna out. This goes down with the crowd about as well as a dead kitten on a plate goes down with a vegetarian.] Leah: My god, that analogy sucked. JLT: What? I didn’t say anything. Leah: ...Of course you didn’t! I’m, uh, just messing with ya, is all. [The ref is counting...] [1] [2] [3] [4] [5 – Luna stirs, at last.] [6 – She plants one hand firmly on the apron...] [7 – She’s up on one knee...Mercedes is now exchanging harsh words with a front-row fan...] [8 – Luna’s rolled back in! And Mercedes hasn’t noticed! Striding over with a deeply annoyed game-face on, Luna taps Mercedes on her shoulder, and when miss Vargas turns around, she gets rocked back into the corner by a swift European uppercut, before Luna starts working over her chest with nasty knife-edge chops. Sing-along time!] Crowd: WOOOOOOOOO! Leah: Y’know – Crowd: WOOOOOOOOO! Leah: That’s really – Crowd: WOOOOOOOOO! Leah: Beginning to annoy me! JLT: It’s a tribute to Ric Flair, who’s one of the – Leah: One of the few people on the planet with bigger boobs than Bobbi Jackson, yeah, I know... JLT: Totally NOT what I was thinking, but thanks or the revolting mental image all the same. [After that, Luna whips Mercedes out of the corner, but keeps the arm held, dragging her back around for another Lariat – but Mercedes ducks her head, and Luna’s own momentum carries her up onto Mercedes’ shoulders! With more than a little effort, Mercedes lifts Luna up, then swings her legs out to the back and falls, bringing the Moon Maiden down with an Argentine Neckbreaker!] JLT: WOW! Serious power! [And there’s a cover!] [1] [2] [3 – no! Another kickout!] [Mercedes vents her frustration by shoving the ref to one side, then plants one boot firmly across Luna’s gut and steps over her, forcing the breath out of Luna as she heads for the turnbuckle. Mercedes begins to climb up to the top rope...] JLT: Clearly, Mercedes must be feeling desperate – this is the first genuinely risky move she’s done all match... Leah: What, climbing a metre-tall pole? JLT: Erm...okay, what she’s going to do AFTER the climb will be risky. That’s what I meant. [Rather than dive onto her prone opponent, however, Mercedes chooses to wait for her to rise – shouting at her the whole time. Once Luna’s up, Mercedes grabs her hair and pulls her into a front facelock – but Luna breaks out of it – and grabs Mercedes by the throat – then turns and CHOKESLAMS HER RIGHT OFF THE TURNBUCKLE! Mercedes bounces off the mat, then rolls over into the center of the ring before lying still. Luna, meanwhile, sinks to her hands and knees, exhausted.] JLT: Big move from Luna, but she looks out of it – can she follow up? Leah: Not without another hit of the ‘magic juice’, no. JLT: Enough! [After the ref counts to four, Luna finally starts to crawl over to Mercedes and...aaaaaannnnd...yes, she’s got an arm over – do your thang, Mister/Miss Anonymous Referee!] [1] [2] [3!] [Oops, no, it’s a kickout!] Leah: Seriously getting bored of this now. Just let the cool girl win, spacey-chick! JLT: Oh, that’ll work...just like it does every other time... Leah: Exactly! JLT: Sarcasm, Leah, sarcasm. Leah: Oh...bitch. [Luna takes a few moments to recollect her scattered bearings, before dragging Mercedes up once again and driving a knee into her solar plexus, then lifting her into a straight-up Suplex and leaving her hanging...hanging...oh, but Mercedes slips away over her shoulder and brings her down with a reverse X-Factor! Not content with that, Mercedes applies a shoulder-claw hold, looking for more pain rather than a submission, it seems.] JLT: You can probably hear Luna screaming, folks...er...and Mercedes too? Wha - ? [Indeed, Mercedes’ eyes have widened, and she starts to cry out – because Luna has pried the Argentinean’s hands away and locked them with her own, and is now forcing them up...] JLT: TEST YOUR MIGHT! Uh, I mean test of strength! Shades of classic Japanese wrestling here! Leah: Did you...you just quoted a videogame! In DU? You’re screwing with the aesthetic, gurl! Back to TopShop for rehab! [Luna’s now up to her feet, and holds Mercedes’ hands up above both their heads, slowly bending back Mercedes’ fingers and forcing her back a step...and another...and then Luna lashes out with a kick to the gut, and hooks Mercedes’ arms, before lifting her up – and SLAMMING her down with the Eclipse powerbomb, rolling through into a pin!] [1] [2] [3] John Roe: Your winner, by pinfall – LUNA! JLT: Now THAT’S a decisive victory! Leah: NO! I demand a recount! The glam one must always win! JLT: Some things matter more in wrestling than how you look. Leah: Uh, yeah, in RoB maybe, but this is my house and y’all should play by my rules! JLT: Why don’t I see that happening? [Luna quickly rolls out of the ring and greets the cheering ringside audience with hugs and blown kisses, jubilant at her triumphant debut, whilst Mercedes buries her face in her hands and rolls back and forth on the mat, shrieking hysterically like a spoiled five-year-old, as we fade out...] [Again we fade into a slightly dingy backstage corridor, outside the dressing room belonging to Veronica Valiant. Takada and Anthony are busy playing on a pair of DS Lites - and something seems to be going Anthony's way as he punches the air with glee.] Anthony: HA! So much for your grenadiers! Chalk up another section of the map for General Awesome... Takada: Not if my aircraft carriers have anything to say on the matter. Anthony: Er, what?...oh, hell. Takada: All your base are belong to me! [Then, both men jump out of their skins at the sound of a piercing shriek, glass shattering, some pirates swearing and a burst of heavy-duty machine-gun fire ALL AT ONCE. The door to the room bursts open, and Crystal D. staggers out, brushing some soot off her clothes and looking a bit worried.] Anthony: I'm guessing it didn't go well. Crystal: Who the hell makes up these match stipulations?! Michael Korrs & Nina Garcia are so gonna bitch me out... [And then appears Veronica. She's clad in a long grey skirt and matching blouse, accompanied by what appears to be a Florence Nightingale cap. Her cuffs have little frilly bits on them. As for her face, well...'apoplectic' is one way of describing it. A kind way, in fact.] Takada: Ah... Anthony: Yeah, Crystal, you kinda made her a bit of a...nun. [Takada swiftly stamps on Anthony's foot.] Anthony: OW! Again! Veronica: I would have your friend killed if I didn't completely agree with him, miss Demon-ass. Anthony: Uh, it's Deymonaz. [Veronica's glare becomes even less pleasant.] Anthony: ...Aaaand you clearly don't care. Eh-heh-heh-heh...we'll just be taking our leave now... Crystal: Anthony! There's that hot asian guy again! [Crystal goes to reach for his ass in the same manner that Anthony had before.] Crystal: It's so firm! [Anthony tugs Crystal's shoulder, trying to get away from Veronica.] Anthony: Crystal, I left your martini in the locker room, let's go get it! Crystal: But I want to play with the asian... [Anthony begins to lead Crystal away down the hall, who keeps turning around to look at back Takeda.] Anthony: He's invisible, you're seeing things again. Crystal: But... I touched him... he's real... isn't he? Anthony: You actually touched my butt again. Yea... that's what happened. Crystal: Pfft! I touched a rock, not your saggy ass. Anthony: HEY! [Crystal and Anthony turn the corner, Takada tries very hard not to look at his boss, whilst Veronica just stands in the doorframe and seethes, finally muttering...] Veronica: S**t like this is exactly why people in general need to die horribly. [Grumbling some more, Veronica storms off in the direction of the stage entrance, with Takada following outside of arms' length. Crystal then heads back to Tequila's party, with Anthony in tow, as Crystal recites her drinks order that she would like as soon as she steps foot in the party.] [ The scene is taken backstage where we see, Joe Ragnal standing in front of the camera, looking to be ready to give his next interview of the night, but with the sound of high heels, and a steamy breezy, chic sounding “I’m better then you” pair of high heels echoes across the floor Joe turns his head to look and see The truest bitch of DU, Krysta Taylor. She smiles promptly before taking the microphone from his hand and speaking.] Krysta: Joe, hun, I’m sorry, but I’ve been requested as special interviewer for this next guest. It appears she doesn’t like you, but you can find your way over there, while I do this. Or better yet, fuck off completely. [Kysta smiles abruptly. She was enjoying every effortless minute of this apparently, and with a huge smile coming to her face, as she sees the camera she speaks. ] Krysta: Finally some air time! AHH! Anyways, uhm I guess it’s time to announce the guest who thinks she’s special, please welcome the tantastic Meggie Alexander. [Krysta pouts a bit as she sees Meggie approaching, who looks to be all glammed up for her match tonight. She smiles extensively, though it is a cruel and vicious smile, before she turns to Krysta.] Meggie: Glad to see you can do something right. Hag, now give me my mic. I don’t need any questions. [Krysta shrugs handing the microphone over and giving a grin.] Krysta: I really don’t care what you have to say. I’m just here for the airtime anyways, be my guest. Everyone at home is already thinking how better I look compared to you. [Krysta now steps to the side, making a few waves to the camera, even lifting her top up to show some skin before Meggie turns the camera towards herself, though we can hear Krysta saying several words, Meggie begins speaking.] Meggie: Alright bitches, listen and listen well! Tonight is my night, and if any of you march out there, trying to win my title, well let me just tell you a thing or two. Tonight is my night! We all back here know, that the Unleashed Title is going to change hands. I promise you that it will. Not only do I promise that it will change hands, but I guarantee my contract on it. If Bobbi Jackson doesn’t lose tonight, the I, Meggie Skyfyre will give up my position in the company. [Cheers can be heard in the crowd, and Meggie only smiles, that same evil smile.] Meggie: I suppose you idiots think it’s not going to happen. That I will not walk out with the championship, but I know you’re wrong. I never said I had to win the title to stay around, but I promise you, that Bobbi Jackson will not be holding it by tonight and if any of you other girls think that getting in my way, is going to help, well then I’ve got news for you. Step in my way, and you will meet the same fate she does. You will be axed, by the bronze assassin. Isn’t that right Krysta. [Krysta now comes back in the picture and is still dancing around with the camera on her, as Meggie shoves the microphone into her chest. We see Krysta calling her a bitch, as Meggie walks off and the scene fades] We fade back from commercial as Linda Ragnal is standing in the ring, mic in hand. Linda: First off, this may very well be the last time I make an appearance inside the DU ring. The crowd boos the announcement. Linda: I know...I'm sorry, but a lot is going on in my life...I've been moving on, I've grown up a bit...I've considered a family in the near future...and I feel happy. But some things have to be taken out of my schedule, and unfortunately, DU is one of them. She takes a deep breath before continuing. Linda: Second...I just want to thank everyone, from the roster to Tequila to Bobbi and a bunch of the other girls, and even you fans... The crowd applauds. Linda: I just want to thank everyone for the support I've had since day one of my wrestling career. Not just here, but when I started off. For those of you that have stayed with me, I thank you. It's a tough decision I've had to make, but unfortunately, I need to stick to it. So I thank everyone for understanding, and with no interruption, I'd like to say than- Finger Eleven's "Paralyzer" hits the PA cutting Linda before she can finish. From out of the back comes the so-called "world famous" supermodel, Totally Radd. She makes a beeline straight to the ring. Linda glares at Radd, her arms crossed as she's not happy with the interruption. Radd avoids her glare to vogue just once with her entrance back light with a snap of her fingers. Upon being finished, she pulls herself up to the apron then steps into the ring itself. Her eyes avert upward as she faces Linda. She holds her hand out like she's expecting something. Linda looks down at the hand, the back up at Radd. Linda: And...you want...what? As if the mere voice of Linda pains her, Radd grimaces. She loudly coughs and holds her hand out even more dramatically. Linda raises an eyebrow. Linda: ...what, cat got your tongue? You can't just say what you want? Or am I too "low" for you to actually SAY something to? Getting seemingly more annoyed with the situation, Radd huffs and stomps right past Linda to the other side of the ring. She gawks at the techie holding a live mic and folds her arms. Finally getting the hint he begrudgingly gets up, handing it off to her. Radd: *At the techie* If I was paying you, your fat ass would be fired for sheer laziness. That or the fact you're most likely to die a virgin that even desperate gay men wouldn't touch. Linda rolls her eyes, then walks to the ropes, resting against them. Linda: So...I'm hoping you're wasting good airtime here. Radd: To the person that doesn't exist. *She points behind herself.* This piece of shit company owes me all the time they have. I'M the one keeping this promotion from going into the red just by having my name on the card. And yet I get no respect for any of it! Terrible! NERVING! UNFABULOUS! It's enough to make a perfect goddess faint into a beauty coma. Linda: Funny. Ever since you showed up, the shows have been more and more delayed. I guess the network felt they needed a break from your face. The crowd's reaction is simply "OOOOOOOH!" Linda: In fact, it's not as bad right now as it's going to be in two minutes. Linda looks at her wristwatch for the time. A ice blue eye twitches as Radd turns around to glare at Linda. This lasts all of two seconds before Radd gets confused. Radd: They let lesbian whores from off the streets on the show? Guess I'm not surprised. But hey, anyone that talks to me instantly gains a small moment of fame. Hint the term small. Now get out of here, Whorrie. Beauty needs to speak. Linda: Minute and two seconds... Radd: *She drops her cool, smug smile. Immediately she gets in the face of Linda.* No. I know who you are. The so-call "Ocean's Beauty". What a crock of shit! Maybe a toxic ocean of piss and shit's beauty. But that's for another day. *Cooling off.* So you're finally taking your homely, fat ass home? THANK GOD. Here's a little tip straight from a deity to you. Go. Go get your little marriage to Dyke McManknuckle, adopt a bunch of unwanted children, and for Me sakes get some better work done on your eyes. How you walk around all day like that.... Hideo- Linda: TIME! Linda bounces off the ropes and runs at Radd, hitting her with an uppercut to the nose just as Radd turns to face her again! The force of the blow sends the caught off guard Radd to the ground. Instantly her nose has started to bleed profusely. A quick look of the camera down at the former model shows her to be completely knocked out. Linda looks down at Radd, then out to the crowd as they chant "Thank you Linda!" Moreso for knocking Radd out than her time here, but a good ovation nonetheless. She simply takes a bow towards all sides of the ring, and then rolls out, heading up the ramp and hugging fans before she heads to the back. "Colonial" Tag Team Match Henshin Belleza & Veronica Valiant vs. Katie Kooper & Makaze vs. Tracee Nguyen & Trish Newborn ["Marking Time, Waiting for Death" starts up as the arena grows completely dark, remaining that way until the song starts to pick up, as in flash of red lights, a figure emerges from a cloud of red mist, clad in her mask and ring attire, as she steps slowly down towards the ring, eyes completely focused on it.] John Roe: The following triple threat tag team contest is scheduled for one fall, and it is the COLONIAL MATCH! First, making her way to the ring from Coral Gables, Florida… representing the American Pilgrims… she is HENSHIN BELLEZA!!! Leah: Oh my god, I forgot this match was happening. What a blight on such a perfect week. JLT: In a match to help commemorate America’s History, the participants in the Colonial match will represent various factions from that time period. Leah: And what a better way to celebrate than to suit up in as conservative folk and oppress a race of people. [Henshin simply steps into the ring, walking over to a corner of the ring and simply standing, staying completely motionless, as the lights once again return to normal. As "The World Is Not Enough" by Garbage begins to play, the audience becomes shrouded beneath royal blue mood lighting, whilst blazing white spotlights illuminate the entire ramp. Once the lyrics kick in, Veronica infuriatingly walks from the back, paying no attention whatsoever to the fans, and trying not to trip over her outfit. Jun Takada follows behind her at a respectful distance.] Leah: Well… maybe this match won’t be as bad as I thought… I love seeing other people in misery. JLT: I wonder if she’s even going to be able to wrestle in that! John Roe: …And her partner, being accompanied to the ring by Jun Takada… also representing the American Pilgrims… she is VERONICA VALIANT!!! [Veronica hops up the steps, saunters across the apron and goes to step into the ring – but instead pauses momentarily, to gaze out over the audience in disdain. Finally, she steps into the ring, before stepping to her corner and reclining lazily against it. Henshin stares intently at Veronica, while Veronica just looks angrily out into the audience. The arena begins to flicker with blue and white light as "A World Without Logos" by Yasushi Ishii plays. Fog covers the ramp as Makaze appears at the top of the ramp wearing this… unique outfit. The crowd erupts with laugher as Makaze angrily walks down to the ring, parasol in one hand, and the Rockford State Championship belt in the other.] Leah: Alright, I’m won over, this match just officially got great. John Roe: And their first opponent… making her way to the ring from Yokohama, Japan… representing the British Colonists, she is the Divas Unleashed ROCKFORD STATE CHAMPION… MAKAZE!!! [The lights return to normal as Makaze at first tries to hop onto the apron in her dress but is unsuccessful in doing so, and then begrudgingly walks over to the stairs and into the ring. "Watch Me Shine" by Joanna Pacitti blasts as Katie Kooper comes up on stage, jumping up and down in an outfit she apparently is very proud to show off. She continues down the ramp.] John Roe: And her partner… hailing from The Bronx, New York… she represents the British Colonialists… KATIE KOOPER!!! [The crowd cheers for Katie as she gets into the ring. She climbs the top turnbuckle raising her arms. She then turns to Makaze who has her dead in her sights. All of the arena lights dim as white lights appear at the entrance-way as smoke slowly lets out. "Her Portrait In Black" by Atreyu then blasts through the arena speakers, just as the music plays, the white lights continuously flash on and off. Tracee Nguyen walks out through the smoke, followed by her sister Deanna who is wearing matching attire. As they stop at the top of the ramp, pyros go off behind them. As the pyros go off, the ramp lights up in white, slowly fading into red and back. They make their way down the ramp, Tracee obviously having no issues with the outfit she is wearing.] John Roe: And the final contestants… being accompanied to the ring by Deanna Nguyen, representing the Native Americans… she is the Divas Unleashed ASKAI CHAMPION… TRACEE NGUYEN!!! [Tracee makes her way up each turnbuckle, taunting the crowd who boo her in return, as Deanna gets into arguments with the fans on the ring barrier. Morrison Poe’s "Glitter Girl (Evil Side) Remix" hits the sound system. The fans all stand awaiting Trish Newborn. Her video plays images from the last Exile in North Carolina, where she & Tracee are fighting it out. She comes out flaunting her outfit. She then runs down the catwalk slapping the hands of the fans that came to see her perform, as she walks down the catwalk, while pausing herself she just gets herself in the mental state of mind before getting inside the DU ring.] John Roe: And her partner, hailing from San Diego, California… representing the Native Americans, she is TRISH NEWBORN!!! [Trish climbs the turnbuckle with the lights dim down. Blue spotlights dance all over the arena with the crowd cheering holding her hands up to the heavens, and blows a kiss into the air.] Leah: My god, those entrances took ten years. JLT: But those Indian hats are so cute! Leah: They are ‘Native American’, NOT Indian. JLT: Since when did you become politically correct? Leah: Since a black man became President! Yes Ma’am! [JLT sighs as the bell sounds. Inside the ring all six divas stand. The referee is trying to help decide who will enter the match first. Veronica simply steps onto the apron and lazily points Henshin into the ring. She then adjusts her bonnet. Tracee Nguyen steps onto the apron and Trish begins arguing with her that it should in fact be Tracee who starts the match. Makaze and Katie Kooper are in each other’s faces, with Makaze threatening Katie with her parasol. Katie begins to giggle at the sight of angry Makaze with a giant white wig on her head and Makaze shoves Katie! Katie stumbles back and immediately gets in Makaze’s face. Henshin then takes advantage of the situation and nails Katie in the face with a boot! Katie goes down as Makaze laughs in Katie’s face, her giant wig bobbing up and down.] JLT: I’m not sure how functional ANY of these teams are going to be tonight. None of them like their team-mates, half of them hate what they are wearing and I somehow have the feeling that Makaze’s parasol isn’t all that it appears to be. Leah: As long as that parasol isn’t filled with donuts I could care less. I haven’t been able to enjoy a Krispy Kreme since I saw Crystal Hilton’s fat ass shoving them down like they were diet pills. [Henshin immediately runs over to Trish who is still arguing with Tracee in the corner and bashes Trish’s face into the turnbuckle! Tracee moves out of the way, and then gives Henshin a thumbs up. Henshin then turns and grabs Trish by the back of the neck and lifts her into a reverse fireman’s carry! As Henshin turns around though, Katie nails the chick-kick to Henshin’s face! Henshin falls over dropping Trish, but Trish catches the ropes and lands safely on the apron. Trish sees an opportunity and flips over the ropes, hitting a leg drop on Henshin! Trish & Katie give each other a nod, as each woman scrabbles to get Henshin back up on her feet.] JLT: Excellent strategy by Trish & Katie who are double-teaming the powerhouse of Henshin Belleza. Leah: How like the Brits to use the Natives against us. We’re Americans! We’ll take ‘em all on! [Henshin is pulled to her feet and whipped into the ropes by Katie & Trish. Trish & Katie go for a double clothline, but Henshin hangs onto the ropes! Katie & Trish then run over to Henshin, but Henshin flips Trish over to the outside! Katie is able to get a kick in on Henshin, before Henshin turns back and goes for a huge clothline which Katie ducks! Katie then tries to go for her Kat E-T snap ddt, but as she gets Henshin in the headlock, Henshin lifts Katie up and drives her into the corner! Katie is left gasping for breath as Henshin turns and applies a boot to Katie’s neck, strangling her.] [Outside of the ring, Tracee’s sister Deanna with Askai Championship in hand NAILS Trish Newborn in the face!!! The referee never saw it, and Deanna is able to pick Trish up and throw her back into the ring. Inside the ring, Henshin releases the foot choke hold on Katie, before suplexing her down to the mat. Henshin then walks over and slaps Veronica on the shoulder for the tag! Veronica, who wasn’t paying any particular attention to the match, now glares furiously at Henshin who gets onto the apron and points Veronica into the ring. Veronica, bonnet and all, begrudgingly gets into the ring, but with added difficulty from her awkwardly long skirt which doesn’t leave much movement for her legs. As she walks over to Trish, Trish kicks her in the gut! Trish then scrambles to her feet and gives Veronica a few punches in the head, before whipping her into the ropes. Veronica’s legs however can’t keep up with the momentum and she trips and falls! Katie, who has gotten back to her feet, quickly drops and elbow on Veronica’s back, as Trish goes to tag in Tracee. Tracee tries to back away from Trish, but Trish then slaps Tracee in the face! Tracee’s feather headband falls off and Tracee in turn slaps Trish in the face! Tracee then rushes inside of the ring and as she lunges for Trish, Trish dodges out of the way and Tracee tackles Veronica, who had still yet to completely get back to her feet! The momentum causes Veronica to stumble, but she incidentally steps on her long dress, causing her to fly inbetween the ropes and land outside of the ring!] JLT: You know that Veronica completely hates her outfit right now. She’s tripped over it and has now fallen out of the ring because of it. [Back inside the ring, Trish has gotten to her corner, but as Tracee turns to Trish, Katie runs behind her and attempts the KatScratchFever springboard bulldog!!! As Katie bounces off the ropes, Tracee is able to release Katie’s headlock hold, causing Katie to fly butt first onto the mat! Tracee immediately runs to the opposite side of the ring and then nails a dropkick to Katie’s face! Tracee covers] [1] [Katie kicks out, and Tracee pulls Katie to her feet. Outside of the ring, Jun Takada is seen calming ripping away Veronica’s long skirt as Veronica orders him to move faster, while she unties her bonnet and throws it to the ground. Inside the ring, Tracee whips Katie into the ropes and delivers a flapjack onto Katie. Tracee turns to Trish, and goes to nail her in the face but Trish leans back, dodging the hit! Tracee then kicks Trish in the stomach, causing Trish to double over and Tracee grabs Trish by her hair and snapmares her into the ring! Trish grabs her head as Veronica slides back into the ring with much more ease now being able to move her limbs freely. Katie is seen moving herself towards Makaze’s corner, as Trish begins to get to her feet. Katie gets to her feet and goes to make a tag to Makaze, but Makaze turns away and walks down the steps! Makaze smiles at Katie from the ground as Katie begins yelling at Makaze, while behind Katie, Veronica hits a drop toe-hold on Trish, and then jumps up and viscously drives both of her knees into Trish’s back as the crowd yells “OOOooo”! Veronica covers.] JLT: Veronica Valiant just nailed a brutal move she calls Breaking Even. [1] . . [2] [Katie breaks the pin, and pulls Veronica up. She whips Veronica into the ropes, but Veronica counters into a sleeper hold. Katie is able to move out of it and attempts her ‘Kooper Scooper’ flipping neckbreaker, but Veronica is able to shove Katie away before she completes the move! Veronica then locks on a dragon sleeper! Katie tries to fight out of it but can’t escape Veronica’s grasp. Veronica is about to turn the move into a twist of fate when Trish runs and springboards off the ropes, and nails a roundhouse kick on Veronica & Katie, completing her ‘Air Trish’ move! All three divas lay in the ring.] [After a few moments, all three divas begin to make it to their feet, Veronica gets the tag in to Henshin. Trish and Katie find their corners empty as the 6’1 giant enters the ring. Katie has her back turned to Henshin as she looks in desperation out to Makaze who laughs at Katie. Katie begins to step out onto the apron, and Makaze nails Katie over the head with her parasol! Katie stumbles backwards into the ring and lays motionless as a steel pipe falls out of the parasol! Makaze quickly kicks the pipe under the ring, while in the ring Trish turns into Henshin who grabs her by the face and slams her to the mat! Henshin nails her “Lifeshaver” finisher! Henshin covers.] [1] . . . [2] . . . [3] John Roe: Here are your winners… VERONICA VALIANT & HENSHIN BELLEZA!!! [As Katie lays on the mat, Makaze in full British colonial dress & giant white wig ascends the top rope and nails the “KaMakaze” corkscrew shooting-star press!!! Tracee slides into the ring with her Askai Championship belt and holds it over the defeated Trish yelling “You’ll NEVER get this belt! NEVER!”, while Veronica & Jun walk back up the ramp.] [Backstage at Tequila’s party, we see members Autumn Leigh & Cassidy Marcello, the Lipstick Mafia, standing by one of Tequila’s many posters begin to talk strategy for their upcoming match in the evening.] Autumn: Those Tag Team Titles are as good as ours Cassidy, all that stands in our way are two losers that have no idea what’s about to happen to them. Cassidy: I know! I can’t wait to get my hands back on Blonde Ambition after they beat us last Exile. [As the girls talk, the Luna enters the room, still sweaty from the match she just came from. She walks past the girls and up to Barracuda Jones, who is standing near the Lipstick Mafia girls. Autumn & Cassidy snicker.] Autumn: At least we’ll never have to worry about BA using steroids… Cassidy: Or acting like… Luna: Excuse me?! [Luna turns around with fire in her eyes.] Autumn: Oh please, what are you gonna do? Sit on us? Cassidy: Yea, get out of our face you freak! [Cassidy & Autumn turn and walk away as Luna tries to calm herself down. She grabs a bottle and launches it across the room where it breaks on the wall. She then turns and leaves the party.] [We head backstage in to one of the locker rooms. Looking around, we see to our right are a couple black drawstring backpacks hung in two different walk-in lockers; to our left is a round table with a laptop computer sitting atop it in an open position. A quick glance at the screen doesn't help, since it's on a screen saver. Not a photo-style screensaver either but rather set to the lousy generic, factory one of “Windows Vista” that floats around the screen. On a wall a few feet in front of the table is a 42” flatscreen LCD TV which is on to CNN, though oddly no one is there watching. In fact—we don't see ANYONE here. Though we do hear a couple voices..and one is certainly recognizable; Laura Seton!] Laura: [chuckling] Yeah, I know it, right? Haha! Voice: So what's the plan? Laura: Set up a date that works for as many as possible and do my thing. Voice: Where at? Laura: I don't know— [The two ladies come into view—ah, the other woman is Laura's manager Kendra. Kendra has rather dark hair worn down—it's almost pitch black and parted in the center of her head. She wears a red t-shirt and black pants with black boots. Laura has on the majority of her gear for tonight—red jersey-top with white trim and blue shorts featuring white stars; the only thing missing being her boots as she is in bare feet with what looks like red, white and blue polish alternating on her toes—so she's really taking the “patriotic” thing a step further than most. Her brown hair is, like usual before a match, down and she has a blue hair tie around her right wrist. Kendra has a seat in a chair that is close by the table while Laura walks over to her locker.] Laura: ...maybe Milwaukee ? Chicago and Minnesota make sense. Suppose I could do this at school too... Kendra: K-State?? Laura: Duh! Ha...may as well take advantage of the facilities, right? Kendra: Well, I won't be around then if that's where you pick. Why not Oklahoma? I could get you in there. Better facilities there by FAR! Laura: [giving her a questioning look] That rift really runs deep, huh? Kendra: It happens? [Laura is about to speak again as we start to hear clamoring of more female voices, this time coming from the hallway. And they are loud. And sound rather obnoxious. And the words are coming at a rather fast pace. We sneak a view of the hallway—it's Blonde Ambition!] Carley: I mean, she totally won 5 gold medals, how cool and totally American is that!? Oooh And and she is like a huge basketball star too Sissy! Courtney: Ooh! I used to play Basketball too. Such funzie times! Tiger Lily: Heeey, I wonder if she knows Michael Jordan? Do you remember Space Jam? Carley: Oooh that'd be sooo cool maybe she can even get us his autograph!! [The girls get to the locker room and we hear a very fast-paced “knockknockknockknockknock” on the door as Carely knocks. Laura turns her head to the door, looking cautiously, not having expected anyone] Laura: Yeeeeaaaah...? [Kendra gets up and makes her way to the door as Laura walks over, making a sharp move to avoid stepping on a piece of metal that's laying on the ground] Laura: Geez, almost cut my foot. [seeing her visitors] Hi...? Carley: Hiya! I'm Carley Monroe! Pleased to meet ya! [She sticks out her right hand and Kendra takes a step towards her. Laura quickly turns to her to stop her.] Laura: Oooh, hey...woah, woah, woahwoahwoah now...easy. [turning back to BA and smiling, nodding towards each member] Carley, Courtney, TL...What's up? Carley: Well we totally wanted to meet ya when we heard you were back! You’re like uber famous! Courtney: Yeah you're in the hall of fame and everything! that's super mucho cool! Tiger Lily: Didn’t you win like a bunch of basketball medals? [Laura smiles, almost embarrassed at the attention—even if well-deserved] Laura: [politely] Track medals...but yeah. Carley: Yeah! Like a she-Kurt Angle! But but you don’t suck!....[Carley pauses then starts chanting] You don’t Suck! You don’t suck! You don’t suck! [She gets a "WTF” look since she doesn't get the Angle reference] Courtney: Yeah! Where's your medals? I have a medal but it's made out of foil! Carley: Yeah! Yeah! I wanna see the medals do you have them here? I wanna see’em! [Just then Carley Monroe busts into the room uninvited and begins to search the place for the very important track medals.] Laura: HEY! [She quickly retracts her temper, not wanting to be rude before walking to her locker and reaching into her bag and pulls them out, letting them run through fingers.] Laura: [smiling] Here— [Carley holds the medals close to her face fingering them.] Carley: Oooh shiney!! Courtney: Yeah and so heavy i wonder if there's chocolate underneath them like the ones nana gives us at easter time? Tiger Lily: Mmm, I could so go for chocolate right now! [Laura gets a look of “I think I recognize you...] Laura: Are you the same Courtney Monroe that played at.... Courtney: Yeppie! I played at California State University. It was mucho funzie!! Laura: Heard you had a pretty good game of hoops in this area recently. Courtney: Yeppie skippy! Laura: Hahaha! [smiling, crossing her arms] Say, I was wondering; would you like to help me out? Training again? Could always use a skilled opponent! Courtney: Okie dokie! I love playing Basketball! it'll be FUNZIE! [Tiger Lily notices a pair of basketball sneakers and kicks them away.] Tiger Lily: Ewww, Laura you should wash out these sneakers! Phew! Laura: [sternly] Do you MIND!? [sarcastically] And gosh, sorry I don't wrestle like you, like this...[points at her feet] Tiger Lily: What? I’m just saying? Carley: Yeah she’s just saying! Don’t be sooo GRRRR!! Ooooh you know it’d be sooo cool if you had the Divas Unleashed title too, too bad you haven’t won it yet. Right sissy? Courtney: Yeah! Too bad but I'm sure it'll be coming shortly! [A frown makes its way across Laura’s face as she glares at the three invasive blondes. She speaks slowly and seethingly.] Laura: At least...I've headlined...a Pay-Per-View. At least...I've HAD...a title shot, Carley. I'm not the one...reliant...on another person. [The sisters don’t pay attention and continue scrounging through Laura’s medals and other stuff. THIS throws Laura over the edge.] Laura: STOP IT!! Just f*ckin' stop! [The three look to her, wide-eyed in surprise] YOU IDIOTS!! I've watched you on TV since I've gotten back, watching old tapes to scout everyone else here; run across B-TV...I don't how it's possible but you are really as retarded in person as you are on TV. In fact, that's what you are, you're not Blonde Ambition—you're Club Retard. You have Nitwit, Dimwit and their cousin Dunderhead. [her glare shifts from the Monroes to Lily] And why are you all so f*ckin' nosy? I showed you what you wanted, so why are you still around?? It's a tired cliché when talking to someone stupid, but you b*tches are the personification of “talking to you makes my IQ drop.” I'm the smartest person in DU and I feel now like I can't even add 3 and 5 because of you twerps. You proud of yourselves? [she looks to Carley, who appears to want to speak] You got something to say!? SAY IT! [Carley tries interjecting here, but Laura barely lets her get a word out.] Laura: SHUT UP! If you had shown any remote possibility of saying anything substantial to anyone at all during your time here, I'd let you speak. Maybe we could have an intelligent conversation, [very condescendingly] but that's asking way too much. [There's an awkward silence before Lily tries speaking up but Laura rudely cuts her off as well.] Laura: Don't talk! [getting a look of pouting] You've got a lot of nerve bringing up my lack of an Unleashed Title reign, too. F*ckin' blonde b*tches. [gives a violent gesture with her right arm motioning to the door] Get the hell out of here! Carley: Hey! She used the B-and F-words! Courtney: UMMM! Those are naughty words! We get our mouths washed out when we say those! Tiger Lily: Yeah, what's your damage? [Laura has completely lost all patience with the 3 at this point] Laura: SHUT THE F*CK UP AND GET THE F*CK OUT ALREADY!! [The trio of blondes then scurry out of the locker room as Laura slams the door behind them.] Tag Team Contendership Match Autumn Leigh & Cassidy Marcello (Lipstick Mafia) vs. Colleen Roades & Roxie Rebel (Rebel & Roades) John Roe: The following contest is a match for the Contendership of the Divas Unleashed Tag Team Championships. [“If You Seek Amy” by Britney Spears starts up on the PA system as Cassidy Marcello and Autumn Leigh make their way out onto the stage. Both wear matching attire, Autumn in a slimming black sports bra top and a pair of pink booty shorts with long socks and boots and Cassidy with a glowing pink bra top with black trim, a pink skirt, with stockings and matching tennis shoes. The girls walk down the catwalk to the ring.] John Roe: Making their way to the ring… Cassidy Marcello and Autumn Leigh… LIPSTICK MAFIA! [As Autumn & Cassidy get into the ring, Rebel & Roades’s music hits the PA System. Autumn & Cassidy look eagerly toward the stage when Colleen & Roxie are seen running through the back of the arena through the crowd and hoping the barricade behind the announcer’s table! Roxie & Colleen both slide into the ring behind the unsuspecting Lipstick Mafia and take them down with clothlines to the back of the head! The bell sounds.] Leah: That’s straight hood, coming in through the back door like that. [Autumn is the first back up to her feet and she gets clothlined out of the ring by Roxie as Colleen stomps away at Cassidy. Roxie comes over to Colleen and the two pull Cassidy up and whip her into the corner across the ring. Colleen runs and gets on her knees in front of Cassidy as Roxie runs from her corner, uses Colleen as a step and hits a big body splash onto Cassidy! The referee tries to get Colleen out of the ring after this, as Autumn slides back into the ring. Autumn grabs Roxie by the back of her head and screams curse words as she hits a HUGE hair toss, throwing Roxie’s body in a big circle before slamming her down to the mat! The crowd pops at the completion of Autumn’s ‘Sweet Dreams’ maneuver.] JLT: I think that’s a clump of Roxie’s hair in Autumn’s hands! Leah: Who knew blondes could be dumb and vicious? [Autumn is then put into her corner as Cassidy takes advantage of Roxie. She jumps high into the air and hits a big elbow onto Roxie’s gut, causing Roxie to sit up from the impact, before Cassidy kicks Roxie in the face and climbing on top of her for a pin.] [1] . . [Roxie kicks out, but Cassidy quickly pulls her up by her hair to her feet. Cassidy kicks Roxie in her stomach and whips Roxie into the ropes, but Roxie hangs on. As Cassidy runs towards Roxie, Roxie ducks and Cassidy flies over the ropes, but is able to grab them at the last second and land onto the apron. Roxie quickly pulls the ropes back towards her and uses them as a slingshot to dropkick Cassidy off the apron into the barricade!!! The crowd loves the move as Cassidy lies on the ground outside.] JLT: Roxie looked like how most kids look before they sling themselves down a slide with that sling shot there. Leah: Yea, like a kid trying to do a slide and some nerd who is too scared is in the way, so you kick them in the back. [Roxie gets out onto the apron and wait for Cassidy to get up, but Autumn is seen coming around the ring toward Roxie! Suddenly Colleen is seen leaping from inside the running and she takes Autumn out with a suicide dive! Autumn counters the move into a slam!!! Colleen hits her back hard on the outside mats and writhes in pain as Autumn gets up and yells at her.] Leah: Holy crap! JLT: They would have collided right into our table if Autumn hadn’t reversed that. Leah: Yea, right into our laps… you would have loved that, wouldn’t you? Does the “L” in your name stand for Lesbo? [Autumn turns back towards the ring and Roxie nails a dropkick to Autumn’s face!!! Autumn stumbles back against the barricade, and Roxie quickly gets up and clothlines Autumn over the barricade into the front row of the audience!!! The referee gets outside the ring and tries to get the legal people back in.] JLT: I think that Lipstick Mafia is about to regret their altercation from earlier in the evening. Leah: Altercation? Who the hell talks like that anymore? [Cassidy slides inside the ring and looks out onto Roxie. Cassidy takes a step backwards and bumps right into Luna who is now standing in the ring! Cassidy turns around and as she goes to slap Luna, Luna kicks Cassidy in the gut and nails her “Eclipse” double-underhook powerbomb! Cassidy lays in an accordion like position as Luna slides out of the ring as Roxie slides in. Roxie sees Cassidy laid out and quickly makes the cover as the ref slides into the ring and makes the count.] [1] . . . [2] . . . [3] John Roe: Here are your winners and the Number One Contenders for the Tag Team Championship… Rebel & Roades!!! Leah: Way to go Luna, you cost Lipstick Mafia the Tag Team Championships… I was so rooting for them! I’m tired of those other blondes holding the belts. JLT: What makes you think they would have beat Blonde Ambition? They didn’t last week. Leah: With the loss of the other member of Lipstick Mafia, they collectively gained about 3 IQ points. JLT: How could they have gained collective IQ if they had lost someone? Leah: She had a negative IQ. I checked it out. I got people. [Luna stands at the top of the top of the catwalk flexing her muscles as Autumn slides and looks over Cassidy, before screaming “You’re gonna pay for this!” as Luna smiles.] [ We cut as KibbyD is shown leaving out of the rival Obama Bash with a glass a champagne, she is dressed in a tight satin black dress which could be one of her DEAN originals. She walks around down the hall when she sees a brunette woman exiting out of the restroom. Her mouth drops as she begins to scream. The women turns around who happens to a lookalike of the ex governor of Alaska Mrs. Sarah Palin. She smiles as Kibby mouth is touching the ground as she walks closer. ] KibbyD: It’s you! What are you doing here? [ Kibby hugs her as she smiles, as does Ms. Palin. Then in that corky accent and voice she speaks. ] Sarah Palin: Well Ya’ kno…Joe invited me. Kibby: Joe Regal invited you? Sarah Palin: No Joe the Plum…mer silly… Kibby: Okay shut up, I love you in SNL! Sarah Palin: Why than…you. Although I only made one appearance. Kibby: Yeah right, Tina. Sarah Palin: Tin..a. Oh no, I’m not Tin..a Fey Ya’ Kno. [ Sarah laughs a bit as Kibby looks around and smiles. ] Kibby: Okay Tina pull the act. Although you are funny as Palin so keep it. Sarah Palin: But I’m… [ Kibby cuts her off to continue. ] Kibby: I bet you are here to trick Tecky right. Well all you have to do is keep talking like that and well you got her. Sarah Palin: Sweetie’ I’m not Tin…a. Kibby: Can it sister. Fine if your Sarah Palin then I’m Nancy Grace. Bull! Listen you have to do that Sarah Palin interview…or that thing about the talent…or that thing about… [ As Kibby goes on Palin looks around to seek help but no ones around. ] Kibby: Or that other thing about the thing about that other thing about John McCain. Or that Sarah Palin Rap that I thought you were going to do on SNL. Did you know I’m going to be hosting SNL soon?? Sarah Palin: Um…well that’s really nice. But…um… Kibby: Wait I know you’re a big star after winning that award but do you have any tips for me when I go on? Sarah Palin: Sorry hun’ no I don’t. But really I’m not… Kibby: Okay your not Palin I get it. So Tina, could I be your new guest star on 30 Rock I love that show. How is Tracy Morgan, or that other guy that has the belly like Jack Nickelson or that other guy or that chick that played a guy that played a chick that played that guy… Sarah Palin: Enough’! [ Ms. Palin yells as she begins to walk away. Kibby follows behind still thinking that she is Tina Fey. ] Kibby: Okay Tina so maybe I’m like the Psycho crazed fan but I love you work really I do. Are you going to the Obama party because it is the other way. You know this way we are walking leads to the parking area. Hey Tina do you have any idea what Sarah Palin would say right now if she was here? [ Sarah Palin turns around facing Kibby as she has a frown on her face. ] Kibby: Tina you know your not suppose to frown it causes wrinkles you will come out looking like… Sarah Palin: Shut up’! Who the hell are you anyway? Kibby: Well Tina, my name is Kibby… Sarah Palin: It doesn’t matter what your name is retard’! You still want to know what Sarah Palin would say right now. Kibby: Sure Tina! [ Kibby smiles as does Ms. Palin] Sarah Palin: That I need a drink. Kibby: Here have this, I haven’t touch it yet. Sarah Palin: Thanks! [ Ms. Palin raises the glass up to her mouth as she was going to drink it then changes coarse and tosses it in the face of KibbyD. Kibby freezes for a minute to gather herself just before letting out and scream and running away scream B*tch! The camera then focus on Sarah Palin.] Sarah Palin: Wow, This is Sarah Palin and I can see Russia from my house and such. [ She smiles as she then winks her right eye and giggles.] Singles Match Crystal Hilton vs. Luna JLT: Oh tonight has been so exciting Leah! I can’t believe the awesome matches so far! Leah: Oh please, this show has been worse than Janice Dickinson’s lips, we know those things aren’t pretty! [ With that the sound of “Roses” by Outkast begins to play and the lights dim. The fans begins cheering as two spotlights enlighten on stage. Crystal Hilton makes her way out to an array of sparkling pyros accompanied in her normal outfit, only in black and purple, instead of the usual white. She holds her title high into the air and beings to make her way to the ring as John Roe rises to do what he’s paid for.] John Roe: Ladies and gentleman the following contest is scheduled for one fall. Making her way to the ring, She is the Stripped Champion, Crystal Hilton! [Crystal bends slowly appeasing some of the men who enjoy more junk in the trunk, before she holds out her signature rose to a fan and she heads into the ring, awaiting her opponent.] Leah: Finally someone entertaining. My girl Crystal’s gonna show ‘em how it’s done tonight. She got on Jenny Craig this week, I already see her shredding the pounds. JLT: Crystal looks great anyways. Leah: She’s my girl and even I know she’s not looking great, but Jenny helped Kirstie, she can help anyone. [ Leah’s commentary in interrupted by the beginning anthems of "Whatever Gets You Through Today" by Radio (the non-Grey's Anatomy version) fires up starting from the :20 point and plays through the introduction. “Someone said today...” Laura throws the backstage curtains apart as she walks through them wearing a navy blue track suit with gold trim. She takes a few steps then goes into a small crouch. She explodes upwards, head leaned back, arms straight out to her sides as pyro blasts of red, then white, then blue, then all three mixed together go off behind her before while she nods her head in time with each blast. “But I'll find a way, I'll find another way of saying...” Laura begins making her way to the ring on a slow walk, finally making it at “...think about the lives we had together.” She puts her hands on her hips and lets out a deep breath before diving under the bottom rope and heading for the opposite and to the left turnbuckle. “Whatever gets you through today...” She hoists herself on to the middle rope and holds her arms in an “L” shape before hopping down and going diagonally across the ring to the next set of ropes and continuing the process on the other ropes, hoisting herself up to each different one at the ensuing “Whatever gets you through today...” lines. Upon getting down from the last set, which would be her corner for the match, she removes the tracksuit top, rips off the pants and throws them to the outside. She follows this by tying her hair into a small ponytail and pulls a thin headband out of her shorts and puts it around her head before stalking around the ring.] JLT: Laura has come out here ready for action tonight. The fans have given her a sort of nice cheer. They respect her patriotism. John Roe: Please Welcome her Opponent. Laura Seton! [Laura turns throwing up her hands and getting again a mixed reaction from the crowd before she turns back popping her neck and the two begin to circle as Crystal’s belt is handed to a referee and the bell ring. Crystal rushes in but is met with a stiff clothesline from Laura. Taking her down. Crystal climbs back up, but we see Laura running to an opposite corner. The fans look intrigued as Laura mixes up her elements this week and she jumps up onto one of the middle ropes, before kipping up to the top rope on the other side of the corner, before bouncing back, meeting Crystal’s neck just in time, to hit a liquid smooth hurricanrana.] JLT: Impressive move by Laura. The fans are enjoying this rather sporadic change of pace. Leah: Eh it was so, so. My girl Crystal will get her though. I just wanna cut Laura though, she reminds me of some of those sorority girls I went to college with. JLT: How did that turn out. Leah: You don’t wanna know. [Laura now, grabs Crystal up by her hair, whipping her into another corner. Coming in with a huge body splash behind her. Laura then whips Crystal up, not wasting any time and throws her to the center of the ring, before again climbing up to the top rope. Crystal however, isn’t going for this, as she pops back up tries her best to knock Laura off the turbuckle, causing her to land on her butt on the top. Laura rather smart like, however, punches Crystal, before gaining back control. Laura then stands underhooking Crystal between her legs, giving the fans a rather brilliant smile as she lifts Crystal up (on the top rope) and hits her finishing move, PERFECTION! The fans cheer loudly, as Laura drops the jackknife power bomb on Cyrstal and goes for the cover.] [1] [2] [3!] DING DING! John Roe: Here is your winner Laura Seton! JLT: Woah Laura just beat our stripped champion, in less than two minutes. Leah: That ain’t right. My girl was set up! JLT: Leah, Conspiracy theorists never get anywhere. [The camera cuts backstage where we see Tequila’s “Put The Needle On It” release party taking place opposite Star’s party for Barack Obama. Star’s party is buzzing, with guests constantly in and out and loud Beyonce songs being blasted while Tequila is abundant in unserved punch and low on guests.] [Tequila exits her party, folding her arms in search of guests to come celebrate it and at the same time bumps into Star, who is standing with a bunch of divas. The two divas lock eyes, and slowly approach each other like something out of a western. Tequila fakes a smile.] Tequila: Oh, look. It’s Star with her faded diamond tiara. How are you, dahling? Star: I'm fabulous, you hatin' ass bitch. Where's your man this evening? Out getting someone else who isn't you pregnant? [Tequila’s eyes narrow.] Tequila: I know exactly where he is, he’s out buying me presents. He treats me so well, I bet you’d love to actually find a man that cares about you. Still working on that? [Star smiles brightly.] Star: I'm actually doing pretty good in that department for a change. But thanks for asking. Tequila: Honey, I’m not even going to pretend I was listening. So how come you’ve decided to throw some crappy Obama party on the same night that I’m throwing a party for my amazing new single, Put The Needle On It…in stores now. Everyone knows my new single dropping is more important. Star: Single? When the hell did you start singing? Tequila: Umm, don’t act like you haven’t danced around to Make-Up Bag. It’s nice to branch out, dear, you know, broaden your horoscopes and everything. If you’re nice to me, I might treat you to a signed copy of my album. Star: Broaden your horoscopes, huh? [Tequila nods, folding her arms and looking down her nose. Star laughs.] Star: Uh, yeah. Get me that CD. Would just add to my portfolio of shit to make fun of Tequila about. But I seriously did not know you had any song. Tequila: That’s because you’re a vain bitch, Star. You never pay attention to anything because you spend most of your time getting distracted by mirrors, trying to convince yourself that you’re all that…when you ain’t. Star: Um...is it just me or do I sense a bit more jealously than normal here? Tequila: You can sense it too? Aww, don’t feel bad. I, too, am disappointed you’re not me. So, as I am the owner of DU would you mind shutting down your little crappy party over there? My party is the only one we’re having tonight. Star: What's the matter, Tecky-wecky? Did I forget to invite you? Tequila: As if I would need an invite? Shut your little party down or I’ll make you shut it down. [Star looks at Tequila firmly, crossing her arms over her chest.] Star: Why? Tequila: Because I said so? Star: Nope. Try again, please. Why do you want me to shut my party down, Tequila? Tequila: Because it’s embarrassing? Nobody should have experience the vapid parties you throw. There’s a reason I never attend them, they’re always so BAD. That’s why you need to shut down your party, so people can to MY party, and actually experience what a good party is. It’s important for DU that we don’t get sucked into your mediocrity. [Tequila shoots Star a dirty look, as more guests float into the Obama party.] Star: Alright so let me make sure I understand you. My parties are always so BAD, but you want to shut this one down so people can attend yours? Tequila: I forgot you were slow. Yes, that’s what I want and it’s because mine are always amazing, and the divas deserve amazingness. Star: Since when do people go to "BAD" parties over amazing ones, Tequila? I think you actually forgot YOU were slow because that makes absolutely no sense! Tequila: It does make sense, I think you’re just hating because of the rocks that I got. But whatever, you keep going with your Pyjama or Obama or whatever the hell his name is party. Enjoy your evening, it was a displeasure talking to you again. Star: You too, Tequila! And don't worry. I'm sure the "presents" Shane got for you will be just as great as the ones he got from Nyssa and Felicity! [Star smugly turns and heads back into her party, while Tequila’s eyes narrow and she storms back into her party, kicking the door open and knocking Holly Wentz over in the process.] [Backstage we see Bobbi Jackson, she sits on a crate and stares off into the arena walls, as if she is daydreaming. Her title rests lightly on her shoulder as she sits there, her hands gripping it tightly. She continues sitting there for a moment, until We see Joe Ragnal running up to her. A microphone in hand he startles Bobbi almost crashing into her. The mark from the blow to the head last week, still in tact apparently. Bobbi just looks at Joe with confusion.] Bobbi: What in the hell Joe? You could’ve just injured me for my match! [Bobbi stood now brushing her butt off from the crate, and where she had to catch herself before falling.] Joe: Sorry Bobbi. They have me running all over the place, but I wanted to come and ask your thoughts on what Meggie said earlier tonight. She promised everyone that you would not be leaving as Champion tonight. Any thoughts? [Bobbi shook her head, just thinking about Meggie. The two of them had been such good friends, it seemed and she pulled this sort of a stunt. Not only pouring bleach into the tanning oil, but hitting her over the head. It was just uncalled for, and she wouldn’t have kept those gifts, if she’d only been thinking straight. It seemed the sword’s sheath had caused some damage.] Bobbi: You know, what Meggie did last week, was uncalled for. Being a sore loser, I obviously didn’t negate how she was acting. I should’ve listened to Linda when she said she wanted nothing but trouble, but I didn’t believe that she’d ever stoop that low. That would show you the type of influence she’s had though. As far as I’m concerned however. I’m walking out with this championship and Meggie’s face will no longer be seen around this arena, nor will it be seen around this locker room. [Bobbi took a breath, about to say something else, when out of nowhere, Felicity comes into the equation, standing on the opposite side of her. Placing her hands on her hips and furrowing her brow.] Felicity: Well you can’t go anywhere without finding scum and it’s brother. Bobbi, those are big words my dear. You’re talking about not only sending my best friend to the unemployment line, but you’re talking about defeating five other women, who’ve all had the same experience you have. Do you honestly think you’re going to pull it off? [Bobbi shook her head at Felicity, though Joe stood in between them, The two could be seen eying each other. Felicity of course not been fairing well against Jackson the past few weeks. Losing to her not only in the tournament, but in a few matches after that as well. So the two really didn’t like each other. Not to mention Meggie’s hatred for her, only helped fuel the fire between Bobbi and Felicity.] Bobbi: Well maybe your best friend shouldn’t have promised something that she has no control over. I’m going out there to take out all of those girls, and prove why I am the Divas Unleashed Champion. I don’t need anyone to tell me that I don’t have what it takes. I don’t need anyone to watch my back. I’ve got this in the bag. You should know since your track record hasn’t proven so great against me anyways. Stop being so jealous! [Bobbi obviously not afraid of felicity, nor anyone, whom she could defend her championship against. She didn’t care, she wanted to prove that she was the best champion around. Which meant, defeating all those girls. She was ready.] Felicity: No one to watch your back huh? That’s good. If you won’t need it then, apparently you won’t need it now. [Bobbi looks confused, until out of nowhere comes Meggie who jumps onto the champions back and immediately begins pounding away. Bobbi is able to thrust her off though, until Felicity comes and joins in on the onslaught. Bobbi is able to fight her off as well, as they head into a far wall. Bobbi floors Felicity to the ground, until she is met with her own title belt upside the back of her head. Thanks to Meggie, whom seems to have knocked her out, as Bobbi falls hitting the floor. Both Meggie and Felicity apply extra kicks just to make sure, as they both walk off proudly.] Meggie: I never make a promise I don’t intend to keep. [She adds before placing a kiss to the belt, and then throws it back on Bobbi, as she and Felicity walk off, high fiving one another.] Unleashed Championship Six-Pack Inaugural Brawl Bobbi Jackson © vs. Felicity vs. Kibby D vs. Meggie vs. Mystery Opponent vs. Tiger Lily JLT: I’m so excited that we’ve reached the finale of this show, but after seeing that, I’m not sure if I want to watch this match. Bobbi Jackson has been taken out! Leah: She had it coming. JLT: I’m getting word now that she’s been rushed to hospital and won’t be able to compete! Bobbi’s not going to be here to defend her championship! How is that fair? Leah: Life is unfair, Jamie. That means we’ll definitely be getting a new champion tonight! That’s exciting! JLT: I guess, but come on, Bobbi should be in this match. Leah: Fuck her. We’ve got Felicity, Kibby, Meggie, Lily and a mystery opponent to fight it out! I wonder who the mystery opponent is, I won’t even notice Bobbi isn’t here. She makes me feel flat-chested and I’m a C-cup! JLT: Your boobs are wonky, anyway. I just don’t know how we can proceed when Bobbi isn’t present. Leah: Oh, get over it. Maybe Amber Burton is the mystery opponent and she’ll win the match and give Bobbi her title. You know how much those women like to give stuff to each other, if you know what I mean. JLT: Well, I don’t think Amber will be the mystery opponent as she is like six months pregnant. Leah: She is?! I thought she was just fat. ["Diary Of Jane" by Breaking Benjamin plays over the sound system, and the lights fade to nothing but a spotlight in the entrance. Felicity appears wearing a long coat and dark glases over her eyes and she walks to the ring occasionally posing for a photo opportunity.] John Roe: The following contest is a sudden death six-pack challenge for the Unleashed Championship. Introducing first, hailing from Canada, at a weight of 158lbs, representing Starlet Enterprises...FELICITY!!! [The fans rise to their feet with cheers and whistles as the cameras now move to the view of the entrance ramp as "Luv Addict" by Family Force 5 plays loudly over the PA system. Various model shoot captures are shown over the video screen of KibbyD as they then move on to show her and her dog Daisy also. Some in ring action captures of her wrestling.] John Roe: Her opponent; from Houston, Texas; at a weight of 120lbs...KIBBYD!!! [KibbyD steps from behind the stage curtains wearing her ring attire for that night. She flips her long blonde hair with her left hand as she taunts her fans up on the top of the ramp. She giggles to her-self as she struts her way down the ramp. She passes a ton of fans that want their hands slapped. With her Diva like ways she acts as if they are not even there. She walks up the steel stairs as she stands on the apron first before jumping off the rops and performing a split and sliding under the bottom rope into the ring. As she is inside the ring she taunts the crowd by blowing kisses she then moves to the turnbuckle as climbs and taunts the crowd again. She then jumps off and awaits her opponents in the middle of the ring.] [The sound of “Dangerous” by M. Pokora hits over the Arena, as the fans begins to automatically boo, once the video for Meggie begins to play. She walks out from behind the curtains brushing them by with her fingers. Her sword, with sheath attached to her back she grabs hold of one of the poles under the tron that hold it up and she leans back gracefully holding out her arm, before she lets go and begins to make her descendancy from the stage to the ramp. A bunch of fans try to touch her, but she stays in the center, where they can’t reach her, as she stares at them as if they’re diseases, before whipping out her sword and pointing in towards them, within inches of their face, Barely missing a chance to stab them. Before she gets a sadistic grin on her face.] John Roe: Making her way to the ring, from Swans Quarter, North Carolina...MEGGIE SKYFYRE!!! [Meggie pays no mind to her name being announced as she circles to the right side of the ring just past the stairs and she holds out her sword to the audience again, giving off threatening words before she places it down on the ground, and extends one of her legs up onto the apron before grabbing hold of the bottom rope and leaning backwards in a almost split like shape (with one leg on the ground, and the other on the apron) Before she pulls the other leg up and slides under the bottom rope. Just before demanding a staff member come and pick up her sword and hand it to her. She jerks it away from them before turning back to the referee and glares at him before joining Felicity.] [“Centerfold” by Pink blasts out of the PA system as pink strobe lights start to come to life on the stage. Lily runs out onto the stage, raising her arms into the air. Two pink fireworks shoot high into the air, as Lily spins around and laughs, watching the pyro display. She then jogs down the ramp way, tagging as many of the fans hands as she can. She climbs the steel steps and immediately perches herself on the top turnbuckle. From there, Lily salutes the cheering crowd and backflips off the turnbuckle landing on her feet. She then circles the ring and waves to all the fans while she waits.] John Roe: Introducing next, hailing from Orange County, California; at a weight of 108lbs, representing Blonde Ambition...TIGER LILY!!! [The divas stand in the ring, Meggie and Felicity stand next to each other with smug smiles on their faces and discussing match strategy while KibbyD stands in what seems like a constant state of arousal, shooting sexy looks to men in the front row. Tiger Lily stands dead centre in the ring, almost self-consciously looking around and looking to the entrance way for the arrival of the mystery opponent.] [Suddenly, the arena drops to a darkened state and several seconds pass as the crowd begins to get excited as the camera focuses upon the video wall, and something begins to play.] JLT: Here we go! It’s the big surprise! Leah: I wonder who it is! JLT: We're about to find out, just watch... [Tara Lee struts out onto the stage like a supermodel returning to the catwalk, her chin raised in defiance and wearing knee-high black leather boots with white booty shorts and a white corset. She smiles, smirking, and raises her arms in the air, soaking up the reaction from the stunned crowd.] [Tara then struts down to the ring, pouting her full lips as Felicity looks shocked and begins to whisper into Meggie’s ear while Lily looks disaffected and Kibby has stopped posing with her eyes locked on Tara, feeling slightly threatened by someone who could out-glam her.] [Tara steps into the ring and blows kisses to the audience, she waves to Felicity and stands with her hand on her hip. She takes the microphone from John Roe, preventing him from giving her an introduction as she stands stunned but before she can speak, Felicity immediately attacks her from behind.] JLT: Tara Lee is back, Leah! She’s back! Leah: Noooo! [Meggie joins Felicity as the two divas begin to stomp down on the back of Tara, pinning her to the ground with an attack of flurring boots. Lily stands, unsure whether to assist Tara while Kibby watches what Lily does and the two divas stare at each other. Lily then decides that the right thing to do is to assist Tara, and immediately runs towards Meggie, nailing her in the face with rights and lefts.] JLT: Here we go! It’s on! I can’t believe that Tara is back in DU! We haven’t seen her since like 2004! Leah: I know, she was such a skank back in the day! She was like the KibbyD of that generation, I bet Kibby is super-pissed that she’s here again now! [Meggie stumbles backwards and the two blondes begin exchange punches before Meggie knees Lily in the stomach, grabbing her by her hair and tossing her out of the ring to the outside. Meggie then turns back to the ring but Kibby is waiting for her and leaps into the air with a dropkick, knocking Meggie down to the mat.] [Kibby finds her feet but Felicity comes from behind, grabbing Kibby in a sleeper hold while glancing around at her other opponents. Kibby counters the move by grabbing Felicity’s forearm and biting down onto the skin, Felicity immediately releases Kibby, shoving her forward.] JLT: Kibby is biting! Leah: What is she? A dog? She looks like one. [Kibby then turns to face Felicity, and the two divas tie-up with Felicity flipping Kibby down to the mat and locking on an arm submission. Tiger Lily has found her feet, and dusts herself off, climbing onto the apron as Tara Lee drags herself to the corner, holding the small of her back.] [Meggie stands and spots Lily on the apron and approaches her, Lily grabs Meggie’s head and leaps backwards off the apron with a guillotine move. Meggie hits the mat, holding her throat as Lily grabs Meggie and yanks her out of the ring to the outside.] JLT: Nice move from Lily! Lily is very quick in the ring, you know, her opponents are always caught off-caught. Leah: Probably too distracted by her face, why does she always sets her make-up gun on ‘whore’? JLT: What? Lily has a natural look. Anyway, back to the action Leah… [Tara Lee stands in the corner, surveying the action and approaches Felicity from behind before ducking in front of her and gouging at her both her eyes with her long nails. Felicity immediately releases Kibby to tend to her injured eyes and Tara then licks the palm of her hand and nails Felicity across the face with a hellacious bitchslap which knocks Felicity off her feet.] JLT: Did you hear that?! Leah: It sounded like someone threw a bottle at a wall or something! That was a bitchslap and a half! [Felicity stares up through blurred version at Tara in shock as she stands smugly. Tara then helps KibbyD to her feet, and the two divas make a pact to team up on Felicity. They yank her to her feet and whip her to the ropes, Felicity bounces back and the two divas lift her up into a 3D-esque neckbreaker double team.] JLT: Good double team there, I think Kibby and Tara would make good partners! Leah: Yeah, if Kibby wanted to pop out a thousand babies. That’s all Tara ever did, reproduce. She’s worse than Angelina Jolie. [Tara then approaches Meggie and Lily on the outside as Kibby then covers Felicity while Tara’s back is turned.] [1] [2] [Felicity gets her shoulder up.] JLT: Felicity kicked out. Leah: I think Felicity should stay overseas in Canada, have you seen her crows feet? All this American sun isn’t doing her skin any good. [On the outside of the ring, Meggie and Lily are entangled in trying to get the upper hand on each other and are circling the ring. Meggie then picks up a beverage from an audience member and throws it in Lily’s face, dousing her with coca-cola. Lily stumbles backwards, her hair now wet as Meggie grabs Lily’s head and rams it into the ring-post, knocking Lily to the ground.] JLT: Ouch! Meggie is vicious, what’s gotten into her lately? Leah: Her husband? Ooh, that was bad. Yet good. JLT: I hope you get fired soon! I’d like someone who I could have a serious discussion with! Leah: I hope you get fired and they hire someone with a SENSE OF HUMOUR. Go work for Ring of Beauty. JLT: I should bitchslap you. [Meggie then slides into the ring, approaching Felicity but KibbyD runs towards her and spears her into the mat. Tara stands in the corner, pulling out a pocket mirror from her bra and beginning to check that she’s still looking immaculate. Felicity sits up on the canvas, to see Kibby straddling Meggie and scratching at her neck and face.] JLT: Meggie and Kibby go way back, they’re always getting so vicious in their fights! Leah: Love it! [Meggie grabs Kibby and shoves her backwards, as Kibby falls backwards and sits up in a sitting position. Felicity then stands from behind and nails a buzzsaw kick to the back of the head of Kibby, almost knocking her out as Kibby slumps to her side.] JLT: Oww! I’m surprised Kibby’s head didn’t fly off into the crowd with the amount of force behind that kick! Leah: A girl can dream. [Felicity then helps Meggie to her feet but Tara Lee comes from behind and shoves Felicity forward, into Meggie. Meggie then reflexes with a fist to Felicity’s face, knocking her backwards and seems to regret hitting her partner but Felicity nails her with a forearm.] Leah: Starlet Enterprises are going at it! This match could be the end of it them if they end up fighting! I bet all of their suppressed frustrations with each other come out! JLT: It’s every woman for herself, the Unleashed Championship is at stake! [Felicity then grabs Meggie by the neck and snapmares her to the canvas, locking on a dragon sleeper from behind.] JLT: Felicity and Meggie are going at it! [Felicity then pauses as she stares at Tara, and releases Meggie, helping her to her feet and points at Tara. Meggie shoots Felicity an annoyed look, eyeing her suspiciously. The divas then pause and turn to face Tara, and both divas swing at her with a double clothesline but Tara ducks, hitting the ropes and bouncing back, leaping into the air with a flying cross body to take both divas down into the canvas. Tara then covers Meggie.] JLT: I’m amazed at Tara’s fitness, she’s had four kids you know! Leah: What a slut. Keep ‘em closed, love! [1] [2] [Meggie kicks out.] Leah: I think the referee should be forced to inspect Meggie’s tan, I wouldn’t be surprised if it has performance-enhancing drugs in it! JLT: Oh, Meggie is more than a tan, she’ll come over here and behead you if she hears you spouting shit about her. Leah: Did you just say shit? What a foul mouth you have. [Tara then rolls her eyes, standing up and thinking about her next move but Tiger Lily has scaled to the top rope, and leaps off with a hurricanrana to Tara from behind, grabbing her and flipping her backwards, as Tara lands on her stomach.] [Lily then seems to have a surge of energy, approaching Felicity and nailing her with an uppercut and whipping her into the corner. Lily then grabs a newly-risen KibbyD and whips her into the opposite corner. She races towards Felicity and leaps into a handspring elbow, and does the same with Kibby in the opposite corner.] JLT: Lily’s flying! Leah: What the hell does she think this is? Gymnastics in the Olympics? You’re not in Bejing now, love, start wrestling! [Both KibbyD and Felicity then begin to stumble forward in a daze, both approaching Lily as she stands in the middle of the ring but Lily leaps into the air with a sweeping martial arts kick to take down both divas in an amazing kung-fu motion, to the crowd’s delight.] Leah: That was like something from Charlie’s Angels! Best film ever! JLT: Lily’s clearing house! [Lily then stands, as Meggie is running towards her. Lily side-steps Meggie and Meggie runs out of steam, falling into the corner but Lily is immediately on her case. Lily pulls Meggie into a DDT to plant her into the mat and rolls her onto her back.] [Lily then signals to the crowd, who cheer her, as she scales to the top rope in preparation for her finisher. She waits several seconds before leaping forward with a 450 splash “Summer Lovin’” which connects to Meggie beautifully. She hooks the leg.] JLT: Lily nailed her finisher! It’s over! [1] [2] [Tara Lee breaks up the crowd by kicking the referee in the face.] Leah: I love Tara’s brashness. Just kick a referee. [Lily doesn’t see this move and waits for the 3 count, she sits up confused to see the referee on the canvas, seemingly knocked out and Tara has slipped out of the ring. Lily spots KibbyD finding her feet, holding her chin.] [Lily stands and approaches Kibby, but as she does, Kibby immediately drops down to the canvas, holding her leg and screaming out in pain. Lily stops, and looks puzzled, as Kibby begins to continue to seemingly fake injury and hits the mat with her canvas, she turns to Lily with puppy dog eyes and begins to shout “Help me!” at her.] JLT: What is she doing? [Lily, being the kind soul she is, hesitates but then leans down to help Kibby only for Kibby to grab her head and yank her down into a stunner. Lily falls to the canvas, as Kibby stands with a smug look on her face. Kibby then delivers her “Facial Treatment” finisher to Lily, stepping onto her face in a jump as Lily rolls out of the way, clutching her nose. Felicity then grabs Kibby from behind, attempting to German suplex her but Kibby leans forward to bend over and grab Felicity’s ankles.] Leah: Look at that! It almost resembles something from the Catholic church, don’t it? JLT: Leah! That’s very offensive! Leah: Offensive but true. Cruel but fair. That’s Leah. If you don’t like it then you can go fuc- JLT: Anyway! [Felicity then shoves KibbyD forward, as Kibby hits the mat neck forward and slumps forward with her butt up in the air. Felicity thinks for several seconds of what to do while Kibby is in the position but before she can act, Tara Lee comes into the ring armed with the Unleashed Championship belt and rams it over Felicity’s head, knocking her down into the mat.] JLT: Tara is cheating! Leah: I like her! [Tara then places the belt on the mat, adjusts her boobs, and then grabs Felicity’s lifeless body and pulls her into a pedigree position. Tara blows a kiss to the audience, and pedigrees Felicity onto the Unleashed Championship belt, nailing her “Sweet Thing” finisher.] JLT: I haven’t seen that in years! Leah: Tara is an idiot. [Tara rolls Felicity over onto her back, and begins to revive the referee who is coming too. As she brings him to his feet, she spots Meggie on the top rope who leaps forward with a flipping press towards Tara but Tara shoves the referee in the way, and Meggie collides with him and tumbles to the canvas.] JLT: That was a nasty collision! Leah: Meggie often looks like a trainwreck and now she was involved in one! Haha… [KibbyD has found her feet, and stands watching the action unfold. She picks up the Unleashed Championship and awaits for Tara Lee to turn around to nail her with her. Tara turns to face her but ducks, KibbyD stumbles forwards after striking air. Tara then nails KibbyD with a “Slap A Bitch” bitchslap, causing Kibby to fall to her butt.] JLT: Do you think she takes something for those slaps to be so hard? [Kibby stands, shocked and then decides to slap Tara back, even harder than Tara managed. The two divas then begin to exchange bitchslaps, with each one becoming harder than the last, and cheeks becoming redder and bruised.] Leah: I. Am. In. Heaven. [This little contest has allowed Meggie to pick up her sword from ringside, and climb to the top rope with it, she perches as Kibby eyes her but continues her fight with Tara. Meggie leaps from the top rope with the sword held between both of her arms, as Kibby moves out of the way and Meggie hits Tara in the back of the head with the sword as it functions like a bar.] JLT: Whoa! Leah: See, you were joking about beheadings and Meggie is trying to carry one out! Jesus girl! [Tara hits the canvas, knocked out. Kibby then notices Felicity is seemingly unconscious and quickly picks her, but Meggie has the same idea and after knocking out Tara. Meggie then spots Tiger Lily, perching on the apron and grabs her sword again, using the handle-end to hit Lily straight in the forward, knocking Lily to the canvas as she falls backwards and manages to hit her head on the barricade.] JLT: Lily looks like she has a concussion after that! Leah: Well she can’t lose any more braincells, how thick do you have to be to call the Monroes friends? [Meggie tosses the sword out of sight and drags Tara to the center of the ring, and pins her. But Kibby still has her cover on Felicity, slyly in the corner of the ring. A new referee races to the ring, sliding in and sees both counts as being down and begins to count both pins.] Leah: He conveniently appeared! JLT: There’s a referee, we have a count! [1] [2] [3] JLT: It’s over! Kibby won! Leah: No? Meggie won! [Meggie and Kibby both leap into the air and begin celebrating, until they spot each other. Meggie then charges towards Kibby, shoving her backwards and claiming she is the champion but Kibby spits in her face and shouts verbal insults at her, stating she is the champion as the referee is seen talking to the ring announcer.] John Roe: The referee has informed me that the result of this match is a draw, therefore…the new Unleashed CO-CHAMPIONS…KIBBYD & MEGGIE SKYFYRE!!! JLT: What?! Co-champions? Leah: Boo! What a cop-out! JLT: Bobbi is no longer the champion! We’ve got Kibby and Meggie now! [Meggie and Kibby listen to the decision in shock, and then realise they don’t want to share the belt as Meggie lunges at Kibby and the two begin to catfight with each other, pulling at each others hair in a scene reminiscent from their past as Exile fades off air.] Brought to you by Sahara Epilogue Thanks to everyone who contributed this week, Chad, Meggie, Kibby, Craig, and everyone else who contributed segments! Sorry about the results being late but it was a very hectic, draining time for me with exams but hopefully the quality of the show will wash away any growls you had with that. I think it turned out pretty well, Control of the Knife is next and that should be even better! -Card Subject to Change- Original Card Obamamania! Friday January 23rd 2009 Washington DC Unleashed Championship Inaugural Brawl Bobbi Jackson © vs. Felicity vs. KibbyD vs. Meggie vs. Mystery Opponent vs. Tiger Lily A night of celebrations for the presidential inauguration is headed up by this match as Bobbi Jackson defends her Unleashed Championship against five other women in what is sure to be an instant classic. After last week, Meggie and Bobbi will have a lot to settle but with a sudden-death situation, which woman will emerge victorious? Will Bobbi be able to retain her belt or will she be the victim of a coup by another diva? And who on earth is the mystery opponent? Singles Match Crystal Hilton vs. Laura Crystal Hilton successfully defended her championship last week, and this week she can relax, but only slightly, as she takes on Laura in a non-title match. Laura has been enjoying success since her dramatic return to Divas Unleashed but Crystal will be looking to end that success and prove that she is the dominant diva. Will Laura be able to score a win over the current Stripped Champion, or will donut-fuelled Hilton be able to continue her great start to 2009? Tag Team Match Autumn Leigh & Cassidy Marcello (Lipstick Mafia) vs. Colleen Roades & Roxie Rebel (Rebel & Roades) Blonde Ambition's Control of the Knife opponents will be decided in this match as two newcomer teams Lipstick Mafia and Rebel & Roades fight it out to determine the number 1 contendership to the tag titles. Will Lipstick Mafia be able to earn a victory and become the contenders in their second week of action, or will Colleen and Roxie prove the traditionalist ways are always the best? American Pilgrims vs. British Colonialists vs. Native Indians Match Henshin Belleza & Veronica Valiant vs. Katie Kooper & Makaze vs. Tracee Nguyen & Trish Newborn A classic DU and wrestling scenario in that when you have two people who don't get along, you pair them up as partners and force them to work together. This week, in honour of the inauguration, we've got Henshin & Veronica (American Pilgrims) taking on Makaze & Katie (British Colonialists) and Tracee & Trish (Native Indians). It's optional whether the divas dress up for this match and want to maybe don Geri's Union Jack dress, but we can be sure that it will be a brutal affair irregardless. Singles Match Luna vs. Mercedes Vargas Luna made an impact last week, assaulting Codi Leigh and injuring Didgitz, but this week she gets her first match in Divas Unleashed as she takes on last week's victor Mercedes Vargas in singles action. Will we find out more of the mysterious appearance of Luna and what the woman is all about? And will Mercedes be able to score herself another victory? Tag Team Match Darla Daniels & Samantha James vs. Kitty Cummings & White Lightning Darla Daniels teams up with newbie Samantha James to take on inexperienced Kitty Cummings and White Lightning in tag action. White Lightning made her debut last week, impressing many by holding her own in her match and being able to get down and dirty but will she be able to co-exist with nervously-inclined Kitty? It would be so much easier if everybody got along, wouldn't it? Plus + There's American celebrations going on backstage, including a special invite-only Obama party/Put The Needle On It release party hosted by Tequila! Joe Ragnal will be interviewing more divas and we'll have some other drama going down, as usual! What else could possibly happen? Tune in to find out! Brought to you by The Sahara Network January 9th Results