Sunday December 27th 2009
The 02 Arena, London, England

[We cut backstage, to find Gay Bandit skipping through the halls, wearing a Santa hat, a sequinned waistcoat, shocking pink cowboy chaps and a sky-blue thong underneath, with 'PEACHY' printed across the crotch.]

Leah: Urk!

JLT: Are you about to throw up? Don't turn towards me! THE OTHER WAY!

Leah: [loud retching noises]

[Once our minds are finished re-knitting themselves after that particular spectacle, we notice that the Bandit has come to a halt before a particular door, upon which he knocks repeatedly, to the rhythm of 'Funky Town'.]

[20 seconds pass with no response. Bandit knocks again, harder.]

[...Still no response. Bandit goes to knock again - and the door is suddenly thrown open, revealing Veronica Valiant. She doesn't look quite stage-ready yet; more specifically, she's wearing a bath robe, and has a straightener clamped around a thick wad of her hair. She also doesn't look happy, but that's rarely surprising with her.]

Veronica: What?!

Bandit: Hi Veronica! You're defending the Unleashed title in the main event tonight - big WOO-HOO from me to you! So are you about ready to give us some comments about facing Laura again? We'd all love to know what you think! Well, some of us would, anyway. Probably.

[Bandit shoves the mic forwards so hard, Veronica has to jerk her head back to avoid being hit in the face.]

Veronica: Am I ready...to comment? Let me think, um...

[Veronica looks up to the ceiling as she bites her lip in mock-thought...before she says, clearly and very forcefully - ]

Veronica: NO.

[And she retreats back into her dressing room, closing the door with a slam. Bandit blinks, then looks quizzically to someone behind the camera.]

Bandit: Wonder what's got her so upset...do you think she's menstruating?

Tag Team Match
Aphrodite & Totally Radd (Team Tara) vs. Crystal Deymonaz & KibbyD (Team Tequila)

JLT: Well, our next match is one which I’m sure will cause fireworks backstage. The roster has been divided into two recently, with Team Tara, and Team Tequila. Which side are you on, Leah?

Leah: Tara.

JLT: Surprise. These two factions have been at war with each other and tonight, we’ll see which team will come out on top as Aphrodite teams up with fellow model Totally Radd to take on Crystal Deymonaz and KibbyD. I don’t know the chances of Radd and Aphrodite because it seems like Radd has been the odd one out in Tara’s little stable.

Leah: Well look at it from her point of view, she joined Tara because she wanted to further her career and then Tara recruited Aphrodite and Felicity as well. Radd thought that this would be her meal ticket to success, and Aphrodite coming in has sidelined her even more. Aphrodite and Tara seem so buddy-buddy.

JLT: I think they get along well. I’m not so sure Crystal Deymonaz can trust KibbyD though because not too long ago, Tequila and Kibby hated each other. Crystal seems unpredictable and Kibby lacks focus, so I wouldn’t be surprised if Team Tara is able to sweep this.

Leah: Aphrodite and Radd are both former models so they should gel well but Crystal and Kibby are different, I mean, Kibby releases soulless pop music and Crystal releases shitty rock songs, so to me, it’s like apples and oranges teaming up.

JLT: We need some better analogies. Maybe we should hire a ghost writer to provide us with philosophical musings to relate to a DU context?

Leah: Hmm, I’ll give Tyra Banks a call.

[“Luv Addict” by Family Force 5 plays as an excited KibbyD skips out onto the stage, posing for several moments as the fans cheer. Crystal Deymonaz joins her as both divas pose together and Crystal walks down to the ring, anxious to start the match, whilst Kibby flirts with the crowd.]

John Roe: The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first…representing Team Tequila…CRYSTAL DEYMONAZ AND KIBBYD!!!

[The Tequila representatives stand in the ring as Crystal crouches in their team corner but Kibby’s posing is interrupted as “Get Sexy” by the Sugababes begins to play, as Leah immediately starts dancing in her chair, as the fans boo for the arrival of Team Tara.]

John Roe: And introducing their opponents…representing Team Tara…APHRODITE AND TOTALLY RADD!!!

[Tara Lee leads the quartet out, with all four women strutting down the catwalk in unison like they’re on a catwalk in Milan.]

Leah: Look at Team Tara walking down the catwalk like they’re En Vogue!

JLT: I know! It’s quite fabulous!

Leah: I always got a Dawn Robinson vibe from Radd though!

[The camera cuts to Leah pulling out a clipboard and pen which has a giant "Irreverent Off-Beat References Check List" sticker on the back.]

Leah: Okay, that’s En Vogue done. I’ve ticked them off. We’ve had Sugababes, Girls Aloud and the Spice Girls so that just leaves a Pussycat Dolls reference to write in which I think is probably going to come up later, and an optional reference to Atomic Kitten.

JLT: Which we probably won’t make so it’s good that it’s an optional choice. People don’t really know about Atomic Kitten outside of Nuclear Pussy.

Leah: True, so I think so far we’re on quota, yeah?

JLT: Okay, good.

[Leah and JLT smile at each other.]

JLT: Wait, what about a hilariously ironic reference to the Queen to fool the audience into a false excitement of thinking the Queen of England is actually going to be here but said Queen turns about to be a reference to our love for Victoria Beckham?

Leah: On it.

JLT: And just a side thought, we may have overindulged in Cheryl Cole references which may hurt us when it comes time for fan feedback.

Leah: Well, yeah, that’s a given but I love Cheryl Cole so I’m just going to stick her in. I think the force-feeding method is slowly working, it worked with the Sugababes so it will work with Cheryl, they just need to take more initiative on her and then the appreciation will come.

JLT: Hmm, and we do need to somehow work in the works of Lady Gaga which may be tricky.

Leah: Nah, leave it to me.

[Leah puts down her clipboard and JLT and Leah look satisfied. In the ring, Radd and Aphrodite step into the ring and pose together with Felicity and Tara Lee in the middle, presenting a united front, with flashes going off all around the arena.]

Leah: Wow, it’s like the…paparazzi…is here.

JLT: Nicely done.

[JLT and Leah wink at each other.]

JLT: Tara is supposed to be leaving I think.

[Tara does leave, with Felicity in tow, seemingly just coming out to show their presence and the referee ushering them backstage to make this a fair contest. The referee calls for the bell and Crystal is to start for her team, whilst Radd and Aphrodite are engaged in some discussion and debate over who will begin for their side. Radd rolls her eyes and Aphrodite throws her hands up and simply walks out of the ring to her side, as Radd’s eyes narrow. Aphrodite stares intently at the back of Radd’s head.]

Leah: Look at Aphrodite’s brown eyes staring right at Radd! She is not pleased!

[Radd turns to Crystal and the two divas begin to circle each other. Crystal then ties-up with Radd and nails a headlock and then flips Radd over into the mat. Crystal then tries to drop an elbow on Radd but Radd moves out of the way Radd leaps to her feet and grabs Crystal, whipping her to the ropes. Crystal bounces back as Radd swings with a clothesline but Crystal ducks and hits the ropes again, bouncing back with a flying forearm to knock both women down to the canvas. Crystal then quickly covers.]

JLT: That was a monster of a blow!

[1]

[2]

[Radd kicks out.]

JLT: Do you really think Radd wants to win this match? Her heart doesn’t seem to be in this. She seems to want to get out of Team Tara. I mean, if you were in that team and Shane Rockford returned, don’t you think you’d want to leave too?

Leah: Eh, there’s nothing I can say on that.

[Crystal brings Radd to her feet and throws her into the corner. Crystal then seems to be enraged and starts to nail Radd with furious fists to the face, Crystal calls out to her partner as Kibby steps into the ring. Crystal then whips Radd across the ring as Kibby immediately hits all fours in front of her. Crystal runs, using Kibby as a springboard and lands on Radd’s shoulders with a hurricanrana, sending her back into the centre of the ring.]

JLT: Nice teamwork!

[Radd lies motionless as Crystal then immediately runs to the ropes, quickly signalling to the crowd before leaping onto the second rope and executing a “City of Crystal” lionsault finisher onto Radd. The crowd cheers for the move as Crystal holds her position for a pin.]

[1]

[2]

[Aphrodite interrupts the count.]

JLT: I’m speechless. Had Aphrodite not interrupted that, then it would have been over for sure!

Leah: Aphrodite was probably too busy thinking about nail polish to notice what was going on in the ring.

[Crystal stands up as Aphrodite leaves the ring, Crystal approaches her from behind and tries to spin her around but Aphrodite drops to the floor and rolls out of the floor. Crystal begins to shout at her as KibbyD drops down from her side of the ring and runs around the ring, Aphrodite spots Kibby coming for her and charges towards her, with both women running at each other, and Aphrodite leaves into the air with a Lou Thesz press. Kibby hits the matted floor on the outside with Aphrodite on top of her, delivering slaps to the face.]

Leah: Proper catfight! I’m so happy I could die!

[Crystal is yelling at Kibby to fight back, as Radd slowly and quietly crawls towards Crystal from behind, grabbing her with a roll-up.]

JLT: Radd has a roll-up!

[1]

[2]

[Crystal rolls out.]

Leah: Aww, how predictable.

[Both women find their feet, Radd holding her chest from the impact of Crystal’s finisher. Crystal runs towards Radd but Radd leaps into the air with a superkick to knock Crystal down. Radd then turns to see Aphrodite on the outside and begins to shout directions at her but Aphrodite ignores her. Radd then sees Crystal lying on the floor and runs to the ropes, executing a ‘Plastic Surgery’ springboard knee drop to the face.]

JLT: I don’t like the name of that move, it sounds so brutal and it looks it too!

Leah: That’s because deep down, you know you need plastic surgery.

[Radd then covers.]

[1]

[2]

[Crystal gets her shoulder up.]

JLT: Crystal gets out of that one okay. Is Crystal sober now or not? I can never tell, especially what we saw of her behaviour earlier at the party asking for…weed.

Leah: Oh please, the other night us divas, aka not you, we all went out in London and let me tell you something, all of these ‘I’m sober’ lines are a rouse. I saw Crystal out in that club, sipping that bub, she’s a liar!

[Radd brings Crystal to her feet, nailing her with uppercuts to the face and chest, and then pulls her into a suplex position, attempting to execute her ‘Dead Before Lohan’ finisher but before she can, Aphrodite tags in, leaning over the ropes and slapping Radd on the shoulder.]

[Radd turns, angered, and tosses Crystal’s body away from her. Crystal hits the floor and begins to crawl to her side of the ring as Radd begins to argue with Aphrodite for costing her the chance to execute her finisher, as Aphrodite begins to fire back with accusations that Radd isn’t a team player.]

JLT: Radd is annoyed that Aphrodite didn’t give her the glory to complete her finisher, had she done so then Aphrodite would have come in and got the pin! Radd thought that was hers!

Leah: Ugh, egos.

[Crystal makes the tag on her side of the ring but Team Tequila devise a plan to stay as they are so the other team are unaware that the legal tag has been made.]

JLT: Crystal and Kibby are plotting, let’s just hope the other team can read their poker face on this! It could be their downfall!

[Radd then approaches Aphrodite, grabbing her by the neck and dragging her into the ring over the top rope, and points to Crystal. Aphrodite stands up to her feet and turns to Radd, seemingly going to strike her but turns back to Crystal. Aphrodite walks over to Crystal and brings her to her feet, Aphrodite pulls Crystal into a DDT position but KibbyD has mounted the top rope and leaps towards Aphrodite with a flying knee to the face. Both women smash into the canvas, with Crystal hitting the mat and rolling out of the ring.]

JLT: Ouch!

[Kibby quickly finds her feet, yanking Aphrodite up and pulling her into a side headlock. Kibby then drags Aphrodite to Radd’s corner and begins to taunt Radd by blowing kisses at her, as Aphrodite squirms and tries to wriggle free of the lock. Radd tries to ignore Kibby, shooting her an unamused look, as Aphrodite finally breaks free of the position, pushing Kibby backwards and launching into the air with a chick kick but Kibby ducks and Aphrodite strikes Radd in the face, knocking her down off the apron.]

Leah: Ouch! Aphrodite kicked Radd right in the TEETH!

[Aphrodite looks shocked, leaning over the ropes to tell Radd she didn’t mean to hit her and start apologising. KibbyD quickly grabs Aphrodite in a roll-up from behind whilst she’s distracted.]

JLT: Here we go!

[1]

[2]

[3]

John Roe: Here are your winners…CRYSTAL DEYMONAZ AND KIBBYD!!!

[Kibby and Crystal then run out of the ringside area like they’ve committed a crime, and begin to celebrate with each other, laughing at Team Tara. Radd stands up on the outside, holding her eye which seems to be bruised. Aphrodite apologises at her from ringside but Radd gives her the finger. Aphrodite then folds her arms, seemingly unapologetic.]

JLT: Aphrodite and Radd seem to be on the verge of an argument, I’m sure Tara isn’t happy. I guess the lives of the beautiful and dirty rich aren’t quite as rosy as you would imagine!

Leah: I can’t wait for the implosion of Team Tara! I knew Radd had a Dawn Robinson streak in her. She’s going to break them all up!

[We return backstage to find Bandit stood outside Veronica's locker room door again. He gives the camera a knowing wink before knocking.]

Bandit: Second time lucky, maybes?

[The door creaks open again, and again, Veronica sticks her head out. Her hair is immaculate and straightener-free, her make-up's done, and she's changed into a sharp black power suit - about the closest Veronica can manage to casual clothes. She's also brushing her teeth, and so doesn't say anything to greet Bandit, though the scowl on her face speaks for itself. To everyone except Bandit.]

Bandit: You got time now?

[Veronica slowly removes the toothbrush from her mouth...then SPITS in Bandit's face. He jerks and closes his eyes as a wad of saliva and fluoride paste (with green minty flavour stripes) hits his forehead, before slowly starting to dribble down his nose.]

[With a snort of derision, Veronica shakes her head and closes the door again. Bandit remains frozen to the spot for a few moments, before cracking open one eye...]

Bandit: So that'll be another 'no', then?

The Battle of the Bitches Match
Felicity vs. Star

JLT: Well next up we have The Battle of the Bitches as it’s being billed, Felicity and Star will both being going toe-to-toe for the first time at Forsaken Destiny!

Leah: Yes, and they both hate each other. It’s not just a dislike for each other, it’s like proper hate. They’re constantly at each other 24/7 with little digs, it’s amazing.

JLT: Well this whole thing is rooted in history, as ever since both women joined the company, they have crossed paths with each other but both women have back-to-back Femmys for being ‘Best Bitch’ and this match should be entertaining seeing as they both are, best bitches.

Leah: Wow, you need to be more eloquent. But yes, Star seems to think that Felicity is an inferior version of her and Felicity seems to think that Star is overrated and less deserving than her of all of these accolades, Felicity was inducted into the Hall of Fame after Star, and that has to be a blow.

JLT: Well Star does have a record of winning at every Forsaken Destiny, and we’ll see if that record will be broken tonight!

Leah: Yeah but Felicity has the record for the most overbotoxed diva. Take THAT, Star!

[The arena goes dark. "Hip Hop Star" by Beyonce blasts over the P.A system and pumps through the entire arena as a strobe light begins to flash and a slight for covers the stage. Star appears through the fog to a large pop from the crowd, hands on her hips and a smug look on her face.]

John Roe: Introducing first, hailing from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania; at a weight of 140lbs, representing Team Tequila...STAR!!!

[Star makes her way down the ramp and into the ring, posing for the audience who cheer for her, with some excitedly taking pictures of her as she makes her return to a DU ring. "Diary Of Jane" by Breaking Benjamin plays over the sound system, and the lights fade to nothing but a spotlight in the entrance. Felicity appears wearing a long coat and dark glases over her eyes and she walks to the ring occasionally posing for a photo opportunity.]

John Roe: And her opponent, hailing from Canada; at a weight of 158lbs, representing Team Tara...FELICITY!!!

[Star has been unphased by Felicity's entrance, posing for the fans despite Felicity's music begin played. Felicity removes her entrance attire but Star is too busy posing for the audience to notice. Felicity approaches her from behind, knocking her down with a blow to the back of the head. Felicity then begins to stumble on the back of Star’s head, Star quickly scrambles to find her feet but walks into Felicity as Felicity graps her and plants her in the mat with a snap suplex.]

JLT: Felicity has a point to prove tonight.

[Felicity tries for a floatover cover but Star moves and both women find their feet. Star nails Felicity with forearms to the face, she whips Felicity to the ropes. Felicity hits the ropes but holds on to the top rope with arms, stopping Star who leaps into the air with a missed dropkick, assuming Felicity was returning. Felicity then immediately pounces on Star, nailing her with knees to the back.]

[Felicity then quickly grabs Star’s legs, and yanks her up into a ‘Lioness Tamer’ elevated Boston crab. Star begins to think she doesn’t have time for this crap and uses her hands to try and claw to the ropes but Felicity drags Star to the center of the ring once again. Star then thinks of a way to escape the move and pushes herself up using her arms like she’s doing press-ups.]

JLT: Felicity is quite vicious when she wants to be but she’s also technically sound. These two styles do not mix well, Star prefers high-flying moves whilst Felicity prefers submissions.

[Star then swings her body to move from being face down to resting on her back, scooting under Felicity’s legs, and then shoves her own feet into Felicity’s face. Felicity stumbles backwards, as Star leaps upwards. Star then grabs Felicity and pulls her into a ‘Mundane Makeover’ facebuster. Star covers.]

Leah: Whoo!

[1]

[2]

[Felicity gets her shoulder up.]

JLT: Felicity wants to end Star’s record, as we’ve mentioned, but I wouldn’t be surprised if she does it. Star has created this myth about herself that she’s unbeatable but she is, and I think Felicity is the woman to beat her.

Leah: Why?

JLT: Felicity is old and let’s face it, she has the most to gain. I doubt these two women couldn’t care less about what team they’re on, they’ve never faced at Forsaken Destiny, and for their own egos, they both want to win. Felicity has to most to gain.

Leah: Alright Freud, calm down.

[Star then abandons Felicity as she lies on her back and heads to the top rope. Star perches, waiting for Felicity to stand up. Felicity reaches her feet and Star leaps with an attempted hurricanrana but Felicity counters it into a powerbomb, slamming Star down into the mat.]

JLT: Nice counter from Felicity!

Leah: She must have been watching old Star tapes. Back when Star was wrestling. When was that? The 60’s?

JLT: Aww, remember the Supremes? Star is like Diana Ross actually.

[Star rolls over, holding her chest which has been winded from the bomb, and Felicity spots an opportunity. Felicity leaps onto Star’s back, flipping forward and executing an ‘Exortion Lock’ cattle mutiliation submission to apply pressure to Star’s upper half, threatening to damage both of her arms.]

JLT: Felicity has her finisher locked in! This could be it for Star!

[Star finds herself in a move that she’s never experienced in a Divas Unleashed ring, and begins to think of ways to escape it, but Felicity locks it in, determined to get her to tap out. Star refuses but her arms are tied up in the submission, preventing her from reaching the ropes, or moving around the ring.]

Leah: This move looks like some kind of handicapped butterfly.

[The move lasts for a good five minutes as the fans begin to chant for Star, stamping their feet and cheering. Felicity begins to wear Star down, as Star’s arms begin to become less stable and start to sag in the air, the life draining from them. The referee checks on Star but Felicity is not content with just this move, releasing Star and hopping on top of her head, holding her head between her knees and then begins to ram it into the canvas hard, with a skullfuck move.]

JLT: Felicity’s just taunting Star now!

Leah: What is Star there for if not to taunt? Come on, her name is Star. She’s begging for it.

JLT: I thought you loved her?

Leah: I did. I’m all about Crystal Hilton now.

[Felicity then hops back, trying to lock in her cattle mutilation once again but Star keeps her arms locked to her chest, refusing to move them. Felicity then stands and drops elbows onto Star’s shoulder blades, trying to force the arms free, but Star refuses.]

JLT: Star is being very smart!

[Felicity pulls Star up from behind with a German suplex, lifting her up into the air and slamming her down into the mat. Felicity then holds her position for a cover.]

[1]

[2]

[Star gets her shoulder up.]

Leah: Kick out, Star. Dinosaur can’t win!

[Felicity then rolls over, with the German suplex lock still on, and plants Star in the canvas once again.]

[1]

[2]

[Star escapes the pin once more.]

JLT: These are hard suplexes! Star is doing well to escape, Felicity is planting her right on her head!

Leah: Please, she’s got a five thousand weave protecting her skull. She’s doing just fine.

[Felicity then, with her grip still on Star’s waist, rolls her over once more and yanks her to her feet as Felicity seems smug, thinking victory is hers, but Star blocks the suplex by elbowing Felicity frantically in the face. Star then quickly turns, kicking Felicity in the stomach and pulls her into a twist of fate ‘Sparkling Intuition’ finisher and slams Felicity into the mat.]

JLT: Star nailed it out of no where!

[Star quickly covers.]

[1]

[2]

[3]

JLT: The record remains!

Leah: WHOO! Star won! Ha!

John Roe: Here is your winner…STAR!!!

[Star then stands up, as a shocked Felicity lies on the canvas, raising her head as if the move and pin came out of no where.]

JLT: Star won that contest, her record stays in tact. I would have liked to have seen more but I think they just went at it fast and furious!

Leah: Eww, you make them sound like lesbians. Plus Felicity had the submission in for an eternity, she can go back to the retirement centre being grateful she didn’t break a hip.

[Star then raises an eyebrow at her, and begins to celebrate her Forsaken Destiny record by climbing the turnbuckle and posing, not caring about Felicity’s presence behind her.]

[We cut backstage to find Gay Bandit, again, stood outside Veronica's locker room...again. His enthusiasm seems to be wearing off now, as he sighs and steels himself before knocking briskly on the door again. It opens, and he instinctively throws up one hand to cover his face - ]

[ - but it's not Veronica at the door this time. Rather, it's Jun Takada, her manager/assistant. Bandit lowers his hand and adopts what he probably believes is a smoky, come-hither expression, dropping a husky tone into his voice for good measure.]

Bandit: Well, hel-lo, handsome...

Takada: Erm...hi.

Bandit: Y'know, there are so many questions I wanna ask right now, but before we get to them, I'm obliged to ask if your boss is ready for a chat yet?

[Takada tugs at the collar of his shirt; it's only now we notice that it's marked by lipstick. Plus his tie's askew, and his hair's not quite as neat as usual. He looks back over his shoulder, and whatever he sees back in the room makes his eyes widen, before he turns back to Bandit and says simply - ]

Takada: No.

[Then he nips back inside, so quickly you'd think he was on fire. Bandit blinks, then slaps his own forehead.]

Bandit: DAMMIT! I didn't even get to squeeze his butt!

Battle Royale of the Icons
Former Divas vs. Former Divas

JLT: Well I am so excited about our next contest as it’s the much-hyped Battle Royale of the Icons! We have a whole host of divas returning to win a special DU Cup and a cash prize of $25,000!

Leah: I know, I almost want to enter myself. I am just excited to see how haggard these bitches look now. I mean some of them were ugly before but without DU hair and make-up? They must look terrible.

JLT: It’s impossible to predict who is going to win because we don’t know who is going to even be in it! There are a few confirmed names, Katrina, Kaci, Amanda Kauffman, but we’ve been told there will be 21 participants in total, and that is not accounting for people who showed up last minute today!

Leah: Well let’s go on with it.

[The camera cuts to ring announcer John Roe standing in the ring.]

John Roe: The following contest is an over-the-top elimination battle royale! The winner of the match is the last person remaining in the ring with everyone else eliminated over the top rope with their feet touching the floor!

[The crowd cheers.]

John Roe: Divas will enter the ring every 30 seconds, and once a diva has been eliminated, the next diva has the option to come in immediately or wait for their allocated time slot. So without further ado, let’s have the first diva!

[“I Should Be So Lucky” by Kylie Minogue is being used as generic DU theme song, with the opening bars aimed to entice excitement from the crowd as spotlights pan all over the arena to help build anticipation for the arrival of the first entrant. A lone figure then walks out from backstage with the spotlights criss-crossing up the catwalk until finally they light her to reveal Nyssa standing there!]

JLT: Wow! Nyssa!

Leah: I never thought I’d see her ever again!

[Nyssa stands, a hand on her hip, a smile on her face. The crowd have abandoned the concept of heels and faces and are happily cheering for anyone dares to return for this match. Nyssa stands, posing, her hair dyed black, with a slightly chubbier appearance. She then skips down to the ring, slapping the fans hands who extend them to greet her.]

[Nyssa hops up onto the apron, taking a hold of the top rope and leaning backwards with a smile, wearing bright red lipstick and looking more gothic than we remembered her. She then enters the ring, waving to the audience as flashes explode in every direction, fans hoping to catch a piece of DU history.]

JLT: Wow, I’m in shock. I never, ever expected Nyssa to return, not even for this match! The last time we saw her, she claimed she was pregnant with Shane Rockford’s baby and was buried alive by Yuku Shiro!

Leah: Well she must have survived…and found a McDonalds because that girl is voluptuous now. I say voluptuous when I really mean…fat.

[“Can’t Get You Out of My Head” by Kylie Minogue begins to play, as it becomes apparent that Kylie is the designated entrance music for people whose theme music the fans won’t instantly recognise. Nyssa turns to face the entrance way, as the fans all turn towards it with anticipation. Latrisha Lamarte struts out from the backstage area onto the stage. She blows a kiss to the audience as she walks down to the ring.]

JLT: Latrisha Lamarte is here! Former Stripped Champion!

Leah: Aww, Latrisha. That woman is such a whore, she’s appeared in like every single wrestling promotion out there! But she’s here tonight!

[Latrisha decides to get things going, sliding into the ring and immediately nailing Nyssa with a clothesline. The referee calls for the bell as Nyssa finds her feet, Latrisha tries to pull her into a DDT but Nyssa immediately reverses, nailing Latrisha with a German suplex.]

JLT: Whoo! Here we go!

[Nyssa then grabs Latrisha by the back of her wrestling attire and drags her to the ropes, seemingly realising the importance of eliminating the divas as fast as possible being the first entry. Nyssa tries to force Latrisha over the top rope but Latrisha elbows her in the face. Latrisha then quickly strikes Nyssa in the gut and bounces to the ropes, leaping into the air with a scissors kick to the back of Nyssa’s neck.]

[A countdown begins as the crowd begin to chant down ’10…9…8…’ until a buzzer blasts through the arena like a foghorn. Latrisha turns to the entranceway to see who’s next. Kaci struts out onto the stage, briefly posing, before running down into the ring.]

Leah: And here comes the woman who announced this Battle Royale of the Icons! Kaci! Talk about surgery!

JLT: Kaci is a two-time Unleashed Champion and Hall of Fame inductee!

[Kaci slides under the bottom rope and “Miss Perfect” Latrisha Lamarte begins to clash with “The Pinnacle of Perfection” Kaci. The two begin to exchange right hands but Kaci wins the brawl, being the fresher woman, and backs Latrisha to the ropes. Kaci clotheslines Latrisha over the top as Latrisha crashes to the floor on the outside!]

Eliminated: Latrisha Lamarte.

JLT: Latrisha is gone!

[Kaci and Nyssa then turn to each other. The two woman exchange a surprised sense of recognition, the flashbacks of their former DU careers suddenly hitting them, and they seem to make a silent pact to stick together as Nyssa stands in a corner, gaining her breath back. Kaci watches her, refusing to turn her back on Nyssa in case she decides to break their silent agreement.]

Leah: Poor Latrisha, I liked her. Kaci and Nyssa have history but I don’t believe either woman can remember what it was but let me tell you, those two sure did blow a lot of c-

JLT: Leah!

Leah: …championship chances. What did you think I was going to say? Kaci announced this Battle Royale at Divacide, and I believe people wanting to get at her overbotoxed face was a prime reason many women signed up for this!

[Time passes, and the countdown begins once again. The buzzer sounds and Baby Loni Persian struts out from backstage, to a decent applause from the audience. She wastes no time in getting involved, sliding into the ring by as she does, Kaci and Nyssa immediately strike with boots to the back.]

JLT: Next up is Baby Loni Persian! How nice to see her back here! She was fairly legendary, she was never beaten in a DU ring! That’s a pretty amazing achievement!

Leah: Well that will probably change tonight, ha! She held the Askai Championship too right? I don’t think I was here when she was, which is a shame for her.

[Kaci and Nyssa yank Loni up from the canvas and whip her across the ring but Baby Loni Persian leaps into the air with a double clothesline to take both women down. Loni then decides Kaci is the biggest threat and yanks her up, threatening to rip out her hair as she drags her into the corner, and tries to force her over the turnbuckle and to the outside of the ring.]

[Nyssa approaches Loni from behind, kicking her behind the knee, causing Loni to fall down to the mat. The buzzer sounds once again, with the match seemingly accelerating, as the Star Wars theme suddenly blasts through the arena.]

Leah: Oh, for fuck sake…

[Shayla Walker struts out on stage, armed with a lightsaber and rollerskates on her feet, a mixture of her Star Wars fanaticism and her roller derby obsession. The crowd, in a surprisingly twist of events, begin to boo her. Shayla looks hurt but begins to skate down the catwalk. Shayla doesn’t seem to realise there’s no ramp at the end of the catwalk, only stairs, and skates right off the edge of it, crashing down to the floor!]

JLT: Oh Lord…

Leah: Do you remember Shayla Walker? She went through a phase where she was really into Star Wars and then just abandoned it and became obsessed with roller derby and started skating everywhere?

[Shayla lies in a heap at the end of the catwalk, like an excited teen who has crashed and burned. Loni shoots her a look like she’s retarded as ringside referees go to check on her outside the ring. Nyssa attacks Loni from behind but Loni turns, kicking Nyssa in the shin like Nyssa did to her earlier, and pulls her into a suplex position.]

[Loni hoists Nyssa into the air, holding her with a stalling suplex. Loni backs towards the ropes, dropping Nyssa over the top rope and, unfortunately, right on top of a rising Shayla Walker. Nyssa crashes to the floor, landing straight on Shayla, as both women lay like two tangled victims.]

Eliminated: Nyssa

JLT: Nyssa is gone!

Leah: Aww, bye Nyssa!

[Shayla Walker then begins to throw a tantrum, Loni Persian then taunts her to climb into the ring. A buzzer sounds and “Freaking Out” by Adema suddenly hits the PA system. The arena erupts, not only for Katrina’s entrance, but what will happen next. Katrina walks out on the stage, wearing a black catsuit with a green bob for a wig, which she rips off to reveal her naturally brunette locks.]

JLT: Hall of Famer, Katrina!

[Shayla Walker slides into the ring, this time barefoot, and Loni pounces on her. Katrina then spots Kaci in the ring and charges down the catwalk like an Olympic sprinter, she slides into the ring and Kaci and Katrina both run at each other, they leap into the air, both trying to get a good hold of each other’s face, and crash down to the mat and begin to catfight furiously.]

Leah: HELL to the YES!

JLT: These two women HATE each other!

[Kaci gets the upper hand, straddling Katrina and nailing her in the face with harsh fists, threatening to bust Katrina open. Kaci’s face contorts in a look of pure, unadulterated hatred. Katrina rolls Kaci over and begins to ram her head into the canvas with such hard blows that it almost seems like she’s waiting for Kaci’s head to explode right in front of her.]

[Loni and Shayla have stopped what they’re doing, and both just look up from their position, frozen in time, with Loni’s fist paused in the air. Kaci shoves Katrina off her and both women find their feet. Kaci nails Katrina in the face with a chick kick and immediately pounces on her again, this time with Kaci digging her French tips into the face of Katrina, clawing at her face, ironically, like a cat.]

Leah: YES! YES! YES!

JLT: God, this is intense! They are just destroying each other, I knew they hated each other but this is just venomous!

[A buzzer sounds, causing Loni and Shayla to snap back to reality. Shayla shoves Loni off her. Shayla wants to get involved in the catfight in the centre of the ring and approaches both women. She grabs Kaci from behind, lifting her off Katrina’s body and spins her around. Kaci shoves her backwards as Katrina finds her feet, holding her red-raw face.]

[Katrina and Kaci then glance at each other, seemingly furious that somebody has interrupted their fight. A buzzer sounds, but nobody cares at this point. Kaci and Katrina then both grab Shayla by the throat, lifting her up off the mat and driving her backwards, as Shayla hits the top rope and plummets to the floor on the outside.]

Eliminated: Shayla Walker.

JLT: Shayla is gone!

Leah: Vixen is coming down the aisle! Former Unleashed Champion!

[Vixen slides into the ring as Katrina and Kaci roll their eyes, Vixen charges towards both of them but both divas grab Vixen by the neck and use her momentum against her, propelling her over the top rope as Vixen flips forward, almost like she was attempting a high-risk move, and comes crashing down…on top of Shayla Walker.]

Eliminated: Vixen.

[The next buzzer sounds, the diva following choosing to follow immediately as well. Joanie Storm walks out onto the stage and slowly saunters down to the ring. Katrina knees Kaci in the stomach and pulls her into a twist of fate move, slamming her down onto the canvas with a smug look of satisfaction.]

[Loni Persian and Katrina’s eyes meet, as Loni charges at her, taking her down with a Lou Thesz press. Joanie Storm climbs up the steps and into the ring.]

JLT: Joanie Storm was here briefly but she is a memorable diva, it’s nice to see her back!

Leah: I liked her.

[Joanie Storm steps into the ring, and sees Katrina and Persian fighting and decides to leave them to it. Katrina shoves Loni off her and both women find their feet. Katrina pulls Loni into an Irish whip, Loni bounces back as Katrina catches her and plants her in the mat with a sidewalk slam.]

[Joanie Storm then ambushes Katrina, knocking her down. Joanie backs Katrina into the corner and props her on the top rope. Joanie smacks Katrina across the face, as Katrina falls sideways, falling from the top rope but managing to hang on to the ropes and rises on the apron.]

JLT: Katrina is teetering on the edge!

[Joanie then begins to drive her shoulder into Katrina, using her weight to try and push Katrina out of the ring but Katrina then has an ingenius idea to raise her legs up, balancing them both on the top rope doing the splits in the air by swinging her hands to yank down the top rope, as Katrina drops down on the apron as Joanie’s momentum is used against her, propelling her over the top rope and into the elimination club.]

Eliminated: Joanie Storm.

JLT: Joanie is gone!

[The buzzer pierces the arena. “Dangerous” by Matt Pakora begins to play and the crowd erupts for it’s loudest welcome yet. From backstage saunters Meggie Skyfyre, armed with a samurai sword in one hand. Meggie spends several moments posing on the stage, as in the ring Kaci has pounced on Katrina, calling Loni Persian over to help and try and kick her off the apron but Katrina is grabbing onto the bottom rope.]

JLT: Katrina better hold on or she’s out!

[Meggie walks down to the ring, soaking up the attention. She hands her sword to a stage hand and slowly steps into the ring.]

Leah: Meggie! Would you just LOOK at that tan! She is glowing. I mean that literally, I’m getting sunburnt just looking at her.

JLT: Meggie getting the warmest welcome of the night so far, former Unleashed Champion!

[Meggie steps into the ring. She sees Kaci and Loni with their back to her, Loni glances over her shoulder to spot her, but Kaci is laying into Katrina with hard kicks. Meggie then quietly approaches Kaci from behind, drawing a hot crowd reaction, and grabs Kaci by the leg, lifting her upwards and shoving her over the top rope.]

[Kaci plummets from the ring but her hands frantically reach out to grab Katrina on the way like her life depends on it. Kaci manages to catch Katrina, knocking her off the apron as both women crash to the floor on the outside. Both women then immediately begin to go at it again, Katrina driving Kaci backwards into the commentary booth, ramming her head on her desk.]

Eliminated: Kaci & Katrina.

[Loni Persian is finding it hard to compete with Meggie’s fresh energy, with Meggie having Loni bunched up in the corner, with Meggie driving her shoulder repeatedly into Loni’s gut. Meggie whips Loni across the ring, Loni hits the opposite corner and Meggie leaps into the air with a handspring elbow to the face of Loni.]

JLT: Meggie and Loni are the only two in the ring! They’ve done well to survive so far, Loni was an early entry but with most of the divas still to come, I wonder if they can reach the final stages!

Leah: …who cares! Look at Meggie! Look at her, she’s positively BLACK.

[The buzzer sounds as Danni Brooks walks out like a punk rocker who doesn’t fit in, bursting with muscles and dressed in mismatched clothes. Danni struts down to the ring, with hardly any reaction from the audience who seem disappointed following Meggie’s appearance.]

JLT: Danni Brooks, former protégé of Tara Lee, she was one of the alumni of the first-ever Exile!

Leah: She’s big in Japan now apparently. God knows why, look at that ugly beast!

[As Danni steps into the ring, the buzzer rings again due to the double elimination. “Samurai Showdown” by RZA begins to play, and the arena erupts once more, matching the welcoming for Meggie.]

JLT: Oh my God…

[Yuku Shiro walks out onto the stage. She pauses for several seconds, raising an eyebrow, and then bolts down to the ring much to the delight of the audience.]

JLT: Yuku Shiro! I can’t believe it! Hall of Fame inductee! Former Unleashed Champion, Stripped and Tag Team Champion!

Leah: Wow, I never thought I’d see her ever again!

[Yuku Shiro slides into the ring and immediately makes a beeline for Meggie. Yuku spins Meggie around from behind and pulls her into a death valley driver position but Meggie manages to counter, landing behind Yuku Shiro and trying to push her forward to the ropes.]

[Yuku Shiro resists the move, suddenly fighting against being shoved the top rope. Danni Brooks approaches Loni Persian, who is trying to conserve her energy and recover, as Danni Brooks lifts Loni Persian into the air with a bench press slam, sending Loni crashing into the mat.]

[Meggie and Yuku Shiro are now both involved in a tie-up, with Yuku Shiro lifting Meggie up into the air with a suplex but Meggie counters with a hurricanrana, sending Yuku Shiro flying across the ring. Yuku Shiro quickly finds her feet, as Meggie is distracted by Danni Brooks approaching her with her intimidating muscular frame and Yuku strikes Meggie down with a clothesline from hell.]

[The buzzer sounds. “Her Portrait In Black” by Atreyu begins to play as the fans cheer for the arrival of Tracee Nguyen, with sister Deanna walking out with her onto the stage.]

Leah: YAY! Tracee Nguyen! I love her!

JLT: One-time Stripped Champion Tracee Nguyen! She had a long career with DU, very steady! It’s nice to see her again!

Leah: No, but I like…love her!

[Tracee rushes down the aisle and slides into the ring, with Deanna following her and taking up a position at ringside. Tracee immediately heads for Danni Brooks, leaping into the air with a dropkick to strike Danni in the face. Danni stumbles backwards, as Loni and Tracee co-operate to drive Danni backwards, with Danni’s 6’4 height playing against her as she finds herself falling backwards over the top rope as if it was tripwire.]

Elminated: Danni Brooks.

Leah: Finally. She was ugly.

[Tracee then turns her attention to Yuku Shiro, grabbing her from behind in a sleeper hold. Meggie then begins to nail Yuku in the chest with martial arts kicks. A buzzer sounds, following Danni’s elimination. The former entrance music of Amber Burton suddenly plays as the woman herself wastes no time with poses, instead darts down to the ring, hopping onto the apron and into the ring.]

JLT: Here comes Amber Burton! She lead Sinful Delights for a long while and was actually in a position of power, do you remember that? I think she may have actually screwed over Meggie in that time period!

Leah: Oh, and she’s a lesbian. That just sums it up, really.

[Amber then joins in on the assault on Yuku Shiro with Tracee having her in a sleeper hold, Meggie kicking her and Loni, um, watching. Meggie then spots Amber Burton is in the ring and turns to face her, the two divas clashing. Amber and Meggie begin to exchange blows, with Amber pulling Meggie into a diamond cutter, and then applying an armbar.]

[Tracee Nguyen ducks down behind Yuku Shiro and lifts her into the air with an electric chair, with Yuku resting on her shoulders, and then lifts Yuku Shiro high up into the air and drops her over the top rope, causing Yuku Shiro to freefall face-first into the padded floor on the outside!]

Eliminated: Yuku Shiro.

JLT: Yuku is gone.

Leah: Back to…wherever…for her.

[Tracee then stands up, satisfied with herself and hurls some form of abuse at Yuku to celebrate her elimination. Tracee turns and charges towards Loni Persian but Loni counters with an arm drag, sending Tracee flying across the ring. Tracee finds her feet and charges towards Loni, grabbing her by the back of the head to pull her down into the mat with a neckbreaker.]

[The buzzer sounds and the fans heads momentarily turn to the entrance way to see who will be arriving in this match next. Emerald O’Connor walks out with a smile on her face, she casually walks down to the ring, taking her time.]

JLT: Emerald O’Connor is next! She was a big deal back in 2004, she was even a commissioner at one time!

Leah: Is she Irish? She looks Irish.

[Amber Burton and Meggie are tied up near the ropes, with Amber Burton choking Meggie on the second rope with a knee to the back of her neck. Tracee spots Meggie being choked and runs towards the ropes, she swings through them with a 619, striking Meggie in the face. Tracee stands on the apron but Amber Burton decks her in the face, knocking her down from the apron.]

JLT: Well Tracee is not eliminated as she didn’t go over the top rope, although Amber seems to think she was.

Leah: Oh, the lack of clarity on the rules.

[Emerald O’Connor steps into the ring, almost looking like a stranger arriving at an exclusive party she was barely invited to. Loni Persian and Emerald O’Connor’s eyes meet, and they seem to recognise each other having been in DU at the same time, and nod to each other. Emerald and Loni then both charge towards Amber Burton, knocking her down with a double shoulder block.]

[Deanna Nguyen, Tracee’s sister, comes to her aid at ringside, helping her get back to her feet but Tracee decides to stay on the outside of the ring for a little while, waiting for an opportunity to arise. Meggie crawls to the turnbuckle, climbing to the top rope as Emerald and Loni nail Amber in the chest with alternating boots.]

Leah: They’re hitting her in perfect sync!

[Meggie leaps with a frog splash from the top rope, ignoring Loni and Emerald’s offense, and they spot her coming and move out of the way as Meggie connects with Amber Burton in the centre of the ring. The buzzer sounds and Cleopatra struts out from the backstage area.]

JLT: Here comes former Tag Team Champion Cleopatra! She used to be partners with Crystal Deymonaz!

Leah: I remember her. Barely. Wow, she has gotten OLD!

[Cleopatra, her hair now a lighter shade of brunette and age lines on her face, walks down the catwalk like it’s a Parisian runway, deciding to wear a high fashion dress rather than proper ring attire. Cleopatra climbs up the steps, gracefully entering the ring. Emerald O’Connor greets her with a kick to the mid-section, Emerald pulls Cleopatra into a DDT to plant her in the canvas.]

JLT: Cleopatra is the stereotypical supermodel, she’s afraid to get her hands dirty and that was not the welcome she was hoping for!

[Loni Persian and Meggie have teamed up against Amber Burton, trying to force her over the top rope.]

JLT: It would be good if Amber Burton could get help from any of her former Sinful Delights team mates, she had the upper hand earlier but now she looks to be in trouble!

[Meggie and Loni both try to lift Amber’s legs up in the air but Amber has tucked herself against the ropes, and wrapped one of the legs around the second rope as an insurance policy. Emerald grabs Cleopatra’s hair and whips her into the corner. Cleopatra hits it, stumbling out of it forwards as Emerald plants her with a powerslam.]

[Emerald then grabs Cleopatra’s legs, pulling her into a slingshot position and leans back, sending Cleopatra flying through the air and due to her tall frame, she almost flies over the top rope but manages to hold on, landing on the apron on the outside. Tracee Nguyen then seizes her opportunity and yanks Cleopatra down from the outside of the ring.]

Eliminated: Cleopatra.

Leah: Bye bye, Cleo. Back to the plastic surgeon for you.

[A buzzer sounds as Tracee slides back into the ring, tackling Emerald. Candace Okimura is the next entrant, running out fast and furious with a Japanese flag in hand to a warm reception from the 02 Arena.]

JLT: Here comes Candace Okimura! Former member of Asian Invasion!

Leah: Ugh.

[Candace drops the flag and slides into the ring. Emerald and Tracee are in front of her and Candace leaps into the air with a huge spinning heel kick to knock both of them down to the mat. Loni and Meggie, still pursuing Amber Burton, turn around. Loni races towards Candace but Candace leaps into the air with a hurricanrana, sending Loni rolling out of the ring under the bottom rope.]

[Candace, on fire due to her fresh energy, approaches Meggie from behind, grabbing her by her brunette locks and yanking her down to the mat. Candace then leaps into the air and drops a leg drop on Meggie. Candace finds her feet, turning to Amber Burton only for Amber to clothesline her down into the canvas.]

[A buzzer sounds and “Party Hard” by Andrew WK begins to play as the crowd rise to their feet, cheering loudly for the arrival of yet another Hall of Fame inductee. Mystika walks out from the backstage area, a smile on her face, and slightly intoxicated having been at the VIP party earlier.]

JLT: Mystika is here! We knew she was going to be in this!

Leah: DU Hall of Fame inductee with horrible taste in men!

[Candace and Amber both find their feet, Amber tries to use her power to back Candace into the corner but Candace uses her speed and nails a drop toe hold to Amber. Loni Persian finds her feet on the outside, turning to face the catwalk to see Mystika coming down it, and raises an eyebrow.]

[Meggie stands up, waiting for Mystika to slide under the bottom rope which she does. Mystika immediately spears Meggie down into the canvas, nailing her with right hands but Tracee Nguyen stands behind her, grabbing Mystika around the waist and trying to execute some sort of suplex but Mystika counters with a stunner.]

JLT: It seems like the older entrants are trying to gang up on the new ones, which is a good strategy!

[Loni Persian and Amber Burton meet on the outside of the ring, with Amber sliding under the bottom rope to regain her breath. Amber grabs Loni by the head and rams her head into the ring post, knocking her down. Emerald O’Connor then knocks Mystika down from behind, starting to nail her in the head with kicks.]